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Do I need to find another sponsor?

Old 08-02-2011, 06:36 AM
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Do I need to find another sponsor?

Last Thursday a woman from my AA group asked me if I wanted her to be my temp or possibly a permanent sponsor. I was thrilled and said yes. She has 25 years of sobriety and has similar thoughts so it seemed like she would be a good fit. She gave me her number and said I could meet with her August 13 to start going over the steps. I thought that seemed kind of a long time but I said ok. I saw her Friday. I didn't go to any meetings this weekend. I did not call her and she did not call me. I called her this morning to talk to her about concerns about another meeting I went to this morning. She was on the phone with me for 3 minutes and said her phone was dying and asked me for my number. I asked her if she wanted me to call her cell and she said no, she would call me back. 30 minutes later and she hasn't called me back. 1. She didn't tell me she was busy or ask if I was ok. 2. 2 weeks is a long time for a newly recovering alcohol to have to wait. 3. Maybe I am misguided and it goes both ways but would have thought she would have called me this weekend to find out if I was ok. 4. Its a good damn thing I wasn't in crisis when I called because she hasn't called me back. I guess I am unsure of what to expect from my sponsor. Am I being unreasonable with my expectations or should I stick with her? Should I find another sponsor due to my concerns? Sorry for the ramble and run on sentences. Thank you for your advice
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Old 08-02-2011, 10:57 AM
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It took me a long time and several sponsors to figure out that the best sponsor is one who sits down with us immediately when they agree to sponsor us and has us both talk about expectations in the relationship. Such as how often phone calls are to be made, who is to make those phone calls, when is it ok to call (hours of the day or night), what reasons should prompt us to make a call, the sponsors availability, what do we want or expect to learn while they are our sponsor (our goals), what are their goals for the sponsorship, religious beliefs and how that applies to their sponsorship (do they expect me to conform to their beliefs of a Higher Power?), etc...

It sounds like that was not the case with this sponsor. My personal opinion is that if she said she would call back she should have either said it would be later when she had more time or she should have called back promptly and that to leave you hanging was not acceptable behavior. No matter how much time we have in the program none of us are 100% well and we all have our faults just as any human does. What sitting down with a sponsor does is helps us figure out if we can accept and work with those behaviors.

A good book to read that will help you figure out sponsorship and how to pick a sponsor, be a sponsee, or how to be a sponsor is "Twelve Step Sponsorship, How it works" by Hamilton B. It can be picked up at most serenity shops or amazon.com. I would be considering talking with this sponsor and asking some of the above questions to figure out if she is going to be a good fit for you. If not then it is time to find someone who will be a good fit.
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Old 08-02-2011, 11:07 AM
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I'm not in AA, but i would think if it's not working for you then its not working for you. Dont jeapordize your sobriety on anyone. Find a new sponser and follow the above post. I think nandm has some great points!
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Old 08-02-2011, 11:20 AM
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Doesnt sound good. Do what I am doing...continue to look for a better fit.
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Old 08-02-2011, 11:52 AM
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Cool

On AA's official website Alcoholics Anonymous : there are lots of pamphlets available to read online. Just go to Alcoholics Anonymous : ; click on INFORMATION ON A.A.; then click on A.A. LITERATURE; there's lots of info there, especially under Pamphlets (you can scroll through all the pamphlets available for reading online or even downloading to your PC); under Books there are the BB and the 12x12 available online (there's also a link from AA's home page under READ THE BIG BOOK AND TWELVE AQND TWELVE)

There's even a pamphlet specifically regarding sponsorship.......:
Alcoholics Anonymous : Pamphlets

Matter 'o fact, there's tons of info on AA's website........check it out..........happy reading


(o:
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Old 08-02-2011, 01:04 PM
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well maybe she is going trough soemthing which is why she wanted to start later or she knew she was very busy this week. I would just talk to her again
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