amy55

I know at last that I need to seek help. I was divorced 7 months ago, moved into a foreclosure home, tore up the rugs, and found that some kind of oil was spilled on the floor to cover up a dog urine odor. That's when I really started to drink heavily again. Not that I wasn't drinking heavily during the period of time during my divorce, or when I was in a 25 year abusive relationship. But then, I was sometimes able to control my drinking, or thought that I could. I actually quit for 2 1/2 years, now I'm on a roll again. I thought things would be better, once I was on my own, but the problems with this house, just really got to me. Sounds like and excuse, and of course, it is. I just know that I need help. It's not the house that is making me drink, it's me. I need to have tomorrow as day 1. I need to stop isolating myself. I need to start getting to work on this house. I know that I can do this, that was the reason I bought this house. I want to stop giving myself excuses. I want to remember what it was like, when I didn't drink. That was the best that I felt, when I didn't drink. I want to get back there again. Pls. help me.

Fenris

Welcome to SR, Amy...it sounds like you know what you need to do; now you just need to do it. How did you quit for two-and-a-half years?

amy55

I wanted to lose weight. I went from 135 lbs to 118. It felt good, it's the best that I ever felt, I got into exercise. I really enjoyed it.

It's that I am getting into periods of depression right now, situational depression, and I feel like I just bought into more than I can chew. I was never alone in my life, now I am. I know I can go back into exercise, I just can't bring myself back into doing that now. I am starting to get the "shakes", at first I attributed it to my PTSD, from my marriage, now I know that's not what it is.

I'm an alcoholic. And I am realizing this now, and I want to get control back over my life.

Zebra1275

Welcome.

There is a saying in AA that geographical cures (moving someplace new) don't work because you still have to take yourself with you.

If you have been drinking heavily for a number of years you should see a Doctor. Alcohol detox can be dangerous, not to mention physically uncomfortable.

Trying to quit drinking by yourself is pretty difficult, many of us have tried, over and over. When I finally gave up and finally tried AA it made a difference. The AA program is about more than just quitting drinking, it's a design for living. Google AA meetings in your city and try some.

MycoolFitz

Welcome, Amy. It sounds like you have the awareness and motivation to help yourself. I think other people and other resources can help support you in your desire. Certainly those of us on SR. Do you have other support systems available like friends, other family, A.A. etc? Starting sober tomorrow--do you have a detox plan. Have you involved your doctor? Withdrawal can be difficult and risky depending on many factors. And sobriety along with recovery is long term and many facited. Its great you've committed to starting down the road. Just make sure you get the support needed in helping yourself in the process. Posting here's one good step. My best to you.

amy55

OMG, thanks for all of your responses, and so quickly also. I have been checking around today for AA meetings in my area. I was also thinking about going back into therapy. I was on meds for PTSD, panic attacks, and anxiety attacks. I thought I could do this by myself, I did the last time. It's just proving to be too much for me right now.

Soberpotamus

Welcome to SR, Amy Glad you're here...

That dog urine on the floor sounds like a big downer... I can imagine. I have a cat who has issues with peeing on the wall sometimes, so I know how much of huge problem this can be. Sounds like you do have an obstacle to work on overcoming there... and the alcohol, of course, is just a temporary mask for our problems.

It's great that you want to remember what it was like when you didn't drink! Hold onto that... and discover that again. I'm doing it now and it's rather exciting & interesting But life has its ups and downs... good feelings and bad... so the good must come with the bad... it's just more manageable sober

GracieJane

Welcome Amy!

least

Welcome to the family. I hope this site can help you as much as it's helped me.

SDSurfn

Welcome, Amy. I think it's important to know you're not alone in this. Please do seek support.

Joining and posting on SR is a great start! Much wisdom and support here.

-SD

Fenris

A lot of the people here use exercise as a part of their recovery (I don't because I'm lazy and don't see the point of running unless something is chasing me), so if that helps you stay sober, great. One of the most important aspects of my life, the thing that really keeps me sober, is the support of (and the supporting of) other alcoholics. Whether it's here on SR or face-to-face (I use AA, but there are others if that doesn't work for you), you're not alone in this.

--Fenris.

amy55

Thanks SoberJennie,

I had a lot to deal with when I moved into this foreclosure. My biggest was carpenter bees, I killed thousands, then the woodpeckers came to get the bee larva. Took care of that, then I just fell, and kinda gave up, the dog urine, was the last straw. I need to replace my whole subfloor. I called 2 contractors, and they never showed up. That was when I really started drinking heavily again. I need to stop this. It's August, I need to have a house with decent floors, with a carpet on it, with the kitchen cabinets replaced, the old owners had a leak.

I need to get off of my "pity pot", and finally get moving. But what have I actually been doing? I would get up in the morning, and have my coffee, I would look around and get disgusted, I would then open a beer, and then another one, etc...

I have hit rock bottom, and the drinking has gotten so bad, that I wake up and I shake, so I drink to stop the shaking.

I guess I really do need to get to a doctor. I had wanted to try this on my own for 2 or 3 days to see if this shaking will stop. Maybe it is the PTSD, maybe it isn't.

amy55

Thanks Fenris,

I don't use running as an exercise. I prefer dancing. I use weights. I'm not a runner, I used to be a walker.

725bygrace

Welcome to the site Amy. I have only been here for a week - but the people and the support is amazing!

It is a great idea to start exercising again ... endorphins and all. I have been trying to get back into it. I used to be so disciplined about it. Alcohol has a way of taking away your motivation to do anything.

Does anyone know if there is a small group here that focuses on exercise??
That might be an additional motivator for Amy, myself, and others who need encouragement with that.

GracieJane

Amy, don't do detox without a doctor's help please please please. If there is an urgent care facility in your area where you can just walk in without an appt., do it. If you are dead set against going to the doc, can you at least have someone with you to watch you?

amy55

Thanks grace,

I can't believe all of the support here !!!!!!!!!!! I've been on other forums, and sometimes a day or 2 later you might get a reply. From what I am experiencing here, this is a great place for support, I can't even keep up with the replies.

I want to get back into aerobic dancing, I didn't because I don't have shades, maybe that is the first thing that I should put on my list. Get shades !!!!!!!!!!!

amy55

I have done this before, even in the past couple of weeks, I tried this. I can detox myself in 2 -3 days, then something comes up, and I start drinking again. I do think that I need to see someone for help with my anxiety. My anxiety drives me right back to drinking. So I do think that I need to go to a GP, or PCP with help for this.

I was trying to do this by myself, but I can see where I landed.

Soberpotamus

Here's the excercise group: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-7-a.html

And the nutrition/eating support group: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ort-group.html

sugarbear1

My Best Thinking got me drunk.

I drank for similiar reasons, all BS reasons, too.

I' m 50 and i surrendered 76 days ago.

Hi, i'm an alcoholic and my alias is sugarbear.

Welcome back home!

amy55

Sugarbear,

That sounds so much like my thinking. I always made plans to leave my abusive relationship when I was drunk, I always thought that I saw things clearer than.. The only problem was, that I didn't carry any of them out.

And yes, I never wanted to say this, I always wanted to blame my problems on someone else, something else, but I am an alcoholic. I can't deal with problems, so I drink, If I didn't drink, I could deal with the problems.