Well, got through tonight without drinkimg
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Boston
Posts: 123
Well, got through tonight without drinkimg
But I've done that before. We'll see if I can make it through the whole weekend.
Unfortunately, my husband is on his 6th pale ale. He just can't go even one day without drinking, which is what makes it harder (so far impossible). We got married 4 years ago and drinking is what we do, basically. I've been ready to stop for a while, but recently I've been having blackouts whenever I drink, and my husband and I get in huge screaming matches. I say horrible things during these blackouts, and if we're out I embarrass myself. My husband has been a problem drinker since long before we met. I don't think I have seen him go a day without drinking, mostly beer. He doesn't get drunk sometimes, like tonight. He just has to be under the infuence, I guess. I just can't live with myself drinking anymore I drink to excess every few days, and now end up blackng out, and am in bed sick and depressed the whole next day. So, now he is starting to slur and I'm getting annoyed. I don't think I can deal with him drinking if I stop.
Unfortunately, my husband is on his 6th pale ale. He just can't go even one day without drinking, which is what makes it harder (so far impossible). We got married 4 years ago and drinking is what we do, basically. I've been ready to stop for a while, but recently I've been having blackouts whenever I drink, and my husband and I get in huge screaming matches. I say horrible things during these blackouts, and if we're out I embarrass myself. My husband has been a problem drinker since long before we met. I don't think I have seen him go a day without drinking, mostly beer. He doesn't get drunk sometimes, like tonight. He just has to be under the infuence, I guess. I just can't live with myself drinking anymore I drink to excess every few days, and now end up blackng out, and am in bed sick and depressed the whole next day. So, now he is starting to slur and I'm getting annoyed. I don't think I can deal with him drinking if I stop.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
I hope you make it the first few days are the hardest. The weekends were difficult for me to. I tried for ages but gave in. Then something clicked (total surrender) and I am now on day 76 and loving being sober.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Boston
Posts: 123
Thanks! So, my husband proceded to drink almost a 12 pack. He was busy doing stuff, and that will be his excuse why it was ok. looks like he's probably gonna just keep on drinking. He ended up staying up til about 4am, and passed out on the couch. Everything he does involves drinking. I on the other hand am awake and so happy not to be hungover! Oh, he doesn't get hungover, and can just get up at 9 and go straight to work after an average night of drinking (9 or 10 beers). He has no consequences. The hangovers and depression the next day are what's making me stop Oh, and the black outs. He wouldn't do that unless many shots of hard alchohol were added to the mix. But I feel good today, may be the first Saturday in a while that I'm not wrecked!
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Can you really deal with his drinking by drinking? You can make it through the weekend not drinking by not picking up, its like a magic trick, now you see it now you don't. Focus on your good feelings not your husbands behavior. And I guarentee you he has consequences whether you or he are aware of them. Keep on keeping on.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: in this vessel
Posts: 304
Originally Posted by Songtx 
Thanks! So, my husband proceded to drink almost a 12 pack. He was busy doing stuff, and that will be his excuse why it was ok. looks like he's probably gonna just keep on drinking. He ended up staying up til about 4am, and passed out on the couch. Everything he does involves drinking. I on the other hand am awake and so happy not to be hungover! Oh, he doesn't get hungover, and can just get up at 9 and go straight to work after an average night of drinking (9 or 10 beers). He has no consequences. The hangovers and depression the next day are what's making me stop Oh, and the black outs. He wouldn't do that unless many shots of hard alchohol were added to the mix. But I feel good today, may be the first Saturday in a while that I'm not wrecked!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
That really would be hard, songtx. But like Fitz said, this is about focusing on what you're doing for you. Remember to take it one day at a time and try not to worry about what's going to happen in the future. Today is enough to deal with.
If it's too hard being around your husband all the time, get out of the house, take a break, find something to occupy yourself. It's great that you're coming here and talking about it and not drinking.
Those hangover-free mornings are a great motivator.
You may also find a lot of support in the Family/Friends section:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
If it's too hard being around your husband all the time, get out of the house, take a break, find something to occupy yourself. It's great that you're coming here and talking about it and not drinking.
Those hangover-free mornings are a great motivator.You may also find a lot of support in the Family/Friends section:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Boston
Posts: 123
Thanks guys! So glad I found this place. I also quit smoking 2 months ago, and I don't think he thought I would succeed with that. He's up now and in a volitile mood. Better watch what I say and do. He'll pick up his first beer around 3.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 227
Blackouts are scary - they are what finally got me to stop. I was driving home drunk in a blackout at least once a week.
I imagine it's very hard with your husband drinking the way he does. I think it's going to be important for you to not compare your situation with his. I spent a lot of time being jealous of other drinkers but my problem is mine and mine alone.
Are there times when he wants to quit? Are there sober times when you can tell him you need his help?
You're doing great - keep at it!!
I imagine it's very hard with your husband drinking the way he does. I think it's going to be important for you to not compare your situation with his. I spent a lot of time being jealous of other drinkers but my problem is mine and mine alone.
Are there times when he wants to quit? Are there sober times when you can tell him you need his help?
You're doing great - keep at it!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
Hey, Song
Congratulations on making the great decision to quit drinking. I know how hard it is when your husband drinks. Mine does, too. In fact, he was a raging alcoholic before we met (I didn't know this until years later). I wasn't much of a drinker then, being a single mom of a two year old..maybe the odd half bottle of wine on the weekend if I went out for dinner.
His drinking rubbed off on me over the years, and then, BAM! I found myself with a big fat problem. I never thought I would get to the stage I finally did, where I was drinking every night, and becoming this angry, belligerent human being, screaming at him during drunken rows. I even punched him one night...not me at all. It was frightening to have those feelings where I was totally losing control.
He still drinks a bottle of wine every night, and smokes pot, too. The way I look at is that I stopped drinking to help save our marriage, because the drunken arguments were killing it, anyway, and I hated myself. Now..yes, I am trying not to be resentful that he's not prepared to put any effort in to reciprocate. He's a slurring, stoned mess by the end of the night, and we don't spend time together because of it. He does his thing, and I do mine. I don't see why I should have to spend every single evening spending time in his 'altered state' company when it's something I don't enjoy.
But it's HIS thing, and not mine...letting that go has been instrumental in keeping my own sobriety (just over 100 days). I am sad that he's not on board with me, but to be honest, he never has been - not just with my sobriety, but many other things too. At least I can be clear about what our problems were. Before, they were muddled and confused by my drinking. I could never take the high road after arguments because I was never sure exactly why they esculated, or why I was irrationally angry. At least now I can trust my feelings, and tell myself I am allowed to be angry about something - and then argue eloquently (and more calmly). He does admit that he now takes my perspective more seriously because I am sober and calm. No more crazy tantrums.
I do feel for you. It's hard in early sobriety when you can't escape the drinking - outside the home and especially in it. Just try to keep in mind what your OWN personal goal is in this. I don't know if I will be able to handle it long term, either. Time will tell. I'm just putting me first right now...for the first time in years.
Congratulations on making the great decision to quit drinking. I know how hard it is when your husband drinks. Mine does, too. In fact, he was a raging alcoholic before we met (I didn't know this until years later). I wasn't much of a drinker then, being a single mom of a two year old..maybe the odd half bottle of wine on the weekend if I went out for dinner.
His drinking rubbed off on me over the years, and then, BAM! I found myself with a big fat problem. I never thought I would get to the stage I finally did, where I was drinking every night, and becoming this angry, belligerent human being, screaming at him during drunken rows. I even punched him one night...not me at all. It was frightening to have those feelings where I was totally losing control.
He still drinks a bottle of wine every night, and smokes pot, too. The way I look at is that I stopped drinking to help save our marriage, because the drunken arguments were killing it, anyway, and I hated myself. Now..yes, I am trying not to be resentful that he's not prepared to put any effort in to reciprocate. He's a slurring, stoned mess by the end of the night, and we don't spend time together because of it. He does his thing, and I do mine. I don't see why I should have to spend every single evening spending time in his 'altered state' company when it's something I don't enjoy.
But it's HIS thing, and not mine...letting that go has been instrumental in keeping my own sobriety (just over 100 days). I am sad that he's not on board with me, but to be honest, he never has been - not just with my sobriety, but many other things too. At least I can be clear about what our problems were. Before, they were muddled and confused by my drinking. I could never take the high road after arguments because I was never sure exactly why they esculated, or why I was irrationally angry. At least now I can trust my feelings, and tell myself I am allowed to be angry about something - and then argue eloquently (and more calmly). He does admit that he now takes my perspective more seriously because I am sober and calm. No more crazy tantrums.
I do feel for you. It's hard in early sobriety when you can't escape the drinking - outside the home and especially in it. Just try to keep in mind what your OWN personal goal is in this. I don't know if I will be able to handle it long term, either. Time will tell. I'm just putting me first right now...for the first time in years.
...than never
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Coast USA
Posts: 152
I started drinking again several times because others near me continued to drink. Eventually I had to realize that other's drinking had nothing at all to do with my drinking. My drinking was the problem that I was trying to solve, and that's all!
Keep focusing on the good feeling of no hangover (wonderful, ain't it?), and no blackout, no wretchedness and try to look forward to having that feeling tomorrow too!
Keep focusing on the good feeling of no hangover (wonderful, ain't it?), and no blackout, no wretchedness and try to look forward to having that feeling tomorrow too!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Welcome to SR songtx 
Many of pour members here deal with spouses or partners who drink...it's hard...but it's not a dealbreaker...it's our recovery, noone else's...we all know whats right for us
You'll always find support here, in any case
D
Many of pour members here deal with spouses or partners who drink...it's hard...but it's not a dealbreaker...it's our recovery, noone else's...we all know whats right for us
You'll always find support here, in any case
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Boston
Posts: 123
Thanks so much again everyone!
So, I went out tonight. We live in Austin and a few of our friends are in bands, so we go out pretty regularly to see music and also wind up drinking way too much and typically coming home and drinking even more, sometimes with friends, after the bars close. Tonight I only drank water. It was pretty strange not having the few beers that I usually down before going out. My husband did though. So, it was actually ok, albeit a bit boring. Socializing was tough though since I'm normally tipsy orfull on drunk when I talk to most of these people. Never noticed how much people drink at clubs till tonight. I did find myself a bit jealous mainly of people who apparently could just have one or two drinks and stop there. I know myself and never allowed myself the first because I'd drink that and say "what's the point?"
Newwings,
Yes our situations sound identical. He also drank before we met and alot. At that time and I don't know for how long, he was drinking vodka daily and bottles of it, so thank God he's not doing that now. I only heard from him and others that he use to drink like that. But, I don't see him stopping any time soon. In fact, it seems that he is drinking more. Looks like we might fall into the "doing our own things" also. The fighting has gotten real bad when we're both drunk and yes, I think that's a big part for my wanting to stop. I am pretty cranky though.
There is great support here. Thank you all so much!
So, I went out tonight. We live in Austin and a few of our friends are in bands, so we go out pretty regularly to see music and also wind up drinking way too much and typically coming home and drinking even more, sometimes with friends, after the bars close. Tonight I only drank water. It was pretty strange not having the few beers that I usually down before going out. My husband did though. So, it was actually ok, albeit a bit boring. Socializing was tough though since I'm normally tipsy orfull on drunk when I talk to most of these people. Never noticed how much people drink at clubs till tonight. I did find myself a bit jealous mainly of people who apparently could just have one or two drinks and stop there. I know myself and never allowed myself the first because I'd drink that and say "what's the point?"
Newwings,
Yes our situations sound identical. He also drank before we met and alot. At that time and I don't know for how long, he was drinking vodka daily and bottles of it, so thank God he's not doing that now. I only heard from him and others that he use to drink like that. But, I don't see him stopping any time soon. In fact, it seems that he is drinking more. Looks like we might fall into the "doing our own things" also. The fighting has gotten real bad when we're both drunk and yes, I think that's a big part for my wanting to stop. I am pretty cranky though.
There is great support here. Thank you all so much!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: texas
Posts: 10
I feel you
I feel for your position with your husband. I have the same deal with my boyfriend of 3 years. It is so hard to not drink around him, cause he is usually drinking. I can make up my mind to not drink that night, then when he pops the cork, I end up drinking also. Tonight I am going to remember everything I have read here today (its my first day here - have only been 15 hours without). Good luck to you. I will think of you.
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