Dee74

Drinking nearly destroyed me. Full stop.

Regardless of what you want to call it, even thinking about having one or two drinks, let alone drinking them, is sheer unadulterated madness for me.

It's not about relapse, or getting drunk or not - it would be about me looking at the years of destruction drinking caused me - and choosing to forget, or ignore that.

I've shut the door on that part of my life - I don't want to open it again.

D

ACT10Npack

It really comes down to the person to decide when they relapses. Some will say one sip and others will say getting drunk. For me I can have a sip and not want more. I can have 2 beers without wanting more. If I get drunk then I will want more but most of the time when I drink there is always an endless of alcohol at my reach and I'm not talking about a bar.

yogaisland

I think both should be considered relapses. Getting drunk is a worse relapse than just having one, and would be harder to come back from, but they are both relapses nonetheless!

I do agree that "willful" should be in there though - I had a sip of something at an open house last week that may or may not have been alcoholic. It was next to a pitcher of lemonade and was a light colored beverage with what appeared to be pieces of fruit cocktail floating in it. I wasn't sure what it was and should have stuck with the lemonade, but I am a sucker for juice with chunks in it so I took the bait - one sip and I was not totally sure if it had alcohol so I immediately passed the cup off to my husband. Lesson learned. Don't drink it if you're not 100% sure its non-alcoholic.

I know that I can never have a drink again. Not one, not two. And I think you need to be okay with that idea. Personally I find it empowering, like "I will never poison myself again." "I will never be hungover again." instead of focusing on the "good" things I am missing by not drinking. (Because really, nothing I did or felt while drunk was really good. It was false and silly and dangerous. Not to sound like a goofy just say no ad, but I can have a good time without being on something.)

NoFireWater

I like how you've turned it around. It's more positive to say "I'll never poison myself again" and take the focus off what you're "missing". My reality is that I've had some really fun times drinking with some great people. Some great conversations that would have probably never happened without the booze opening the floodgates. Putting the focus on the health benefits makes it all more appealing and reminds me of why I'm doing this in the first place. Thanks!

aidadeb

Hi Everyone,
Again, thanks for your comments. Each day I am learning more about my problem with all of your help. I tried AA and didn't really relate, but in the short time I have been on SR, I have learned a lot and feel so much better. I have a much better understanding of how to handle the alcohol and feel that I will have a much better chance of NOT relapsing.

ozgoddess

Well many of us, including myself, say "I am one drink away from relapse". In that respect I guess you would have to say that one drink is a relapse.

I am with Dee though. I would not even consider thinking about having that first drink... that ONE drink.... I already know where it will end up. Played that game too many times to know that I never come out the winner.

Nirvana1

Knowingly and Willingly ingesting one drink is a relapse.

aidadeb

Again Thanks eveyone!!! You all have been a tremendous help. I feel sooooo much better.

yogaisland

I know what you mean with this- I have social anxiety and often "don't know what to say next" when sitting with people sober. Which is part of why I started drinking heavily while out at my dad's bar - I was nervous and didn't want anyone to think I was his stuck up daughter, so I drank a lot until I was chatty and friendly.

I was worried how evenings with my friends would be sober... would I be totally boring? Well, actually, I think I'm a better conversationalist now, ironically. I can listen and form rational responses. And I really listen now instead of waiting for my time to jump in and ramble. No, I don't think I'd have the confidence to chat freely with strangers in a bar anymore, but really, does one need that skill in life? Almost every conversation I had in a bar was inane. I can easily live without that!

Englishrose70

If I could just have one or two and stop I wouldnt be on here. I would be one of those enviable moderate, social drinkers.

aidadeb you say you drink to help with stresses in life or a bad day etc...... Life is fraught with days like this and the more you turn to drink to help you through them, the more of these kind of days you will have and the more you will medicate with drink and then............................... hey before you know 10 years down the line, you have a massive problem like I did.

My drinking career started with a few drinks to cope emotionally, alcohol is stealth like in it's demonic possession of our mind, bodies and soul. Sorry to sound so dramatic but this IS the reality of the beast - fully exposed.

If you dont have the first drink you cant be regretting the 10th can you?

Keep posting, loads of support here and sobriety really does feel so good.