Desperate Housewife
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Central California
Posts: 322
Desperate Housewife
I can't sleep. I've had sleep issues for years. Thoughts about being an alcoholic kept me up tonight. I've been lurking on this site for about a month now. I've even introduced myself and committed myself to quitting. I've fallen off the wagon every time. I haven't made it past day four. I know this is rambling, hopefully it will get better. I feel I should introduce myself. Reading about other people's stories has helped me tremendously. Our "great minds" do think alike. I see in so many of you, similarities in the way we abuse alcohol or other substances. I'm going to introduce myself (hopefully keeping it short). I think I need to be more active on this site if I'm going to succeed.
My name is Amanda. I'm 30 years old and I'm an alcoholic. I've always had problems abusing something. As a child it was food. At fifteen and over 200 pounds I stopped that abuse. I put effort into exercise and nutrition and have maintained a healthy weight pretty much since then. I started abusing speed at about 19. I used it in order to keep myself from gaining weight. I used until I was about 22 and just stopped cold turkey. During my period of Speed addiction, I did drink. I may have been an alcoholic at the time as well. I don't remember much from that time. I finally realized all the pain I was causing and started a new addiction: "being perfect." I attended school and wouldn't accept any grade lower than an "A" I exercised daily and stressed about my body. I ensured that every inch of the house was alway perfect. I spent hours grooming and making myself attractive. Eventually, I finished college, got a boyfriend, and eventually got married.
My issues with drinking seriously started when I moved across the state to be with my now-husband. I'm in a city away from friends and family and alcohol fills that void. After finishing the credential program here in Fresno, California was hit with huge budget cuts. It's been two years and I still don't have full time employment as a teacher. My drink of choice is wine, but I also enjoy hard alcohol. I drink about a bottle of wine a night, sometimes more. I usually can't stop at 1 or 2. My marriage is in shambles. I want a divorce, my husband doesn't. I have a beautiful daughter who just turned 2. I drink when she goes to bed at night. Sometimes I drink during the day, but I've been better about that lately. Yesterday was supposed to be my 3rd day of sobriety and for some reason I gave in to the urge and drank. I drank a bottle and a half of wine and 2 beers. I woke up feeling awful so I drank the rest of the bottle of wine to feel better (gosh that's a stupid thing to do). I'm drinking now so that I can fall asleep. I've been on Ambien for sleep, but I'm out of pills. I have to see the doctor to get more. I'm also on Lexapro for Post Partum Depression (yes, 2 years after having her)
I plan on starting day 1 tomorrow. I'll posst to let you know how it goes.
p.s. Thanks to everyone who posts on this site. You are my inspirations. Not only those of you who have had success in quitting drinking, but also to those who have fallen, just to get up and try again. You are all amazing individuals who deserve to be happy in sobriety.
Amanda
My name is Amanda. I'm 30 years old and I'm an alcoholic. I've always had problems abusing something. As a child it was food. At fifteen and over 200 pounds I stopped that abuse. I put effort into exercise and nutrition and have maintained a healthy weight pretty much since then. I started abusing speed at about 19. I used it in order to keep myself from gaining weight. I used until I was about 22 and just stopped cold turkey. During my period of Speed addiction, I did drink. I may have been an alcoholic at the time as well. I don't remember much from that time. I finally realized all the pain I was causing and started a new addiction: "being perfect." I attended school and wouldn't accept any grade lower than an "A" I exercised daily and stressed about my body. I ensured that every inch of the house was alway perfect. I spent hours grooming and making myself attractive. Eventually, I finished college, got a boyfriend, and eventually got married.
My issues with drinking seriously started when I moved across the state to be with my now-husband. I'm in a city away from friends and family and alcohol fills that void. After finishing the credential program here in Fresno, California was hit with huge budget cuts. It's been two years and I still don't have full time employment as a teacher. My drink of choice is wine, but I also enjoy hard alcohol. I drink about a bottle of wine a night, sometimes more. I usually can't stop at 1 or 2. My marriage is in shambles. I want a divorce, my husband doesn't. I have a beautiful daughter who just turned 2. I drink when she goes to bed at night. Sometimes I drink during the day, but I've been better about that lately. Yesterday was supposed to be my 3rd day of sobriety and for some reason I gave in to the urge and drank. I drank a bottle and a half of wine and 2 beers. I woke up feeling awful so I drank the rest of the bottle of wine to feel better (gosh that's a stupid thing to do). I'm drinking now so that I can fall asleep. I've been on Ambien for sleep, but I'm out of pills. I have to see the doctor to get more. I'm also on Lexapro for Post Partum Depression (yes, 2 years after having her)
I plan on starting day 1 tomorrow. I'll posst to let you know how it goes.
p.s. Thanks to everyone who posts on this site. You are my inspirations. Not only those of you who have had success in quitting drinking, but also to those who have fallen, just to get up and try again. You are all amazing individuals who deserve to be happy in sobriety.
Amanda
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 551
Hi Amanda, Great idea to get more active here, plug yourself in, it has helped me and I am nearly 7 months sober. Can't believe it! but true. I think seeing a DR is very important, i was drinking around the same a bit less and I was helped with detox medication, I made it a mission and joined here and stayed close to my dr, I held myself accountable. It will only keep increasing as you have seen. Thinking of you and sending you a lot of support.
You are worth it, get that week under your belt and then the next and you will be so proud of yourself.
You are worth it, get that week under your belt and then the next and you will be so proud of yourself.
On my way....
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 326
Amanda 
That's my sister's name, and I'm also 30 and married. YOU are an amazing person who deserves to be happy too. Get yourself involved here, you'll find the support to be AWESOME. After I really put my heart into it in March and failed, I drank many more times after that and when I did a paid close attention to my feelings, I found that I was never really as happy as I thought I was drinking. I think once you see you have a problem drinking/using it will never be same as it was in those "innocent" times in our past.
Get rid of the booze, find a program that works for you (AA or otherwise), and keep posting here. Happiness will come eventually...and the pride you feel in yourself for doing the right thing is indescribable. Welcome to our little home on the web!
That's my sister's name, and I'm also 30 and married. YOU are an amazing person who deserves to be happy too. Get yourself involved here, you'll find the support to be AWESOME. After I really put my heart into it in March and failed, I drank many more times after that and when I did a paid close attention to my feelings, I found that I was never really as happy as I thought I was drinking. I think once you see you have a problem drinking/using it will never be same as it was in those "innocent" times in our past.Get rid of the booze, find a program that works for you (AA or otherwise), and keep posting here. Happiness will come eventually...and the pride you feel in yourself for doing the right thing is indescribable. Welcome to our little home on the web!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: essex
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by amandaw 
I can't sleep. I've had sleep issues for years. Thoughts about being an alcoholic kept me up tonight. I've been lurking on this site for about a month now. I've even introduced myself and committed myself to quitting. I've fallen off the wagon every time. I haven't made it past day four. I know this is rambling, hopefully it will get better. I feel I should introduce myself. Reading about other people's stories has helped me tremendously. Our "great minds" do think alike. I see in so many of you, similarities in the way we abuse alcohol or other substances. I'm going to introduce myself (hopefully keeping it short). I think I need to be more active on this site if I'm going to succeed.
My name is Amanda. I'm 30 years old and I'm an alcoholic. I've always had problems abusing something. As a child it was food. At fifteen and over 200 pounds I stopped that abuse. I put effort into exercise and nutrition and have maintained a healthy weight pretty much since then. I started abusing speed at about 19. I used it in order to keep myself from gaining weight. I used until I was about 22 and just stopped cold turkey. During my period of Speed addiction, I did drink. I may have been an alcoholic at the time as well. I don't remember much from that time. I finally realized all the pain I was causing and started a new addiction: "being perfect." I attended school and wouldn't accept any grade lower than an "A" I exercised daily and stressed about my body. I ensured that every inch of the house was alway perfect. I spent hours grooming and making myself attractive. Eventually, I finished college, got a boyfriend, and eventually got married.
My issues with drinking seriously started when I moved across the state to be with my now-husband. I'm in a city away from friends and family and alcohol fills that void. After finishing the credential program here in Fresno, California was hit with huge budget cuts. It's been two years and I still don't have full time employment as a teacher. My drink of choice is wine, but I also enjoy hard alcohol. I drink about a bottle of wine a night, sometimes more. I usually can't stop at 1 or 2. My marriage is in shambles. I want a divorce, my husband doesn't. I have a beautiful daughter who just turned 2. I drink when she goes to bed at night. Sometimes I drink during the day, but I've been better about that lately. Yesterday was supposed to be my 3rd day of sobriety and for some reason I gave in to the urge and drank. I drank a bottle and a half of wine and 2 beers. I woke up feeling awful so I drank the rest of the bottle of wine to feel better (gosh that's a stupid thing to do). I'm drinking now so that I can fall asleep. I've been on Ambien for sleep, but I'm out of pills. I have to see the doctor to get more. I'm also on Lexapro for Post Partum Depression (yes, 2 years after having her)
I plan on starting day 1 tomorrow. I'll posst to let you know how it goes.
p.s. Thanks to everyone who posts on this site. You are my inspirations. Not only those of you who have had success in quitting drinking, but also to those who have fallen, just to get up and try again. You are all amazing individuals who deserve to be happy in sobriety.
Amanda
My name is Amanda. I'm 30 years old and I'm an alcoholic. I've always had problems abusing something. As a child it was food. At fifteen and over 200 pounds I stopped that abuse. I put effort into exercise and nutrition and have maintained a healthy weight pretty much since then. I started abusing speed at about 19. I used it in order to keep myself from gaining weight. I used until I was about 22 and just stopped cold turkey. During my period of Speed addiction, I did drink. I may have been an alcoholic at the time as well. I don't remember much from that time. I finally realized all the pain I was causing and started a new addiction: "being perfect." I attended school and wouldn't accept any grade lower than an "A" I exercised daily and stressed about my body. I ensured that every inch of the house was alway perfect. I spent hours grooming and making myself attractive. Eventually, I finished college, got a boyfriend, and eventually got married.
My issues with drinking seriously started when I moved across the state to be with my now-husband. I'm in a city away from friends and family and alcohol fills that void. After finishing the credential program here in Fresno, California was hit with huge budget cuts. It's been two years and I still don't have full time employment as a teacher. My drink of choice is wine, but I also enjoy hard alcohol. I drink about a bottle of wine a night, sometimes more. I usually can't stop at 1 or 2. My marriage is in shambles. I want a divorce, my husband doesn't. I have a beautiful daughter who just turned 2. I drink when she goes to bed at night. Sometimes I drink during the day, but I've been better about that lately. Yesterday was supposed to be my 3rd day of sobriety and for some reason I gave in to the urge and drank. I drank a bottle and a half of wine and 2 beers. I woke up feeling awful so I drank the rest of the bottle of wine to feel better (gosh that's a stupid thing to do). I'm drinking now so that I can fall asleep. I've been on Ambien for sleep, but I'm out of pills. I have to see the doctor to get more. I'm also on Lexapro for Post Partum Depression (yes, 2 years after having her)
I plan on starting day 1 tomorrow. I'll posst to let you know how it goes.
p.s. Thanks to everyone who posts on this site. You are my inspirations. Not only those of you who have had success in quitting drinking, but also to those who have fallen, just to get up and try again. You are all amazing individuals who deserve to be happy in sobriety.
Amanda
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Amanda,
Welcome to SR! My sponsor is fond of saying that alcoholism is a disease of loneliness that we attempt to cure with isolation.
It is possible to do this on your own, but most people have found that sobriety is much easier to acheive and maintain with the help of others. SR is a great forum with a tremendous amount of ES&H, but I would strongly advise that you expand your toolkit to include local face to face support. AA was the answer for me, but there are many other options. Research the options, and try out several to find what best fits your situation and needs.
Keep at it - sobriety is not an illusion, it is real and my only regret is that it took me till I was 44 to strive for it. Now I am 19 months sober and I can tell you my world is nothing like what I thought... this is amazing.
Good luck, and keep posting with your questions & thoughts. We're here for you.
Welcome to SR! My sponsor is fond of saying that alcoholism is a disease of loneliness that we attempt to cure with isolation.
It is possible to do this on your own, but most people have found that sobriety is much easier to acheive and maintain with the help of others. SR is a great forum with a tremendous amount of ES&H, but I would strongly advise that you expand your toolkit to include local face to face support. AA was the answer for me, but there are many other options. Research the options, and try out several to find what best fits your situation and needs.
Keep at it - sobriety is not an illusion, it is real and my only regret is that it took me till I was 44 to strive for it. Now I am 19 months sober and I can tell you my world is nothing like what I thought... this is amazing.
Good luck, and keep posting with your questions & thoughts. We're here for you.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
Hi Amanda,
Welcome!
For me, in the early days, it really helped to change my routines. If you're used to buying wine on the way home from work, then drive home a different way, shop at a different store, go for a long walk, do whatever it takes to get through the tough part of the day. And, I think it's important to remember that you can do this. It's not easy, but you can do it.
Welcome!
For me, in the early days, it really helped to change my routines. If you're used to buying wine on the way home from work, then drive home a different way, shop at a different store, go for a long walk, do whatever it takes to get through the tough part of the day. And, I think it's important to remember that you can do this. It's not easy, but you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: dayton, oh
Posts: 487
Amanda
Welcome to the group of SR, housewives, women who want divorces, depressed, lonely and unhappy. A large group of us all qualify and we have succeeded in finding freedom and peace. It is a hard road to give up drinking but when the physical addiction passes I think you will find growing and learning in recovery to be the most rewarding thing you will do in your life.
I suggest seeing a doctor who specializes in addiction and finding a recovery method of your own; CBT,SMART, AA, Women in recovery, ect.....
I too wanted a divorce for 11 years but I am grateful that my husband could see past my alcoholism and realize that I was worth saving and our marriage. The honest truth for me was that I loved alcohol more than him. I had to learn to love myself so that I could love others, again.
You are in my thoughts. It is a brave thing you are doing reaching out and admitting you have a problem at 30. I was still looking around and saying I was like everyone else at the party but deep down I knew where I was going.
It's crazy but I to gave up alcohol for a couple years in my early 20s and exercised, took speed. It's so stupid but during that time I thought I was normal.
SH
Welcome to the group of SR, housewives, women who want divorces, depressed, lonely and unhappy. A large group of us all qualify and we have succeeded in finding freedom and peace. It is a hard road to give up drinking but when the physical addiction passes I think you will find growing and learning in recovery to be the most rewarding thing you will do in your life.
I suggest seeing a doctor who specializes in addiction and finding a recovery method of your own; CBT,SMART, AA, Women in recovery, ect.....
I too wanted a divorce for 11 years but I am grateful that my husband could see past my alcoholism and realize that I was worth saving and our marriage. The honest truth for me was that I loved alcohol more than him. I had to learn to love myself so that I could love others, again.
You are in my thoughts. It is a brave thing you are doing reaching out and admitting you have a problem at 30. I was still looking around and saying I was like everyone else at the party but deep down I knew where I was going.
It's crazy but I to gave up alcohol for a couple years in my early 20s and exercised, took speed. It's so stupid but during that time I thought I was normal.
SH
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Central California
Posts: 322
Good Morning! Thanks to all for your kind words. I'm starting day one...again. In the beginning of June I went to a few AA meetings. Although I enjoyed the meetings and found everyone to be super nice and supportive, I have issues with the religious aspect of the program. I have questioned my faith for a number of years now. I know there are ways around the religious aspect, but it still makes me uneasy.
This weekend is going to be stressful. We're having family up for my daughter's birthday party. Saturday afternoon is the kid party at a local little gym. Then, I'm having a dinner at my house for about 15 people. My husband's family drinks socially, and I always have beer and wine to serve. I've considered not offering alcohol, but I feel like I'm not being fair to those who can stop at just one or two. Sunday morning, I'm having everyone over for breakfast, so I will be spending a considerable amount of time in the kitchen - I will be tempted to drink while I cook, which I do when I entertain.
Although my husband and I are struggling right now, he is VERY supportive of my trying to quit drinking. Unfortunately, he's been on the receiving end of some drunken rages. I tend to be happy when I drunk, but there seems a point sometimes when I drink where I go over some threshold and I get angry...and ALWAYS at him. My husband also had to take some addiction courses in college to fulfill his degree requirements, so he considers himself somewhat of an expert (much to my irritation).
Thanks again for reading and for all of your suggestions. I've been lurking for over a month and even though I haven't made it past four days, I have faith that if I continue to write about it, and read your journies, I will some day lose these cravings.
This weekend is going to be stressful. We're having family up for my daughter's birthday party. Saturday afternoon is the kid party at a local little gym. Then, I'm having a dinner at my house for about 15 people. My husband's family drinks socially, and I always have beer and wine to serve. I've considered not offering alcohol, but I feel like I'm not being fair to those who can stop at just one or two. Sunday morning, I'm having everyone over for breakfast, so I will be spending a considerable amount of time in the kitchen - I will be tempted to drink while I cook, which I do when I entertain.
Although my husband and I are struggling right now, he is VERY supportive of my trying to quit drinking. Unfortunately, he's been on the receiving end of some drunken rages. I tend to be happy when I drunk, but there seems a point sometimes when I drink where I go over some threshold and I get angry...and ALWAYS at him. My husband also had to take some addiction courses in college to fulfill his degree requirements, so he considers himself somewhat of an expert (much to my irritation).
Thanks again for reading and for all of your suggestions. I've been lurking for over a month and even though I haven't made it past four days, I have faith that if I continue to write about it, and read your journies, I will some day lose these cravings.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
Welcome.
Sounds to me like alcohol may just be a symptom of a larger problem. I don't mean "just", because it can be a problem too, but you say there's a long-term pattern here. I was kind of the same way in that the alcohol was part of a bigger problem. Maybe it's worth talking to a psychologist or psychiatrist. In the long run it's cheaper than booze and odds are it'll help you get to the real root of the problem.
Anyway, stick around. This site has helped me a lot, I hope it helps you too.
Sounds to me like alcohol may just be a symptom of a larger problem. I don't mean "just", because it can be a problem too, but you say there's a long-term pattern here. I was kind of the same way in that the alcohol was part of a bigger problem. Maybe it's worth talking to a psychologist or psychiatrist. In the long run it's cheaper than booze and odds are it'll help you get to the real root of the problem.
Anyway, stick around. This site has helped me a lot, I hope it helps you too.
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Wow, all I can say is I know how you feel. I went to school for teaching also but wound up stuck doing something else. Im new in sobriety and whats kept me sober so far is buying the AA big book, reading that everyday and this forum plus meetings when i can make them. You can get sober...just look at all the examples of those who have done it right here. I hope you stick around!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 7
Hi Amanda, I'm new here too and am working toward sobriety as well. Over this week I've gone with the "taper off" method, steadily reducing how much I drink each night. It started with a 12 pack + on Sunday (which is what my normal daily fix was), and the intake has gotten less and less each day, with yesterday ending with me only having 1 16oz beer. I took another positive step yesterday in that I bought 2 on my way home but managed to avoid opening the 2nd one, not because I didn't want it, but because I convinced myself that I didn't need it. Come this weekend I will be reducing the number to 0. In fact I'm thinking when I get home I'll open the other beer I got last night, and let the drain in my sink consume it instead of me. I've been wanting to take a serious stab at quitting for months now, and I feel I'm now ready to get the ball rolling.
My method is not recommended because alcoholism & moderation generally do not go hand in hand, and I know this because I was on the same boat as you regarding 1 or 2 drinks not being enough even if I intended on drinking very light for that evening. But true self dedication coupled with people's posts here on SR have done wonders for me, and hopefully they will do the same for you as well.
My method is not recommended because alcoholism & moderation generally do not go hand in hand, and I know this because I was on the same boat as you regarding 1 or 2 drinks not being enough even if I intended on drinking very light for that evening. But true self dedication coupled with people's posts here on SR have done wonders for me, and hopefully they will do the same for you as well.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: in this vessel
Posts: 304
Hi Amanda, please stay all day if you want to. Read and post all day and all night. We want you here and are here to give and receive support for you and from you. I am just so happy you found SR. I joined 10 days ago. Once I joined I would stay on for hours. Signing on was the first thing I would do in the morning.
My drinking crept up on me. I could not believe I had developed a drinking problem. I've been in denial for about 3 years. I've just gotten to the point where I've realized I have to stop. Yes, I get urges. I've been paralyzed by them a few times now. Knowing if I move I'll go to the liquor store. So many here say that each day gets easier. It really dies. For me it has. It will for you too. Please stay and keep posting.
My drinking crept up on me. I could not believe I had developed a drinking problem. I've been in denial for about 3 years. I've just gotten to the point where I've realized I have to stop. Yes, I get urges. I've been paralyzed by them a few times now. Knowing if I move I'll go to the liquor store. So many here say that each day gets easier. It really dies. For me it has. It will for you too. Please stay and keep posting.
TenYearsGone
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 56
Welcome Amanda! I'm so happy you joined & are posting here now Boy can I relate to the body image issues, perfectionism & alcohol issues. I am 31 & can say I am so glad I am quitting drinking NOW, before I get any older & it gets harder to set it aside. This site is very supportive & helpful, I hope you will use it a lot if you need extra support. As a depressant, alcohol really made my depression worse. Mentally I feel better after setting it down! I wish you success in quitting & know you can do it if your heart is really in it.
Boy can I relate to the body image issues, perfectionism & alcohol issues. I am 31 & can say I am so glad I am quitting drinking NOW, before I get any older & it gets harder to set it aside. This site is very supportive & helpful, I hope you will use it a lot if you need extra support. As a depressant, alcohol really made my depression worse. Mentally I feel better after setting it down! I wish you success in quitting & know you can do it if your heart is really in it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Central California
Posts: 322
Reset - you're right alcohol is a symptom of a larger problem. I've gone to counseling, but my insurance only allows 8 sessions per year. I will be returning soon.
Thanks Fallow - I'm going to start going back to meetings as soon as all of our out of town relatives leave. I'm also going to look into buying some books about recovery. I have the AA big book and am about halfway through.
Virtual Insanity - you CAN and you WILL drain that beer when you get home. I believe in you. It's so nice knowing that there are so many people in the same boat and that there's such a great place for us to discuss our recovery.
Rachel - thanks so much! I've read much of what you've written on here and I think you are a real role model! Great job!
Symmetry - I've spent a lot of time reading. Hours and hours. The days I avoid it, are the days I end up drinking, so there you go! I plan on being on here often.
Ten Years- Yes, my body issues have led me to do some crazy things to try and lose/maintain my weight. Quitting now is essential for me as well, I don't want my daughter growing up with a drunk/hungover/grumpy mom. I want to lead by example and be a healthy role model to her. My own mother has serious food issues as well and is severely overweight. Everything we did - everywhere we went we were always surrounded by food. I remember finding candy wrappers, boxes of cookies, etc. under her bed that she'd hide from us. We have very few pictures of her because she hates being photographed due to her size. I don't want my daughter to have a mother with such unhealthy behaviors.
ring - you are an inspiration! Keep it up!
Paddy B - Congrats on 24! Soon you won't be counting hours, but days, weeks, months, and years...
Eddie - your sponsor's saying rings very true to me. I may have to steal it. I'm trying to get more active. I've joined a bowling league and have reached out to other people here to try and make new friends!
Anna - I think I'm going to try another way of relaxing. I was thinking of taking up crochet or something else that keeps my hands busy and my mind relaxed. I need to just not buy the darn alcohol!!! I have several liquor stores I frequent...on rotation...there's one on every corner around here. I just need to stay away and maybe have my husband do the grocery shopping from now on!
SH - Thanks for all you've said. My husband loves me and I've tried to fall back in love with him, maybe abstinance is key. We'll see how it goes.
Amanda
Thanks Fallow - I'm going to start going back to meetings as soon as all of our out of town relatives leave. I'm also going to look into buying some books about recovery. I have the AA big book and am about halfway through.
Virtual Insanity - you CAN and you WILL drain that beer when you get home. I believe in you. It's so nice knowing that there are so many people in the same boat and that there's such a great place for us to discuss our recovery.
Rachel - thanks so much! I've read much of what you've written on here and I think you are a real role model! Great job!
Symmetry - I've spent a lot of time reading. Hours and hours. The days I avoid it, are the days I end up drinking, so there you go! I plan on being on here often.
Ten Years- Yes, my body issues have led me to do some crazy things to try and lose/maintain my weight. Quitting now is essential for me as well, I don't want my daughter growing up with a drunk/hungover/grumpy mom. I want to lead by example and be a healthy role model to her. My own mother has serious food issues as well and is severely overweight. Everything we did - everywhere we went we were always surrounded by food. I remember finding candy wrappers, boxes of cookies, etc. under her bed that she'd hide from us. We have very few pictures of her because she hates being photographed due to her size. I don't want my daughter to have a mother with such unhealthy behaviors.
ring - you are an inspiration! Keep it up!
Paddy B - Congrats on 24! Soon you won't be counting hours, but days, weeks, months, and years...
Eddie - your sponsor's saying rings very true to me. I may have to steal it. I'm trying to get more active. I've joined a bowling league and have reached out to other people here to try and make new friends!
Anna - I think I'm going to try another way of relaxing. I was thinking of taking up crochet or something else that keeps my hands busy and my mind relaxed. I need to just not buy the darn alcohol!!! I have several liquor stores I frequent...on rotation...there's one on every corner around here. I just need to stay away and maybe have my husband do the grocery shopping from now on!
SH - Thanks for all you've said. My husband loves me and I've tried to fall back in love with him, maybe abstinance is key. We'll see how it goes.
Amanda
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 89
Welcome, amandaw! I am also 30, married, and was wanting a divorce up until last month. My poison of choice was also wine peppered with the occasional hard liquor. I drank 1-2 bottles on nights off and then 3-4 glasses on work nights. I had to take Tylenol PM to sleep soundly and always woke up tired and sick feeling. I slowly began to realize my way of life was not healthy or normal. Unfortunately I had surrounded myself with a lot of people who had unhealthy drinking behaviors by hanging out at my dad's karaoke bar (I was actually one of the lighter drinkers there...)
So at the start of the new year, I cut back, trying not to drink on work nights and reducing the amount I drank on nights off (keeping it less than 1 bottle.) I joined a gym that was on the way to my new job and started taking classes to make new friends in a non drinking environment. Eventually I gave up drinking all together. The difference has been phenomenal. My husband continued to drink heavily up until last month when I gave him an ultimatum. He stopped his late night drinking (he has no trouble just having one with dinner, which I cannot do, but he was staying up late and drinking his way through two bottles in an attempt to feel good about himself again, which of course never worked.) He's seeing a psychiatrist now, on Prozac, and we're in marriage counseling. I feel in love again and life has never been better. I briefly crave alcohol sometimes but I only have to remind myself of how miserable my life was while drinking and then I don't want the drink any more.
Good luck, and please keep sharing! Sobriety is SO worth it, don't ever give up.
So at the start of the new year, I cut back, trying not to drink on work nights and reducing the amount I drank on nights off (keeping it less than 1 bottle.) I joined a gym that was on the way to my new job and started taking classes to make new friends in a non drinking environment. Eventually I gave up drinking all together. The difference has been phenomenal. My husband continued to drink heavily up until last month when I gave him an ultimatum. He stopped his late night drinking (he has no trouble just having one with dinner, which I cannot do, but he was staying up late and drinking his way through two bottles in an attempt to feel good about himself again, which of course never worked.) He's seeing a psychiatrist now, on Prozac, and we're in marriage counseling. I feel in love again and life has never been better. I briefly crave alcohol sometimes but I only have to remind myself of how miserable my life was while drinking and then I don't want the drink any more.
Good luck, and please keep sharing! Sobriety is SO worth it, don't ever give up.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Central California
Posts: 322
Day one....(cont.)
Jeez, I'm fiending for a glass of wine right now. My husband and my dad (visiting) just left to go to my husband's softball game. I tucked the baby in and the house is blissfully quiet. This is when I usually open a bottle. Instead, I'm on here.
Today was busy. I have a bunch of people coming for dinner tomorrow so I spent the day cooking and cleaning. I'm so nervous about the party tomorrow. I bought some beer and wine for my guests. I don't feel it's right for everyone else to suffer because I have a drinking problem. Knowing it's in the house, though, is driving me nuts.
Next week my husband is being sent to Napa for work. He said I should join him and that his mom could stay over with our daughter. Napa Valley is probably the last place in the world I need to be what with all the wineries. I could really have a field day there, but I so need a relaxing break. It's also hot where we live. Over 100 everyday! As I type this I realize that I'm making excuses for needing to go to the California wine country. Argh...one day at a time.
Yoga - thanks for sharing your story. Did you have a difficult time quitting altogether? Do you go to meetings? If not, what type of support system do you use?
Jeez, I'm fiending for a glass of wine right now. My husband and my dad (visiting) just left to go to my husband's softball game. I tucked the baby in and the house is blissfully quiet. This is when I usually open a bottle. Instead, I'm on here.
Today was busy. I have a bunch of people coming for dinner tomorrow so I spent the day cooking and cleaning. I'm so nervous about the party tomorrow. I bought some beer and wine for my guests. I don't feel it's right for everyone else to suffer because I have a drinking problem. Knowing it's in the house, though, is driving me nuts.
Next week my husband is being sent to Napa for work. He said I should join him and that his mom could stay over with our daughter. Napa Valley is probably the last place in the world I need to be what with all the wineries. I could really have a field day there, but I so need a relaxing break. It's also hot where we live. Over 100 everyday! As I type this I realize that I'm making excuses for needing to go to the California wine country. Argh...one day at a time.
Yoga - thanks for sharing your story. Did you have a difficult time quitting altogether? Do you go to meetings? If not, what type of support system do you use?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Illinois
Posts: 123
Good job getting on here instead of opening the wine bottle. I've been doing the same thing. I'm a mom, too, of 2 kids. This is day 8 for me, and this site has been very valuable. It's great to have encouragement and to cheer others on as well. Welcome!
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