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At a critical point

Old 07-27-2011, 05:03 PM
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At a critical point

Here's the deal; I'm 20 years old and was diagnosed with acute pancreatitis & enlarged liver this march. In May I jumped out of a 2nd floor apartment window while drunk (not for reasons suicidal but more for "fun") & fractured tibia in left leg.

I still drink too much. Binge at least once a week.

I've stopped exercising for a year. I feel like my health is going to ****.

I have also been living off my savings since February and blown through about $30k in the past 4 months. I am spending more than I make and I am down to my last $6000 in reserve. I have no formal education and can't get a job, but I do know how to make money with some businesses. But the rewards are directly proportionate to my focus and effort.

Bottom line, unless I have mental clarity (for which I need to stop drinking) I am going to go bankrupt by next month and I am seriously worried for my health.

I tried AA, it doesn't work for me. I went to counseling last year but stopped. Thinking of going back, not sure if it's going to help.

Other misadventures include being caught 5 times for drinking and driving, assaulting several people including a very good friend, having (protected) sex with prostitutes who I wouldn't dream of touching with a 10 foot pole while sober, streaking, bad conversations which are highly embarassing later, blackouts.

I live in India (******). I feel that the main reason I drink is that I simply can't have any fun without it. I live for that day of the week when I go out, get smashed in (Indian version of) a strip club. It's the only thing that I enjoy. I am not sure if this qualifies as addiction. I went 14 days without alcohol last month on a self attempted quit, and 8 days after being diagnosed with the pancreatitis.

Clearly it isn't sustainable or very wise though. Just looking for some motivation or workable advise...
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Old 07-27-2011, 05:09 PM
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Exhibit

Yes, you most certainly display all the characteristics of an alcoholic, to me at least - but I'm no doctor.

Perhaps see an addictions counsellor.

Kelly
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Old 07-27-2011, 05:09 PM
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Welcome to SR.

Have you tried other recovery programs to help with your alcohol problem? If not you might look at this list and see if there is one or maybe two that you find you are willing to try. They can really be beneficial to one finding sobriety and learning how to live without alcohol in their lives. Personally AA worked for me but I respect the fact it is not for everyone. I am thankful there are other programs out there suited for each person. Here is the list: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
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Old 07-27-2011, 05:16 PM
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Hi Tony - welcome

Bottom line, unless I have mental clarity (for which I need to stop drinking) I am going to go bankrupt by next month and I am seriously worried for my health.
Maybe it's best to turn that idea on its head Tony?
Stop drinking and you'll get that mental clarity

I waited for a lot of conditions to be fulfilled, so I could quit - but it never happened.
There was never a good time to quit

I believe action is the key Tony - you don't have to understand it, or be ready for it - that's head talk to try and throw you off, to keep you drinking - you just need to do it.

Get some help - see a Dr, a counsellor, go to an ER, visit a recovery group meeting...even if you've done these things before, anything must be better than the life of chaos you're leading.

just do whatever it takes to stop drinking.
Everything else falls into place from there

D
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Old 07-27-2011, 05:48 PM
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I think it has come to that. Thanks for this post it helps me see the situation much more clearly.

As for counseling I'll make an appointment but I have some reservations. I have always considered a counselor to be the mental equivalent of a prostitute (no offense to anyone). Though a very safe outlet to vent, the dialogue feels unnatural. One hour you're pouring your life's secrets out to someone and then it's considered inappropriate to call them, ask them about their life or hang out with them. It's not an anonymous encounter either. I already am essentially a sociopath and I am sure that personality type is a major contributor to my drinking. Though I have tried, I find it extremely difficult to trust anyone halfway intelligent IRL.

Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
Hi Tony - welcome



Maybe it's best to turn that idea on its head Tony?
Stop drinking and you'll get that mental clarity

I waited for a lot of conditions to be fulfilled, so I could quit - but it never happened.
There was never a good time to quit

I believe action is the key Tony - you don't have to understand it, or be ready for it - that's head talk to try and throw you off, to keep you drinking - you just need to do it.

Get some help - see a Dr, a counsellor, go to an ER, visit a recovery group meeting...even if you've done these things before, anything must be better than the life of chaos you're leading.

just do whatever it takes to stop drinking.
Everything else falls into place from there

D
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Old 07-27-2011, 05:59 PM
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Tony,

I hope that you make a decision to help yourself.

You have 5 DUI's, several assaults, and serious health issues and things will get worse unless you stop drinking.

If you'd rather not use a counsellor and don't want to use AA, you might find that SMART works for you, and there's always support here at SR.
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Old 02-05-2012, 07:13 AM
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History seems to have repeated itself. Bumping this thread after about half a year.

I was sober for 41 days when I went nearly broke and managed to make some more money- about $75k USD. My "plan" was to go to the US or some western country and try to start afresh there. I really am not happy with or able to integrate with the repressed culture and overall backwardness and filth that prevails in India. But because I'm "too young" and (at that point of time) hadn't traveled anywhere outside of India, the US, UK and New Zealand all denied me a tourist visa. I have since traveled to 4 other countries and am trying to build a record as a bonafide tourist before re-applying for a visa.

But because of this let-down I basically went back to partying too much and getting wasted. There has been no significant progress. I am now having another mild pancreatitis attack (lipase level is 500+) and mild withdrawal/shakes as I was drinking daily for the past couple of months.

Basically, I am too apathetic. Nothing excites me, I can't have any fun other than while getting drunk. The only thing I'm looking forward to now is being able to save enough money to afford the EB-5 immigrant US visa ("buy a guaranteed green card"), about $1.5 million. Which is clearly going to take a while, and won't happen unless I get my **** together and focus on business. It's a vicious circle. I often wonder if anything even matters...
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Old 02-05-2012, 07:32 AM
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Tony, so many times alcoholics/addicts think that a geographic change will solve there problems, only to pick up where they left off in their new location. You probably can't achieve quality, lasting sobriety alone, most of us can't. I would stop finding reasons why you don't like counseling or AA and just surrender to them for awhile.
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Old 02-05-2012, 08:06 AM
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I had to be in a recovery home for 90 days in the beginning, then to AA.

Good luck in your recovery.

Bob R.
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Old 02-05-2012, 02:06 PM
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Welcome back Tony

Sorry you're still floundering tho....but I did too for a long time.

Maybe you're like me? I basically wanted still to drink - I wanted to control my drinking and not change my life - get rid of the bad stuff sure, but not do too much else in the way of renovation.

I found both those things were impossible.

If you want change, I really believe you have to make changes Tony.

D
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Old 02-05-2012, 02:15 PM
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Tony - being very familiar with the Indian culture - wife from there although born abroad, and having travelled there for work - I must say that your command of English/American colloquialisms is absolutely astounding. I know this is not an education thing, as I compare to employees of all ranks including the CEO's / CFO's of TCS, Infosys, iFlex, etc. How'd you pick it up?
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Old 03-19-2013, 01:52 PM
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Originally Posted by MentalLoop View Post
Tony - being very familiar with the Indian culture - wife from there although born abroad, and having travelled there for work - I must say that your command of English/American colloquialisms is absolutely astounding. I know this is not an education thing, as I compare to employees of all ranks including the CEO's / CFO's of TCS, Infosys, iFlex, etc. How'd you pick it up?
Thank you. I speak on Skype to a lot of westerners- I make my income on the internet so possibly due to that. I'm a 9th grade dropout for the record but I guess I can call myself my own CEO

As for my situation I am still floundering. I had almost 2 months sober then went to back to "casual" drinking, and and it got bad again. Trying to quit once again now and start working out and find other ways to have fun.

The one thing I did learn about myself was that socializing is probably a bad idea for me when sober, because when I used to hang out in coffeeshops and with sober people in the time that I was sober- I always dwelt on the negative vibes; jealousy (from others), paranoia (my own), boredom & so forth. This time around I'm going to avoid hanging out with other people for extended periods of time and try to do more activities solo. I will still have interactions but not for more than an hour at a time. I will also avoid building on relationships and instead try to meet more, newer people.

Thank you all for your support. Today is day 4. I usually cave in between days 10-14.
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Old 03-19-2013, 04:14 PM
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what about making plans now so you won't do that this time Tony?
welcome back

D
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Old 05-02-2013, 04:25 PM
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I failed at my last attempt too. I drank on almost every day of April. This is my most recent attempt now and an ambitious one. Today is day 6 sober and I hope to stay sober until June 18th, or at least until the end of May. I don't have any confidence in myself that I will succeed, but I'm going to try. I have tickets for a cricket match on the 13th and that is going to be a strong temptation to drink.

I'm not sure if I really want to quit drinking. But I need to recuperate physically and give my body a chance to heal. I've started working out. If I make it sober to June 18 I will try to restrict my drinking sessions to twice a month, with fortnightly intervals.
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Old 05-02-2013, 05:07 PM
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sounds like you have not hit bottom yet if you are planning on binging
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Old 05-03-2013, 02:48 AM
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Originally Posted by TonyF View Post
I tried AA, it doesn't work for me. I went to counseling last year but stopped. Thinking of going back, not sure if it's going to help.
I know this bit is from your first post a few years ago Tony but I think it's still relevant. I see a lot of negatives here. I understand, I think we were all at that point where we couldn't see what would help, but then something has to, and with the case with most people here, does. Recovery is hard but it's worth it.

I think the common expression with AA is that it doesn't work for you, you work for it. You get back what you put into it. And that is true of any other recovery method. I'd highly recommend looking into AVRT and SMART, and perhaps some severe lifestyle changes are in order. I know it is tough but with the right support it is possible. Glad you came back x
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Old 05-04-2013, 03:58 PM
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I failed again...what a surprise... Maybe I should just give up and become a full time criminal. That's what this country and economy seems to reward anyway. I want to die. I am crying now.
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Old 05-04-2013, 04:23 PM
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If there's anything you should give up on, I think you should give up on wanting & trying to be one of those normal drinkers Tony.

It's been a long time trying to make drinking work for you.
I know it's scary, but do you feel ready to try something else now?

D
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Old 05-04-2013, 04:34 PM
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Do not ever give up. You sound like you are depressed and having self-pity. You know what you need to do to stay sober and yet you still keep putting yourself in the same position. Please go back to counseling and look into a rehab facility.

I am coming up on my 4 week mark, so I am also new to sobriety. I can relate to you because I have also developed a fatty liver and messed my colon and blood counts up. When I was told that - I knew then and there I had to quit.

It has not been easy, I still suffer some boughts of depression, but I tell myself it is my fault and that if I keep eating healthy and NOT DRINKING - I will be better. I also supplement with an AA meeting at least weekly and also daily feedback on SR.

Put your health first.
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Old 05-04-2013, 04:51 PM
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Hi Tony. Please don't give up on yourself. You can leave that old, sick life behind and have a new beginning. I agree with Dee - you need to give up on the idea that you can drink once in awhile. It's stealing your spirit and your soul - it can't possibly be worth it. I hope you'll stay with us and keep posting. We care about you.
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