like a punch in the stomach - I'm not a fan of feelings
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 14
like a punch in the stomach - I'm not a fan of feelings
I know I'm having a hard time with feelings and I know it's because I've numbed myself from feeling anything for years and I know eventually I will get better at handling them. But for right now, I hate them.
Today I found out that my ex has a new girlfriend. We weren't married but lived together, kids together and all that jazz so pretty well close enough. I am so upset about this. I don't really know why because I left him(nearly a year ago), I don't want to get back together with him, and I really don't like him all that much at all even as a friend. Maybe I'm just jealous that his life if all pretty and fun and mine really sucks. Damn it. What do "normal" people do when they're upset or angry?
Anyway, I know this really has nothing to do with anything and I'm sorry for venting here but so far I don't really like my choice to stop drinking so it helps to be around (even if only online) other people who have stopped too.
Today I found out that my ex has a new girlfriend. We weren't married but lived together, kids together and all that jazz so pretty well close enough. I am so upset about this. I don't really know why because I left him(nearly a year ago), I don't want to get back together with him, and I really don't like him all that much at all even as a friend. Maybe I'm just jealous that his life if all pretty and fun and mine really sucks. Damn it. What do "normal" people do when they're upset or angry?
Anyway, I know this really has nothing to do with anything and I'm sorry for venting here but so far I don't really like my choice to stop drinking so it helps to be around (even if only online) other people who have stopped too.
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
"Normal" people get upset and angry and they may yell, cry, deny, defy, whatever--but they don't use alcohol and drugs as their primary coping or numbing mechanism. It takes a while to learn how to deal with difficult feelings without the crutch. They may hurt or suck but they won't kill or cripple us and they will pass, at least until they come back and pass again.
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
There are people who utilize therapy in recovery. Therapy might help you understand your new found emotions and help you put them in perspective so they are easier to deal with. There is no shame in seeking help when one needs it.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 169
You've got me thinking, WeakLink. What will happen when those types of feeling find me? I am only on day two......
But then I remembered some old movies and sitcoms. I think diving into a gallon of ice cream might work? haha just kidding. Not the healthiest answer, but better than drinking that's for sure!
Something I always tell my teenage stepdaughter: "tomorrow will be better". Because if you think about it, whenever you have sad/mad/negative feelings, for some reason the next day is much clearer and you are not quite as upset.
Sleep on it. Think about it. You have to process these things somehow. Drinking won't do it, and tomorrow would just feel like hell.
Sorry I am not much help, but I thank you for posting this. It has me thinking.....
But then I remembered some old movies and sitcoms. I think diving into a gallon of ice cream might work? haha just kidding. Not the healthiest answer, but better than drinking that's for sure!
Something I always tell my teenage stepdaughter: "tomorrow will be better". Because if you think about it, whenever you have sad/mad/negative feelings, for some reason the next day is much clearer and you are not quite as upset.
Sleep on it. Think about it. You have to process these things somehow. Drinking won't do it, and tomorrow would just feel like hell.
Sorry I am not much help, but I thank you for posting this. It has me thinking.....
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 462
Feelings won't kill you, alcholism can 
It can be really scary to 'feel' pain/emotions again but when the fog and depression of the booze lifts, those emotions aren't so gripping or painful anymore. I'm only very early on in recovery myself but already I can face feelings/situation I wasn't able to when I was drinking.
For instance, my therapist, when I first went in to treatment wanted to arrange a family conference. The thought of it scared the HELL out of me! But, towards the end of my treatment, I did it. OK, it didn't work out but I know I tried and yes, I cried after but I was able to rationalise my feelings rather then run anway with them/bury them in booze
xx
It can be really scary to 'feel' pain/emotions again but when the fog and depression of the booze lifts, those emotions aren't so gripping or painful anymore. I'm only very early on in recovery myself but already I can face feelings/situation I wasn't able to when I was drinking.
For instance, my therapist, when I first went in to treatment wanted to arrange a family conference. The thought of it scared the HELL out of me! But, towards the end of my treatment, I did it. OK, it didn't work out but I know I tried and yes, I cried after but I was able to rationalise my feelings rather then run anway with them/bury them in booze
xx
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Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Weaklink,
I am so sorry to hear that you are in the emotional wreck stage that we all go through. And no amount of telling me that it is normal made it a lot easier for me, but it did make me hang in there until I started to feel better.
Do you ever look again at a phrase and it suddenly means something entirely different when viewed from a different perspective?
When I used to say I am feeling better I meant that I wasn't feeling any strong negative feelings. Then when I was in my first month of sobriety I meant that I was feeling things better, and it wasn't good at all!
Now with ten months plus of sobriety under my belt I am feeling much better in all senses of the words, but mostly positive.
Yes it is normal to feel anger, sadness, anxiousness, fear, hope, disappointment and on and on for all the emotions we experience. How we act on those emotions does change with sobriety.
That is usually a good thing but can be painful when we take responsibility for our behaviors and emotions, and face them.
It does get easier, and better, in every sense of the word.
I am so sorry to hear that you are in the emotional wreck stage that we all go through. And no amount of telling me that it is normal made it a lot easier for me, but it did make me hang in there until I started to feel better.
Do you ever look again at a phrase and it suddenly means something entirely different when viewed from a different perspective?
When I used to say I am feeling better I meant that I wasn't feeling any strong negative feelings. Then when I was in my first month of sobriety I meant that I was feeling things better, and it wasn't good at all!
Now with ten months plus of sobriety under my belt I am feeling much better in all senses of the words, but mostly positive.
Yes it is normal to feel anger, sadness, anxiousness, fear, hope, disappointment and on and on for all the emotions we experience. How we act on those emotions does change with sobriety.
That is usually a good thing but can be painful when we take responsibility for our behaviors and emotions, and face them.
It does get easier, and better, in every sense of the word.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,886
One way I handle strong feelings is talking or writing them out or both. So venting for me at least, is good for my emotional health.
I like writing my emotions out so I can see what issues I may need to work on. And then write about my progress or lack there to see where I'm at and what more I may need to do if I'm stuck.
I do know if I bottle my feelings up long enough they start to ferment. I know where that will go and its not good
.
I like writing my emotions out so I can see what issues I may need to work on. And then write about my progress or lack there to see where I'm at and what more I may need to do if I'm stuck.
I do know if I bottle my feelings up long enough they start to ferment. I know where that will go and its not good
.
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