Lestersquare

First off, thank you to everyone who contributed to my first post (yesterday). I truly appreciate your kind words and your wisdom.

Today, my wife is in day 22 of 50 at an in-patient treatment center, she is a drug addict.
This experience has broken me down to the point that I am now an insecure mess.
This may sound silly, but I am OBSESSED with the thought that my wife is developing an emotional relationship with another patient in her group. I'm obsessed with the thought of her wanting to be with him instead of me.....the dreaded rehab romance.
I can't believe I'm even typing those words - I've never been a jealous guy - I've never had a reason to be.
The facility she's in has extremely strict rules about patient/patient relationships, they even encourage other patients to call out others they think are getting too close but I can't shake it.
She swears there is nothing going on but I can't bring myself to believe her (she swore she wasn't on drugs too...)
When we talk on the phone, I can't hold back and I end up grilling her about this guy. She gets angry, I get angry and the conversation ends on a bad note...not a good situation for our respective recoveries.
I feel like a jealous high school kid - to be honest, it is actually embarrassing, just so out of character.
Are these romances common?
Any thoughts?

Opivotal

I believe you are doing a disservice to your wife and yourself. Let her work her recovery and maybe you should look into getting some counseling yourself.

What you are doing with your accusations, is pushing your wife away. IMO you should be supporting her...not adding your negativity to her recovery.



Best Wishes To You!

ajangel

I agree with optivotal. This is a very stressful time right now for her. Your accusations are putting more added stress on her. I would suggest you look into going to a alanon meeting to deal with these new emotions you are having. I seriously doubt there is a romance going on. That would be the last thing on my mind during recovery. Give her a time and space to heal.

Lestersquare

Thanks lpn & opi.

Yes, I realize that my issues are not helping her (us) in any way.

I understand that I need to take a step back and let her work on her recovery.
Easier said than done I guess.

newwings

Whilst your wife is in there, getting support and building a network of friends who are in the same boat as her, you aren't getting anything. I totally understand your frustration.

Firstly, I've never been in an in patient treatment center, but I do know that ANY relationships between recovering addicts are actively discouraged and there are firm rules and boundaries with regards to interactions between patients.

Secondly, the whole point of being there is to share their stories, hopes for the future and form a tight bond to enable them to move forward with their recovery. It's very isolating for you, and I can imagine how hard it is to take on the responsibilities and carry on as though nothing is happening.

I feel that she will soon stop calling you because she won't want to hear you grilling her about this guy. Then you will feel even more cut off and excluded from her recovery work than you do right now. Please, if you get the time, go to an Al Anon meeting, and share your fears. She's doing her work, but you need to do some too, if you are going to be happy in the future. Don't underestimate what you've been through, too, addiction affects everyone doing it AND those around them.

Good luck!

ajangel

I can understand that. She is away from you. You can't talk to her. You don't know how or what she is doing. I know you love her and want to support her. It is a very tough time for both of you. Be there for her and she will be so appreciative. I have so much guilt and shame the way I have behaved. She will too. Give her a chance if you truly love her. It could turn out to be a beautiful thing. Forgiveness goes a long way. Hang in there

bellakeller

Don't let your crazy drive the bus! Most of us have this side of ourselves and I know feelings can be REALLY strong and overwhelming but we don't have to let them take over. You're letting your inner 14 year old self drive without a license. Take back the steering wheel.

I know this is tough. You deserve your adult self to take care of you. Be kind to yourself.


Take care.

Mark75

First off... kudos to you for your willingness to get this out... you know what you are feeling is irrational and you are trying to get some help with that.

Don't have too much to offer except to go back and re-read DayTrader's post in the thread you started yesterday. What do you think he was trying to say?

Maybe stop talking to your wife until you get your head straight on this... You and your wife are going through a life changing event... try to make it for the better!