Originally Posted by Pigtails

Okay. Mine are similar to yours.

1. My relationships with people: family and friends
2. My pets
3. Writing
4. My career
5. My physical and especially emotional health/ well-being

I'm not sure they're always in that order of importance.

Originally Posted by yogaisland

I don't think I could ever be a social drinker again. Like others have said, what is the point of one drink. I'm not normal and I can't be satisfied with that. So I'm either going to be dissatisfied and wasted my sobriety on one sorry glass, or I am going to keep drinking until I'm trashed. No thanks.

Pigtails, many posts back you asked if anyone who drank until they were drunk/hungover the next day was an alcoholic. Maybe yes, maybe no, but definitely they have a problem with drinking. And I think anyone who takes shots has a drinking problem. There is no clearer sign of someone who is drinking to get drunk than someone who takes shots. They're not even enjoying the drink, they're just forcing it into their body as fast as possible. I always made the sign of the cross at shots until the last few months of my drinking, and then it was anything goes. That should have been a clear sign that I had a problem.

I guess I never thought about shots like that. I used to take multiple shots and drink long island's etc. but I would always wind up crying and coming up with stupid stuff to be mad at my friends or boyfriend about, and picking fights with them over nothing. I realized it was the multiple/mixed shots causing this, and so since a few years ago when I discovered that, I rarely have taken shots... sometimes one shot if someone buys a round. And I stopped having those explosive emotional drunk sessions; I'm more of a happy drunk, or an obnoxious clumsy one. So I don't know if that means I got "better" because I progressed from shots to no shots, or if I just learned how to change how I drink alcohol so that I could keep doing it without such negative consequences in terms of friends and relationships.

As for social drinking being the focus of many events - like others have said, it's not really. It's only the focus to those of us who have drinking problems. Personally even when I was drinking I would not drink at business get togethers for fear of getting drunk in front of coworkers or bosses. (Since I knew it was hard for me to stop at one.) Looking around, about half the people are not drinking. Sure, they are the ones collecting their coats first to go home and watch that taped episode of Jeopardy, but is that really so bad? It's better than the person who gets trashed and is dancing like a fool in front of the band.

True. Social drinking seems to be the focus of many of my events but mainly because I have liked to drink and have hung out with others who do too. I did always think the people gathering their coats and leaving early were boring. Honestly, I sometimes still do, and dread being one of them. But it feels good to go home to my own bed alone and sober and knowing I didn't do anything stupid that I'll regret the next morning. It feels good to read in bed with my pets and get good sleep and wake up refreshed.

And if people are encouraging you to drink after you've already told them you are trying not to, then A) They are not a good friend; and/or B) They are trying to make themselves feel better about their own drinking problem. People who do not have drinking problems do not feel the need to bully others into drinking with them. I say this from experience, having been bullied about drinking before. It's aggravating and very trying for a newly sober person. The best thing to do, if you are on the fence about your sobriety, is to avoid social situations with alcohol for the time being.

This is definitely the hardest part for me. I don't want to lose my friends or stop socializing with them. Funny enough, I've already kind of purposefully "lost" my friends who were heaving drinkers and whose lives revolve around getting drunk, and who I know for sure are bad influences. But most of the rest of my friends just like to go out and drink and have a good time and it's really hard for me to isolate myself from them. I do realize it means they have issues with their own drinking if they pressure me to drink... I myself have been like that in the past when I've been around people not drinking! One of my friends, surprisingly, has been positively influenced by me and has cut back on her drinking and sometimes not drank at all when going out. So that was a pleasant surprise.

Yes, I understand why you have that battle in your head of "I'm an alcoholic, I can never drink again" and "I'm being too hard on myself, I just got in a drinking rut, I can start fresh and just drink like a normal person." I struggled with that for the first half of this year before I became totally sober. Everyone wants to be "normal". Little diabetic kids sneak candy. People with severe motion sickness try to ride roller coasters anyway. But we have to be smart and strong and not do things that destroy us.

Originally Posted by onlythetruth

Great job. But I notice that something is missing from both of our lists.

Alcohol. Drinking is not there!

This exercise is what's known as the "Hierarchy of Values", a great tool that's part of the SMART Recovery program. It can be really eye-opening to realize that when we think about what we value most in our lives, it's most likely safe to say that alcohol ISN'T one of them. But yet every time that we drink, we are placing those things in jeopardy; we are gambling with the things that we treasure and hold dear, putting them at risk with the potential of losing them. And very often, people in your position, who are struggling with the issue of whether or not alcohol is REALLY a problem, find it helpful to see things cast in this light.

What are your thoughts? Does this help you?

OTT

Originally Posted by aidadeb

I want to know if anybody feels they could ever be a social drinker again? It is unfortunate that our society puts so much emphasis on drinking. Weddings, Funerals, Parties, Holidays, All Occasions we celebrate with alcohol. Business meetings and cocktail parties almost always have alcohol. And if you don't drink it's like there is something wrong with you, instead of something wrong with drinking. I have been a very heavy drinker on and off...becoming more on than off. I know I can't keep drinking, but I wonder if I ever could be a social drinker again. I had a cousin who had a serious herion problem. She got pregnant and stopped using immediately. She now is a social drinker...never gets drunk. So what do all of you out there think about that? And does anyone know of anyone who was able to return to being a social drinker?

Originally Posted by Pigtails