Is it ever possible to be a social drinker again
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 32
The first 5 or so drinks were always torture for me. I hated that slightly fuzzy, too-warm feeling, and I always did my best to plow straight through them to get to my true objective: drunk. Even when I was drinking heavily I would rarely drink socially, because while I would rather be drunk than sober, I would rather be sober than buzzed. That's actually working in my favor now. I'm on day 7, and even though there are a few beers in the fridge, I haven't been tempted to touch them since my detox.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
[QUOTE=onlythetruth;3048524] Thanks. Maybe I will feel better suited for SMART. I will look them up in my area. I suppose I chose AA out of default because it is so prevalent in my area. But perhaps SMART is more in line with my religious beliefs or lack thereof.
Although lately I have been questioning everything about myself, including my religious beliefs or lack thereof. Like, I've felt so messed up that I start to think, maybe the same part of me that is alcoholic is the same part that rejects God, and maybe I should believe in one, maybe there's something wrong with me that I don't. I know I should just trust myself, and my formerly deeply held beliefs that all we have is the here and now and we need to make the best of it (which was kind of my idea of a higher power when I went to AA... but it didn't seem to jive with the "praying" concept and the turning my life over to that, etc... I mean, okay, I turn my life over to my current life, to my here and now... which is crappy, so, now what?). But it's hard to trust myself when myself is an alcoholic I guess who has deceived myself and lived in denial. So I'd been trying to just go with it, just trust the people with more experience.
Still, it would be easier to incorporate a recovery program into my life without changing everything, including my beliefs. I could work within the framework of what I already believe. Thanks for the suggestion.
Originally Posted by Pigtails 
So I am trying to find my way on my own but it has been hard. I guess I should go back to AA and just say, this all seems crazy to me.....QUOTE]
But AA isn't the only support group available to you, Pigtails. I'm not trying to discourage you from going to AA--by all means, go if you find it helpful--but it's important to realize that your choices aren't "go to AA" or "go it alone". There are several secular support groups available including SMART Recovery, in which I am an active volunteer. SMART is the largest of the secular programs and there may be face to face meetings near you; if not, SMART has 18 online meetings every week. You might want to give it a try and see if it "fits" you better, and there's nothing wrong with using bits and pieces of both programs.
OTT
But AA isn't the only support group available to you, Pigtails. I'm not trying to discourage you from going to AA--by all means, go if you find it helpful--but it's important to realize that your choices aren't "go to AA" or "go it alone". There are several secular support groups available including SMART Recovery, in which I am an active volunteer. SMART is the largest of the secular programs and there may be face to face meetings near you; if not, SMART has 18 online meetings every week. You might want to give it a try and see if it "fits" you better, and there's nothing wrong with using bits and pieces of both programs.
OTT
Although lately I have been questioning everything about myself, including my religious beliefs or lack thereof. Like, I've felt so messed up that I start to think, maybe the same part of me that is alcoholic is the same part that rejects God, and maybe I should believe in one, maybe there's something wrong with me that I don't. I know I should just trust myself, and my formerly deeply held beliefs that all we have is the here and now and we need to make the best of it (which was kind of my idea of a higher power when I went to AA... but it didn't seem to jive with the "praying" concept and the turning my life over to that, etc... I mean, okay, I turn my life over to my current life, to my here and now... which is crappy, so, now what?). But it's hard to trust myself when myself is an alcoholic I guess who has deceived myself and lived in denial. So I'd been trying to just go with it, just trust the people with more experience.
Still, it would be easier to incorporate a recovery program into my life without changing everything, including my beliefs. I could work within the framework of what I already believe. Thanks for the suggestion.
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Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Pigtails,
Maybe you should believe in God, and maybe you shouldn't. That is a personal choice and there is nothing incompatible with SMART and a belief in God; I personally believe in God.
But what is sounds like you're struggling with, and this was the struggle for me, too, during the years I spent in AA, is the notion that God (or any outside force) provides the power to get you sober. Even believing in God as I do, that perspective did not resonate with me intellectually or philosophically. What I felt I needed when I quit drinking was a way to do life differently; a better way to approach life, a better way to think, and some tools to help me deal with the cravings.
While, again, NOT to denigrate AA or those who find its approach personally helpful to them, some of us simply do not "fit" the program's philosophical underpinnings. I spent years of my life trying to make the program fit me, or myself fit the program, before finally accepting--after 9 years in AA--that it simply wasn't right for me.
What I'd hate for you to do is to go through the same unnecessary exercise I did due to an unawareness of the options. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to recover, but there are ways that are better or worse for a given individual.
You sound so much like I was 13 years ago when I quit drinking, and looking back I only wish that someone had told me I had a choice.
OTT
Maybe you should believe in God, and maybe you shouldn't. That is a personal choice and there is nothing incompatible with SMART and a belief in God; I personally believe in God.
But what is sounds like you're struggling with, and this was the struggle for me, too, during the years I spent in AA, is the notion that God (or any outside force) provides the power to get you sober. Even believing in God as I do, that perspective did not resonate with me intellectually or philosophically. What I felt I needed when I quit drinking was a way to do life differently; a better way to approach life, a better way to think, and some tools to help me deal with the cravings.
While, again, NOT to denigrate AA or those who find its approach personally helpful to them, some of us simply do not "fit" the program's philosophical underpinnings. I spent years of my life trying to make the program fit me, or myself fit the program, before finally accepting--after 9 years in AA--that it simply wasn't right for me.
What I'd hate for you to do is to go through the same unnecessary exercise I did due to an unawareness of the options. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to recover, but there are ways that are better or worse for a given individual.
You sound so much like I was 13 years ago when I quit drinking, and looking back I only wish that someone had told me I had a choice.
OTT
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New Hope, PA
Posts: 114
Hi Pigtails,
I also have questioned if there is a God many times. Can't understand if He loves all His children how can he allow so much suffering. But I amy trying to get my faith back. I have gone to a few AA meetings and have had a problem with saying Hi I am ___ and I am an alcoholic. I am powerless. I have been researching and there are programs that are not 12 Step which say they have had very high success rates. For now I am just taking it one day at a time. Meditated this morning and will go to yoga tomorrow. Grateful that I didn't drink yesterday and WILL NOT drink today. Making progress.
I also have questioned if there is a God many times. Can't understand if He loves all His children how can he allow so much suffering. But I amy trying to get my faith back. I have gone to a few AA meetings and have had a problem with saying Hi I am ___ and I am an alcoholic. I am powerless. I have been researching and there are programs that are not 12 Step which say they have had very high success rates. For now I am just taking it one day at a time. Meditated this morning and will go to yoga tomorrow. Grateful that I didn't drink yesterday and WILL NOT drink today. Making progress.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by onlythetruth
Pigtails,
Maybe you should believe in God, and maybe you shouldn't. That is a personal choice and there is nothing incompatible with SMART and a belief in God; I personally believe in God.
But what is sounds like you're struggling with, and this was the struggle for me, too, during the years I spent in AA, is the notion that God (or any outside force) provides the power to get you sober. Even believing in God as I do, that perspective did not resonate with me intellectually or philosophically. What I felt I needed when I quit drinking was a way to do life differently; a better way to approach life, a better way to think, and some tools to help me deal with the cravings.
While, again, NOT to denigrate AA or those who find its approach personally helpful to them, some of us simply do not "fit" the program's philosophical underpinnings. I spent years of my life trying to make the program fit me, or myself fit the program, before finally accepting--after 9 years in AA--that it simply wasn't right for me.
What I'd hate for you to do is to go through the same unnecessary exercise I did due to an unawareness of the options. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to recover, but there are ways that are better or worse for a given individual.
You sound so much like I was 13 years ago when I quit drinking, and looking back I only wish that someone had told me I had a choice.
OTT
Maybe you should believe in God, and maybe you shouldn't. That is a personal choice and there is nothing incompatible with SMART and a belief in God; I personally believe in God.
But what is sounds like you're struggling with, and this was the struggle for me, too, during the years I spent in AA, is the notion that God (or any outside force) provides the power to get you sober. Even believing in God as I do, that perspective did not resonate with me intellectually or philosophically. What I felt I needed when I quit drinking was a way to do life differently; a better way to approach life, a better way to think, and some tools to help me deal with the cravings.
While, again, NOT to denigrate AA or those who find its approach personally helpful to them, some of us simply do not "fit" the program's philosophical underpinnings. I spent years of my life trying to make the program fit me, or myself fit the program, before finally accepting--after 9 years in AA--that it simply wasn't right for me.
What I'd hate for you to do is to go through the same unnecessary exercise I did due to an unawareness of the options. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to recover, but there are ways that are better or worse for a given individual.
You sound so much like I was 13 years ago when I quit drinking, and looking back I only wish that someone had told me I had a choice.
OTT
I have not been able to do this yet so am interested in learning different ways of thinking... I do believe it is my thinking that is messed up. I don't see how turning to a higher power could fix that. I do feel tremendous relief in praying but I think it is more like praying to myself in that through it I can:
1. acknowledge my problem/worries (or gratefulness) (or desires) out loud [to myself or whoever I'm trying to believe in];
2. be prompted to think of specific actions I need to best accomplish what I want, and realize I can't get what I want unless I take action (even in being thankful for what I already have) and that I would be undeserving of "luck" if I didn't put effort into what I want and not take what I have for granted... the "God helps those who helps themselves" concept; and
3. feel more reassured knowing I have thought about it, decided to take action about it, and then let it go... it is no longer in my hands except that the doing of the action, or staying positive mentally etc., is in my control but as long as I can do that the rest is in the universe's/fate's/God's hands.
This really helps me with former anxious obsessive thoughts. So to me prayer is a tool I have used to help me change my thinking. Maybe that's selfish but it feels like that's what it's done for me. In a way it's like my "higher power" is the self that I want to be and know I can be if only I strive for better and stay sober.
So maybe that's what people mean when they say, pray to a doornob (which I always thought was insane, but then again, here I am praying to a God I don't think I believe in ... which is worse? At least I know the doornob exists ha ha). But I don't see how this translates to some of the AA language like, get spirituality in my life (doornob worship?), humans are empty and seeking and needing of spiritual enlightenment (from a doornob?), turn my life over to my higher power (turn my life over to a doornob??). I don't know. I mean I can only take the concept so far. I'm not trying to make fun of AA concepts and I know they work for a lot of people but they feel like stumbling blocks to me and give me more things to be confused about and obsess about. I worry that if all I believe in is the current life, the here and now, and I don't like my current life, my here and now, then how can what I believe in save me? I keep thinking it's taking the steps I need to get my life in the here and now to be what I want it to be that will save me. I do believe the power comes from within me, not from some external god or doornob (or even the group, which I was trying to use as my higher power but they are just fallible humans that can let me down as easily as I can let myself down, so, that doesn't seem like a safe bet.)
I guess my frustrations stem from knowing I have it within me to be a better person, to live a better, happier life, but sometimes failing. I can see how people think that means humans are not capable of that, but I also think that we are, we just have to learn how to do it. So yes I think this SMART group would be the right place for me. Thank you for letting me know. :-)
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by aidadeb
Hi Pigtails,
I also have questioned if there is a God many times. Can't understand if He loves all His children how can he allow so much suffering. But I amy trying to get my faith back. I have gone to a few AA meetings and have had a problem with saying Hi I am ___ and I am an alcoholic. I am powerless. I have been researching and there are programs that are not 12 Step which say they have had very high success rates. For now I am just taking it one day at a time. Meditated this morning and will go to yoga tomorrow. Grateful that I didn't drink yesterday and WILL NOT drink today. Making progress.
I also have questioned if there is a God many times. Can't understand if He loves all His children how can he allow so much suffering. But I amy trying to get my faith back. I have gone to a few AA meetings and have had a problem with saying Hi I am ___ and I am an alcoholic. I am powerless. I have been researching and there are programs that are not 12 Step which say they have had very high success rates. For now I am just taking it one day at a time. Meditated this morning and will go to yoga tomorrow. Grateful that I didn't drink yesterday and WILL NOT drink today. Making progress.
All of that being said, like you I am so desperate to turn my life around that I have often tried to believe and get my faith back or else find a faith that is more loving and in tune with my personal values and beliefs... not judgmental, forgiving, tolerant, inclusive, etc. (yeah I know Jesus was those things but not God, and I don't get/believe in the three-in-one/miracle stuff so that doesn't really help me). Anyway I have opened up to believing in God, or in anything that people tell me I should believe in, if it helps, but I just usually can't.
I think the important thing is to keep trying. I thought I had the religious issue worked out years ago but then all of this. So maybe I am just conflicted and don't know what I believe. I sure know what I *don't* believe (and now, so far, know I *can't* believe it even when I really try), but I guess I haven't found a spirituality that helps fulfill me and guide me through struggles and helps me become/stay a good person. If this is truly necessary for human beings to be happy and beat addictions than I better find something, I just don't know what. But maybe it's not truly necessary. Maybe I'm right that I'm all I've got, and it's all in me, so I better tap into it! Anyway just keep searching and most importantly staying sober. That's inspiring.
Good luck.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 17
That's a tough one. I was a social drinker until I became an anti-social drinker and started hiding it and lying about it. Now I'm at a place where I don't want to drink. Like I actually do not feel like drinking. Also, I'm afraid to drink now because I don't want to think, "Well, this isn't so bad. I guess I'm cured," and then go on a bender because, after all, I'm cured! It's just a risk that I don't want to take.
In my opinion, I'd say that it's possible for people who have had problems with alcohol to be social drinkers but I can't see too many occasions where it's so important to drink that you'd want to risk it.
But, I also think everyone is different. I think there are people who have drinking problems who aren't genetically predisposed and may not be "addicted" in a biological sense, but instead it became a behavior or a routine. I think you just have to ask yourself why having a beer or a glass of wine is so important to risk it. You have to look at it as if you're performing an experiment and this experiment has serious risks and consequences if things go wrong.
Also, if you feel it necessary to drink at social functions maybe you should talk to a doctor to find out if you have social anxiety disorder. There's no shame in that. We drinkers spend a lot of our time trying to fool ourselves one way or another. It helps to have a qualified third party tell you what they think about your motivations.
In my opinion, I'd say that it's possible for people who have had problems with alcohol to be social drinkers but I can't see too many occasions where it's so important to drink that you'd want to risk it.
But, I also think everyone is different. I think there are people who have drinking problems who aren't genetically predisposed and may not be "addicted" in a biological sense, but instead it became a behavior or a routine. I think you just have to ask yourself why having a beer or a glass of wine is so important to risk it. You have to look at it as if you're performing an experiment and this experiment has serious risks and consequences if things go wrong.
Also, if you feel it necessary to drink at social functions maybe you should talk to a doctor to find out if you have social anxiety disorder. There's no shame in that. We drinkers spend a lot of our time trying to fool ourselves one way or another. It helps to have a qualified third party tell you what they think about your motivations.
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Originally Posted by WakeUpSarah
The first 5 or so drinks were always torture for me. I hated that slightly fuzzy, too-warm feeling, and I always did my best to plow straight through them to get to my true objective: drunk. Even when I was drinking heavily I would rarely drink socially, because while I would rather be drunk than sober, I would rather be sober than buzzed. That's actually working in my favor now. I'm on day 7, and even though there are a few beers in the fridge, I haven't been tempted to touch them since my detox.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New Hope, PA
Posts: 114
Hi Everyone,
I am on my 2nd day sober and thank goodness I am not having any urges. I actually think I am afraid to drink. I don't want to binge ever again...it is just aweful. My plan is to stay on SR so I can always remind myself who I really am. However, I don't want to dwell on drinking, because that would keep me obsessing about it. I want to be like the social drinker in the aspect that I want to get to a point that I don't even think about alcohol. Had a good day and was very productive...feel good. Thanks everyone on SR for all the wonderful advice and caring...I think this support will keep me sober.
I am on my 2nd day sober and thank goodness I am not having any urges. I actually think I am afraid to drink. I don't want to binge ever again...it is just aweful. My plan is to stay on SR so I can always remind myself who I really am. However, I don't want to dwell on drinking, because that would keep me obsessing about it. I want to be like the social drinker in the aspect that I want to get to a point that I don't even think about alcohol. Had a good day and was very productive...feel good. Thanks everyone on SR for all the wonderful advice and caring...I think this support will keep me sober.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by aidadeb
Hi Everyone,
I am on my 2nd day sober and thank goodness I am not having any urges. I actually think I am afraid to drink. I don't want to binge ever again...it is just aweful. My plan is to stay on SR so I can always remind myself who I really am. However, I don't want to dwell on drinking, because that would keep me obsessing about it. I want to be like the social drinker in the aspect that I want to get to a point that I don't even think about alcohol. Had a good day and was very productive...feel good. Thanks everyone on SR for all the wonderful advice and caring...I think this support will keep me sober.
I am on my 2nd day sober and thank goodness I am not having any urges. I actually think I am afraid to drink. I don't want to binge ever again...it is just aweful. My plan is to stay on SR so I can always remind myself who I really am. However, I don't want to dwell on drinking, because that would keep me obsessing about it. I want to be like the social drinker in the aspect that I want to get to a point that I don't even think about alcohol. Had a good day and was very productive...feel good. Thanks everyone on SR for all the wonderful advice and caring...I think this support will keep me sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New Hope, PA
Posts: 114
Hi Pigtails,
I think maybe you should come up with a plan. It doesn't have to be AA or God...just something that works for you. I have been on this site constantly for the past 5 days and I haven't felt this good in a very long time. I think I may have found what works for me because I seriously am afraid to drink. Today I thought about if I would ever drink again and at the moment I don't think so. But I do think I need to stay on SR to continue to feel this way. I will have to remind myself what my last binge felt like. I hope you find what will work for you real soon. I may be a newbie to SR but certainly no newbie to drinking. Good Luck!!!
I think maybe you should come up with a plan. It doesn't have to be AA or God...just something that works for you. I have been on this site constantly for the past 5 days and I haven't felt this good in a very long time. I think I may have found what works for me because I seriously am afraid to drink. Today I thought about if I would ever drink again and at the moment I don't think so. But I do think I need to stay on SR to continue to feel this way. I will have to remind myself what my last binge felt like. I hope you find what will work for you real soon. I may be a newbie to SR but certainly no newbie to drinking. Good Luck!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by aidadeb
Hi Pigtails,
I think maybe you should come up with a plan. It doesn't have to be AA or God...just something that works for you. I have been on this site constantly for the past 5 days and I haven't felt this good in a very long time. I think I may have found what works for me because I seriously am afraid to drink. Today I thought about if I would ever drink again and at the moment I don't think so. But I do think I need to stay on SR to continue to feel this way. I will have to remind myself what my last binge felt like. I hope you find what will work for you real soon. I may be a newbie to SR but certainly no newbie to drinking. Good Luck!!!
I think maybe you should come up with a plan. It doesn't have to be AA or God...just something that works for you. I have been on this site constantly for the past 5 days and I haven't felt this good in a very long time. I think I may have found what works for me because I seriously am afraid to drink. Today I thought about if I would ever drink again and at the moment I don't think so. But I do think I need to stay on SR to continue to feel this way. I will have to remind myself what my last binge felt like. I hope you find what will work for you real soon. I may be a newbie to SR but certainly no newbie to drinking. Good Luck!!!
Sorry, I just saw your last message. What kind of a plan do you have? I do need a plan. I go back and forth thinking I have this huge problem and then thinking I am overly self-critical and just need to moderate. I understand that denial/desire to drink normally/control it are huge facets of the disease. I do understand that once a pickle, I can never go back to being a cucumber. I guess I'm just not sure if I'm a pickle yet. I guess no plan will work for me until I'm 100% sure I'm an alcoholic and/or 100% determined to never drink again, and, I'm not there yet, I still want to think I'll be okay. :-/ Thank you for your input, I agree I need a plan but am not sure what to do. I too have bouts of reading obsessively on SR but then when I go back into "the real world" I think I'm just fine. It's crazy. So I'm wondering what you do that works for you. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Edmonton, Alberta.
Posts: 398
This question raged in my head for about 15 years.
Finally: No, never, no way, absolutely not.
By way of example - my final binge started with a single glass of champagne sipped from a beautiful glass to 'celebrate something wonderful. 2 months later, my house was knee-deep in bottles, and I was seeing my dead father walking around the flat.
To me, even entering into that debate is a red light.
Finally: No, never, no way, absolutely not.
By way of example - my final binge started with a single glass of champagne sipped from a beautiful glass to 'celebrate something wonderful. 2 months later, my house was knee-deep in bottles, and I was seeing my dead father walking around the flat.
To me, even entering into that debate is a red light.
Last edited by sobermax; 07-31-2011 at 10:22 PM. Reason: poor choice of word!
Programmaddict
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: God's Hands
Posts: 217
Originally Posted by Pigtails
Hi Adiadeb,
I go back and forth thinking I have this huge problem and then thinking I am overly self-critical and just need to moderate. I understand that denial/desire to drink normally/control it are huge facets of the disease. I do understand that once a pickle, I can never go back to being a cucumber. I guess I'm just not sure if I'm a pickle yet. I guess no plan will work for me until I'm 100% sure I'm an alcoholic and/or 100% determined to never drink again, and, I'm not there yet, I still want to think I'll be okay. :-/ Thank you for your input, I agree I need a plan but am not sure what to do. I too have bouts of reading obsessively on SR but then when I go back into "the real world" I think I'm just fine. It's crazy. So I'm wondering what you do that works for you. Thanks.
I go back and forth thinking I have this huge problem and then thinking I am overly self-critical and just need to moderate. I understand that denial/desire to drink normally/control it are huge facets of the disease. I do understand that once a pickle, I can never go back to being a cucumber. I guess I'm just not sure if I'm a pickle yet. I guess no plan will work for me until I'm 100% sure I'm an alcoholic and/or 100% determined to never drink again, and, I'm not there yet, I still want to think I'll be okay. :-/ Thank you for your input, I agree I need a plan but am not sure what to do. I too have bouts of reading obsessively on SR but then when I go back into "the real world" I think I'm just fine. It's crazy. So I'm wondering what you do that works for you. Thanks.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Pigtails:
I would like you to do something for me--nothing hard, just this. Please list the 5 things in your life that are most important to you. Mine are:
My family
My health (mental and physical)
My friendships
Financial security
My career
Yours may be different--I'm just giving you an example and sharing my own. If you'll do this for me, I promise, I will tell you what I am getting at.
Thanks,
OTT
I would like you to do something for me--nothing hard, just this. Please list the 5 things in your life that are most important to you. Mine are:
My family
My health (mental and physical)
My friendships
Financial security
My career
Yours may be different--I'm just giving you an example and sharing my own. If you'll do this for me, I promise, I will tell you what I am getting at.
Thanks,
OTT
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,960
Non alcoholics who "have headaches" KNOW it's a hangover as a "hangover" is the aftereffects of consuming alcohol! Alcohol has a strong effect on the body.
Alcoholics suffer worse hangovers 'cause we consume more, damage our bodies more, and suffer from blackouts (what did I do? I said that, I don't remember saying that" to waking up in odd circumstance and having horrendous consequences. It takes 1 hour or more for our body to expell each ounce of alcohol consume, so I drank 6 12 ounce cans a night, 72 ounces, taking 72 hours or
3 days to expell. Since I did it every night, my body (me) was Constantly drunk! !
I never drank socially and Today I know I can never take even 1 drink ever again. I surrendered!
I am content today.
Alcoholics suffer worse hangovers 'cause we consume more, damage our bodies more, and suffer from blackouts (what did I do? I said that, I don't remember saying that" to waking up in odd circumstance and having horrendous consequences. It takes 1 hour or more for our body to expell each ounce of alcohol consume, so I drank 6 12 ounce cans a night, 72 ounces, taking 72 hours or
3 days to expell. Since I did it every night, my body (me) was Constantly drunk! !
I never drank socially and Today I know I can never take even 1 drink ever again. I surrendered!
I am content today.
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
Full on surrender here too! My wife asked me if I thought I can drink now and again for special occassions etc. My answer is: would you rather see me have a drink occasionally and take the chance that I wind up wasted or know for a fact I will always be sober?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by onlythetruth
Pigtails:
I would like you to do something for me--nothing hard, just this. Please list the 5 things in your life that are most important to you. Mine are:
My family
My health (mental and physical)
My friendships
Financial security
My career
Yours may be different--I'm just giving you an example and sharing my own. If you'll do this for me, I promise, I will tell you what I am getting at.
Thanks,
OTT
I would like you to do something for me--nothing hard, just this. Please list the 5 things in your life that are most important to you. Mine are:
My family
My health (mental and physical)
My friendships
Financial security
My career
Yours may be different--I'm just giving you an example and sharing my own. If you'll do this for me, I promise, I will tell you what I am getting at.
Thanks,
OTT
1. My relationships with people: family and friends
2. My pets
3. Writing
4. My career
5. My physical and especially emotional health/ well-being
I'm not sure they're always in that order of importance.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 89
I don't think I could ever be a social drinker again. Like others have said, what is the point of one drink. I'm not normal and I can't be satisfied with that. So I'm either going to be dissatisfied and wasted my sobriety on one sorry glass, or I am going to keep drinking until I'm trashed. No thanks.
Pigtails, many posts back you asked if anyone who drank until they were drunk/hungover the next day was an alcoholic. Maybe yes, maybe no, but definitely they have a problem with drinking. And I think anyone who takes shots has a drinking problem. There is no clearer sign of someone who is drinking to get drunk than someone who takes shots. They're not even enjoying the drink, they're just forcing it into their body as fast as possible. I always made the sign of the cross at shots until the last few months of my drinking, and then it was anything goes. That should have been a clear sign that I had a problem.
As for social drinking being the focus of many events - like others have said, it's not really. It's only the focus to those of us who have drinking problems. Personally even when I was drinking I would not drink at business get togethers for fear of getting drunk in front of coworkers or bosses. (Since I knew it was hard for me to stop at one.) Looking around, about half the people are not drinking. Sure, they are the ones collecting their coats first to go home and watch that taped episode of Jeopardy, but is that really so bad? It's better than the person who gets trashed and is dancing like a fool in front of the band.
And if people are encouraging you to drink after you've already told them you are trying not to, then A) They are not a good friend; and/or B) They are trying to make themselves feel better about their own drinking problem. People who do not have drinking problems do not feel the need to bully others into drinking with them. I say this from experience, having been bullied about drinking before. It's aggravating and very trying for a newly sober person. The best thing to do, if you are on the fence about your sobriety, is to avoid social situations with alcohol for the time being.
Yes, I understand why you have that battle in your head of "I'm an alcoholic, I can never drink again" and "I'm being too hard on myself, I just got in a drinking rut, I can start fresh and just drink like a normal person." I struggled with that for the first half of this year before I became totally sober. Everyone wants to be "normal". Little diabetic kids sneak candy. People with severe motion sickness try to ride roller coasters anyway. But we have to be smart and strong and not do things that destroy us.
Pigtails, many posts back you asked if anyone who drank until they were drunk/hungover the next day was an alcoholic. Maybe yes, maybe no, but definitely they have a problem with drinking. And I think anyone who takes shots has a drinking problem. There is no clearer sign of someone who is drinking to get drunk than someone who takes shots. They're not even enjoying the drink, they're just forcing it into their body as fast as possible. I always made the sign of the cross at shots until the last few months of my drinking, and then it was anything goes. That should have been a clear sign that I had a problem.
As for social drinking being the focus of many events - like others have said, it's not really. It's only the focus to those of us who have drinking problems. Personally even when I was drinking I would not drink at business get togethers for fear of getting drunk in front of coworkers or bosses. (Since I knew it was hard for me to stop at one.) Looking around, about half the people are not drinking. Sure, they are the ones collecting their coats first to go home and watch that taped episode of Jeopardy, but is that really so bad? It's better than the person who gets trashed and is dancing like a fool in front of the band.
And if people are encouraging you to drink after you've already told them you are trying not to, then A) They are not a good friend; and/or B) They are trying to make themselves feel better about their own drinking problem. People who do not have drinking problems do not feel the need to bully others into drinking with them. I say this from experience, having been bullied about drinking before. It's aggravating and very trying for a newly sober person. The best thing to do, if you are on the fence about your sobriety, is to avoid social situations with alcohol for the time being.
Yes, I understand why you have that battle in your head of "I'm an alcoholic, I can never drink again" and "I'm being too hard on myself, I just got in a drinking rut, I can start fresh and just drink like a normal person." I struggled with that for the first half of this year before I became totally sober. Everyone wants to be "normal". Little diabetic kids sneak candy. People with severe motion sickness try to ride roller coasters anyway. But we have to be smart and strong and not do things that destroy us.
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