loveon2legs

Wouldn't even want to go there to try.....been down that road......life is so much better without it...

anew

Nope.

aidadeb

Hi Pigtails,I think that there are a lot of social drinkers that are in denial. I have a friend who gets totally drunk every weekend, but dosen't drink during the week, so he doesn't think he has a problem. I think anyone who frequents bars regularly for entertainment has a drinking problem. So I totally share your view on this. I will be staying away from the bars for a while. Thanks for your advice.

aidadeb

Again thanks for the insight. I guess the best way to handle this is to try to stop obsessing over alcohol and stay sober. I am hoping that after a few weeks I won't think about it that much. I quit smoking cold turkey, so I should be able to quit drinking. I guess I need to reprogram the way I think about alcohol. If I can do that I should be okay.

Pigtails

I'm glad I can help, because I am stumbling my way through this. Maybe there are different levels or degrees, or maybe because it's progressive, it starts out innocously enough but then blows up.

Because I have frequented bars quite regularly for entertainment for at least the last 8 years, I guess my circle of friends are those who have done the same, and I never noticed I had a problem, or they might, until recently. Then it is so hard to get out of that lifestyle once it is what you know.

I read on SR about people who are secret drinkers at home alone, or people who never have anyone question them about not drinking. My experience is so different. More recently I started drinking at home, such as before going out, while getting ready, or once I got home and wasn't done drinking, or even sometimes while cleaning the house... it was when I absent mindedly grabbed a beer while at home during my lunch break from work-- because I had come home to clean up the house before having people over later for dinner, and that's what I had gotten used to doing while cleaning-- that I started to realize how much of a problem it had become. But for me it was more the social aspect of drinking, the going out and getting sloshed and thinking I was the life of the party when I was probably just the obnoxious drunk, and now that I have been trying to not drink, I face huge amounts of social pressure.

People that (I don't think) have a drinking problem don't understand why I have to change so drastically. It makes me question whether I really do. My sister advises just not drinking during the weekdays. She says I'm too hard on myself. She likes to go out to bars sometimes, and sometimes gets drunk, especially on vacations... does this mean she has a drinking problem too? I know it's not my job to worry about her (except that I care about her a lot) and that if she doesn't think she has a drinking problem (she says she doesn't), then, who am I to think differently. But it's just that these are the kinds of things I think about, that kind of stand in my way because I keep thinking, well, this person has made a fool of themselves in the past before when drunk, but they don't think they need to stop drinking, why do I? Why can't I go out and have fun with them like I always did? I DO realize in the same part of my head that it wasn't really that fun, that I would rather have more meaningful conversations and spend my time more wisely, but in the head of the moment the insane part of my brain takes over and I just want to go do what I'm used to doing.

I agree it's probably a wise idea to avoid bars for awhile. I always think, wow, the purpose of a bar is to sit there and drink. That's kind of crazy when you really think about it. So much money and time being spent on drinking, when there are better things to do, but bars always seem so attractive to me for some stupid reason.

miamifella

Most normal people make sure not to drink so much they get hangovers. I would bet that if someone finds themselves hung over every few weeks or months, then they have a problem.

I recently went to a wedding and about a dozen of us met the next day for brunch. NONE of them are alcoholics. Two did not drink at the wedding and those who did said they felt a little tired--but no headaches, pains or trouble getting up. They described themselves as "hung-over"--but we all went to the park and most of us played hopscotch with some neighborhood kids. Not the same kind of incapacitating thing that alcoholics call a hangover.

Pigtails

I feel the exact same way, except that I've tried to quit cold turkey and it's been much harder for me than I thought it would be, leading me to realize what a problem I have with it.

I've never smoked or quit anything cold turkey, so, maybe you will have better strength at quitting alcohol cold turkey than I have. For me I've realized it's not alcohol itself that is the problem but my mental thought processes and obsessions about it. I used it to cope with my emotions and change who I was. I'm not sure if tobacco is used the same way or more for just the physical feeling that becomes an addiction. I guesss I can't speak to that. For me I did not realize what a huge struggle I would have not drinking. I find this thread relevant because a lot of my issues stem from wanting to be "normal" and be able to drink socially when really I'm realizing that's not how my relationship is with alcohol. It was easy to use it under the guise of being social when really I was using it to self-medicate and for more than social purposes. But at the same time I struggle with the social pressure and making such huge lifestyle changes. So it's like a cyclical problem for me.

I wish you all the best, let me know how it goes because I am still trying.

Pigtails

Good points. My hangovers became more depressing, more debilitating not really physically but mentally, and that was another sign that I had a problem.

I do know people, my friends and sister, who occasionally get very bad hangovers to the point of needing to lay in bed all day or thinking they have alcohol poisoning. So again I'm not sure if this is an indicator of an alcohol problem. You make a good point that the frequency of these hangovers is probably a good sign. But it seems to me that the intensity and frequency of hangovers is individual to each person. I have one friend who is an admitted alcoholic-- drinks pretty much every day, binge drinks a lot, blacks out a lot, admittedly drinks to cope with her problems but doesn't want to change-- and she never, ever gets hangovers, or at least is very convincing that she doesn't. She pops up early in the morning and talks a lot and is ready to go. :-O Then with some of my friends, they'll get pretty bad hangovers when they haven't had that much to drink the night before, or no hangovers or mild hangovers when they haven't. I've been the same way in the past. So it seems unpredictable.

Oatmeal

Not possible for me. I've been down that road twice and I can't do it. As far as I've come this time though, I don't know how I could live with myself if I took another drink. In my mind, it's like choosing to live or die.

Over my lifetime, I've seen my dad quit numerous times, each time he'll get clean for several years and eventually it starts by having "a" glass of wine with friends. A few years later he's back in the same sinking boat he was in before.

Itchy

aidadeb,
Congrats on your half day!

The answer to your question is moot now that you are detoxing and getting a run at sobriety.

Your last post made a lot more sense than the first one above. However we will be here for support, you have to do the heavy lifting. We can only advise and answer questions as you go through detox and any PAWS. For me havinmg someone to point the way and tell me what to expect next was a Godsend.

I look forward to your posts here as you go.

aidadeb

Hi Pigtails,
I just want to share my experience with you. If you are drinking at lunch and then having friends over for dinner and drinking again you probably don't want to drink. I started drinking during the day and it turned in binge drinking...drunk for days. I don't think you would want to end up there. I know at this moment I have a terrible drinking problem and I have to stop and stay away from alcohol, bars and social settings that include alcohol. I don't drink in front of my daughter, because she knows I have a problem. So when we have gatherings I don't drink and it's funny that I don't miss it. Go figure...my drinking problem is obviously very complicated. I hope you figure it all out.

Pigtails

Thank you, Aidadeb.

I suppose I am grateful that my alcohol problem got that bad that it forced me to wake up and take a look at it. At the same time, I never experienced any horribly bad consequences such as arrests or getting fired, so, sometimes it's easy to think "I wasn't that bad." Still, when I really think about it, I'm grateful I had wake-up calls without serious consequences. And honestly I do think I had consequences that weren't as noticeable except over time-- erosion of my self-esteem, adding onto my depression and anxiety, not being able to focus at work, never being content/happy, choosing to drink instead of addressing issues in my relationship, staying in said relationship too long and then ending it the wrong way, all because I'd rather go drink than focus on the issues.

In terms of social drinking, I like the analogy of it being an elevator going down. We can get off at any point but if we don't it will take us all the way down, and if we get off and get back on, we pick up on the same floor we left off on, and it seems to go even faster down! I have noticed that when I don't drink for awhile and then I drink again, it is even worse than before. Either I end up doing something really stupid, just when I thought I didn't want to do anything stupid due to drinking anymore, or I just drink with much more intensity and frequency when I do drink, like you said... I will go on seemingly week-end long binges because my mind kind of rebels and thinks, okay, you didn't let me drink all week, now I'm going to get my fix. It's not a godo way to be, I need consistency. I made it ten days before, and then five, and then four. Sadly the number of days are decreasing. So I need to get serious and stick it out. Today is my day 2 again and I have the next 21 days planned out so that I don't drink (I obsess about it like that... I feel like I need to have a plan or I cave with social pressure).

aidadeb

Hi Itchy,
Thanks for telling me you will be there and support me through this aweful time. I need the support and already feel better thanks to all the kind people on this site. Wish me luck cause I am going to try really hard.

aidadeb

HI Pigtails,
Let's keep in touch on this site...I think we can help each other, since we have such similar drinking problems. It is good to know that someone understands what you are going through. Well I am going to work now...today is the first day of the rest of my life and I'm going to live it sober.

Itchy

BTW lots of posts since I wrote that.

Pigtails, the answer to your question is simple. You already said you had trouble quitting and realized you had a problem. What are you still questioning? I quit both a three pack a day habit smoking cigarettes and a heavy alcohol problem 10 months ago and don't regret it nor look back nor expect to start either again as one smoke or one drink and it will take me another 20 years to get straight.

My grown two boys said I didn't have a problem I just needed to cut back. My wife who still drinks moderately but every night has her two heavy drinks was astounded at my quitting both at the same time, also said I just needed to moderate. I checked in a hospital for a 7 day medically supervised detox anyway despite all the reassurances I knew I was in trouble. We are still together but our relationship has changed a bit. I don't participate in nightly loud "discussions."

See I never stumbled or slurred I just drank 2-3 drinks an hour, steady, from 8 am to midnite daily 7 days a week. That is 16 hours and at least 30 drinks. I drank to stay normal at the end, but then the shaking got so bad and my daily swollen tired body was getting broken down. But my tolerance was amazing. I did not drive as the alcohol tests would be way over the limit but I probably could have driven as well as sober.

Just before quitting for good I was almost unable to abvoid the first shots in my coffees to go for an appointment at the VA or Doc's. NOw there is still scotch oin the house and my wife also still smokes so there is a carton of those in the house as well. I am alone now at home with them. Am I tempted? Not one bit, and never even think about them except when here posting. Many say that would be too much for them to be able to handle. So I am different I guess, because I am now a non-drinker and a non-smoker and no one needs to join me, approve of me, or dictate what I should or should not do and no one does. Just me. I am old enough to be the parent of many here, so I am not able to blame parents sopuses teachers, school, children, or whatever. Nor would I want to blame someone or something for what I do with the hand at the end of my arm, and what I eat, drink, say or do.

I have decided to quit drinking and smoking for me. Not for anybody else.

One day I might decide to drink alcohol again and smoke again. It will be because I want to die and that will hasten it along without being overtly suicide. Plenty of people have set up the perfect alibi for me too, the concept of relapse. There are only two problems with that scenario. First I am not nor ever will be suicidal. Secondly while I could not control alcohol, I can control sobriety because it is in the palm of my hand, the one I won't allow to pick up any alcoholic drink or smoke ever again.

Nirvana1

Please understand that you need to stop taking what all your drinking friends have to say as gospel. When you approach people who drink heavy and tell them you've stopped, do you really think they are gonna come out and say,"yea I drink alone, at work, blackout, etc"? No. They are going to give examples how they don't have a problem.

The point is you need to stop comparing yourself to others because you will never know to the extent of what it's really like for them. Only worry about how alcohol effects you and make a decision based on your own understanding.

SDSurfn

Quoted for truth.

JennaRose

I'm only 23 and it is hard for myself and my family to accept that my problem is bad enough to the point where I have to decide to never drink again, but thats where I'm at.

I am an alcoholic and in order to be healthy I can never drink again. If I drink again I start over on recovery but can never go back.

I dont want to be a social drinker I want to be okay with not being a social drinker, or any kind of drinker at all for that matter.

Its not easy, but the struggle is worth the reward I think. My pride grows with each sober day...why would i want to go back?

I just started on this site too, its very helpful- I haven't slept in a couple days now (benzo withdrawal) and having a place to go at all hours takes away some of the craziness. Good Luck to you and best wishes!

Pigtails

Okay sounds like a good plan.

Good luck! Stay strong and let me know how it goes.

Pigtails

The last paragraph is scary. I guess I never thought I would die because of it, just that my life will be better without it. Thank you for the sobering (no pun intended) thoughts.