Where do I go now?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 96
Where do I go now?
Well, I guess I am not really "new" to recovery anymore. I'm at 56 days. I actually had to go to my calendar to check to see what day it was as I am not really counting anymore (boy, those first few weeks I sure did). I'll hit my 45th birthday next week and celebrate it sober.
It's not really a struggle anymore on a day to day basis to not drink. There are still some occasions that I skip because, well, it's hard for me to imagine me going and NOT drinking. So I stay away from those. But on the whole, life has rolled on. I have started therapy, and am working on finding new ways to address the feelings (resentments, fears, yeah, that list) that made it easy to pick up a drink every day.
So far, though, I've not had any amazing revelations. I keep waiting to figure out something that will really help me move forward - I feel like I hit the "pause" button when I stopped drinking. I stopped the pattern of my old life but I don't have a new one. I have also realized that in an interesting way, unwinding with alcohol in the evenings helped me to cope with really stressful multi-tasking filled days. . .and now I am having a harder time managing the same number of different things going on. I just seem to have a decreased tolerance for complexity, which is odd. I thought I would gain MORE capacity, more energy, more clarity. But so far, not so much.
This section of the forum helped me tremendously during those first few weeks when I was really struggling - felt like there were a lot of people dealing with the same issues I was, and people who had been there, done that. But I feel like everyone hit 60 or 90 days and got better and left. And I am not getting better, or at least it's so slow that it's not noticeable. Just feel like I am. . .still pausing.
I feel kind of alone in my experience right now. I am happy for those that seem to have found peace after a few weeks of sobriety. Perhaps I didn't hit enough of a bottom to be relieved at where I am now? I just don't know but want to feel better than this.
Thanks for listening. Don't really know where else to take this.
It's not really a struggle anymore on a day to day basis to not drink. There are still some occasions that I skip because, well, it's hard for me to imagine me going and NOT drinking. So I stay away from those. But on the whole, life has rolled on. I have started therapy, and am working on finding new ways to address the feelings (resentments, fears, yeah, that list) that made it easy to pick up a drink every day.
So far, though, I've not had any amazing revelations. I keep waiting to figure out something that will really help me move forward - I feel like I hit the "pause" button when I stopped drinking. I stopped the pattern of my old life but I don't have a new one. I have also realized that in an interesting way, unwinding with alcohol in the evenings helped me to cope with really stressful multi-tasking filled days. . .and now I am having a harder time managing the same number of different things going on. I just seem to have a decreased tolerance for complexity, which is odd. I thought I would gain MORE capacity, more energy, more clarity. But so far, not so much.
This section of the forum helped me tremendously during those first few weeks when I was really struggling - felt like there were a lot of people dealing with the same issues I was, and people who had been there, done that. But I feel like everyone hit 60 or 90 days and got better and left. And I am not getting better, or at least it's so slow that it's not noticeable. Just feel like I am. . .still pausing.
I feel kind of alone in my experience right now. I am happy for those that seem to have found peace after a few weeks of sobriety. Perhaps I didn't hit enough of a bottom to be relieved at where I am now? I just don't know but want to feel better than this.
Thanks for listening. Don't really know where else to take this.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
56 days sober is itself better. Give yourself credit. As to finding new things to do, what were some of the old things you did before drink took over? Maybe there are good things you can pick back up?
Guest
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
At June 06 I was at 60 days. I was feeling exactly like you are. As a matter of fact, I posted something about being on auto pilot. Dumb a$$ me without thinking bought a small bottle of vodka that day. Drank hard for 3 weeks. I am now on day 13 again. I was getting restless. I was expecting something wonderful. Sharp mind, sunnier skies. I don't know what I was expecting. I got complacent. This time I am doing AA. Find something that peaks your interest. Find a hobby. Join a group. SR has different areas to post. Look around. Great job on day 59. Something to be proud of
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 32
Now is as critical a time as the first few days - I have been there a couple times. What can you differently this time to not go back? Maybe remind yourself why you did this, and the problems a relapse would create. Or hopefully you have some fail-safes that prevent it. Talking about it is one - so thanks for sharing. I have been there. Remind yourself why you started and look for a signal in your life to follow.
These are all things I know I am going to have to face myself...again. I guess accept the fact that you feel this way - you are aware of it, so that is the BEST.
These are all things I know I am going to have to face myself...again. I guess accept the fact that you feel this way - you are aware of it, so that is the BEST.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 96
Thanks angel.
I don't want to get complacent. I can see that would be an easy slippery slope to slide on down.
I want to get back into the things I used to really love doing. Just seem to lack the energy. Nights are hard, since I am an outdoor activity kind of person. Wish I really liked knitting, or something.
I don't want to get complacent. I can see that would be an easy slippery slope to slide on down.
I want to get back into the things I used to really love doing. Just seem to lack the energy. Nights are hard, since I am an outdoor activity kind of person. Wish I really liked knitting, or something.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
I didn't find peace in a few weeks, because I had a lot of shame and guilt to deal with. But, my life did get better because I was no longer focused on drinking and I got back to doing things that I enjoyed - reading, walking, watching movies, etc.
Like you, for the most part I managed to get a lot done when I was drinking, except for the last few months when I became very isolated. I do less in recovery, but enjoy it far more. I realized that I was living my life by other people's standards, thinking I had to be doing so many things. I have found that I cherish and require quiet time with myself every day.
Like you, for the most part I managed to get a lot done when I was drinking, except for the last few months when I became very isolated. I do less in recovery, but enjoy it far more. I realized that I was living my life by other people's standards, thinking I had to be doing so many things. I have found that I cherish and require quiet time with myself every day.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: valleyview alberta
Posts: 43
Aw man ----- I just wrote a book and then it blipped out and was gone before I could post it. It was good stuff too.
Anyway, destressing in the evening, no energy, don't know what to do now, that whole pause button thing. That's me all the way. I'm 44 and drank from oh about 4 seconds from getting home (oil-patch truck driver). Days off saw me with a drink from noon till bed time. It was what I did. I've been sober about 11 days now and I don't know what to do with myself.
I know this is no help and not anywhere near as good as the first one (the one that got away) but, I wanted you to know you are not alone. Like wise it is good to see I am not alone.
Anyway, destressing in the evening, no energy, don't know what to do now, that whole pause button thing. That's me all the way. I'm 44 and drank from oh about 4 seconds from getting home (oil-patch truck driver). Days off saw me with a drink from noon till bed time. It was what I did. I've been sober about 11 days now and I don't know what to do with myself.
I know this is no help and not anywhere near as good as the first one (the one that got away) but, I wanted you to know you are not alone. Like wise it is good to see I am not alone.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 96
Originally Posted by willowwalt 
Now is as critical a time as the first few days - I have been there a couple times. What can you differently this time to not go back? Maybe remind yourself why you did this, and the problems a relapse would create. Or hopefully you have some fail-safes that prevent it. Talking about it is one - so thanks for sharing. I have been there. Remind yourself why you started and look for a signal in your life to follow.
These are all things I know I am going to have to face myself...again. I guess accept the fact that you feel this way - you are aware of it, so that is the BEST.
These are all things I know I am going to have to face myself...again. I guess accept the fact that you feel this way - you are aware of it, so that is the BEST.
Your post made me realize I am kind of watching my life from outside right now, and it's like a movie I'm not really all that engaged in. Hmmm.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 393
Hi Daisy. I'm where you are, in abstaining, and feel the same way. I don't have answers yet, but I am 100% sure we're in the right direction. I have read 1000's of posts from many people with great experience, and the common denominator is time. 56 days is wonderful, I'm at 72. They say 3-8 months until we get to where your talking about. The other way wasn't working, so we'll stay with this. Best wishes.
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 647
Originally Posted by lovingit
Hi Daisy. I'm where you are, in abstaining, and feel the same way. I don't have answers yet, but I am 100% sure we're in the right direction. I have read 1000's of posts from many people with great experience, and the common denominator is time. 56 days is wonderful, I'm at 72. They say 3-8 months until we get to where your talking about. The other way wasn't working, so we'll stay with this. Best wishes.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New Hope, PA
Posts: 114
Hi Daisy, I once quit drinking for 60 days and I think I felt worse. I'm hoping this time I will feel better. I am going to try some holistic methods and hope that will help lift my depression. Keep going so you will only have to do this once and I hope your mood gets better real soon!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New York
Posts: 11
Hello"Daisy" I am new her and have been exactly where you are.I hope I can mention AA and it"s content.If not ,please let me know.When I was where you are at.I was told by some members of AA and my sponsor that moral psychology was of urgent importance to us,complete the 12 steps diligently and thoroughly.Clean house and help others,sometimes being half way through the process you will be relieved of the discontent etc.Raise your hand and share what you have and then get someone who works right out of the BB of AA/NA .The book states "at once" we commence to do these things,just to avoid where you are at...clear your mind,make a commitment,clean house and work with others,PS it is only when I stopped doing these things to maintain sobriety ,I surely relapsed
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
ADaisyifyodo, (always think of Doc in Tombstone when I see that !?! 
)
Are there any outdoor activities you can look into at night ?
The whole mental/physical approach seems to work better (for me) ...as far as progression.
Congrats on your upcoming 45th B-day SOBER !!
7
)Are there any outdoor activities you can look into at night ?
The whole mental/physical approach seems to work better (for me) ...as far as progression.
Congrats on your upcoming 45th B-day SOBER !!
7
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Originally Posted by ADaisyifyoudo
. . .and now I am having a harder time managing the same number of different things going on. I just seem to have a decreased tolerance for complexity, which is odd. I thought I would gain MORE capacity, more energy, more clarity. But so far, not so much.
Congrats on your 56 days. What you are experiencing is PAWs - post acute withdrawal from alcohol. I thought it was BS & that I wasn't really affected by the amount of alcohol that I drank. Not so. It takes many months for your central nervous system to fully recover once you quit, as long as 18 months according to the books I read. Most of it will occur in the first 3-6 months and the rest gradually, so keep at it - this keeps getting better.
So, don't feel like you are missing the boat, you're right on schedule. Be patient with yourself, this is so worth the time and effort!
Good luck & congrats!
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Like Anna it took me a lot longer than 6 weeks to find peace...it was 3 months before I felt 'normal'...a lot of those early days I knew my life was better...I was sober, I fell less, my life was more productive, I was getting healthier again... but I didn't really 'feel' all that...I felt a little like a newborn, having to relearn basically everything again from scratch
some days, I just had to trust those here who told me to stick with it...things would get better...and they did.
I think I drank so hard for so long it literally took me months to recover to the point where I could feel again.
I know it's tempting, but try not to judge your progress by the progress of others.
We share a common problem, but if there's ever a journey that's uniquely individual, I think recovery is it.
No offense to Eddie but I'm not a Dr - I won't state that you're suffering from PAWs - but I do think you may get something out of the link if you haven't read it before -
http://digital-dharma.net/addiction/...r-immediately/
All in all, you're sober, you want to stay that way, you're becoming ever more self aware...
and you have 56 days and a birthday coming up - it all sounds pretty good to me
aDaisy
D
some days, I just had to trust those here who told me to stick with it...things would get better...and they did.
I think I drank so hard for so long it literally took me months to recover to the point where I could feel again.
I know it's tempting, but try not to judge your progress by the progress of others.
We share a common problem, but if there's ever a journey that's uniquely individual, I think recovery is it.
No offense to Eddie but I'm not a Dr - I won't state that you're suffering from PAWs - but I do think you may get something out of the link if you haven't read it before -
http://digital-dharma.net/addiction/...r-immediately/
All in all, you're sober, you want to stay that way, you're becoming ever more self aware...
and you have 56 days and a birthday coming up - it all sounds pretty good to me
aDaisy
D
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
daisy - one thing to also keep in mind is that right around (usually right before) those milestones seem to be a "funky" time...... I experienced it especially at both 30 and 60 days.
I often felt days like that the first 6 or 8 months of sobriety. Things would seem lackluster or I'd get down (for whatever reason). Often those were the times right before I had real positive streak where things seemed better than ever.
It might be PAWS or it might be old issues coming to the surface, or it might be any number of things...... (an underlying depression even). Maybe you're just wanting more in your life (which is a really positive thing). If you're staying sober, you're doing something right, and I agree that 56 days is still really early. Hugs going out to you...... (remember to be your best friend and take it one day at a time).
I often felt days like that the first 6 or 8 months of sobriety. Things would seem lackluster or I'd get down (for whatever reason). Often those were the times right before I had real positive streak where things seemed better than ever.
It might be PAWS or it might be old issues coming to the surface, or it might be any number of things...... (an underlying depression even). Maybe you're just wanting more in your life (which is a really positive thing). If you're staying sober, you're doing something right, and I agree that 56 days is still really early. Hugs going out to you...... (remember to be your best friend and take it one day at a time).
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Join Date: Jun 2011
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Originally Posted by topspin
ADaisyifyodo, (always think of Doc in Tombstone when I see that !?! )
)
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