gibson3479

SO I was doing so great. ....even up until yesterday afternoon which was day 6 and my husband and I spent the day doing some work for our business and yard work.I was feeling great and energetic.....Then around 4ish my husband starts hinting about wanting a cold beer.....anyways I ended up convincing myself it was OK to drink a couple....even after Ive told myself all week I would NEVER drink even 1 again......I drank 4 and by number 4 I found my mind thinking the same obsessive thoughts I normally do...I realized what an idiot I was being and I broke...I started crying and could not stop...I wanted to blame him but I know it was my choice he just enabled it...I had the biggest emotional breakdown Ive ever had (Im sure the beer didnt help it any).
My husband eventually broke too and started crying (he only drank 2 beers) and kept apologizing for "talking me into it" and he went back inside of our house and walked out with the remainder of the beer box and took them strait to the trash....then held me and kept saying how sorry he was that he promises we wont do that again ,and that the staying sober thing is going to be hard for him too but he realizes that is something we BOTH need to do...
I dont expect him to stick to that.I told him I cant blame him ,I let myself down....again.I woke up today with the worse headache (from crying Im sure not the 4 beers) and full of disappointment and regret.Everytime I think I have myself under control I give in.Ive literally cried so much today while trying to figure out my next step.....I keep making myself promises not to drink again and then the right temptation and Im back at it.
My mind is so foggy again today from it all....I knwo 1 day of slipping doesnt need to stop me from moving foward with trying to reach sobriety but it shows me how weak I am to it.....What do I do from here?
Im thinking of tomorrow morning starting a 3-5 day detox cleansing diet...for more reasons than just the alcohol....I feel like I need to refresh my body....so if nayone has any tips on that please let me know...Ive found several types but IM not sure which one is right for a full body cleanse....
God,Im so angry at myself.........you really have NO idea .

KellyToronto

MANY of us have been there, the slippery, oh so slippery slope down into the bottom of the beer can, or wine glass, or rum and coke glass.

As they taught us in rehab, think of relapses as learning experiences.

and, maybe check out some AA meetings.

Those who Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail.

K out

MycoolFitz

Take the anger and turn it into action. Not drinking is a powerful action with powerful results. A fresh day brings a fresh start. Its only failure if we don't get back up after knocking ourselves down. My best on your fresh recovery. Seek and accept support and move forward.

nandm

Until I found a program of recovery relapse was all I knew. Since I started a recovery program over 10 years ago I have not had a relapse.

If you have not found a program of recovery there are many to choose from. Here is a pretty good listing of many that are available. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I do hope you find one that will work for you. Relapse does not have to be part of recovery with a program of recovery to help you out.

Ellen36

You need to do what is best for you, and if the cleansing program would help you feel better than you do that. For myself, I can only handle not drinking right now. If I had to follow a special diet and deny myself anything else....well, I'd probably be setting myself up for disaster. I've decided that I can have ice cream or whatever I might need to cope for now.....anything but alcohol. It is only day 4 for me, but I think I will know when I am strong enough to handle a weight loss regime or anything else restrictive.

Take one day, even one hour, at a time. Don't get lost in guilt but think about your strengths. Glad you are trying to separate your drinking from husband's....even though I know it can be very difficult. Take care of you, OK? A lot of us out here are feeling for you and understand how you feel. Keep us updated.

Symmetry

Yes. I have tons of recommendations for cleansing. I'm out n about but should be able to share more in detail tomorrow. If you're interested please let me know. I'm on day 6. I'm about to start up yoga again and do a cleanse myself. It sounds like your husband is very loving and supportive. When mine suggested we grab hands and jump in together I kinda cringed. My sobriety is not dependent on his nor his mine. But now he's on 2 days and I'm really proud of him.

You're gonna do it because you want to. You're just learning is all. There is literally no point to self-torture. Although, it's hard to see that while your in the middle of scraping your soul down with metaphysical barbed-wire... I've been there many times
*

MycoolFitz

PS: You have the power to change you "usual" pattern of giving in. Its a wonderful knowledge.

gibson3479

Thanks everyone..and symmetry,Id definitly love to have your cleansing recommendations/tips.I had planned all of last week to start it on Tuesday since It would have been my start on week 2.I think to keep going foward I need to stick with my same goals.....I am so disappointed in myself but trying not to let it discourage me although that is extremely hard...
As for my husband,hes one of the lucky ones...he normally only drinks one day a week at most and hes done...but he said he will stay sober for awhile now too since it didnt work with him bringing it in the house .He emailed me from work today apologizing again and saying that he loves me too much to see me go through that again (last night was bad,I really really broke down..maybe its been building up and that was what sent me over).Im trying my best to not let this be a huge setback but...ugg......I feel half hung over even off of 4 beers and my head feels almost foggy....a feeling I was so glad to get rid of last week....

cleareyes

I'm so sorry but please don't beat yourself up. You are still stronger than you give yourself credit for and I know you will get right back to it today. You can do this and over your 5 days your posts have helped me see that I too can do this. I am on Day 1, how about we get to Day 2 together?

gibson3479

Cleareyes ,that is definitly a deal. I was almost ashaimed to post on here today.I read back through all of my posts from the past few days and I completely contradicted myself....within HOURS.One thing I CAN 100% promise myself is that I will make it through this week sober.....Im going to have to find tools to help me with the weekend...I really dont want to do a meeting but I think I may need to at least on weekends for awhile.....

cleareyes

It's easy to fall back into allowing yourself just one or two because I've done so well and I want this so much for myself that I won't allow myself to over indulge. I of course haven't gotten past Day 1 yet but I can imagine especially on the weekends how hard that is and will be.

You can do this! Don't ever be embarrassed. We have ALL been there (at least I'm sure we have). I know I have been there practically daily. But yesterday is in the past and just a bump in the road!

Terminally Unique

Gibson,

You mentioned in another post of yours that your usual MO was to ask your husband to "not let you drink" and that you would then proceed to drink when he let you. Support is helpful, but the addicted mind can easily twist that into an excuse to drink. Try again, only this time, make certain that the following maxim does not apply to you. If it does, honestly ask yourself why.

ceneri

Hey, gibson - bummer! I'm sorry you're having a tough time. Try to be kinder to yourself, though. I don't think you'd be as hard on a friend or loved one in the same situation.
I did a kind of 3 day detox to jumpstart my sobriety & healthy living. I think it helped because it didn't take long to start feeling much better overall. I didn't follow any strict rules. I did drink a lot of 'sassy' water, ate a lot of vegs & salads, banned meat, dairy, sugar & processed carbs. I also made a point to work up a sweat daily & did a home herbal wrap on day 3. I got some liver detox herbal tea, brewed up a stock pot of it, soaked an old sheet while still hot, and wrapped up in it in the tub for 20 mins. I don't know if it did any good, but it felt wonderful & certainly didn't hurt. I recommend keeping a cold compress over your eyes during the wrap. I've had similar treatments at spas and enjoyed my home version as much.

ajangel

You slipped. You came back. Alcohol is the master deceiver. Most have slipped. Important thing is your back. We are still here for you

Dee74

many of us have faltered Gibson - the important thing is you're back

Ask yourself what else you need to add to what you've been doing - do you think more support would help, for example?

D

Terminally Unique

Gibson,

Do you think that you could keep your house 100% alcohol free for at least a month? If your husband can't do this, perhaps he could buy beer only for himself - such as a 40 oz - if he really wants to drink, as he needs it, without leaving any extras around? Perhaps he would be willing to go out to drink for a while?

I did not have this luxury, but you're going to need to get your head cleared a bit, and it will take that long to start to get back to normal.

gibson3479

I have to agree with advrt on that I use my husband not "stopping" me from drinking as an excuse....I felt it as soon as I was on beer #4. I think that even though I WANT and NEED to remain sober deep down Im still struggling with knowing it needs to be a permament thing.....I want to be able to still drink occassionally under certain situations and it is really hard for me to wrap my mind around that....I DO know that it has to be "Ill never drink again" because Ive tried it the other way of slowing down or only drinking on weekends....it never lasts long an I know Im no longer capable of that....Its a hard pill to swallow.I feel like IM giving up so much that at one time was fun to me ...drinking on the boat,concerts with my husband and friends,sake with sushi...........THOSE times drinking was fun,harmless and I enjoyed it...my struggle is I know I cant limit myself to that.Last night on beer 4 I got a buzz very very fast...and my mind went to the norm for me which is obsessing over if there was enough ,am I going to run out etc....I am pretty certain had my husband not thrown the reminder away I would have drank until drunk ,felt anxious today and used that as an excuse to drink again.....I know I have to stick with this and I know the benifits of staying sober by far outway the few "fun" drinking times I fear missing...I also know from my pattern that if I tell myself "its ok to drink under this adn that circumstance I will end up excusing myself ANY time I feel like drinking.....right back into my circle.....This is hard..i have to do it but it is very hard.

gibson3479

AVRT ,I had told him he didnt need to not drink just ebcause of me since he doesnt have a problem...at first he said he wouldnt bring it around the next few weeks but yesterday after being in the sun all day when he said he wanted beer I THOUGHT I could handle it being here...I couldnt..and of course since he was the one who bought it he didnt say much to me once I started drinking it....after I brokke down he told me he realizes that was a huge mistake and he said he wont even drink himself at all at least for awhile until Im strong enough to be around it.....It was bad judgement on both parts.We actually have a whole wine cabinet here that neither of us ever touch...even at my drunkest or worse point Ive never even been tempted by it...Its more watching people drink that gets me.....Im not going to be able to put myself in that situation again for awhile....a long while...

ajangel

Yes it is hard. You can do it though. Hugs

Terminally Unique

Once addicted, your body is like a cucumber turned pickle. There is no going back to cucumber.

Therein lies your problem, and I'm not going to cut you any slack here, because I know that once you answer the following question, everything else will be much easier.
If the answer is "yes, I plan to drink again," then there is not much that anyone can do for you. If the answer is "no, I will never drink again," then what do you plan to do differently in order to never drink again? What have you learned from this episode?