4MyMel

for the physical/mental desire to drink to go away?

I'm at it again, time #...ummm can't remember. It's 1 week today. Something happened last weekend and suffice it to say I don't have any more chances left with my gf. The lying, hiding, and acting like a dumb a$$ is not going to be forgiven by her anymore. So I'm trying, and I keep thinking that I can moderate, but as everyone on the forum says, it will get back to how it was and even worse. Yes, true.

I realize now that alcohol has no place in my life. It makes me depressed, makes me neglect my responsibilities, makes me not perform to my abilities at work, at school and in my relationship. The health problems it has caused or will cause will not help me in starting a family and advancing in my career.

So, the ultimate question I would like to have some insight about is how long it takes for the "alcoholic lifestyle" to be more of a memory of who I was rather than a definition of who I am. Last time I made it 19 days...the 3 week mark seems to be significant for me....I have given in a few times around that time frame. At that point it just seems like I can't take it anymore, the stress, the anxiety and the sadness gets to me. The sadness is somewhat of a mourning of my "alcoholic lifestyle." I told my gf that I don't mind going to bars/clubs etc, but I think I do. I don't want to go to those places if I can't drink. She understands, but for me it seems like a loss of sorts...

I heard that the cravings cease and life w/o alcohol become attractive. When does this happen?

Bikeguy

I think it varies for everyone. I'm nearing 6 months and have days that I don't even think about drinking and then all of a sudden I will have a rough day or two. The good thing is the rough days get easier to handle as you gain experience and strength, hang in there it is worth it.

MycoolFitz

Its anyone's guess. We all vary and even our own sober experiences vary. One time I went 7 months and never got at ease with sobriety. This time around its like it was just waiting for me to find it--sobriety, that is. My best to you in your efforts.

4MyMel

I guess I just want to know what normal feels like and how long it will take me to get there. I read about people feeling better and getting back to "normal" once in sobriety, I was just wondering if there was a timeline. I haven't felt "normal" since I was 14, when my eating disorder started, that translated to drinking once I went to college.

Dee74

Like others have said, it varies.

It took me at least 90 days to feel 'normal' and to start to believe that maybe this new sobriety thing had something to it. I was working on my recovery daily as well.

I drank for 20 years - as much as I wanted to, you don't get 'better' from that overnight.

The cravings didn't end at 90 days either...we all have stresses and bad days still...but cravings became just thoughts for me eventually...

Support was vital for me to stay committed to sobriety.
Whats your support network like, 4MyMel?

D

BunnyLoves

It's been 15 days for me, and some days are great, others awful as far as cravings. It's a contimuous journey forever, I guess. Congrats on your 1 week!

Reset

For me, feeling "normal" and losing the desire to drink are two drastically different things.

I lost the physical cravings after about 2 weeks. After about a month I decided I wasn't going to drink again for a looong time, if ever. But, it still enters my mind occasionally- not the desire to drink, just the thinking about alcohol.

After the first month I felt like hell for two months. This was other stuff I had been burying coming to the surface. Long story. After 90 days I was more or less ready to get on with life.

6+ months later, I'm just starting to feel good. But "normal"? Like before when I was a kid? I don't know if that's ever going to be possible.

I like being strange anyway.

newwings

Everyone is different, but for me, around 90 days felt significant. I can't tell you exactly why, 4MyMel, but I think I just felt that not drinking was the norm for me. It no longer felt like a new thing I was doing, or that it consumed a lot of my thinking processes in the day.

The urges still come and go, but they are getting weaker and further apart. I remember how intense the first couple of weeks/month for me were, and although I didn't have huge cravings - I think because I was still 'in shock' over my near death from drinking - it still felt a completely new and unexplored experience.

Keep going, 4MyMel - I've been reading your journey and I'm sending strength for this time to be the last time.

endlesspatience

Like others, I feel 90 days was an important milestone. But I did a lot of things in that time rather than just sitting it out. I went to AA virtually every day, I went to therapy and I spoke to my sponsor every day. I also sorted out as many things as possible that I had been postponing when I was drinking because I felt it was important to remove those things that would present a risk of relapsing.

I'm nearly 100 days sober now and it feels good - much less of a struggle. Still going to about five AA meetings a week and reading here regularly.

Boleo

For me, the cravings ceased after about 3 days. However, the obsession that I had to have another drink stayed with me for months. I had to take some action before that went away and I still have to take action to keep it that way.

Looking back on all the action I took, it started with simply following directions and trusting my own rational decisions less and less.

keithj

It happened for me when I had a spiritual awakening as the result of taking AA's 12 Steps. Prior to that, I was always 'waiting' for sobriety to feel better, and I always managed to pick up a drink again before that happened.

Knowing where a drink almost always took me, knowing the consequences I faced and the destruction I caused, picking up a drink would still make some sense to me. That idea always seemed to win out over my sane reasoning of why I shouldn't drink.

instant

I am day 71 and I am still thinking about alcohol alot. I am however enjoying life in a new way, and I never thought I would find the peace that I feel.

I was at a point where I could not go on, and I know that moderation does not work for me.

So that having been said. I do not have a choice. It takes what it takes. I will take what comes, it is far better than the alternative.

SASA

well I am between 140-150 days and still think of alcohol every day and read every day on sr (it helps me)

4MyMel

Thanks everyone for the input. When I'm not drinking it seems that alcohol is everywhere!! Stores, TV, beach...everyone seems to be drinking. I think maybe that I'm putting myself into situations where drinking is involved, thinking that it is not affecting me, when in fact, on some level I am affected.

I realize now that I need to stay away from clubs/bars etc, although at the end I drank alone. My gf doesn't need to drink and she's very supportive, but we've been together about 2.5 years and out of that time about a year this has been going on. She doesn't have an addictive mind, so she doesn't get why I can't just stop. I've promised her a few times that I'll cut back or stop and I feel that I have no credibility left with her, so my promises to her mean nothing. She said that maybe we can just drink together in moderation, but after last weekend, I think she finally saw that moderation is not an option for me.

I do love being without alcohol, I feel like I'm me again, but there are times when I wish I could just have a few and check out. Sometimes I wind myself up so much and the only way I know to calm down is to drink. I really need to get practicing HALT - not to let myself get to hungry, angry, lonely or tired. It seems that my highest urges to drink are when I feel one of those 4 ways.

Reset

It's not just you. At the beginning, advertising for alcohol used to make my head spin. Whether it was a neon sign in a convenience store or a poster in a restaurant, I felt like the world was shouting "Drink! Drink! Drink!" at me. At the time it reminded me of the Pee Wee Herman movie when his bike is stolen and suddenly there are bikes everywhere. All shapes and sizes. It causes him to faint.

Guess what happens though. You start to pay attention to the opposite. And you start to realize that there are actually a lot of people who are NOT drinking. And after a while you tune out the alcohol advertising just like you'd tune out any other annoying ad.

Hang in there, you'll see.

CarolD

By the end of my 2nd month of this current AA recovery....I felt back in balance both physically and mentally.....
To do this required a lot of changes in my outlook amd lifestyle.

With my doctors ok I was following an eating plan...walking often and attended AA daily before work.

sorry to know you are still struggleing..

stanleyhouse

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. The people I know with long lasting sobriety always seem to say by the grace of God I haven't had a drink since... but they seemed done with the urge when they survived near death. Does it take near death to find hope and believe?
My nephew is still fighting for his life. I pray he survives and is one of the lucky ones.
SH

susanlauren

Just not drinking was not a solution for me. Alcoholism is a three-fold illness: physical, mental/emotional and spiritual. Not drinking meant I treated the physical aspect of my disease only. I was still suffering from untreated alcoholism.

What happened for me: I tried AA for 2 years and 4 months, and then I decided I could just not drink on my own. No AA. No steps. No Higher Power. For the next nine months, I did not drink. But I was completely obsessed about drinking/not drinking. I was miserable. My life was this hellish purgatory.

As each day went by, my obsession and my wanting to drink grew worse and worse. It was a spring that was being wound tighter and tighter, and I knew that I would drink again. Despite knowing I was alcoholic and despite knowing all the nasty consequences that awaited me. It wasn't a question of "if", but a question of "when".

I went back to AA and I worked the twelve steps. As a result of working the steps, my obsession completely vanished and I do not want to drink anymore. I no longer have that emptiness and that soul sickness inside. I don't know how things will be for you, but for me, I needed a program of recovery that lead me to a spiritual awakening.
Susan

Spawn

How many meetings do you go to in a week?

4MyMel

I try to make about 3-4 meetings a week. I get scared sometimes though because there are times when after a meeting I just wanna go drink. It's odd. I have so much going on right now in the next 4 weeks at work, school etc that I really don't have time to think about drinking...I know that if I pick up a drink I won't get my stuff done and then I risk my job and school and that won't happen.