Mescal

I'v been following SR for awhile now, even made a few posts several months ago. So it's been awhile since i've been thinking "Ok, maybe you're not as invincible as you think. You have a problem with drinking." But obviously my committment to quitting hasn't been there. I'm 30, have a great wife, 2 wonderful kids, an excellent job and nothing to be unhappy about. But there is some void that i fill with alcohol. I was adopted when i was 6 and have an outstanding family that raised me. In school i wsa heavy into sports but shy. I never drank a drop until i went to college. It was a whole new world. I wasn't shy, i could talk to anyone, i was having a great time. Maybe that's was my problem starting out, i associate alcohol with being my anxiety medication. Either way it 10 years later and i still drink. Somewhere it has progressed to where i drink most nights, almost always hiding it from my wife. Hiding alcohol in my truck, workout bag, garage, whereever i think she won't find it. It's amazing how good i've gotten at it, but obviously if i drink too much that blows my cover. It culminated on the 4th of July. Went to a party with friends, then came home and blew through the rest of my beer. I put one of my boys down for a nap, then 15 minutes later my wife asked where he was and i had forgotten already and was running around looking for him She of course found him in his bed and connected the dots. I was embarrassed and ashamed, but when she confronted me and threatened to take the boys to her parents i began irate. Finally she left, took the boys and came home. We argued more i ended up punching a hole in the wall. As soon as i did it i was overcome by emotion, buried my face in her chest and started sobbing. The next 5 days i was sober. Since then i have dran, for 2 straight weeks. So obviously it's decision time. Do i suck it up, be a man and face this thing down? Or do i keep pretending and in another 10 years lose it all? I have too much to lose. That's the thing i have to be the most grateful for.

lovingit

You have answered your own question by recognizing what's going on now. I did loose my wife.

MycoolFitz

"Nothing to be unhappy about" Your post sounds pretty unhappy to me. Hanging around SR, uncontolled drinking, hidden drinking, family problems, what more do you need to hit you between the eyes. The choice between sobriety and the life you're experiencing now seems a simple one, just not necessarily easy. Oh I lost my wife too, alcoholics can be so careless.

sobervic

I started out the same way you did in college where I used it in excess for dealing with social anxiety. With alcohol, I was no longer the quiet, awkward outcast, but the center of attention who made people laugh and met girls every weekend.

It seems to me like your need to quit is obvious. But, I wrecked a few cars, was threatened with DWIs on multiple occasions, embarrassed myself often, had unsafe sex while drunk with random girls, had increasingly worse anxiety and withdrawal symptoms during hangovers, had worsening memory lapses while drunk, and I still wasn't convinced that I had a problem.

Mescal

Fitz, i am unhappy, when i said i have nothing to be unhappy about it meant that i shouldn't be unhappy. I just don't know what it is.

I agree with Vic, my need to quit is obvious. I have two questions though: 1. i have too may good friends that i don't want to distance myself from by avoiding drinking situations. 2. I want to quit anonymously. Nobody except my wife and a couple very close friends even know i have an issue. I would like to keep it that way. I have seen people quit on facebook and they announce every day sober and the whole shibang. Not my style. Any suggestions?

newby1961

The scary part about this story as well as other alcoholic ones is we can always go further down but it seems like even if we somehow realize this we still think it won't happen to us.

Or if you are like me you just don't care. If anyone treated me 1/3rd of how I treat myself boy I would kick their butt.

It took me years even in the program to stop drinking. I haven't had a drink now for 7 years and 2 months so it is possible

You have to want to be sober more than you want to drink and when that day happens you will be desperate enough to do whatever it takes to get & stay sober.

For your sake I hope you don't end up having to lose your home, family and job before you get recovery.

Go to an AA meeting check it out, heck they are free what do you have to lose? Before you say well they are not for me I am different, I don't drink like they do, stop and remember "Contempt Prior To Investigation".

If I could get and stay sober believe me anyone can cause I was one sick puppy lol

MycoolFitz

Mescal, its ok to be unhappy just as it is to be happy. Judging your feelings just give them power. I can be around drinkers without drinking, although I'm not liking to be around drunks--was I that obnoxious? If people as me if I want a drink I just say no thanks. If their curious I just say health reasons--which is the truth. Beyond that they usually don't probe, if they do, its their problem. I guess I just experienced a lot of shame as a drinker, I experience none as a sober person. As to facebook ex-drunks posts, I agree no need to publize--of course, being a private person I see no need to be on face book. Just don't look for reasons not to get sober when there are so many reasons in favor of sobriety. My best.

Dee74

Hi mescal
Welcome back

I got to the point where I couldn't live my life as it was - my whole life revolved around drinking.

I needed to change it.
For me that meant losing some of my friends.

As for public announcements - not everyone does that. I think those closest to you should know naturally, but beyond that it's noone else's business.

D

Reset

You can avoid drinking situations for a while and then get back to socializing when you're comfortable that you won't slip. And you'll also find out who your friends are and who your drinking buddies are. It's not as bad as it might sound; friendships come and go in all phases of our lives. The real friends will still be your friends in the long run.

As far as quitting anonymously, yes it's possible. I quit without telling ANYONE except my psychologist, and that includes my wife. After a couple of months it needed to come out for various reasons, but the process was slow and selective. Most people I know still don't know I quit; or at least it's never been directly addressed.

Anna

Mescal, when I quit I didn't tell anyone either. I didn't want anyone questioning me and I had made promises in the past, so I just stopped, and let people notice or not. I am a very private person, too.

As far as distancing yourself from people who drink - I absolutely, definitely would not be sober today if I had not stayed away completely from people who were drinking for a long time. Recovery is hard and honestly, I think you need to do whatever it takes to make it happen.

Oatmeal

When I quit, I didn't tell anyone either. Once the ball got rolling and I got a couple/few weeks past me and gained a little self-confidence, I became proud of what I'd done. I told my wife (along with confessing as to how much I'd REALLY been drinking) and my drinking friends. By that time I had enough dry days behind me that they knew I was serious about it. They respected me for it and let me be me. After I got some time under my belt and started to understand the freedom from alcohol, those other things became way less important to me anyhow.

sobervic

Fear of distancing myself from my social group impeded my recovery efforts many times in the past. To be successful, it's necessary. It's nearly impossible to go out with drinking buddies on a consistent basis and abstain from drinking. You will eventually cave in.

I'm only at three weeks and I have no plans to go out with my group of drinking buddies anytime soon. In all honestly, of the 8-10 guys I drank with regularly, I can only think of two who I can consider to be friends. While sober, I don't even care to be around many of them.

I would not tell anyone, either. Just think of an excuse to use. Too much questioning from others is not good when you're having trouble convincing yourself that you have a problem. There are many people who have no problem with alcohol who will tell you that you just need to moderate your intake. This never works for anyone with a problem. Or, there are drinking buddies who will dismiss your concerns since admitting that you have a problem would require some self-analysis on their part.