31, lonely and stressed
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31, lonely and stressed
Hi, I have a history of binge drinking which started at twenty two when a close friend of mine died. Never liked alcohol before it was too scared to get drunk and feel out of control. I developed bad anxiety and would have a few beers to calm me down it worked. I saw a therapist and she helped joined a gym that really helped too. Since May I have been going through hell from a role model betraying and bullying. A few times a week after seeing her I would drink a few beers or shots of vodka which made it worse. I always feel like I attract the worst people in my life it sucks I just want to be surrounded by positivity. I also fell for this guy and slept with him drunk on a break with his gf I see him every day and now I feel used bc he is bk with her and it hurts but he called me obese and kept at it the other day and thats a form of abuse and I wont allow it in my life. Everyone I meet seems to hurt me or take advantage of me. So I just feel so lonely.
Two months ago, broke up with a boyfriend and had to leave. I was a mess. I had bad anxiety and started drinking a lot. I lived in three different places one gave me freakin bed bugs. So I found a new place to live for the time being but the people living here are always fighting. I never want to be home bc its such a negative environment. I dont have any friends locally to hang out with bc since I was in an abusive relationship I never made friends. All my friends live over an hour away and they never seem to take the time out to visit me. I always feel very alone and my anxiety is getting worse.
I just started seeing a therapist and I told her Ive been drinking pretty much daily for the past two months but after reading on here about withdrawal symptoms like seizures and hallucinations it sent me into an anxiety attack. I even calle an AA hotline to ask if I needed detox and she said no I think you need a therapist for anxiety and attend a meeting to see if its right for you. My therapist told me that I need to either quit or cut down while I still can because it will just get progressively worse and I wil experience withdrawal symptoms. I am the biggest hypocondriac on the planet and can spend hours searching symptoms all day.
Right now I even have anxiety bc I just had coffee and I am working myself up pretty bad. I keep checking to see if I have the shakes and if I am about to have a seizure and all that.
I dont want to drink at all anymore. It makes my depression worse and the lonliness. I like being sober waking u p early going to work out which helps with my anxiety. Anyone else around my age and not been drinking so long? I hope someone can relate.
Thanks,
Innerchild
Two months ago, broke up with a boyfriend and had to leave. I was a mess. I had bad anxiety and started drinking a lot. I lived in three different places one gave me freakin bed bugs. So I found a new place to live for the time being but the people living here are always fighting. I never want to be home bc its such a negative environment. I dont have any friends locally to hang out with bc since I was in an abusive relationship I never made friends. All my friends live over an hour away and they never seem to take the time out to visit me. I always feel very alone and my anxiety is getting worse.
I just started seeing a therapist and I told her Ive been drinking pretty much daily for the past two months but after reading on here about withdrawal symptoms like seizures and hallucinations it sent me into an anxiety attack. I even calle an AA hotline to ask if I needed detox and she said no I think you need a therapist for anxiety and attend a meeting to see if its right for you. My therapist told me that I need to either quit or cut down while I still can because it will just get progressively worse and I wil experience withdrawal symptoms. I am the biggest hypocondriac on the planet and can spend hours searching symptoms all day.
Right now I even have anxiety bc I just had coffee and I am working myself up pretty bad. I keep checking to see if I have the shakes and if I am about to have a seizure and all that.
I dont want to drink at all anymore. It makes my depression worse and the lonliness. I like being sober waking u p early going to work out which helps with my anxiety. Anyone else around my age and not been drinking so long? I hope someone can relate.
Thanks,
Innerchild
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I also started working in the health field my dream job and love it so much and trying to build up my business I nee d to feel better to be able to help others.
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Hi Innerchild. I can definitly relate. I came from a home where I was told I am not worth anything. I always had low self esteem. My parents both told me that I was fat and that I needed to loose weight. Now when I look back at the pictures, yes I was a little overweight, but still good looking. My hole life I tried to find somebody who understands me, is positive, but I always seemed to attracked the wrong negative people. So I drunk to fit in, drunk due to anxiety, drunk to forget. About 5 years ago I decided it was enough. I got a new job and moved. Since then I tried to quit and I am now succesfully coming up into the 6th month. While recoverying I got my confidence back, I gained self esteem and I do not give me the fault on anything anymore. (Before something went wrong, he did not like the food, I blamed me for cooking it or getting it for him from the take out, and he knew exactly how to take advantage of me feeling this way). I also learned recovery needs time. So give it time you need to heal and you will. Enjoy the journey, it is your life and you ahve only this one
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Hi Innerchild,
I drank almost daily for the last years but never for 2 months straight. I would take a conscious 3 day breather every couple weeks to prove to myself that I had control:rotfxko
Today is day 5 for me. I have so far experienced headaches but nothing serious. While drinking I would experience severe anxiety and guilt. I haven't had that for 5 mornings straight!
I drank almost daily for the last years but never for 2 months straight. I would take a conscious 3 day breather every couple weeks to prove to myself that I had control:rotfxko
Today is day 5 for me. I have so far experienced headaches but nothing serious. While drinking I would experience severe anxiety and guilt. I haven't had that for 5 mornings straight!
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Thanks guys and congrats Sarah and Symmetry. Thanks Sasa. My mother was emotionally abusive too and I suffered from an eating disorder from the age of 12-24. My weight fluctuated so much but now I work in the fitness industry and I am athletic and it made me more confident but its such a competitive field and even though I eat normally now I am very weight conscious. My mother only contacts me now if she needs to vent or talk to me about something she cant tell her golden child, my sister. I dont have a relationship with my family I was always the black sheep. No matter if I am the only one who has two college degrees and a certification in personal training from one of the toughest schools out there. Personal training is my passion and the best thing that ever happened to me. I love helping people it is my life but its so cut throat and competitive and I am not like that as a person. I am nice to everyone. I wont go to AA bc I live in a small beach town so all the surrounding towns are very close. I run into people from my gym everywhere. Everyone sees me as an inspirational person and I like that and thats the person I want to be too. I want to live a happy healthy like and inspire others not feel like complete crap inside or be walked all over. Thats why I drink bc I just feel like complete crap. Even guys only want me for one thing and I am not that kind of person either. I just want positive people in my life. I try follow the Laws of Attraction but my mind gets in the way lol. I want to be a strong confident person and not allow others to dictate how I feel bc I just self abuse with alcohol. It sucks.
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Oh Ive taken a few breaks or had little amounts of beer just bc I thought I may have withdrawals. I dont think I do I just work myself up into some state of anxiety
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Innerchild:
It sounds like you might be at a turning point in changing your life. I like you seem to focus on the outside aspects of myself while neglecting the inside. If we could put the kind of effort into our mental well being that we do into the gym, I think we'd be in pretty good shape.
It sounds like you might be at a turning point in changing your life. I like you seem to focus on the outside aspects of myself while neglecting the inside. If we could put the kind of effort into our mental well being that we do into the gym, I think we'd be in pretty good shape.
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Hi Innerchild. Thanks for sharing your story. Glad you are seeing a therapist. I'm still new at this and slowly realizing which people I can be around and which ones just make me feel bad about myself. Maybe someday, I'll be able to see that everyone is hurting. For now, I need to surround myself with positive influences. Keep posting. 
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Thanks Raindancer, thats why I give people a hundred chances and accept "negative" people in my life bc I know everyone is hurting. I am gonna sit down reread "The Vortex" Its based on Laws of Attraction and Relationships. Maybe I need to be alone til I sort myself out and then attract positive people. I am a pretty likeable person but its usually always the wrong people.
I do have some good people in my life I just need to spend more time with them.
Riding Sober, I think you are right I am at a turning point and yes if we spent as much time on our mental well being as physical I think we would be pretty powerful people lol..I need to focus on my new career and looking yet again for a new place to live bc this is a very negative environment. I dont want to be around drama at all or wake up feeling like crap from alcohol either.
I do have some good people in my life I just need to spend more time with them.
Riding Sober, I think you are right I am at a turning point and yes if we spent as much time on our mental well being as physical I think we would be pretty powerful people lol..I need to focus on my new career and looking yet again for a new place to live bc this is a very negative environment. I dont want to be around drama at all or wake up feeling like crap from alcohol either.
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LMAO, Dee thats funy Dr. Google isnt my friend. My last therapist forbade me to search bc I have diagnosed myself with every illness under the sun from lymphoma to pregnancy you name it ive had it lol. Fotunately excersice really curbed my hypochondria but these past few months its been bk bc of stress.
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hello Innerchild.
I too have had periods of great anxiety. Am an adult child of alcoholics, and there was emotional and verbal abuse in our family. I had no self-esteem and gave bits of myself away, many times.
My mother passed away at 62, alcoholism contributed to her heart disease, as she had drank heavily before quitting at 58. After she passed, I went through some sort of thing, and began to think I had all kinds of diseases, and spent too much time looking different things up, which i was convinced I had. I even went to doctor and had blood work, which came back neg. One day, my HP intervened, and I found a little book in the pharmacy about anxiety. I found that there are millions of people who do the same thing when they suffer from anxiety. I read that book and took it to heart, that this will pass, and that perhaps an anti- anxiety med is called for.
After a few months of trusting that I was NOT dying, I got over it. I just did not give it room in my thoughts anymore. My niece went through the same thing, and I shared with her. she overcame it as well. When you dont end up dying from these imagined things, eventually, you figure out you are not sick-lol.
you sound like you are doing some positive things for yourself. Is there an al-anon meeting you can go to? You will meet some great people, who will understand. Also, if you can maybe join some group, to meet other people, that would be nice for you. I know that the living arrangements are making you unhappy, too. Working toward making enough money to afford your own place, even if it is only a one room, would be healthy for you.
good luck,honey. you have found a great support group here.
hugs
chicory
I too have had periods of great anxiety. Am an adult child of alcoholics, and there was emotional and verbal abuse in our family. I had no self-esteem and gave bits of myself away, many times.
My mother passed away at 62, alcoholism contributed to her heart disease, as she had drank heavily before quitting at 58. After she passed, I went through some sort of thing, and began to think I had all kinds of diseases, and spent too much time looking different things up, which i was convinced I had. I even went to doctor and had blood work, which came back neg. One day, my HP intervened, and I found a little book in the pharmacy about anxiety. I found that there are millions of people who do the same thing when they suffer from anxiety. I read that book and took it to heart, that this will pass, and that perhaps an anti- anxiety med is called for.
After a few months of trusting that I was NOT dying, I got over it. I just did not give it room in my thoughts anymore. My niece went through the same thing, and I shared with her. she overcame it as well. When you dont end up dying from these imagined things, eventually, you figure out you are not sick-lol.
you sound like you are doing some positive things for yourself. Is there an al-anon meeting you can go to? You will meet some great people, who will understand. Also, if you can maybe join some group, to meet other people, that would be nice for you. I know that the living arrangements are making you unhappy, too. Working toward making enough money to afford your own place, even if it is only a one room, would be healthy for you.
good luck,honey. you have found a great support group here.
hugs
chicory
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Thank you Chicory for your supportive e-mail. Its nice to know unfortunately others deal with it to. I keep checking myself right now to see if I have the shakes. LOL. I am crazy but trying to keep myself busy and not feel so annoyed. I even have paranoia about coming on to this message board bc I know so many people who abuse alcohol maybe they will figure out who I am lol. I am taking this supplement again its called pharma gaba. I just need to take it every day it naturally helps with anxiety no side effects. The nutritionist gave me a book on it naturally increases the gaba levels in your brain and low gaba levels are a product of anxiety, alcoholism, many things.
I have gone to AL A NON, actually my old therapist and my exes mother recommended I go she goes all the time. Never kept it up bc I was the youngest in the room and I felt like a hypocrit bc I drink too. Maybe if I stop drinking I should go back I never felt judged the old ladies in there loved me lol. I just hate talking about my feelings. My therapist told me I need to listen to relaxation music, write my feelings out and take yoga instead of drink. Being in the fitness industry I never enjoyed yoga. I am way too ADD with it I am too busy looking in the mirror, at the clock, or or around the room at others bc they are so into it and I am thinking all sorts of crazy stuff in my head lol. I actually do leave the class feeling better bc I was too busy laughing at myself the entire time I never take myself seriously. I should try it again though and should try write out my feelings instead of holding them all in.
Thanks again
I have gone to AL A NON, actually my old therapist and my exes mother recommended I go she goes all the time. Never kept it up bc I was the youngest in the room and I felt like a hypocrit bc I drink too. Maybe if I stop drinking I should go back I never felt judged the old ladies in there loved me lol. I just hate talking about my feelings. My therapist told me I need to listen to relaxation music, write my feelings out and take yoga instead of drink. Being in the fitness industry I never enjoyed yoga. I am way too ADD with it I am too busy looking in the mirror, at the clock, or or around the room at others bc they are so into it and I am thinking all sorts of crazy stuff in my head lol. I actually do leave the class feeling better bc I was too busy laughing at myself the entire time I never take myself seriously. I should try it again though and should try write out my feelings instead of holding them all in.
Thanks again
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I have to admit that even if Im pretty aggravated at people trying to involve me in their drama right now Im happy Im not drunk or drinking tonight. I sleep much better then I usually do if I dont drink.
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Good for you, Innerchild.
Maybe you would like something like spinning more? or aerobics.I envy you , being in fitness. I am struggling to lose weight, and to get back into shape. i have put on about 20 pounds in the last 10 years. .
about watching to see if you are shaking...
when i had my anxiety "illnesses", i actually felt my arms tingling. and I imagined i had ms or something. but i did not. but i worried myself into actually feeling it.
one thing that really helped me was to tell myself "It will pass", when i felt very anxious. and it would. get out, forget worrying, and do something productive. volunteer. teach others some of what you know. many would love to know something about fitness
hugs
chicory
Maybe you would like something like spinning more? or aerobics.I envy you , being in fitness. I am struggling to lose weight, and to get back into shape. i have put on about 20 pounds in the last 10 years. .
about watching to see if you are shaking...
when i had my anxiety "illnesses", i actually felt my arms tingling. and I imagined i had ms or something. but i did not. but i worried myself into actually feeling it.
one thing that really helped me was to tell myself "It will pass", when i felt very anxious. and it would. get out, forget worrying, and do something productive. volunteer. teach others some of what you know. many would love to know something about fitness
hugs
chicory
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Join Date: Nov 2010
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Letting others rent space
Its sad how many years I drank at other people or how I let others rent space in my head.
I too am the black sheep in my family. I was adopted when I was 1 and when I was between 13 & 14 my mother gave my dad a choice either her or your family. So I was asked to leave and I went onto the streets at a very young age.
For years all that fueled my addiction and I sometimes now even sober can fall back into all that negative self talk.
I have had to get really close to my Higher Power and truly believe that I am loved and protected.
I still have lots of trust issues with men and I guess that is why I have been single for so long because I drank over the pain of relationships too, so now I have a cat lol
We don't have to let our past dictate our future unless we let it
SR and AA meetings have helped me to reach out and to know that I am not so alone. I hope you find the same support and love that I have. Peace to ya
I too am the black sheep in my family. I was adopted when I was 1 and when I was between 13 & 14 my mother gave my dad a choice either her or your family. So I was asked to leave and I went onto the streets at a very young age.
For years all that fueled my addiction and I sometimes now even sober can fall back into all that negative self talk.
I have had to get really close to my Higher Power and truly believe that I am loved and protected.
I still have lots of trust issues with men and I guess that is why I have been single for so long because I drank over the pain of relationships too, so now I have a cat lol
We don't have to let our past dictate our future unless we let it
SR and AA meetings have helped me to reach out and to know that I am not so alone. I hope you find the same support and love that I have. Peace to ya
Last edited by newby1961; 07-24-2011 at 09:20 PM. Reason: To add more
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Thanks Chickory. I used to belong to a anxiety forum and MS was a popular diagnosis so was lymphoma that I belived I had bc I had a swollen lymph node. That stuff can sure send you in a panic but you are right the feelings do pass.
Actually I am a personal trainer and just getting into teaching aerobics. I take an awesome spin class with a great instructor who has been in the industry for years. She always seems so happy, positive and she doest care what people think of her and she can win people over and in my gym thats tough to do lol. I want to be like that when I leave her classes I feel pretty positive and thats how I want my clients to feel. I passed my personal training test a few months ago after almost a painnful year of studying I took the toughest course and even though I have two college degrees in liberal arts I could never find a decent job. My battle with anxiety got me hooked into exercising then I found a personal trainer who we both got really close. She dealt with many issues I did and she is a lot older then me. She became my role model and I guess boundaries were crossed as friends/professional relationship and she pulled away I got upset and our friendship ended in a diaster. It hurt so much bc I took all her classes and friends with everyone in her classes. She became pretty mean to me she started ignoring me even bullying me in her classes. I had to stop taking them and I kept asking her what I did wrong and she refused to tell me and she also betrayed my confidence and in personal training we can lose our certifications for that. I started drinking a lot during the week bc of that I am not very trusting.
I try not to blame her too much anymore she has problems of her own and I have to learn clients are not my friends while I am workinng with them if they confide in me about something personal thats affecting their lives refer them to a therapist bc I would od the same tell my client everything about my life feeling like I can help them and I am not a therapist. We see eachother in the gym it hurts I looked up to her but I just try give off good thoughts about how she did help me when I was going through an abusive relationship bc maybe that will hopefully one day break the tension. So, I lost my drive for awhile after that I was a die hard fitness freak. I still am but I allowed my emotions to get the better of me. Its also bc its such a competitive industry and many people are out for themselves. I am not going to walk all over people to get where I want to to be. Sometimes I wonder if I am good enough to make it and how do I get a following so I am making money. How do I get people to love me but as other people who have supported me in the industry they tell me stay p ositive you are new at this it takes time. But, Chickory you should check out a class. Do you like to dance? Zumba is really in its latin dance aerobics. You dont need to be a dancer but most people who dont like to work out just love it. Its fun.
I am sorry about your struggle newby. But congratulations for staying sober that is awesome. Negative self talk is hard to overcome. Its a day to day struggle. I have followed this celebrity life coach Rhonda Britten for years she used to be on the show Starting Over and she was also on some weight loss show on VHI. She has written so many books that Ive read. She also responds to me on facebook too. I asked her a question once and she told me to do the assignments in her books not just read them its like she knew me lol. Anyway, she has been through hell and back in her life and struggled with many of the same thoughts and feelings ive had. She also binge drank and made her into an emotional wreck like it does me. I was reading something by her the other day and I thought if she can do it with whats she has been through so can I. I want to take a video course she just started offering and I have to save for it but I emailed her to tell her I relate to her so much and I really want to take her course but I need to save for it and will she continously hold the course. She responded right back and it was awesome. I look to her for inspiration and to all positive people who have been through bad times and have gotten themselves out of their ruts.
And yes Newby, I like how you put how we drink at people or we allow people "to rent space in our heads" and I sure do allow that. I have come to the realization I drink bc of people whether its my mother, or the other night this guy from my gym who kept calling me a "fatty" and I told him to stop. I also drink bc of bad relationships too and it just makes it worse. I am glad I did post on here bc I am getting my feelings out and I want to change how I react. I am glad AA works for you it doesnt for me but I have to stick with therapy and keep on writing. Also keep myself busy as well bc boredom can lead to loneliness then drinking and then I turn into an emotional wreck.
I grew up with my parents drinking and partying all the time. They were social drinkers on the weekends but I know my mother drinks wine every night she accused me of being an alcoholic when I realized she talks about alcohol all the time even on facebook the only difference is I get really depressed and very emotional and have said some pretty nasty things to my family. Its all that pent up anger I have towards them that I try to stuff inside. Withholding anger is very toxic. I am a very nice person who would never hurt a fly but give me alcohol put me around my family I turn into Linda Bair or something. But, thats bc I grew up being ignored and emotionally abused. I rarely talk to my mother and stay away from my family bc they have so many issues and blame them on me. But, it has made me into a non judgemental compassionate person who works her butt off for everything she has achieved in life. I have many things to be proud of I dont ever give up no matter how hard it gets so I just need to find new ways to cope with my emotions. Sorry so long. I can actually sit outside have some coffee without sweating to death with the extreme heat. You guys are all so supportive.
Actually I am a personal trainer and just getting into teaching aerobics. I take an awesome spin class with a great instructor who has been in the industry for years. She always seems so happy, positive and she doest care what people think of her and she can win people over and in my gym thats tough to do lol. I want to be like that when I leave her classes I feel pretty positive and thats how I want my clients to feel. I passed my personal training test a few months ago after almost a painnful year of studying I took the toughest course and even though I have two college degrees in liberal arts I could never find a decent job. My battle with anxiety got me hooked into exercising then I found a personal trainer who we both got really close. She dealt with many issues I did and she is a lot older then me. She became my role model and I guess boundaries were crossed as friends/professional relationship and she pulled away I got upset and our friendship ended in a diaster. It hurt so much bc I took all her classes and friends with everyone in her classes. She became pretty mean to me she started ignoring me even bullying me in her classes. I had to stop taking them and I kept asking her what I did wrong and she refused to tell me and she also betrayed my confidence and in personal training we can lose our certifications for that. I started drinking a lot during the week bc of that I am not very trusting.
I try not to blame her too much anymore she has problems of her own and I have to learn clients are not my friends while I am workinng with them if they confide in me about something personal thats affecting their lives refer them to a therapist bc I would od the same tell my client everything about my life feeling like I can help them and I am not a therapist. We see eachother in the gym it hurts I looked up to her but I just try give off good thoughts about how she did help me when I was going through an abusive relationship bc maybe that will hopefully one day break the tension. So, I lost my drive for awhile after that I was a die hard fitness freak. I still am but I allowed my emotions to get the better of me. Its also bc its such a competitive industry and many people are out for themselves. I am not going to walk all over people to get where I want to to be. Sometimes I wonder if I am good enough to make it and how do I get a following so I am making money. How do I get people to love me but as other people who have supported me in the industry they tell me stay p ositive you are new at this it takes time. But, Chickory you should check out a class. Do you like to dance? Zumba is really in its latin dance aerobics. You dont need to be a dancer but most people who dont like to work out just love it. Its fun.
I am sorry about your struggle newby. But congratulations for staying sober that is awesome. Negative self talk is hard to overcome. Its a day to day struggle. I have followed this celebrity life coach Rhonda Britten for years she used to be on the show Starting Over and she was also on some weight loss show on VHI. She has written so many books that Ive read. She also responds to me on facebook too. I asked her a question once and she told me to do the assignments in her books not just read them its like she knew me lol. Anyway, she has been through hell and back in her life and struggled with many of the same thoughts and feelings ive had. She also binge drank and made her into an emotional wreck like it does me. I was reading something by her the other day and I thought if she can do it with whats she has been through so can I. I want to take a video course she just started offering and I have to save for it but I emailed her to tell her I relate to her so much and I really want to take her course but I need to save for it and will she continously hold the course. She responded right back and it was awesome. I look to her for inspiration and to all positive people who have been through bad times and have gotten themselves out of their ruts.
And yes Newby, I like how you put how we drink at people or we allow people "to rent space in our heads" and I sure do allow that. I have come to the realization I drink bc of people whether its my mother, or the other night this guy from my gym who kept calling me a "fatty" and I told him to stop. I also drink bc of bad relationships too and it just makes it worse. I am glad I did post on here bc I am getting my feelings out and I want to change how I react. I am glad AA works for you it doesnt for me but I have to stick with therapy and keep on writing. Also keep myself busy as well bc boredom can lead to loneliness then drinking and then I turn into an emotional wreck.
I grew up with my parents drinking and partying all the time. They were social drinkers on the weekends but I know my mother drinks wine every night she accused me of being an alcoholic when I realized she talks about alcohol all the time even on facebook the only difference is I get really depressed and very emotional and have said some pretty nasty things to my family. Its all that pent up anger I have towards them that I try to stuff inside. Withholding anger is very toxic. I am a very nice person who would never hurt a fly but give me alcohol put me around my family I turn into Linda Bair or something. But, thats bc I grew up being ignored and emotionally abused. I rarely talk to my mother and stay away from my family bc they have so many issues and blame them on me. But, it has made me into a non judgemental compassionate person who works her butt off for everything she has achieved in life. I have many things to be proud of I dont ever give up no matter how hard it gets so I just need to find new ways to cope with my emotions. Sorry so long. I can actually sit outside have some coffee without sweating to death with the extreme heat. You guys are all so supportive.
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