Zencat

Trying a variety of AA meetings may help you find an uplifting meeting. Even as a secular person I have found going to AA meetings helpful. There may be some concepts in AA that don't apply to me and yet I manage to find ways to relate to some of the AA program and the people that attend the meetings.

Also being active here at SR is a good plan. As there many ways to recover from active addiction. The end results can be the same: a new healthier outlook and a better life.

Fenris

RidingSober, I try to encourage folks to take a pragmatic approach towards recovery -- if it works, use it. If AA doesn't work for you, there are other approaches to recovery, so please don't give up. Your story reminds me a lot of mine though and without AA, I wouldn't be sober today. There are lots of people who've suffered worse consequences than I have because of drinking, but my sponsor once told me that the alcohol elevator stops on every floor -- you don't have to wait until it hits bottom before you get off. (Corny, but true). So, if you're willing to give AA another shot, just try some different meetings -- they're not all the same. My home group surely isn't like you described -- I have more fun with them than I ever did with my drinking buddies (when I had any), and I have yet to go to a meeting where I didn't have a few good laughs. Sure, alcoholism is a serious topic, a life or death topic, and sometimes the mood of the group reflects that, but more often we prove what the Big Book of AA says, that "(w)e are not a glum lot."

--Fenris.

RidingSober

Thanks Fenris and everyones else for their comments. You've encouraged me beyond belief and helped me to see that others deal with these issues too. I'm still very surprised by the level of support in this forum. It's a little weird to me that people take the time to talk and care about a complete stranger. I'm not used to that.

On day two and I'm already realizing what a self centered and bad father I've been. When I'm not drinking I have so much to give my little girl, but when I'm drinking I become self-consumed. I have so much to give, but couldn't get past all of my superficial needs to get the joy out of it. Instead of counting down hours to 5pm (drinking time), I'm focusing on the well being of my daughter. It makes me feel like a better person and dad.

artsoul

I felt the same way after getting sober (it took more than 2 days to realize it, though!) - I was much more "present" in my life and stopped resenting my children for interfering with my drinking time.

One the alcohol was out of my system, I felt much calmer and more positive, too. It's hard to see it when it's happening, but alcohol really does steal our soul and our joy in the little things.

Congratulations on day 2 - that's awesome!

Draciack

Hi RidingSober -

Alcoholism for me has little to do with external consequences. I never failed out of college even. But when I started drinking I couldn't stop, over time I found myself thinking about alcohol more and more (sort of like obsessing), and had some serious issues with the way I was handling problems (denial being the most paramount issue).

AA meetings can be dark and depressing places. They can also be uplifting havens with great advice from people who understand what it means to be an alcoholic. That's a pretty rare thing.

I hope you give it another shot

Terminally Unique

Since you did not indicate this, and no one has asked it, do you want to quit drinking for good, or do you merely want to cut back?