another day down and now Im even more derermined
 

Well tonight was easier than the previous 2 nights.Ive had the best few nights with my family even with the slight anxiety I still feel.I had forgotten how much fun I have with them just sitting here talking and watching movies.Physically,I feel great ...no withdraws beyond the anxious feeling but it is alot less tonight.I still am going on little sleep and even laying here in bed I cant feel tired....Is that a symptom of withdraw? I dont feel bad though...just awake.To be honest Ive felt better today physically than I have in at LEAST 2 years...no headaches,not too shaky,I havent dry heaved even once (thats normally a morning ritual when I drink).Thats where I am physically heading into day 4 now...
Mentally,I still question my willpower but Ive done all I can do to not allow myself the opportunity to drink this weekend.My support system is in place and my husband told me tonight he is fully prepared for the fact that over the weekend I may snap and throw a fit ,guilt trip,b!tch,complain about feeling treated like a child, etc until I get my way to drink(Ive done it many times before).I always win and it ends up being an unhappy remainder of the weekend...(Im not proud of that )...He told me tonight while cooking dinner "if you try that,you wont win.I wont break and you can be mad and swear your going to pack and leave all you want but Im going to just stand my ground and love you because the past couple days watching you sober Ive saw that YOU are still in there". All I could do was hug him and cry.My 15 year old heard the conversation and said "we got this mom.We will all get through this together"....Wow Ive missed so much and its sad its taken this long to see it.Actually its time I stop playing victim THEY have missed so much.Seeing it like that I think is going to be half of my strength to stick with this and change my life.

Gibson,
Ya gotta do it for you. If you take care "from" yourself then you WILL be there for them in return. I am rooting for ya too.

Itchy has it correct:)

But I wish you all the best keep on going foward, cause your son is right you can do it :grouphug:

determined!! geez Ive spelled so bad the past few days I look drunk :) Sorry all Im typing in the dark while husband sleeps...I promise Im not illiterate...or drunk.

Thank you.I do agree.This is me and about ME .I just feel like when Im tempted again,it will be much easier for me to disappoint myself than it will be to know Im dissapointing them.I have to be honest if it was just myself and no family,I wouldnt care at all.( I know thats another issue in itself).For the immediate Im trying to get on track of this new way of life and through these next few days/weeks of suddenly being sober,before I address my other issues.

I think me and you could be best friends! Your words sound just like how I feel most of the time. You are not alone!!!!

Gibson,

There is nothing wrong with quitting for your family, and if that keeps you motivated, use it. Some people give up their lives for their family, so there is nothing wrong with giving up alcohol for your family. If someone won't sacrifice for their family, who are they supposed to sacrifice for?

I know it seems like a lot now, but if you hang in there, one day giving up the drink won't feel like a sacrifice at all, though, and you will be surprised at how much easier things are when you aren't constantly being dragged down by alcohol.

Another day down
 

I think that any reason is a good reason to stop problem drinking. For me its health and career. I am single and can get away with a lot if I want to. I am on day 5 and determined to keep this up. I feel almost euphoric. I haven't felt this good in ages. Self esteem is on the rise as well as regret about not confronting this before. In the last few years I surrendered to it, rationalized or romanticized drinking. Lately, my social circle has expanded to include a lot of folks who never or rarely drink. I started to realize that my drinking wasn't just the hobby of a bachelor but the downward spiral of addiction.

The fear I have now is about my friends who still drink. They are longtime friends and I will be seeing a few of them for an annual get together. I have been brainstorming excuses to miss the gathering. I've also tried coming up with a plan to meet up and explain that I'm taking a hiatus for health reasons. The problem is that at least one of them will be confrontational and push me to drink like a teenager. I'm not sure what to do. I have a few weeks before this happens.

I completely understand about being worried about being around certain people or in certain situations...THAT feeling has been one of my main EXCUSES for relapsing everytime I start trying to sober up.In the past its been : its almost the weekend and friends are coming over so Ill start Monday,Memorial day is coming so Ill start after that cookout,Christmas is coming so after that,Newyears eve no way I can stay sober so after that,company party,my birthday,my husbands birthday,anniversary, etc.......I think Im just now finally realizing those are all just excuses for me to drink and not feel as guilty...."I mean really who feels guilty about drinking Newyears eve?" so I get by with that guilt free...then that turns into Ive been drunk for a week strait......I am sure evryone is different but in my case I know I have to avoid "celebrating
' anything until I get more control on this.
* I am not even exagerating but Ive even used the excuse of having to had spend a few hours around my mother in law as an excuse to drink