LoftyIdeals

I hope your day has been sober. That can be it's own reward for now. I'm having a ****** day as well. Another Day 1. Keep up your sobriety..even if you have to push the hsitory aside until you can talk to a professional about it. I know you are hurting, but please don't compound it by using.

Terminally Unique

What Dee wrote was excellent, but I want to add something else, Rachel. You were a poly-drug user, and you've posted before about your previous quit attempts, and how after a few drinks, smoking some marijuana didn't seem like such a bad idea. If you have some marijuana now, drinking might not seem like such a bad idea.

This is why so many fail on the so-called "marijuana maintenance" program. I hear your addictive voice loud and clear, and the old "Beast" is thinking "I'll get her, all I have to do is just convince her to smoke, and once she feels that high again, it's only a matter of time before she drinks, too. This has worked so many times before."

Don't listen to it. If there are trauma issues, you are better of abstaining and talking to someone qualified to deal with such things.

NewLife221

very well said Dee.

not much i can add from what Dee stated. but Rachel, hang in there. it does get better. i know i am not that far in my recovery but even w/my stressful life (and believe me, it gets VERY stressful at times) i have overcame any urge to pick anything up. and i have been pushed way over my limit plenty of times in my month+.. i can actually go days without even thinking of the word Weed let alone have cravings.. life is always going to bring you down and hit you where it hurts, just rise above and stay strong...

i have actually pictured my life w/out even touching drugs again, quite a few times.... wanna know what the image held??? peace, a life full of joy (even w/the crud Dee stated), family and much more. but most importantly........... A FUTURE.

stay strong Rachel, you can overcome this tough time and begin to brace yourself for the next round... keep that head up lady!!! we are all here for you!!!

EDIT.... sorry didnt see a page 5 w/other comments.. so i would like to include AVRT in the very well said comment above.

ForwardMotion

Hey peeps.
I'm still around these parts. On Sunday, I relapsed with the marijuana, relapsed for three days. All three of those days I felt horrible, yes, all the anger that I was feeling was gone, but so was all the clarity that I'd come to actually enjoy, so I realized. When I finally smoked Sunday, after 19 days off, I ended up feeling paranoid, depressed, lazy, and pretty much nothing good. I gave it my best shot, I gave it three days, ...lol, hoping to feel the old familiar relief it used to being me...and it didn't, so I said to myself, why I am I doing this....I don't even feel good!

So, I'm still nearly a month away from my last drink, and my second day away from weed (again). I learned one thing with relapsing, I don't even like being high anymore. Makes it easier now to not want it. I really need to get around to dealing with all that crap that's inside me, but I know that picking up a blunt doesn't help make it go away, so I need to find better outlets, such as the journaling as I was advised..that I never tried. :/ (Thought the smoking was a MUCH better idea...wrong)

Yesterday, my first full day of being back to sobriety, I was pretty happy that I discovered that, after time off weed, I liked being in the real world more than I like being high....pretty happy to find that out. I don't like the foggy head anymore, HATE the paranoia it brings, and since I have pretty bad anxiety, weed really aggravates that! I found that I enjoyed not having panic attacks multiple times daily. (Everytime I smoke) Who knew?

Ah well, I'm back....and glad of it.

Terminally Unique

Rachel,

There is one thing you did not mention. What did you think before you smoked again? What was going through your mind?

You will need to take a look at that in order to recognize it the next time, no?