how do I conquer this?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1
how do I conquer this?
I am a 27 year old male who has struggled with alcohol since I was 21 (I drank when I was younger but never in the amount, nor for the reasons I do now). Both my parents abused alcohol and I watched it destroy their relationship and negatively impact their lives - now I realize that I am slowly destroying my life.
The first time I turned to alcohol to alter my mood was after my roommate had moved out - I was 21 and felt desperately alone. I went to the liquor store and bought a bottle of vodka -before the night was through I had finished the whole thing. I did this again and again for about a week. Since then my abuse of alcohol has been cyclical; sometimes I can go a week without it and no problem, sometimes (and now more often) I drink every night (and some days) of the week.
I have pretended I don't have a problem because during the past six years I graduated from college, I bought a house, and I have finished two years of Law school (I am about to start my final year). I believed that because I was "successful" that I was not an alcoholic - I realized this morning, when I wanted to drink at 9 that I surely am.
I hate alcohol. I hate the way it makes me feel the next day, I hate how it interferes with my sleep, I hate how much money I spend on it, I hate how it affects my health - yet it beckons me. Because when I am drinking I feel like it's ok - I am not a mean or sad drunk - I become happy and loving (I think that is the reason I desire it so much).
It seems every weekend I resolve not to drink. Then, it never fails, someone says they want to go out for a drink and I happily agree. I think that is what makes this so hard. Alcohol is everywhere and so many people drink. Family get togethers, BBQs with friends, at the baseball game, after class. I have become conditioned to believe that alcohol is a necessary ingredient to every social event. I am afraid to tell certain people "I don't drink" because they will know it is because I have a problem and there is such a stigma associated with alcoholism.
So, how do I conquer a drug that is everywhere. A person cannot go a single day without seeing alcohol. How do I abstain from alcohol when the world around me constantly consumes it?
The first time I turned to alcohol to alter my mood was after my roommate had moved out - I was 21 and felt desperately alone. I went to the liquor store and bought a bottle of vodka -before the night was through I had finished the whole thing. I did this again and again for about a week. Since then my abuse of alcohol has been cyclical; sometimes I can go a week without it and no problem, sometimes (and now more often) I drink every night (and some days) of the week.
I have pretended I don't have a problem because during the past six years I graduated from college, I bought a house, and I have finished two years of Law school (I am about to start my final year). I believed that because I was "successful" that I was not an alcoholic - I realized this morning, when I wanted to drink at 9 that I surely am.
I hate alcohol. I hate the way it makes me feel the next day, I hate how it interferes with my sleep, I hate how much money I spend on it, I hate how it affects my health - yet it beckons me. Because when I am drinking I feel like it's ok - I am not a mean or sad drunk - I become happy and loving (I think that is the reason I desire it so much).
It seems every weekend I resolve not to drink. Then, it never fails, someone says they want to go out for a drink and I happily agree. I think that is what makes this so hard. Alcohol is everywhere and so many people drink. Family get togethers, BBQs with friends, at the baseball game, after class. I have become conditioned to believe that alcohol is a necessary ingredient to every social event. I am afraid to tell certain people "I don't drink" because they will know it is because I have a problem and there is such a stigma associated with alcoholism.
So, how do I conquer a drug that is everywhere. A person cannot go a single day without seeing alcohol. How do I abstain from alcohol when the world around me constantly consumes it?
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
That's good question, one most of us in recovery face. For me I quess its a matter of priority and a vision of myself the way I want to live and be. If alcohol is negatively impacting your life and you feel it slowly gaining control over you does it make sense to continue using it just because others do and its readily available? If you had Type ll diabetes or a peanut allergy would you continue to down sugar or eat peanuts because others do and they too are readily available. I know "normal" drinkers who drink "normally", I'm not one of those. Because of its extreme negative impact on me physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually I have chosen not to pick up even though I could anytime and about anyplace. Its not always easy or always fun but it is always sane. I may not control my drinking but I can control my not drinking. welcome.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MA
Posts: 68
Being aware of it is huge in my opinion. My awareness of my alcoholism kept me honest for a long time and helped me to regulate but then awareness be damned I then found myself drinking to blackout. It was a combination of that behavior, how it hurt others and then ultimately myself when I was waking up with these unbearable suicide-death-like hangovers (it's the only way I can accurately describe them). I'd become exhausted from them and having to constantly apologize for my idiotic behavior that finally led me to say - enough. There's just nothing positive I can get out of drinking. And that was that.
Denco, You're obviously educated and a smart guy, from reading your post it sounds like you're just about there in terms of knowing what to do. It's just a matter of of having the right supports. This place is a pretty good start.
Alcohol is never going to go away but you can definitely put yourself in situations where you can be successful in avoiding it. Good luck to you and welcome.
Denco, You're obviously educated and a smart guy, from reading your post it sounds like you're just about there in terms of knowing what to do. It's just a matter of of having the right supports. This place is a pretty good start.
Alcohol is never going to go away but you can definitely put yourself in situations where you can be successful in avoiding it. Good luck to you and welcome.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome to SR Denco.
Support has been vital for me - it's helped me realise, like Fitz says, that I can very much control my not drinking.
Noone does it alone tho - you've made a good step forward joining here. There are face to face support groups of course too.
These links might be of interest to you
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Seeing a Dr before you quit is a good idea too - detox can sometimes be rough.
As for what people think - I struggled with that too for years. I eventually decided I'd rather be a live reformed drunk than a dead one.
What people think about that is immaterial really - I know I made the best choice for me
Good to have you with us
D
Support has been vital for me - it's helped me realise, like Fitz says, that I can very much control my not drinking.
Noone does it alone tho - you've made a good step forward joining here. There are face to face support groups of course too.
These links might be of interest to you
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
Seeing a Dr before you quit is a good idea too - detox can sometimes be rough.
As for what people think - I struggled with that too for years. I eventually decided I'd rather be a live reformed drunk than a dead one.
What people think about that is immaterial really - I know I made the best choice for me
Good to have you with us
D
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