BodhiTree

I'm on Day 9 today and so far things have been very positive for me. I feel so much better in the morning (and in the afternoon, evening and night). I am enjoying being clear, remembering what happened during my evenings, choosing when to go to bed rather than fall asleep (okay...passing out) on the couch, and not waking up to reading cringe-inducing facebook updates that I posted while on my 4th or 5th gin and tonic. And the lack of hangover is just unspeakably great.

However...the longer I feel better, the easier it is to take it for granted. My memories of how bad it was are already becoming less vivid. And those memories are a large part of what is motivating me to stay away from the alcohol.

I'm considering starting a journal, both as a tool on the road to recovery and as a record of what it was like, so that I can look back and remember if I need to.

Is anyone else dealing with this or does anyone else have this fear? Is anyone else writing about their experience?

Thanks so much!

whiskers31

I wrote down all of the pluses/minuses of drinking and the pluses dwarfed the minuses by far. I then expanded the negative consequences of drinking and basically pull out that list everytime I have cravings or think "well, I don't really have a problem". I now use cravings/tempatations as "learning experiencings" rather than fearing them.....because each time they happen and I don't succumb, my confidence and self-esteem increases just a little more. Be strong..!

Mark75

Absolutely, I know what you mean. Sometimes it is startling how easy it is to forget.

Motivation to get and stay sober and, more importantly, to be happy about it... Must come from somewhere else. We forget too easily and the memory of how it was can be unreliable.

Welcome to SR, keep posting.

ElvisInASkirt

This.

I had a craving there but I felt detached from it for the first time in ages. I was feeling bad about myself and I looked deeper at my thought processes and realized that the particular problem I faced has been exasperated by alcohol use.

How would drinking alcohol improve that situation? It wouldn't. It'd only make it even worse.

I agree with making a list of all of the reasons why you quit in the first place. And also a list of all the things that have improved since stopping. Put the list somewhere easily accessible (staple it to your forehead and look in the mirror if you have the resolve).

Eddiebuckle

That's where working with other alcoholics and going to meetings helps me. To hear their stories reminds me of my own experiences. In my 18 months of sobriety one person I know of died of liver failure and another committed suicide after relapse, several have relapsed and dropped off the radar entirely.

That's the nature of this disease; it's altogether too easy to rationalize your current situation as different from "those people" or "forget" what it was like to exist in active addiction. As a species we have evolved by being extremely adaptable - we need to be conscious that this adaptability can cut both ways.

VolcomStone51

I wrote down what were called first steps during my treatment, and I kept that notebook. These were short stories that illustrated my powerlessness over alcohol and the unmanagability of my life. The stories usually started out where I had no intention of getting s^&*faced, but at the end of the day I did and then I would describe who I may have hurt (myself or others) and what actions of mine took place that were not of my normal self. Other stories just described the many goals that I had which were being set aside due to my drinking or other minute tasks that I would not perform due to my excessive drinking (laundry, cleaning and keeping up with my health). These stories are not fun to read for me but if I am in a tough place and wonder why I am not drinking they really help in giving me a reality check.

Another thing I did was journal my thoughts for my first 90 days to just see how scared and anxious I was. This, again, really helps get me grounded again. There are always hard and easy days though it seems, but facing them sober makes everything much more managable and helps me grow and learn in life instead of just having a temporary solution. I hope this helps, and great thread, because sometimes I definitely lose motivation or forget how bad it got.

MycoolFitz

I'm reminded everytime I pay my ex, or pay my hospital bills, or wake up alone. I'll also neverforget 3 days and nights of non-stop hallucinations during my last detox where I had absolutely no boundaries between reality and illusion--terrifying. Every sober day (60 today) I am reminded. No romantiic fantasy's this time around.

Latte

My youngest was 4 ish at the time and talks about some of the stuff sometimes. You know kids, they will bring up stuff from years ago. Yes, it reminds me I never have to drink again.

I also go to meetings and listen. That is a great reminder of where I have been and where I never have to go again.

Programmatic

Go to a newcomer's meeting and listen.

Read the Newcomers to Recovery forum at SR.

Newcomers do it for me every time.

1undone

Well this is a big issue for me. I get "Amnesia" or something and I've even done the first step - wrote it all down. I think for me I don't have any major consequenses from my drinking. Do I have amends in my relationships? Hell yeah. I've neglected pretty much all the relationships requiring nurturing and this actually could bite me in the future.

I don't want to experience any of the "yets" but it gets hard to remember the hangovers and pain I feel the next day. That just can't be a motivator for me. I'm trying to remember that alcohol is poison for me. It's just really hard if I'm honest here. Addiction is a crazy disease.

Englishrose70

Hi I keep a journal, I started it by listing all the pros and cons of drinking. I came up with 27 cons and 3 pros - no contest, I ensure I read that everyday.

I also wrote down a list of some of my worst hangovers and also some of my ridiculous behaviours under the influence, I also read that every day too.

It soon pulls you up.

Then I recall how grateful I am when I go to bed, take off my makeup, apply moisturiser, clean my teeth, think about the following day with hope and say a little prayer of thanks.

How I love and enjoy the simplicity of that routine as opposed to collapsing on the bed at stupid O'clock after crawling up to the stairs after passing out on the sofa. Waking up with a banging head and mascara smeared on the pillow, a thirst like the desert and puffy, blood shot eyes and full of self-loathing.

The thought of it makes me shudder.

Thats what keeps me going

SDSurfn

stupid o'clock.


man i can relate.

-SD

GettingStronger2

First, welcome to SR and recovery!

I am almost 14 monhts without a drink. . .but the memory of what it was like never leaves me. I remember it by staying connected to other alcoholics. . .those who have more time than me, and those who are new. Helping others helps it stay fresh, and helps me stay sober.

betterlate

During one of my last few beer-all-day drunks, I sat down and wrote out in detail how miserable I felt. The first few weeks of sobriety, if I felt like getting drunk, I would get out that note and read it. Now I wish I had tried that technique much sooner.

SSIL75

I really just focus on the obsession. How I can't have one without it totally consuming my night. Because I wasn't really a 'I had one drink and the next thing I remember 5 days had passed and I was in Vegas' kind of drinker. Sometimes (not often) I COULD drink what appeared respectable from the outside. And I mostly drank without serious repercussions (arrests, etc)

But I was always, always utterly consumed with it. "Look! I'm drinking like a normal person!". lol As if any normal person ever has that thought.

bigguyslimm

For me I keep a journal on my computer. Every night I go on and write about my day. I write about the ups and downs and the things I did threw out the day. For me it helps a lot. I feel crappy, sick and feel like the days are always like this. Then I go back and read and see the good days I had. That makes me wanna keep moving forward towards better days.

raindancer11

Memory has absolutely been unreliable for me. I get amnesia like 1undone. Writing it down has helped quite a bit. It helps me to post daily on SR. I have no doubt, none what so ever, that I want to be sober for the rest of my life. When doubt starts to make me foggy, I read posts on SR or use some of the tools I've learned to clear that doubt away. I had to keep doing it over and over till it clicked and it finally did. Even then, I'm not going stop because doubt will make everything foggy again.

Boleo

Do you really want to spend the rest of your life fearing relapse one-arduous-day-at-a-time? Not only is it uncomfortable, it is also unreliabe - like walking a tightrope every day.

Recover is about having a spiritual experience that provides release from care boredom and worry (aka liberation from fear).

Dee74

Posting and reading here helped me.
I don't think I really ever forgot the bad stuff...I just rationalised it and denied it...

I found its harder to do that when it's written down in black and white in yours and everyones stories.

D

Reset

posting here was helpful, as was writing things down, not so much as a journal but more like a science experiment.