NewLife221

oh, other good news to add, just landed a new job. hope all works out w/it.. i start this week coming up after i get back from my waterpark trip.

ForwardMotion

It's amazing the perspective of a few weeks off gives you. You really start to get used to the clear head, easier problem-solving, being on an even keel.....it really is a change to go back. It sucked to be honest; I felt paranoid, depressed, lazy, cloudy, out-of-touch, etc.....I kept waiting for the good feelings to take over....they never came. After I came down I just felt burnt out and didn't really know what to do with myself. All that was left was me heading in the same direction that I've been heading in for years....made me even more depressed.

So, I guess if I've got to be unhappy I may as well do it sober.....at least it passes and I have those moments of pure joy that I'm doing something better with myself. Thanks for the support friend.

Congrats to you for doing so well!

ForwardMotion

and congrats on the new job!

NewLife221

your very welcome for the support and thank you..

yeah i know that feeling all to well. just keep remembering them feelings you felt and how much worse off you felt while high and once the high faded off. i'd take the sober unhappy feelings any day.... start that personal journal if you think that would help. write every little feeling down in it (angry, sad, past life experiences, cravings, ect...) i just dont want you to have to go thru them feelings again cause you know how it feels when you come down and realize the pain and problems are still there.

i know its hard, but give it a month Rachel, it gets wayyyyy better once you pass that point. keep that head up and follow ur rainbow. there Is something better than gold at the other end waiting.........

NewLife221

Well still doing good, BUT this is one of them nights where I wanted to go buy me a bag of the best weed out there.... I stayed strong though.

The woman and I had a falling out tonight. All of my things are packed and moved out. I can not take things anymore....one of the crappy parts about it all is I was supposed to start my new job 2morrow(well today since its past midnight). O well, that's going down the crapper just like my life.

I'm going to stay as strong as I can, but that's all I can do...... Try.. well till the next time I sign on, stay strong everyone especially you Rachel...

Dee74

I'm sorry for your troubles - but I glad you haven't given in.

Staying clean and sober puts you in the vest best position to get your life back together NL - been there.

Have you thought anymore about support?
even posting here more regularly might be beneficial...

D

NewLife221

Thanks Dee.

Just needed a day away to cool off. Everything is fine with cravings. My will power is stronger than ever, so I knew it would be okay, I just had to get my head straight and have some me time. It would be a shame to throw a almost 9yr relationship away, but we are damn near to that point... she wants to try and fix everything so I think I'm going to give it another shot, just hate to see things go down hill again and my daughter have to go through the break up again. I try to avoid her seeing anything like that or even hearing arguing, but the woman seems not to care and will start crap in front of her most of the time and she (the woman) is the type of person that will not leave me alone when i need time... she will follow me around till I have to get in my truck and leave... and then she will txt and call till I have to shut my phone off just to "get away"...

I believe I should just stay gone, but she has begged me since 8pm last night (till now, just got a txt while I'm typing this out) so I am going to give it one more shot I guess and if things don't get better, I am gone...

And no Dee, I have not thought about any other support. I have done everything on my own including kicking a very addicting addiction in the past... I've been strong thus far, I know I can keep on my path. Like I said before tho, I would neveer rule it out if things get to much for me, but as of now I'm going to stick to what I know and what has got me thus far.

Gonna get some shut eye, I've only had 4 hrs of sleep. My eyes lids are so heavy right now. Till next time, wishing everyone happiness and sobriety......

(Sorry if there are typing errors, sending this from my phone)

Dee74

sorry for mine too - 'vest best' should be very best LOL.

D

NewLife221

LoL. i figured that was what you meant Dee.


well, 50 days sober. doing great. feeling great.

Dee74

congratulations on 50 days newlife

D

NewLife221

thanks Dee.

if anyone would have asked me 60 days ago if i ever thought i would have made it this far, the answer probably would have been No as weed was a daily thing for me plus it didnt help that my mind was still poisoned at that time and ive never made it this long Ever in 16yrs.... Glad im sticking to it and moving on w/out it in my life.

well, on to #55 and beyond...

NewLife221

actually 64 since it is past midnight, but i have not been to sleep yet, so it is still 63 for me...

anywho, still doing great.

I passed a drug test today for a job.... Yay me. first time i have took/passed a drug test in so long. I usually find jobs that do not drug test since i was a daily smoker.. (example, my last job. Delivery Driver/Supervisor for a appliance store.. dont know how they didnt drug test, but they didnt).. anyway, i'm proud of myself for doing so good still and passing my test today .

well off to bed i go. take care & stay sober!!!

ReadyAndAble

lol, kind of terrifying to imagine the guy driving a load of refrigerators might be high...but I'm super glad you're not that guy. Way to go, NewLife.

LoftyIdeals

NewLife...congrats on 63 days. Keep posting, you are inspiring.

NewLife221

thanks.

haha, it is huh... i can honestly say i never went to work and got behind that wheel high tho. i left getting high for when i clocked out and got home.



thanks.

o yes i will keep posting. i like being able to look back and reflect on my daily accomplishments. everyday sober is one.