TenYearsGone

My husband is my hero for many reasons. Being sober 3 years is one. Being an amazing singer, songwriter, bassist/guitarist & performer is another. I go to every gig, our social life is & always has been very wrapped up in the music scene. We met at an open mic we were both performing at. We are shifting away from the scene a little lately, but he does have a performance this Saturday.

I typically binge pretty hard at shows. Social scenes are the only times I drink. It would be very hard for me to miss one of his performances. When he got sober, he quit performing & stayed out of the bars for a while. It makes me cry just thinking about not going to see him play, but I am quitting drinking & am a bit nervous about being in the bars for his gigs.

Last weekend was bad, I feel bad about how much I drank both Friday & Saturday nights. Saturday was a gig of his & I got really drunk, as usual. I want very much to stop this pattern of behavior. However, I do not want to stop going to his performances. They will be fewer going forward, but I guess I'm wondering if anyone has any tips as to how to handle this type of situation?

Cerberus

I can completely understand you wanting to go to every gig and not even miss one. Your husband sounds like he has done very well - 3 years sober, especially as a musician is an incredible feat. The biz is all about extremes and I can tell you are proud of him for his achievements. You mentioned that he quit performing and stayed out of bars while he was getting sober - maybe that is something you will have to think about. Have you spoken to him about the whole thing? Seems he might have a few good pointers himself.

It may seem super hard to have to miss a few shows, but wouldn't it feel better to miss a few then show up sober and really appreciate the shows, than to keep at it this way and maybe end up missing all the rest if things get worse?

You say you binge hard at the shows - do you remember everything? I know I tend to have blackouts and wouldn't remember half the night anyway.

Dee74

I had to give up performing too to get and stay sober...I could not break the hold alcohol had on me by going to bars, however good my intentions.

It broke my heart too, at the time...but it was necessary for me...I tried to be a non drinker in a drinking world and it wasn't possible for me - not then. I still wanted to drink and be part of it all.

I had to remove myself and think about what I really wanted. I don't regret removing myself now. It was the best thing I could have done.

I gained so much more than what I gave up.

I took the time out - and now I can go anywhere, and stay sober.
Maybe as Cerberus says it's something to consider?

kudos to your husband btw

D

TenYearsGone

I know I might have to miss it. I also know in my heart I could stay sober there, I'm just nervous about not being able to enjoy the performance b/c I'm sitting there feeling uncomfortable around everyone else who's drinking. A 1 p.m. gig like this is easier than a late night gig & this is a benefit for a sick kid. Idk, I probably will have to stay home, I just don't want to b/c he never plays as awesome at home as he does in a live setting & I am so proud of him. This is where it gets hard for me.

Dee74

Your husband probably has thousands of performances left in him Ten.
Weigh up the handful he's likely to do over the next few months

D

Rusty Zipper

tyg

i'm with aunt dee,

put the sticks down for over two years, concentrated on my recovery,

and was able to pick them back up, and been playing here and there for over six years,

in fact, the old band will be getting back for a MAD benefit next month

ytg, look at your motives, is it really that you have to go see hubby play.

let go of the selfish part of alcoholism,

and think how much more freeing it would be for hubby to go on stage without his concerns for a sloshed wifey

if hubby is like me, he will be playing for as long as he can.

and it doesn't have to be in bars and clubs

address your drinking today, for all the tomorrows you two have

all good wishes

TenYearsGone

Thank you for the advice everyone. I am relieved that he won't be playing much for a while going forward for his own reasons, it makes it easier for me. There is a great selfishness in addiction of all kinds that I am ready to let go of. Staying centered in the self is not the same as being selfish. I need to stay centered in myself, focus on just staying away from the things that are bringing me down. He will have other performances & maybe he can record this one for me so I can listen later on

TenYearsGone

Well, I stayed home, didn't try to go to this performance. Don't want to get over-confident!

Rusty Zipper