Another Newbie Here - Looking for a bit of Support & Advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 518
Another Newbie Here - Looking for a bit of Support & Advice
Hello Everyone,
I'm Bayliss...25 years old...realized I was an alcoholic not too long ago. I never drank when I was a teenager or began my 20s but the past three years I have been drinking frequently and the past year I have been drinking quite heavily...everyday, sometimes in the mornings, usually all day on weekends.
I have tried several times to quit...I would go weekdays with no drink and weekends with...and that worked a bit...and then I just started drinking again everyday...I usually drank to the point of blacking out.
The other day I was admitted to hospital for severe chest pain which ended up being severe acid reflux from binge drinking...the blood work was riddled with alcohol {the doctor kept asking me if I had a problem}.
The next day my boyfriend didn't really speak to me. He then later on told me that if I don't get my stuff together that he was going to leave me...he didn't want to deal with it anymore. The amount of money I wasted, the lies I told him countless times, the fool I made out of myself on certain days...the person that I became, well, I became unrecognizable to him. All I did was work, get to the house, cook if I felt like it, and then drank until I passed out.
Well...I guess I was a bit upset that he gave me an ultimatum...I mean, I want to quit but I don't...well...I really do. I don't want it to run my life anymore. I don't enjoy anything and I am just absolutely miserable half the time...for something like this to completely consume my day to day life. I usually would think that weekends flew by and the work week started way too soon, it turns out I was just too drunk to remember half of it, or I was asleep for most of it.
I know that I need to get my life in order...and I guess in a way it's a good thing that he gave me this ultimatum...
So today is day 1 of being sober. So far so good I guess. There isn't any booze in my house...so that's a bonus.
I just need to occupy my time and just get busy...I know that I will become healthier as the days go on...and I will lose all the weight I put on while drinking...
I just hope that this is the last time that I have to try this because I don't want to be consumed by this disease anymore.
I just wanted to introduce myself, give you a little bit about my background and I hope to speak to all of you soon.
Thanks for reading this.
And I am so grateful for this opportunity as well. This is such a great idea - this forum.
-Bayliss+
I'm Bayliss...25 years old...realized I was an alcoholic not too long ago. I never drank when I was a teenager or began my 20s but the past three years I have been drinking frequently and the past year I have been drinking quite heavily...everyday, sometimes in the mornings, usually all day on weekends.
I have tried several times to quit...I would go weekdays with no drink and weekends with...and that worked a bit...and then I just started drinking again everyday...I usually drank to the point of blacking out.
The other day I was admitted to hospital for severe chest pain which ended up being severe acid reflux from binge drinking...the blood work was riddled with alcohol {the doctor kept asking me if I had a problem}.
The next day my boyfriend didn't really speak to me. He then later on told me that if I don't get my stuff together that he was going to leave me...he didn't want to deal with it anymore. The amount of money I wasted, the lies I told him countless times, the fool I made out of myself on certain days...the person that I became, well, I became unrecognizable to him. All I did was work, get to the house, cook if I felt like it, and then drank until I passed out.
Well...I guess I was a bit upset that he gave me an ultimatum...I mean, I want to quit but I don't...well...I really do. I don't want it to run my life anymore. I don't enjoy anything and I am just absolutely miserable half the time...for something like this to completely consume my day to day life. I usually would think that weekends flew by and the work week started way too soon, it turns out I was just too drunk to remember half of it, or I was asleep for most of it.
I know that I need to get my life in order...and I guess in a way it's a good thing that he gave me this ultimatum...
So today is day 1 of being sober. So far so good I guess. There isn't any booze in my house...so that's a bonus.
I just need to occupy my time and just get busy...I know that I will become healthier as the days go on...and I will lose all the weight I put on while drinking...
I just hope that this is the last time that I have to try this because I don't want to be consumed by this disease anymore.
I just wanted to introduce myself, give you a little bit about my background and I hope to speak to all of you soon.
Thanks for reading this.
And I am so grateful for this opportunity as well. This is such a great idea - this forum.
-Bayliss+
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
Welcome bayliss! I can sure relate to your post. I was drinking to the point of blacking out and it just had to stop. I'm so much happier now and get up everyday without alcohol being my main purpose. You can do this!!
Best Wishes To You!
Best Wishes To You!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: california
Posts: 118
Welcome! I am in the same boat as you are. Please keep posting so that I can read up on your progress. Today is my first day as well. I have been shaking all day. I called my doctor to find out what I can do to get through this initial step of detox. If you find anything in particular that works for you, let me know. I could use all the tips I can get. Good luck, and hang in there. You can do it!
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Welcome to SR Bayliss! 
I too drank my weekends away to the point of not remembering them... and then groaning Monday morning when it was time to drag myself into the office.
Glad you're here...
I too drank my weekends away to the point of not remembering them... and then groaning Monday morning when it was time to drag myself into the office.
Glad you're here...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 518
Wow - thanks for all the support guys! This really lifted my spirits! 
I will definitely post more often and keep you all updated on my progress.
KCBF - For some reason I don't really have the shakes...but I do get quite a bit of anxiety, especially since all I can think about is drinking and wishing that I could. Or really just wanting to crawl outta my skin and run to the nearest liquor store.
It's not for everyone, but I did get a prescription from my Doctor for Ativan {but we have to be careful because it's quite addictive as well}.
I am just trying really hard to keep my time occupied.
I spent most of the evening cooking so far.
I have a question for everyone here though, do you guys find you're a lot more sleepier once you stop drinking? I am quite exhausted and would love to just go to sleep.
Thanks again everyone for making me feel so welcome. It warms my heart.
BIG hugs!
-Bayliss+
I will definitely post more often and keep you all updated on my progress. KCBF - For some reason I don't really have the shakes...but I do get quite a bit of anxiety, especially since all I can think about is drinking and wishing that I could. Or really just wanting to crawl outta my skin and run to the nearest liquor store.
It's not for everyone, but I did get a prescription from my Doctor for Ativan {but we have to be careful because it's quite addictive as well}.
I am just trying really hard to keep my time occupied.
I spent most of the evening cooking so far.
I have a question for everyone here though, do you guys find you're a lot more sleepier once you stop drinking? I am quite exhausted and would love to just go to sleep.
Thanks again everyone for making me feel so welcome. It warms my heart.
BIG hugs!
-Bayliss+
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 245
Hi Bayliss, welcome to the forum. I didn't start drinking until just before I turned 19, which I consider somewhat of a late start as well. I quit drinking just after I turned 24, so I *only* drank for five years, but I sure did a lot of damage in that amount of time. I am thankful I quit while I am still young, I encourage you to be thankful as well. Welcome again, this forum is an amazing resource and there is a lot to learn here.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Bayliss..... best of luck to you. Hopefully, for you, your plan works.
For me, sobriety is about a whoooooole lot more than just "not drinking." There's a world of difference between being dry, being in recovery, and being recovered. For me and all the ppl with the same condition I have, we found that "not drinking," even when we could pull it off, didn't lead to a happy, fulfilling and content life.
Ya see, the consumption of alcohol is just an outward manifestation of alcoholism....... and alcoholism is an inside job, an internal condition. The booze/wine/beer is just like the bruise and the real damage is down below....in this case, in the psyche and in the soul. For an alcoholic, ending the drinking is a start but it doesn't really address the root cause........and that's why soooooooo many ppl can't stay stopped. They addressed the symptom (by stopping the drinking) but not the cause.
Welcome to the board and welcome to the world of recovery. I wish you the best and suggest to you to reeeeally look into recovery. It's a whole new life, a new reason for living, the end of depression, guilt and fear. It's days filled mostly with peace......joy......contentment......and happiness. Don't sell yourself short yanno? If you can pull it off and stop the drinking........please don't settle for some half-azz existence where you avoid booze and white-knuckle it through each day. Sure, sobriety is "one day at a time" but it's NOT "we don't drink one day at a time," it's we LIVE LIFE one day at a time - happily. Don't settle for anything less, yanno?
.......and if you'd like, I'd recommend AA. If for nothing else, then to find out what an alcoholic is, to figure out if you're really an alcoholic or not, and to get one helluva cool way to deal with all of it.
For me, sobriety is about a whoooooole lot more than just "not drinking." There's a world of difference between being dry, being in recovery, and being recovered. For me and all the ppl with the same condition I have, we found that "not drinking," even when we could pull it off, didn't lead to a happy, fulfilling and content life.
Ya see, the consumption of alcohol is just an outward manifestation of alcoholism....... and alcoholism is an inside job, an internal condition. The booze/wine/beer is just like the bruise and the real damage is down below....in this case, in the psyche and in the soul. For an alcoholic, ending the drinking is a start but it doesn't really address the root cause........and that's why soooooooo many ppl can't stay stopped. They addressed the symptom (by stopping the drinking) but not the cause.
Welcome to the board and welcome to the world of recovery. I wish you the best and suggest to you to reeeeally look into recovery. It's a whole new life, a new reason for living, the end of depression, guilt and fear. It's days filled mostly with peace......joy......contentment......and happiness. Don't sell yourself short yanno? If you can pull it off and stop the drinking........please don't settle for some half-azz existence where you avoid booze and white-knuckle it through each day. Sure, sobriety is "one day at a time" but it's NOT "we don't drink one day at a time," it's we LIVE LIFE one day at a time - happily. Don't settle for anything less, yanno?
.......and if you'd like, I'd recommend AA. If for nothing else, then to find out what an alcoholic is, to figure out if you're really an alcoholic or not, and to get one helluva cool way to deal with all of it.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
It's great to have you here, Bayliss! It takes a while for the obsessive thinking to fade, but it will eventually. It's just your addiction wanting some attention, so don't feed it!
I remember being really tired and unmotivated for a while after I stopped drinking. I just tried to take it one day at a time and keep things simple. It really will get better!
I remember being really tired and unmotivated for a while after I stopped drinking. I just tried to take it one day at a time and keep things simple. It really will get better!
I'm here to learn!
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: I'm on it!
Posts: 2,038
Welcome!
You sound a lot like me (I'm 26). My drinking got to the point where it was an every day thing. I've now been sober for three months. I don't have enough sobriety to really give you any solid advice, but just a few tidbits:
I totally know what you mean by wanting to quit but now wanting to quit. I went back and forth between these feelings or felt them at the same time for months! For me, this was because alcohol wasn't the problem --- it was the solution I had found to a deeper problem. To quit drinking was almost like quitting a medicine that felt like it helped me.
The first 30 days were by far the toughest for me. I relapsed billions of times before I made it past 30 days. It took me going to rehab to finally get past that mark (checked myself in). I haven't had any serious cravings in weeks, but that's partially because I've taken care to isolate myself from my triggers (people, places and things). For example, I'm living with my parents now because I know that I won't drink at their house. Also, I've planned ahead: if I know I'm going to be alone over the weekend I'll make sure to let guys in my step group know so they will call and check on me, or else I can have them on call if I need them.
Which really brings me to my last point: support is soooo crucial. You will find a lot of good support here, but look at finding a group to go to as well. Some like AA or NA. I chose Celebrate Recovery because it's a Christian program and a big part of my recovery is making my peace with God. Your recovery will probably be different, but whatever the case is, you will need people who can be with you along the way. Recovering alcoholics are, by and large, some of the nicest and most welcoming people you will ever meet.
Best of luck to you, please keep us posted with how things are going for you!
-Josh
You sound a lot like me (I'm 26). My drinking got to the point where it was an every day thing. I've now been sober for three months. I don't have enough sobriety to really give you any solid advice, but just a few tidbits:
I totally know what you mean by wanting to quit but now wanting to quit. I went back and forth between these feelings or felt them at the same time for months! For me, this was because alcohol wasn't the problem --- it was the solution I had found to a deeper problem. To quit drinking was almost like quitting a medicine that felt like it helped me.
The first 30 days were by far the toughest for me. I relapsed billions of times before I made it past 30 days. It took me going to rehab to finally get past that mark (checked myself in). I haven't had any serious cravings in weeks, but that's partially because I've taken care to isolate myself from my triggers (people, places and things). For example, I'm living with my parents now because I know that I won't drink at their house. Also, I've planned ahead: if I know I'm going to be alone over the weekend I'll make sure to let guys in my step group know so they will call and check on me, or else I can have them on call if I need them.
Which really brings me to my last point: support is soooo crucial. You will find a lot of good support here, but look at finding a group to go to as well. Some like AA or NA. I chose Celebrate Recovery because it's a Christian program and a big part of my recovery is making my peace with God. Your recovery will probably be different, but whatever the case is, you will need people who can be with you along the way. Recovering alcoholics are, by and large, some of the nicest and most welcoming people you will ever meet.
Best of luck to you, please keep us posted with how things are going for you!
-Josh
Came to Believe
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Montgomery AL
Posts: 507
Bayliss, I slept like the dead after about a week of detoxing (couldn't sleep for more than a few hours at a time before that -- haven't for years). Heavy alcohol consumption doesn't really allow you to get to the really deep, restful sleep phase, so your body's probably just playing catch up.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 518
I just want to say thank you to everyone who has welcomed me yet again. I will write a bit more in depth tomorrow.I have had quite the rough day and am trying to stay away from booze. I will explain more tomorrow, but you guys are all so sweet and I appreciate everyone advice here. It's really comforting and makes me happy.
Thanks again.
I will write a bit more in depth tomorrow.I have had quite the rough day and am trying to stay away from booze. I will explain more tomorrow, but you guys are all so sweet and I appreciate everyone advice here. It's really comforting and makes me happy. Thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1
Bayliss,
I have a somewhat similar story. I didnt start drinking until college. I am in my late 20s and have been drinking for about 10 years. I always thought it was normal the amount I was drinking, because everyone I have surrounded myself with drank just as much. The girls that I dated I selected because they drank too. The relationships were pretty empty and as long as they were ok with me drinking everything was fine. Of course there would be lots of fights that we would regret the next day. It all felt normal tho. I guess up until the last few years did I start in the back of my mind thinking this was a problem, although no where near admitting it myself. I used to drink to have fun which ment going out and actually enjoying being with my friends (who were also heavy drinkers) but then it got to a point where I would take a Cab home to really drink in a way i had no business being around other. I didnt drink daily nor feel the physical need, but when I did, I always craved more and more. Well about 3 years ago I met an amazing girl who drinks some, but never got drunk. As you know drinking has no place in a realtionship if you want it work. I put her through all kinds of BS by going off with the guys getting drunk texting EXs that i could care less about etc etc. Amazing that she put up with it, but i think she knew i was a good person without alcohol. We broke up several times, always because i didnt want someone telling i need to quit drinking. I even tried to quit one time, but it was totally for her sake. That sounds like where you are at. It needs to be your decision to quit. I am at that point now. I have finally been honest with myself and realized it has hurt my realtionships with the ones who actually care about me, my finances, not my career but excelling in my career, and im sure my health. Good luck to you, but just make sure you want to quit for yourself not just because it is an ultimatum, because the urge will be there and you dont want to blame your significant other for not letting you.
I have a somewhat similar story. I didnt start drinking until college. I am in my late 20s and have been drinking for about 10 years. I always thought it was normal the amount I was drinking, because everyone I have surrounded myself with drank just as much. The girls that I dated I selected because they drank too. The relationships were pretty empty and as long as they were ok with me drinking everything was fine. Of course there would be lots of fights that we would regret the next day. It all felt normal tho. I guess up until the last few years did I start in the back of my mind thinking this was a problem, although no where near admitting it myself. I used to drink to have fun which ment going out and actually enjoying being with my friends (who were also heavy drinkers) but then it got to a point where I would take a Cab home to really drink in a way i had no business being around other. I didnt drink daily nor feel the physical need, but when I did, I always craved more and more. Well about 3 years ago I met an amazing girl who drinks some, but never got drunk. As you know drinking has no place in a realtionship if you want it work. I put her through all kinds of BS by going off with the guys getting drunk texting EXs that i could care less about etc etc. Amazing that she put up with it, but i think she knew i was a good person without alcohol. We broke up several times, always because i didnt want someone telling i need to quit drinking. I even tried to quit one time, but it was totally for her sake. That sounds like where you are at. It needs to be your decision to quit. I am at that point now. I have finally been honest with myself and realized it has hurt my realtionships with the ones who actually care about me, my finances, not my career but excelling in my career, and im sure my health. Good luck to you, but just make sure you want to quit for yourself not just because it is an ultimatum, because the urge will be there and you dont want to blame your significant other for not letting you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 413
Originally Posted by Rapala 
Bayliss,
I have a somewhat similar story. I didnt start drinking until college. I am in my late 20s and have been drinking for about 10 years. I always thought it was normal the amount I was drinking, because everyone I have surrounded myself with drank just as much. The girls that I dated I selected because they drank too. The relationships were pretty empty and as long as they were ok with me drinking everything was fine. Of course there would be lots of fights that we would regret the next day. It all felt normal tho. I guess up until the last few years did I start in the back of my mind thinking this was a problem, although no where near admitting it myself. I used to drink to have fun which ment going out and actually enjoying being with my friends (who were also heavy drinkers) but then it got to a point where I would take a Cab home to really drink in a way i had no business being around other. I didnt drink daily nor feel the physical need, but when I did, I always craved more and more. Well about 3 years ago I met an amazing girl who drinks some, but never got drunk. As you know drinking has no place in a realtionship if you want it work. I put her through all kinds of BS by going off with the guys getting drunk texting EXs that i could care less about etc etc. Amazing that she put up with it, but i think she knew i was a good person without alcohol. We broke up several times, always because i didnt want someone telling i need to quit drinking. I even tried to quit one time, but it was totally for her sake. That sounds like where you are at. It needs to be your decision to quit. I am at that point now. I have finally been honest with myself and realized it has hurt my realtionships with the ones who actually care about me, my finances, not my career but excelling in my career, and im sure my health. Good luck to you, but just make sure you want to quit for yourself not just because it is an ultimatum, because the urge will be there and you dont want to blame your significant other for not letting you.
I have a somewhat similar story. I didnt start drinking until college. I am in my late 20s and have been drinking for about 10 years. I always thought it was normal the amount I was drinking, because everyone I have surrounded myself with drank just as much. The girls that I dated I selected because they drank too. The relationships were pretty empty and as long as they were ok with me drinking everything was fine. Of course there would be lots of fights that we would regret the next day. It all felt normal tho. I guess up until the last few years did I start in the back of my mind thinking this was a problem, although no where near admitting it myself. I used to drink to have fun which ment going out and actually enjoying being with my friends (who were also heavy drinkers) but then it got to a point where I would take a Cab home to really drink in a way i had no business being around other. I didnt drink daily nor feel the physical need, but when I did, I always craved more and more. Well about 3 years ago I met an amazing girl who drinks some, but never got drunk. As you know drinking has no place in a realtionship if you want it work. I put her through all kinds of BS by going off with the guys getting drunk texting EXs that i could care less about etc etc. Amazing that she put up with it, but i think she knew i was a good person without alcohol. We broke up several times, always because i didnt want someone telling i need to quit drinking. I even tried to quit one time, but it was totally for her sake. That sounds like where you are at. It needs to be your decision to quit. I am at that point now. I have finally been honest with myself and realized it has hurt my realtionships with the ones who actually care about me, my finances, not my career but excelling in my career, and im sure my health. Good luck to you, but just make sure you want to quit for yourself not just because it is an ultimatum, because the urge will be there and you dont want to blame your significant other for not letting you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 518
First of all, thanks to everyone who posted.
Daytrader; I completely understand what your saying. I am still trying to figure out the best way to go about this not drinking thing. It's quite difficult at times...sometimes I can't stop thinking about it! Other times it doesn't bother me too much.
You see, I used to smoke for 7 years and then one day quit cold-turkey. Of course the first few weeks were quite brutal, but eventually I just didn't really care for it at all and am now able to be surrounded by people who constantly smoke. And let me tell you, I hate the smell! Lol.
I am hoping that drinking does the same sort of thing...the craving though for it can be quite strong.
I am definitely taking it one day at a time and that's all that I can do at the present time.
Rapala; welcome, and thank you so much for sharing your story. I can definitely relate to what you're saying. It's funny, this is the first relationship with someone where my drinking has interfered...I mean, my ex used to drink and it bothered me, but I never really sat there and thought he had a problem. We werearound 18/19 so it only seemed "normal" when he would BEG me to get him booze and then get really upset with me if I didn't...I guess I sorta understand what he went through now.
I know that my boyfriend gave me the ultimatum...and I sit there and I think that I don't want to quit...but I really do. I have been thinking about this for quite a while, I began seeing an addictions counsellor and reading up on alcoholism before he even said anything, but he was right though at the same time when he said that I wasn't even helping myself.
Going to a counsellor and then going home to read a book on alcoholism while having alcohol; well, it didn't jive.
I know that I want to do this for him and for myself...and for my family. I told my Mom my problem and it's the one thing that she hates more than anything so she is quite worried and wants me to just get healthy.
I gained about 30lbs from drinking. I mean...every weekend I would wake up and begin to drink...and drink throughout the day. And then of course eat huge meals. I am not surprised that I gained so much weight! Not only that, but to say that the weight gain has harmed other aspects of my life, like self-esteem and just not being able to feel intimate with my boyfriend because I am ashamed. The only time that I don't is when I am drunk. And that isn't right.
I know if I drank this week, well, I wouldn't have made delicious dinners or spent time with my boyfriend watching interesting shows and chatting. I wouldn't spend time with my cat and clean up around the place and read and think of things to do the next day or for the weekend. I wouldn't be prepared for the big meeting that I had this morning with my superiors at work and I definitely would be a mess with regards to my depression/anxiety and OCD. I find that when I drink the hangover isn't what's killer the next day, it's the never-ending cycle of thoughts and panic attacks.
I am on day 3 now.
I thought I was going to get fired from work yesterday and really really wanted to have a drink but didn't...
I asked my boyfriend to bring wine today but he didn't...and I am glad he didn't...I am always trying to find some sort of excuse to drink but I surprised myself last night when I was able to cope with the possibility that hey, maybe I will get fired, but it ain't the end of the world...and drinking will definitely not help me at all.
I hope to keep going...I know my obstacle is the weekend. We are to go to a bday party and then a BBQ. All of our friends drink, I know that I shouldn't put myself in that position...but do you think that if I have a drink or two that I will be back at square one???
Thanks everyone.
Daytrader; I completely understand what your saying. I am still trying to figure out the best way to go about this not drinking thing. It's quite difficult at times...sometimes I can't stop thinking about it! Other times it doesn't bother me too much.
You see, I used to smoke for 7 years and then one day quit cold-turkey. Of course the first few weeks were quite brutal, but eventually I just didn't really care for it at all and am now able to be surrounded by people who constantly smoke. And let me tell you, I hate the smell! Lol.
I am hoping that drinking does the same sort of thing...the craving though for it can be quite strong.
I am definitely taking it one day at a time and that's all that I can do at the present time.
Rapala; welcome, and thank you so much for sharing your story. I can definitely relate to what you're saying. It's funny, this is the first relationship with someone where my drinking has interfered...I mean, my ex used to drink and it bothered me, but I never really sat there and thought he had a problem. We werearound 18/19 so it only seemed "normal" when he would BEG me to get him booze and then get really upset with me if I didn't...I guess I sorta understand what he went through now.
I know that my boyfriend gave me the ultimatum...and I sit there and I think that I don't want to quit...but I really do. I have been thinking about this for quite a while, I began seeing an addictions counsellor and reading up on alcoholism before he even said anything, but he was right though at the same time when he said that I wasn't even helping myself.
Going to a counsellor and then going home to read a book on alcoholism while having alcohol; well, it didn't jive.
I know that I want to do this for him and for myself...and for my family. I told my Mom my problem and it's the one thing that she hates more than anything so she is quite worried and wants me to just get healthy.
I gained about 30lbs from drinking. I mean...every weekend I would wake up and begin to drink...and drink throughout the day. And then of course eat huge meals. I am not surprised that I gained so much weight! Not only that, but to say that the weight gain has harmed other aspects of my life, like self-esteem and just not being able to feel intimate with my boyfriend because I am ashamed. The only time that I don't is when I am drunk. And that isn't right.
I know if I drank this week, well, I wouldn't have made delicious dinners or spent time with my boyfriend watching interesting shows and chatting. I wouldn't spend time with my cat and clean up around the place and read and think of things to do the next day or for the weekend. I wouldn't be prepared for the big meeting that I had this morning with my superiors at work and I definitely would be a mess with regards to my depression/anxiety and OCD. I find that when I drink the hangover isn't what's killer the next day, it's the never-ending cycle of thoughts and panic attacks.
I am on day 3 now.
I thought I was going to get fired from work yesterday and really really wanted to have a drink but didn't...
I asked my boyfriend to bring wine today but he didn't...and I am glad he didn't...I am always trying to find some sort of excuse to drink but I surprised myself last night when I was able to cope with the possibility that hey, maybe I will get fired, but it ain't the end of the world...and drinking will definitely not help me at all.
I hope to keep going...I know my obstacle is the weekend. We are to go to a bday party and then a BBQ. All of our friends drink, I know that I shouldn't put myself in that position...but do you think that if I have a drink or two that I will be back at square one???
Thanks everyone.
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