Back From Vacation
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 89
Back From Vacation
I just got back from visiting my family for the first time since I stopped drinking. I went all prepared to talk to my younger cousin who has been a binge drinker with her friends ever since senior year of high school (she's now 24).
But I was pleasantly surprised to get there and find her in workout clothes carrying a water bottle. She's started working out every day after work and eating Lean Cuisines in an attempt to lose the weight she packed on from 6 years of partying. She hadn't stopped drinking totally, but I think this is a great start and a great realization for her that it's just not good for her. We went out to see a live band last Wed night and she had just one beer.
But then her friends got there for the weekend and she drank with them Friday night, Saturday afternoon, Saturday night.... they were all a ridiculous mess. Granted, she was probably the most sober of the bunch (I saw her Sunday and she didn't look like death like she did last year) but I still hate that she and her friends think it's the only way to have fun. I heard stories about the trouble they got into... one male friend got arrested by the local police for being drunk and disorderly but was released to my uncle... it was all they could do to keep a female friend from going home with the local sleazebag.... just no good.
But surprisingly, my cousin wasn't the one I was most worried about. My aunt (not the cousin's mother, but a different sister of my dad's - I'll call her Aunt X) has a major drinking problem. This is the same one that I talked to at Christmas and admitted I was trying to lose the 15 lbs I had packed on from drinking and that I had to stop hanging out with certain people because all they did was drink. She admitted at Christmas that she had gotten in a similar rut and was changing things.
But in truth, she hadn't. That live music we went to Wednesday night, she got totally trashed. Then on Friday, she asked to leave work early at noon (she works for my uncle, her sister's husband) to get ready for the food booth they were running on Saturday... but my other aunt went up to the grocery store at 7pm to get more hamburger buns and saw Aunt X coming out of the bar in her work clothes... we were talking back at the house and my uncle and aunt matched stories and realized Aunt X must have left work early and gone straight to the bar, since my aunt could tell Aunt X was totally trashed at 7pm.
Well, then, I actually stayed at Aunt X's house Friday and Saturday night (since my cousin's 15 friends were staying at my other aunt's house.) She didn't come home until super late both nights. She has two sons, 11 and 16, and a husband who has a full time job in the city and runs a large cattle farm at home so he basically just eats and sleeps at the house. The 16 year old can take care of himself if you call it that; all he cares about is playing computer games in his room, and he eats chips and microwave foods. But my 11 year old cousin... you can tell he is being a bit neglected. He also can forage for food (the first day we got there, I witnessed him making a very late lunch out of pop, a piece of string cheese, and stale pretzels) but I think he needs more attention than he is getting. Not once did I see him bathe. I suggested it on Sunday before we went to the zoo but he shrugged it off.
Aunt X was really thankful for us taking him places while we were there (we did a lot of sight seeing to nearby towns throughout the week and took us with him each time - went to a couple museums, the zoo, shopping, etc) because she said he doesn't get out much... well he is 11 and he lives down a very hilly gravel road... it's not like he can really go anywhere by himself!
My husband and I whispered in bed on Saturday night, discussing what a mess this all is. I tentatively suggested mentioning it to my grandma (Aunt X's mother) but then again, she probably already knows since she and the other aunt are very close and talk daily, and the other aunt is very aware but doesn't seem to take it that seriously. Then I thought about telling my dad (who is the oldest brother.) But he's having his own problems now (mostly financial) and I don't want to burden him with that. But I really don't know what to do about her. I mean, lying to your boss (even if it is your brother in law) to get out of work early so you can go to the bar? Stumbling home alone at 2am when your kids and husband have been in bed for hours? (And I'm not sure if she got a ride home.. there is no way she walked down the gravel road in the pitch black. The alternative would be that she drunk drove... which I shudder to think about...) She was so hungover Sunday that I didn't even see her until we got back from the zoo at 4pm, and she was still groggy and obviously in pain on the couch. She is 52 years old, weighs less than 100lbs and has had previous health problems... I am just afraid she is going to kill herself. I never got a chance to talk to her alone, since she was always at the bar or asleep pretty much. Should I say something to my dad? She has a temper and I fear ruining my relationship with her forever.
Oh, and I forgot: I was totally not tempted to drink at any point on vacation. Who would be, seeing such horrible examples of what drink does? I actually bowed out of the street dance Saturday, though I did go up to the bar w/ live music on Wed and Fri with my family and drank Sprite, because there was a $10 cover per person on Saturday and that felt kind of silly to pay that to drink Sprite when I really don't like the band! So we took my 11 year old cousin home and watched TV with him.
But I was pleasantly surprised to get there and find her in workout clothes carrying a water bottle. She's started working out every day after work and eating Lean Cuisines in an attempt to lose the weight she packed on from 6 years of partying. She hadn't stopped drinking totally, but I think this is a great start and a great realization for her that it's just not good for her. We went out to see a live band last Wed night and she had just one beer.
But then her friends got there for the weekend and she drank with them Friday night, Saturday afternoon, Saturday night.... they were all a ridiculous mess. Granted, she was probably the most sober of the bunch (I saw her Sunday and she didn't look like death like she did last year) but I still hate that she and her friends think it's the only way to have fun. I heard stories about the trouble they got into... one male friend got arrested by the local police for being drunk and disorderly but was released to my uncle... it was all they could do to keep a female friend from going home with the local sleazebag.... just no good.
But surprisingly, my cousin wasn't the one I was most worried about. My aunt (not the cousin's mother, but a different sister of my dad's - I'll call her Aunt X) has a major drinking problem. This is the same one that I talked to at Christmas and admitted I was trying to lose the 15 lbs I had packed on from drinking and that I had to stop hanging out with certain people because all they did was drink. She admitted at Christmas that she had gotten in a similar rut and was changing things.
But in truth, she hadn't. That live music we went to Wednesday night, she got totally trashed. Then on Friday, she asked to leave work early at noon (she works for my uncle, her sister's husband) to get ready for the food booth they were running on Saturday... but my other aunt went up to the grocery store at 7pm to get more hamburger buns and saw Aunt X coming out of the bar in her work clothes... we were talking back at the house and my uncle and aunt matched stories and realized Aunt X must have left work early and gone straight to the bar, since my aunt could tell Aunt X was totally trashed at 7pm.
Well, then, I actually stayed at Aunt X's house Friday and Saturday night (since my cousin's 15 friends were staying at my other aunt's house.) She didn't come home until super late both nights. She has two sons, 11 and 16, and a husband who has a full time job in the city and runs a large cattle farm at home so he basically just eats and sleeps at the house. The 16 year old can take care of himself if you call it that; all he cares about is playing computer games in his room, and he eats chips and microwave foods. But my 11 year old cousin... you can tell he is being a bit neglected. He also can forage for food (the first day we got there, I witnessed him making a very late lunch out of pop, a piece of string cheese, and stale pretzels) but I think he needs more attention than he is getting. Not once did I see him bathe. I suggested it on Sunday before we went to the zoo but he shrugged it off.
Aunt X was really thankful for us taking him places while we were there (we did a lot of sight seeing to nearby towns throughout the week and took us with him each time - went to a couple museums, the zoo, shopping, etc) because she said he doesn't get out much... well he is 11 and he lives down a very hilly gravel road... it's not like he can really go anywhere by himself!
My husband and I whispered in bed on Saturday night, discussing what a mess this all is. I tentatively suggested mentioning it to my grandma (Aunt X's mother) but then again, she probably already knows since she and the other aunt are very close and talk daily, and the other aunt is very aware but doesn't seem to take it that seriously. Then I thought about telling my dad (who is the oldest brother.) But he's having his own problems now (mostly financial) and I don't want to burden him with that. But I really don't know what to do about her. I mean, lying to your boss (even if it is your brother in law) to get out of work early so you can go to the bar? Stumbling home alone at 2am when your kids and husband have been in bed for hours? (And I'm not sure if she got a ride home.. there is no way she walked down the gravel road in the pitch black. The alternative would be that she drunk drove... which I shudder to think about...) She was so hungover Sunday that I didn't even see her until we got back from the zoo at 4pm, and she was still groggy and obviously in pain on the couch. She is 52 years old, weighs less than 100lbs and has had previous health problems... I am just afraid she is going to kill herself. I never got a chance to talk to her alone, since she was always at the bar or asleep pretty much. Should I say something to my dad? She has a temper and I fear ruining my relationship with her forever.
Oh, and I forgot: I was totally not tempted to drink at any point on vacation. Who would be, seeing such horrible examples of what drink does? I actually bowed out of the street dance Saturday, though I did go up to the bar w/ live music on Wed and Fri with my family and drank Sprite, because there was a $10 cover per person on Saturday and that felt kind of silly to pay that to drink Sprite when I really don't like the band! So we took my 11 year old cousin home and watched TV with him.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Wow... sounds like a couple chapters out of a book 
I actually visualized these people in these scenarios... do you write??
Sorry to hear about your aunt's drinking, but maybe your cousin is working on leaving it behind?
And congrats on your not drinking... after all, it's the only thing in your power to control, right?
I actually visualized these people in these scenarios... do you write?? Sorry to hear about your aunt's drinking, but maybe your cousin is working on leaving it behind?
And congrats on your not drinking... after all, it's the only thing in your power to control, right?
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