landminesgirl

So, let's say you're 3 months or 3 years or so sober (totally an arbitrary number). . . and you slip up. Just one night, you have a few drinks. Does that reset your sober clock to Day 1?

I know I shouldn't get hung up on that, but I'm usually pretty hard on myself and I'm really extreme about most things (all-or-nothing mentality). And let's say I get my act together and stay sober for a while. If I were to have one night slip, my all-or-nothing attitidue would probably make me think: "well screw it, I messed up - might as well have another fun night" and go on a bender.

Does this make sense?

endlesspatience

Thanks for raising the question. Lots of people will no doubt reply. But I would ask a question in retun: Why do you turn to us for the answer? Should we be setting rules for you about your sobriety? We, after all, are just other drinkers, some of us in recovery. We can't solve moral riddles. All we can do is strive to be sober one day at a time by following our own paths. The whole idea of a sobreity clock is but one mental concept that some of us use to help us. But we can't be responsible for monitoring or resetting the mental concepts of other people. In the end, you're the best person to answer the questions that you pose and to explore in your own mind why you want to ask it.

Missy7

As I face my life sober, I am aware that there will come a time when I am offered a glass of champagne. It is possible that I will accept it. Then I will get back on the wagon.

But the time I have sober began June 20 (third or fourth attempt this spring) and I will count that date so long as I have the commitment. The days really are irrelevant and I wouldn't want the "excuse" of starting over.

That said, I will not be accepting champagne any time soon, I just need to know that this is a life's work, not a week's, and I need a plan.

On the other hand, I have proved, over and over, that I cannot have just one drink. One drink and I'm on a bender. Just a modicum of alcohol shuts off my control system--so the first must be avoided.

SSIL75

In recovery that kind of attitude should go away.

I don't think that a 'slip' puts you back to day 1 in a punitive way. But for me if I drank now it would mean that I wasn't as far along in recovery as I thought I was. And definitely if I felt like a night of drinking was an indulgence or a reward (how I used to think) I'd say I was going about the whole thing the wrong way and that the alcoholic was once again in the drivers seat.

Does that make sense?

Latte

For me personally the clock starts over.

I'm a recovering prescription pain pill addict and I struggled with that more. A few years ago I had some mouth surgery and talked to my sponsor etc. about the medications I did use. I used them as directed and only as long as I was in severe pain. I still consider myself clean.

The bottom line is that my recovery is my responsibility and while I take advice from sponsors I own my part too.

landminesgirl

The "COMMITMENT". Thanks, Missy - I like that.

landminesgirl

Yes, makes perfect sense. Thank you!

landminesgirl

I don't know why - I guess being new on my recovery walk, I wanted some assurance that if I do find success (sorry, not if, WHEN) that it's not all-for-naught if I slip up. Maybe that thought process is setting myself up for failure, assuming that I will slip up at some point . . .

I think my biggest problem is that I'm surrounded constantly by people who drink. So I anticipate slipping up. My husband, my parents, my friends - all social drinkers. None who seem to have any problems having 1 or 2, but who I cannot ask to give up entirely. I have a couple trips coming up - one to see my parents in Chicago. There is always wine. . . ALWAYS. The following weekend, a trip to see my oldest friends in Pittsburgh (sans kids.) They're looking forward to hanging out like the old days. I'm not saying that it's impossible for me to not drink while they do. But I can't lie - it will be NEAR impossible.

When I'm home and it's just my husband and kids, my husband will abstain to support me. I can't ask that of my parents and friends. And I don't want to say, my sober date will be after those trips, because there will always be "something", right?


Sorry, so long-winded. . .

SSIL75

In recovery I really don't want to drink anymore. I never thought that would happen but it did.

I was just this weekend on a trip that used to be wine soaked. We were even in a wine bar. And I did get a fleeting urge but then....the realization that if I had one I'd want 8. and the next morning I'd be pouring some champagne at breakfast time (on vacation, see so that kind of stuff was 'allowed').

I left the bar not long after and walked back in the rain to where we were staying. I called my husband and got a mocha at Starbucks. It was delicious, hot and chocolatey. My friends followed me back about an hour later and they continued to drink wine while we watched crqppy TV and caught up.

It was a great night.

I used to think alcohol was the center of every event, too but really it was only that way to me, the alcoholic

EmeraldRose

In recovery, you can't be a part time alcoholic. Recovery is ackowledging and accepting whatever triggers and temptations that occur and overcoming them. That means working on yourself -not just not drinking. Relapse and triggers start ahead of actually buying a bottle to drink. By then you have already convinced yourself its ok. Especially if you know in advanced that its anticipated. If you remain in your recovery thinking and overcome the thought of 'anticipating' relapse then you will be successful in your recovery.
Sure, everyone can say...I know if I go here there will be booze, I know if I go to that concert I will be tempted -That's the whole point of recovery! To overcome the issues that make you want to drink -period.
You are not recovering if you are thinking that just one drink won't hurt. It will. You will never get over the that alcoholic hump thinking that just one drink is ok. It's not.

Temptation does not exist in my recovery. It is not an option. Temptation is a wave in recovery that will have me drinking. I have to keep a calm sea, no waves, no whirlwinds to stir up the alcoholic thoughts. They need to be dealt with and overcome. There is no room for letting down my guard or I'll capsize and be swimming in a sea of booze again.

As far as resetting the date...I think (and this is my personal opinion) that alcoholics can have relapse without the action of drinking. It is a thought process and usually drinking is the outcome. Relapse can happen up to a point where you haven't drank so resetting the date isn't typically necessary. That's why so much work needs to be done on your own soul. Your own mind. You have to be able to overcome the thought process that will lead to alcoholic thoughts.
Otherwise, you will just be an alocholic that's not drinking for the week...and you will have another 50 day ones.

PaleMale

I was a taper up alcoholic, meaning it took many years to start having real alcohol related life problems. Up till that point, I didn't even notice that alcohol changed from an occasional delicacy and treat to the reason why I made it through another day of life, 'to take my comfort.'

Restarting the day count is not meant to humiliate. I have heard very very few new sober dates and fresh counts that didn't follow fresh disasters. You may get away with it once, but the seeming 'success' of drinking that just-once can become a full-blown life-threatening relapse in the blink of a wink!

For me, my license to drink was revoked, and for good solid reasons and bad repercussions. Sobriety is not a punishment, but justice (and now serenity). Living in the solution also means complete abstinence.

Missy7

All very interesting. I'm focused on the life-long component. I have done a nice job of changing almost everything, but I'm just such a realist. Some of our colleagues say that they no longer want alcohol. I wonder what that really means. If I'm around people drinking, I'm conscious that my decision NOT to drink is different than their decision TO drink. I think that will always be true. So long as that consciousness exists, I don't think I can say I don't "want" to drink. This is a level of philosophy I haven't explored yet in sobriety, but I know it's coming. I think it's also the root of the overzealous, judgmental alcoholic we've all seen. The verve with which some people deny alcohol is probably really about their own security. Which is fine.

I can't drink because once I start I cannot stop. I have proved that over and over. And everything about me is changing as I get further into recovery. Yesterday I was really sick--but it wasn't a hangover. I actually probably felt worse than most hangovers, and it certainly hasn't lifted like a hangover would, but it was nice to know it wasn't my fault--as some on here reassured me.

I decided I would quit drinking on April 10. I came to SR for help. On June 20 I found a way to make it stick. I don't know how. My sobriety is important to me, and it has brought many positive reinforcements, but the purpose of my sobriety is to take better care of myself. And that surely includes being kind to myself. I do not see a drink in any particular element of my future, but I know I have made this decision. It is a form of muscle memory.

Terminally Unique

It sounds like you are planning on drinking again, and then using that as a justification for a prolonged binge. Is that an accurate assessment?

Cypress

[QUOTE=landminesgirl;3033099]So, let's say you're 3 months or 3 years or so sober (totally an arbitrary number). . . and you slip up. Just one night, you have a few drinks. Does that reset your sober clock to Day 1? /QUOTE]

Hi, LMG. For me, I reset my day counter in order to be true to my actual sobriety date. Gotta say, though, that counting each day in itself is very stressful. I'm going to start counting by each weekend to see how that feels. More mind games, I suppose, until I get it right. Cold-turkey sobriety is not for the weak...

Hang in there, keep reading, and keep posting for support.

Spawn

Does it reset dry date.....yes
Does it undo what you've learned.....no

landminesgirl

No, but I can see how you might think so. My mind is far more complicated than that. I slipped last night, and I'm so hung up on the fact that I was *almost* able to say that I had an entire week sober. That would be a first for me in a long long time - minus when I was pregnant. Now, even though I'm determined to get back on the horse, I'm loathe to have to start at day 1 again. If I could just pick up and be at day 7, I would have a better chance of making it through another successful weekend. I don't know if that makes sense, but in my warped mind it does.

So, fast forward to these weekend trips I'm about to take. My motivation to stick with it from this point on is less if I face the chance of having to start over again at square one. I might as well just keep drinking until my traveling is over, right? (Rhetorical) It sounds stupid as I'm saying (typing) it, but it's playing tricks on my mind.

Terminally Unique

If counting days is giving you a justification for continuing to drink, perhaps it might be better not to count days?

Something to ponder...

landminesgirl

Probably. I might be overthinking it. . . and maybe not giving myself enough credit to be able to enjoy my time with my family and friends without reverting back to my old ways. I haven't told them about my struggles, maybe I should.

SSIL75

I know where you're going with it, the thinking is familiar to me.

Early sobriety is very tough. It was a real turning point for me when I realized that sober life would be more enjoyable than drinking life. Then the day count didn't matter that much and there were no mind games like you're playing with yourself. It became more about moving on with my new life.

If you haven't already I highly recommend you check out the AVRT tool on that rational recovery website. It's very refreshing and was a real boost to me, simplifying my approach to recovery.

silly

landminesgirl, only you can think the way you want to think. Yes, AA will say that if you've used/drank, you're at day 1 the first day you stay sober. Fine. That is AA. That is AA thinking. What is landminesgirl thinking? What will keep you on track and back to sobriety?

When I was feeling frustrated I liked to look at my sobriety differently because that's what I NEEDED to try again. Another Day 1 meant failure to me. So if I'd slipped twice in 90 days and my last slip was yesterday, I was 1 day sober in my AA meetings. But when I looked at myself in the mirror, when I was working hard to really believe in myself I liked to look at it differently. I'd say "In the last 90 days, I've been sober for 88 of those days. 90 days before that, I was sober 1 day. You can do this! You're proving it to yourself all the time."
I know a lot of people won't agree with me. But I will never stop believing in myself and I would never stop believing that what I'm doing means something to me.