I'm Back
Make The Most of 2nd Chances
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Cleveland, TN
Posts: 60
I'm Back
Well, I haven't been on here in a while. I went out on my own and lied to myself for a long time about my alcoholism. I thought that there was nothing wrong with me, and I persuaded myself that I was a normal, social drinker. Well, there's plenty wrong with me and I am still an alcoholic. I had a terrible night last night. I'm shaking like a leaf and of course I'm as sick as a dog. I called in to work today, wrote my boss an email and just came clean about my problem with alcohol. It's probably a career-ending move, but I feel better getting it off my chest. Now, today....July 12...is day one. I gotta climb back on the wagon and straighten myself out. So, how's everyone else today? Good I hope.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Oh, you stole my story and headline. :-) Same same here but I'm on day 52 and am counting my blessings. Job-wise I hope you find that honesty will help you more in the long run than living and working a lie. I hope the best for you.
Make The Most of 2nd Chances
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Cleveland, TN
Posts: 60
You're right Kjell, it's way past time to let go of some of the old ideas. I really don't understand my thinking process sometimes. I really want to change my ways of thinking, I'm my own worst enemy sometimes.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Originally Posted by jooser 
You're right Kjell, it's way past time to let go of some of the old ideas. I really don't understand my thinking process sometimes. I really want to change my ways of thinking, I'm my own worst enemy sometimes.
My recovery really took off when I realized that I was my own problem the whole time.
My thinker was broken.
I needed some folks who knew how to get and stay sober to do my thinking for me until I was healthy enough to do some of it myself
In short, I simply had to change who I was or the same me will drink again and again and again.
Try not to be too hard on yourself, but go get help. Ask for it.
There is power in the asking.
Kjell~
Make The Most of 2nd Chances
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Cleveland, TN
Posts: 60
The shakes are easing a bit, but I haven't been able to eat anything today. I feel lousy for calling in to work today. Just more guilt. My wife is not a happy camper today either. When I'm sober, our marriage is great....oh man, I just hate this stupid crap!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 513
I have the same problem jooser - my marriage sucks when we are drinking...You can do it this time. It sounds like you have discovered a lot of changes about yourself that you need to make this time. Get through these next few days and move forward. I called in last Tuesday on my Day 1 and felt awful all day. Tomorrow you will feel better. Stay strong today and just get through today.
Make The Most of 2nd Chances
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Cleveland, TN
Posts: 60
Thanks for the encouragement Squishy. I just talked to my boss and he was very supportive and offered me any assistance that I might need. So, that makes me feel a little better.
I moved to Tennessee last August because I accepted a new job. I lived alone down here for 10 months and wasn't really accountable to anyone. I was drinking at will, always telling myself I'd straighten up when the family got here. Well, they are here and I am still the same old alcoholic. I need to get my butt in gear and be better.
I moved to Tennessee last August because I accepted a new job. I lived alone down here for 10 months and wasn't really accountable to anyone. I was drinking at will, always telling myself I'd straighten up when the family got here. Well, they are here and I am still the same old alcoholic. I need to get my butt in gear and be better.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 513
Wow - good for you. I'm happy you have a supportive boss. Now is your time to make the final change that you need and it sounds like you are on the path. I have family in TN and I can't imagine what a change it probably was for you. Sounds like you have the go ahead to pull yourself up, eat some good food, get back in shape and move forward! YOU CAN DO THIS! Today will not be the hardest day. The next few days when you start to feel better and have to resist the urge to drink will be the hardest, but stay online with us and check in and hit those meetings. Win over that part of your brain that says its impossible. Its not - you are awake now. :-)
Make The Most of 2nd Chances
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Cleveland, TN
Posts: 60
Day 2 - Woke up with a HUGE headache this morning. I slept very fitfully last night. My brain is already trying to trick me into thinking there's nothing wrong with me - just hold it together better the next time stupid. GRRRR, I hate that sort of thing. I know I'm an alcoholic! 
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