Bamboozle

Hey, everyone. Not doing well. I'm surprisingly sober--27 months--but to be honest, I'm not sure that really matters anymore. Depression is kicking me really hard. I'll be lucky if I don't get fired from my job. I almost made it to work this morning--I had to stop--I had been crying most of the way. I got off of my bike, (yes, I ride a bicycle to work), sat on the ground and continued to have a mental breakdown. I called off of work AGAIN. I've been doing that far too much lately. The depression is getting bad enough to prevent normal functioning.

I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of feeling this way.

I need someone to talk to, but my therapist has been a bit of a douche lately and I really don't want to go back.

I just switched meds and I'm supposed to give it time to work--I don't know if I can wait that long.

Just wanted to vent.

TheTinMan

Sorry you are feeling this way. I wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better, but like you I suffer from depression too. I often miss work because of it also. Sometimes talking helps but sometimes I shut everyone out. I'm glad you posted and reached out. I will be around most of the day if you want to talk.

suki44883

Welcome back, Bam!!! You have been missed! I'm sorry you're having a bad time, but you know, you always have people here who care about you and are always willing to support you. So glad to see you back!

least

Welcome back sweetie!! I too am sorry you're having a rough time but we do care about you and love you, if that helps.

ViciousCycle

Remember this is NOT you. You are adjusting....it WILL pass. I am sorry you are going through a rough time. Can you find someone else to talk to?

Fandy

worth repeating!!! ditto!! good to hear from you and I think 27 months is quite impressive.

also impressive is riding the bike to work ( i would be scared to do that).

Whiners are waiting for you!

PaperDolls

((((bam))))

Fandy

I'm sorry you feel so despondent. I have no wise words, just get one foot in front of the other until your meds straighten out...and maybe douchee-doc can recommend someone who meshes better with you for sessions?

michelle01

I'm sorry if I'm over reacting Bam but I suffer from depression too, and your post has raised a few alarm bells for me. Sometimes I've stayed in hospital for awhile because I felt overwhelmed by the day to day, I'd dug myself into a hole too deep to get myself out of, and others were concerned that I may cause some harm to myself. Please let someone close to you know if you are feeling in that situation. They will appreciate it if you do.

I know you are aware that the medication is a tool, it's not going to be a cure all, but in a clinical environment you can be monitored more closely until it looks like an improvement can be maintained.

You may be a bit fragile for it at this point, but maybe you need to look at getting some more social support at some stage, it's often the last thing you feel like when suffering depression but it's important not to become isolated. There are groups out there and they will accept you, you don't always have to modify your beliefs either, if not AA there are often other fellowships around. Anyway, that may be down the track, first priority right now is making sure you are okay.

Zencat

((((Bam)))) Hoping you can feel better soon.

Dee74

(((Bam)))

I'm sorry you're having a rough trot...but of course you being sober matters - imagine dealing with drinking on top of everything else?

I dunno how we did it....

I really hope either your current doc steps up, or you find someone who you.

You've been missed around here

s for a swift upturn in fortunes, Bam.

D

Anna

Bam, it's really good to see you back!

Don't give up on dealing with the depression. I hope this new medication will work for you.

Manz

I am sorry you are feeling so bad Bam.

I found that when the depression was really taking a hold of me..... if I could just remind myself that it wasnt ME...and that it too would pass...the intensity of the overwhelming feelings would lessen slightly, and day by day my load would lighten.

I hope you find someone to talk to soon who isnt such a douche, and that you can give the meds a chance.

:ghug3

Hevyn

Bam - You are loved & needed here. We did miss you & hate to hear you're in a bad way. I hope you can find a therapist who can get to the bottom of this mess. Sounds like it's time for a change. Meanwhile, I hope the new meds will kick in and do some good. Don't stop trying, Bam - you know alcohol would only complicate things & keep you from making progress.

alexvt

Take care BamBoozle. I hope the depression lifts soon

newby1961

Hey there Bam and back

I too suffer from depression and I do tend to isolate a lot more than is healthy.

Its weird cause when I make myself get out even if its for a walk I always end up feeling better but sometimes its all I got just to get out of bed.

There were a few times in the past couple of years where I almost had myself convinced that no one would miss me if I was gone and I had a plan to take my life. What stopped me is gonna sound sort of silly but it was my kitty Princess I didn't want something bad to happen to her because no one would find me for at least a week or two.

I live alone and I am so sporadic in calling family or any of my friends who knows how long I would lie up in here, sort of sad if I really think about it.

Sometimes it is so hard for me to vent about it because people tend to have a pretty judgemental attitude about such things lol.

So I just wanted you to know your not alone I have been exactly where you have been and I am still fighting it.

One thing that has helped comfort me is reaching out to a Higher Power, cause I truly do have something or someone who loves me, and wants to be there for me, all I have to do is ask.

Hang in there we really do care, and you are a big part of SR. We need you just as we need everyone else who uses this site.