scorn

Just joined seeing as though I figured I had to start some place. I have been trying to quit drinking on my own for a couple of months. It just isn't working. I am a binge drinker and no serious problems have happened "yet". I can't believe I am not in jail. This weekend I went out on my boat alone, as I always do. After I came in I tried to go to sleep. I couldn't so I went home. Home I went... I drove down the highway traveling nearly 100 mph. It is almost like I want to get caught. I have made a fool of myself when I was drunk, been so drunk that I have been sick for days, and if I don't address this issue I am in for a ruined life.

I have no friends, have become a hermit, and avoid all social situations. I have seeing a theripist for about 6 months but don't really feel it is helping. I have been trying to get up the nerve to go to an AA meeting in my area. I am really going to try to go on Tuesday. My wife has been going to grad school in another state and she has no clue how bad it has gotten. However she does know there is an issue.

I am going to start here and this is where I will START!

ulverston

hi and welcomw scorn..
aa is a really good start

Scrappy

Welcome to SR

Bikeguy

Welcome to Sober Recovery, there is lots of great information and support available here!

MycoolFitz

starting is critical. You can't go down a path unless you put your foot on it and then the other...Sobriety isn't easy and not always pretty but trust me, its better than insanity. All my best for you

scorn

Just more to say. I have no clue how to control when I want to drink. I always say I will just drink a few. Then by the end of the night I am drunk. I have not control once I start. I have a good job, good wife, good life, but can't seem to get my drinking under control. I have not become a person that is drinking everyday, but when I do it isn't pretty. The longest I have gone without a drink is three months of which I did this year when trying to stop. Since then it seems as though my binge drinking has gotten worse. The fact that I live alone makes it even more difficult. I feel helpless, hated, and absolutly no confidence in myself. I know if I can get away from the drinking life will be better.

nandm

to SR

SSIL75

Welcome! You hit the nail on the head there. There IS no control. I wish I had just accepted that from the start instead of effing around for years. Finally accepting that alcohol would never be an option for me was a pivotal part in my recovery.

good luck!!

Opivotal

Welcome scorn! I'm glad your looking into AA. It's a great place to find support and guidance with your alcohol problem. The more support the better! You can gain control of your life and put this madness behind you.


Best Wishes To You!

newwings

Welcome. I just want to say a big THANK YOU for doing something before you killed yourself and/or someone whilst driving drunk. Thank you so much. You've spared lives by taking action and now you need to cherish your own life by seeking help. Hats off to you.

Keep reading and posting here, it's a wonderful place to be. You can do this!!

Rado

Hi Scorn.

I can't tell you how much your story mirrors my own. Never got in trouble, no social life, my boyfriend was living in another state for the worse part of it, massive amounts of alcohol. It can get better. I'm really new and I already feel better.

I'm also seeing a therapist. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do. I don't go to AA because I cannot stand the thought of talking about this face to face, but I'm certain I'd be even better than I am if I was, but I like my therapist. Maybe you should see another therapist and see if that helps a little? Can I ask if you're being honest with your therapist about your drinking? I wasn't. That delayed my recovery somewhat and kept me from really, truly admitting to what I was doing to myself.

Everything started to get better for me when I slowly started to admit these things to my friends (who I hadn't seen in months), therapist and boyfriend. I didn't want them to feel bad for me. I didn't want pity. I didn't want sadness. So I couldn't tell them. But, when bits and pieces eventually came out and I realized that my drinking was creating all this anxiety that I didn't need to feel, and I certainly didn't deserve to feel. I know, at the end, I was really thinking that I deserved to feel this way because I'd abandoned my friends and family and became secretive and distant and shirked all my responsibilities and every single bit of it made me want to punish myself, so I kept drinking. My magical moment when I decided to stop drinking was realizing that my drinking is what's making me anxious. I'm not fixing myself by being drunk all the time. I'm creating a viscous cycle that prevents me from living my life and being happy. You deserve to be happy.

Hang in there, in can get better. I wish you all the best. Please see a doctor or tell your wife or go to an AA meeting. It's a great first step. Take care.

artsoul

Welcome to the forum -

I can definitely relate to your post, too. We all know what it's like to go out for a couple drinks and end up wasted. I tried for years to beat alcohol with willpower and it was almost always a losing battle.

I finally had to accept that "normal" drinking just wasn't going to be possible for me. It was hard to give it up, but my life got better almost immediately. Keep reading and posting - there's lot of support here....:day6

scorn

Rado- Yes I am being honest with her. It just doesn't seem to be working. I feel like all we do is chit chat when I am there.

scorn

Everyone keeps saying that their life got better immediately. How did it get better. Some examples would be helpful.

ulverston

hi scorn.
examples...
wake with clear head
remember what you did last night.
no shame or guilt.
no throwing up in the shower.
no feeling of impending doom.
being able to work with a clear head and not feeling sick and having diarrhea