Going Back 30 years
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Surrey Uk
Posts: 42
Going Back 30 years
Hi all !
Long term lurker and avid reader of this forum apart from a couple of posts I have made.
45 years old guy that has had alcohol in his life for 30 years, every social function, every family get together , every meal out, every holiday , every thing has revolved or at least it seems that way around alcohell ( I would say 80% of them ruined by it)
I can see that there really is no way out of this trap unless I stop forever, moderation is worse than stopping x 100 , I have tried moderation, it really is death by a thousand cuts alcohell becomes a total obsession when I do this so I can never do this, and why would I want to ?
I have had a 8 month spell of sobriety 3 years ago, life was amazing , I lost weight , I slept like a baby and was starting to feel things that I have not felt for a long time, smells and crazy childhood feelings started to come back it was like I was lost for 30 years in a dark place and I was kinda being re made again, but I threw all these feelings thoughts away in a moment and was back into the pit of dark horrible thoughts anxiety and depression.
The cycle is so boring, drink four nights feel like shyte/near dead maybe do not drink for 1/2 nights then do the same again.
Scary thing was on Friday night I just ( just LoL) Drank one bottle of wine and One tin Of beer and woke up Sat morning in a death like state, hungover like I had drunk 5 Bottles of wine or something, I have never felt so rough on this little booze ?
I just cannot do this obsession and game any more, I have been trapped in this place for 30 years (apart from 8 months) makes me want to cry just thinking how my life may have gone or things I may have done the whole thing is just so sad, how many times have I upset the Mrs or embarrassed her in front of people because of my drunkenness , I really do not think the Mrs or My only daughter have really ever met the "real me" I mean how frigging sad is that ?
45 now do I want to be in this place in 20 years time or do I want to go back 30 years to me as a 15 year old boy before he has had his first sip of alcohell ? I am going to work my Alan carr and avrt again with the help of this wonderful forum and seek out the path to lead me back in time.
Long term lurker and avid reader of this forum apart from a couple of posts I have made.
45 years old guy that has had alcohol in his life for 30 years, every social function, every family get together , every meal out, every holiday , every thing has revolved or at least it seems that way around alcohell ( I would say 80% of them ruined by it)
I can see that there really is no way out of this trap unless I stop forever, moderation is worse than stopping x 100 , I have tried moderation, it really is death by a thousand cuts alcohell becomes a total obsession when I do this so I can never do this, and why would I want to ?
I have had a 8 month spell of sobriety 3 years ago, life was amazing , I lost weight , I slept like a baby and was starting to feel things that I have not felt for a long time, smells and crazy childhood feelings started to come back it was like I was lost for 30 years in a dark place and I was kinda being re made again, but I threw all these feelings thoughts away in a moment and was back into the pit of dark horrible thoughts anxiety and depression.
The cycle is so boring, drink four nights feel like shyte/near dead maybe do not drink for 1/2 nights then do the same again.
Scary thing was on Friday night I just ( just LoL) Drank one bottle of wine and One tin Of beer and woke up Sat morning in a death like state, hungover like I had drunk 5 Bottles of wine or something, I have never felt so rough on this little booze ?
I just cannot do this obsession and game any more, I have been trapped in this place for 30 years (apart from 8 months) makes me want to cry just thinking how my life may have gone or things I may have done the whole thing is just so sad, how many times have I upset the Mrs or embarrassed her in front of people because of my drunkenness , I really do not think the Mrs or My only daughter have really ever met the "real me" I mean how frigging sad is that ?
45 now do I want to be in this place in 20 years time or do I want to go back 30 years to me as a 15 year old boy before he has had his first sip of alcohell ? I am going to work my Alan carr and avrt again with the help of this wonderful forum and seek out the path to lead me back in time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Surrey Uk
Posts: 42
Iam done
Originally Posted by tallcactus 
Welcome
It takes courage to admit that we have a problem.
What's your plan now?
It takes courage to admit that we have a problem.
What's your plan now?
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Welcome to the active posting here and welcome to the sober side of life. Life can still suck but we won't. I have 9 months sober and am an unconditional non-drinker and non-smoker. I was also more than ten years older than you when I quit. Good decision!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
welcome aboard vin
48 years old when i surrendered, booze'n it up since 13
the simple part, put it down...
the harder part,
keeping from picking the bottle up.
it's doable vin,
if an old drunk like me did it,
you can too our friend...
48 years old when i surrendered, booze'n it up since 13
the simple part, put it down...
the harder part,
keeping from picking the bottle up.
it's doable vin,
if an old drunk like me did it,
you can too our friend...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Surrey Uk
Posts: 42
Ty all
For your Kind replys 
What I feel is a kind of sadness today, but I know this is normal as in my last 8 month quit it was the same at the start but as time went on this sadness went and I was more upbeat about everything so I kinda know what to expect, I just cant go through these early days again this is the last time it has to be.
Giving myself quit dates or saying I will stop after the big party I am going to or that I will stop when I get back from holiday is just absurd, as they say tomorrow is now, these events things will always be here, funny thing is on my last quit I actually went on a holiday for a week with the family alcohol free and it was truly amazing, waking early in the sun was just so good, but it never lasted and I have been in the rinse and repeat cycle of hangovers stopping for a few days then repeating, alcohol had been taking up my thoughts all day ..what a life.
I used to run when I was younger, I would like to try and get back into this gotta be better than sitting alone drinking wine when Mrs has gone to bed.
Wine, alone at 2am drinking it when everyone else is asleep then having horrible restless sleep where I awake 3 hours later with dark self loathing thoughts, I mean the thoughts I was having are the stuff of nightmares.
Thanks again.
What I feel is a kind of sadness today, but I know this is normal as in my last 8 month quit it was the same at the start but as time went on this sadness went and I was more upbeat about everything so I kinda know what to expect, I just cant go through these early days again this is the last time it has to be.
Giving myself quit dates or saying I will stop after the big party I am going to or that I will stop when I get back from holiday is just absurd, as they say tomorrow is now, these events things will always be here, funny thing is on my last quit I actually went on a holiday for a week with the family alcohol free and it was truly amazing, waking early in the sun was just so good, but it never lasted and I have been in the rinse and repeat cycle of hangovers stopping for a few days then repeating, alcohol had been taking up my thoughts all day ..what a life.
I used to run when I was younger, I would like to try and get back into this gotta be better than sitting alone drinking wine when Mrs has gone to bed.
Wine, alone at 2am drinking it when everyone else is asleep then having horrible restless sleep where I awake 3 hours later with dark self loathing thoughts, I mean the thoughts I was having are the stuff of nightmares.
Thanks again.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,629
I was pretty much in the same boat. Started drinking at age 14, just quit a little over two years ago at age 43. Best decision I've ever made. I still go to all the family functions where there's drinking, only now I stick to soda and/or water. Best part is, I remember everything the next day
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