zeldachan

i quit drinking in May... or i thought i quit drinking. i managed to get through the end of may and june with only having one glass of wine with dinner twice. civilized like and healthy. i was regaining my life and i felt great.

but i have been having some very stressful things happen in my life and on Thursday I couldn't stand it anymore and I went on a bender and I drank a crap ton of vodka. Not a whole bottle but a LOT. Enough to put me out for hours. luckily my boyfriend came home and he said that i wasn't responsive and that he almost called the paramedics before i woke up. He found my jeans in the cat litter box and I had thrown up all over myself. i was so scared when i woke up because if i blacked out and threw up then i could have died.

Why am I admitting this here? every time i hit a the ******* lowest point of my life it's never the lowest point, there's always something lower. maybe if i tell other people what happened and get some help I WILL STOP DRINKING. i have a card for a counselor sitting right next to me but i am so scared to call him. what if he thinks i'm stupid?

i am so embarrassed with myself and horrified and i just want to die right now. i can't even deal with this any more. if i was able to say "i want to quit" and basically be sober for thirty days why can't i stay that way????

IndaMiricale

Hi there , zeldacon

Well I am glad to hear your boyfriend came home, as for seeing someone and being worried about he/she thinking your stupid is totally not going to happen.

We all need help with addiction here and glad you came and posted please, do start another or stay with one, whatever come back everyday


This place has beautiful people togather we can live a happy sober life

Dee74

Double post.

Dee74

Hi Zelda

I used to think 'I've made it x days sober, why can't I always be like this'....

I dunno about you but my mind would always use that non drinking time as a lever...'you've done so well....hey! I bet you can drink responsibly now!'

Sometimes I even would drink 'responsibly' for a while....(which for me then was a vague notion of not getting 'really drunk' or 'not having bad stuff happen') but sooner or later I *always* ended up back in the same place.

I'd always fall for the bait....and I'd always find that nothing ever really got better with my drinking...it always got worse.

The only way out of the cycle for me was to make a commitment to becoming a non drinker.

Even a bad relationship can have some good nights...but alcohol and me make a very bad couple - I'm glad I finally accepted that reality...my life's never been better

D

Zebra1275

if i was able to say "i want to quit" and basically be sober for thirty days why can't i stay that way????

I don't know about you, but for me the answer is, because I'm an alcoholic.

KathP

I used to beat myself up emotionally & mentally every time I had a relapse -- and over the years, I've had a *lot* of relapses. It wasn't until I'd really accepted my alcoholism that I began to be able to live a sober life. For me, there's a huge difference between admitting I had a problem (heck, I knew I was an alcoholic when I was 17 -- and I'm 41 now!) and accepting that I really could not drink. To me, admission says "yes, there's a problem" and acceptance says "yes, there's a problem -- now what can we do about it?". In my life, it was acceptance that made all the difference.

Lots of hugs & love & good wishes for you today.

LexieCat

Heh,

If you think an alcoholism counselor is going to thing you're stupid because you didn't succeed in your first run at quitting drinking, you need to learn a lot more about alcoholism. We drink BECAUSE WE ARE ALCOHOLICS, not because we are stupid.

Call the counselor. Try an AA meeting. There are solutions out there, but you gotta go out and DO something. Nobody ever got sober simply by thinking their way out of it. You have to change, from the inside out. You can do that in AA, or in other ways. But if you just keep trying to figure it out you won't get anywhere.