hopeful8523

Hi. I've never posted in a forum before so here goes. I have been taking roxicodone for the last 16 months, on a daily basis up to 120-150mg a day. The only thing I have cared about all this time is how am I going to get my next days worth. Well now I've been cut off from those (supplyer is in hospital for Xanax overdose). I went five days of taking anything I can find, adderall, methadone, suboxone, until yesterday I came across some lortab 10s. Spent every dime I had on 50mg, didn't feel a thing except guilty, now here I am, 24 hours later, in bed at 4:15 in the afternoon on a beautiful Saturday, experiencing the sweats & chills of withdrawl. I hate the person I have become

Anna

I hope you decide to stop using the drugs and that you believe you can recover.

We are here to offer support.

hopeful8523

Thank you so much for your comment, I want to quit so badly... Just so scared of reality, and the depression I've read about that will soon take it's toll on me

Anna

It's normal to be scared. I think all of us were scared.

But, know that you can do it.

camedown

I was terrified of sobriety. But even in the early stages of recovery that I am in, I am in a much better place than I was when I was drinking heavily. I hope you find a way to start taking those first steps. Good luck.

Bikeguy

Welcome to Sober Recovery, you've made a first step by coming here!

MemphisBlues

Detox is scary, but nothing like the hell I found by continued alcohol and drug addiction. Please try to find medical advice on how to withdrawal safely. And please post and read here. You will find a lot of support.

For me, AA and NA worked great in early recovery. You will be amazed what stepping into a meeting room can do for you and how helpful and understanding strangers will be.

Try it????

Dee74

Hi Hopeful

I've never regretted giving up the booze and the drugs - I got my life back.

You've made a great step in coming here - welcome

D

nandm

Welcome to SR

recoverywfaith

to SR.

Smile123

Great job in posting! Try to think of it this way. From this day forward you NEVER have to feel this way again. You DO NOT have to spend another morning planning how to get your pills, and feeling that fear when your source doesn't come through...seeking out anything that will lessen the pain of withdrawal. You can have your life back and know what it feels like to be happy again, free of this s**t. Check out the Substance Abuse forum here on SR and make a plan! A good start would be to call your doctor on Monday for some help if that's available to you. You'll find a lot of support here. Welcome!

newwings

Not necessarily. Sobriety is different for everyone. It's not a given that you will get depression..but a lot of feelings come up in the early stages of recovery, and depression/anxiety is a possibility, as well as mild panicky feelings about your new start. Other people feel fine, empowered and, after quitting, realize the drugs/alcohol were actually CAUSING the depression.

Treat yourself gently. It's a big thing you are doing here, but you CAN do it! I've never regretted one single day sober. Not one.

Hope you continue to post and welcome to SR.

hopeful8523

Wow, I'm so surprised by everyones comments it makes me hopeful. I'm actually up and getting ready for work today. Server at a sports bar, so good luckto me. I've been reading online for hours about methadone and suboxone treatment, but I really do think I'd become addicted/abuse those and be right back where I am today. I do feel happy though that I haven't had a roxi in 7 days. Yes unfortunately I've had other substances, but no roxi. I've saved about $300 in the last week, I've been able to put gas in my car and loan my mom, who's basement I live in for free, money she needs. It feels good to be able to tell her that yes, I do have $20 she can have. I'm not 100% clean but I am trying. Is 7 days of no roxi but other things atleast a start? I can find them, but I told myself no, and I deleted that phone number...

hopeful8523

I started taking painkillers/adderall in highschool because I never had friends up until that point. The drugs allowed me to speak freely and not be that quiet shy girl in the corner. I was never picked on, just simply didn't talk. Until I heard about hydrocodone. Then I talked to everyone and became part of a group of people who liked me. So it scares me now, to quit because what if I go back to being that girl who no one talks to. For the past week I have seen it, my boyfriend of two years is noticing that I'm quiet and asks what's wrong. Nothing is wrong I just have nothing to say. It's how I always was until the day I took hydro.