snoopy1973

I am really struggling...my ex-boyfriend and I broke up Monday (he is an alcoholic as well, but "high-functioning" compared to my "barely-functioning") and did the whole "I miss you", "I'm going to "cut-back" (that one sent chills down my spine because I can't tell you how many times I heard my dad use those SAME words to my mom).
I am going to a local concert in my town with my friends and he is going to be there. Staying sober was going to be hard enough and now knowing he is going to be there is overwhelming me.
I understand staying away from certain places, friends, etc. who may be a trigger, but how do you walk away when it involves your heart? I KNOW in my head this was an unhealthy relationship that would hamper and compromise my sobriety, but how do I let go?
Also questioning if I even go, or stay home and read a book? Not sure what will be worse: being in a place where everyone is drinking, or isolating myself from everything with probable panic attacks? Any advice appreciated

silly

In this case I'd definitely suggest that you stay home. Or maybe one of your friends would agree to go see a movie or grab dinner instead of the concert? Even if they don't understand that he is a trigger, they should certainly understand that you don't want to run into your ex so soon after the break-up

nandm

Have you considered going to ALANON? It might be helpful with letting go of your ex since he is as you put it "a high functioning alcoholic".

As far as staying sober in that situation the only experience I can share is that I had to make up my mind between sobriety and that person. Could I be more helpful by being sober and setting a positive example for others? Would my life be better sober, the unmanageability and insanity gone from it? Am I healthier without this person in my life right now? If you believe the answer to those questions is yes, then you might consider making sobriety more important than your feelings for him right now. That may sound really hard but you can do it. A silly expression to remember is "if you don't drink you can't get drunk" another is "It is not the caboose that kills you but the engine" (that simply means if you don't take that it is the first drink that sets it all in motion again, it is the one that kills you because if you never take it then none of the rest will happen that bring disaster with them).

Of course staying away from the places you will run into him or might be tempted to drink might be easiest but sometimes we can not avoid those situations so we need to be prepared to not drink during those times.

I wish you the best with your struggle and hope you find the answer that will work for you.

Anna

I had to stay away from places where drinking was involved for many months when I began recovery. There was no question in my mind that I had to do that. If the concert involves being around drinking and your ex, then my advice would be to not go. But, that doesn't mean you have to stay home. Early recovery is a time of change and I think that finding people in your life who don't drink is important and finding activities that don't involve drinking is also important.

landminesgirl

That's hard. I know if I were in your shoes, I would probably opt to stay home or find something else to do. . .

Kjell

Hi Snoopy-

If one of your girlfriends was in the exact same situation as you, what would your advice be?

Don't believe everything you think. Alcoholism is cunning, baffling, and powerful.

Kjell~

Tuesday24

Hi Snoopy. My advise would be to STAY HOME!!! Its hard enough to get through the first couple of days without things that you know will trigger you to use. Keep posting!

Zebra1275

In early sobriety it's important to avoid situations that might cause you to drink. If I were you I would stay home.