Saw the pdoc today
 

Well she def ruled out all those disorders I thought were BS. All except the bipolar. She thinks I am more type 1 than 2 tho. Only because I have extreme highs. Like I get really hyper alot and feel like I can go and go and I do. But when I have my lows I am really depressed like all day sometimes for a couple days at a time. Crying for no reason and thinking crazy things like my family is just tolerating me but really they wish I would just go somewhere and leave them alone. Things like that.
Anyway. Mood disorder and borderline personality disorder were def ruled out.
She said the same thing I did about them diagnosing me right after a week long binge. I have a little over a month now.
So she has prescribed me Topamax. Small dose for the first week and then double it next week and see how it does. I expressed my concern with the weight gain so she said that one promotes weight loss. So we will see.
She agrees about not putting me on a bunch of different meds and not trying to go through a bunch trying to tweek them until one works. She she said start with this and go from there. Plus I want to try and have a baby some time in the near future. So she aid we should stay mindful of that too with the meds.
So anyway I go back in 2 weeks and she thinks I should do regular counceling too.Which I agree with too.
So I just need someone to takke me to get the meds and I am good so far.
I feel better now. I am calling IOP tomorrow and see what they say too. I cant find a job so I mught as well take advantageof this time and do what I should be doing first anyway.
So maybe things happen for reason.

I hope the Topamax works, Trish. I took that for a while but quit because it makes all carbonated beverages taste like copper in my mouth. Yuck! Maybe it won't have that affect on you though.

Good on ya for working on this thing. You know we're all here pullin' for ya! :grouphug:

I am not into soda and stuff anyway. I like iced tea, juice, water and milk. Once in awhile I get the soda craving. It has to be my go go juice tho. Mountain Dew..LOL
And she talked to me for over an hour and asked me all kinds of questions. And for once I was 100% honest about everything. Usually I hold back on the drug addiciton. I dont want them judging me or not treating me because of it. My Dr does that crap alot. I will go see him for something and the first thing he will say is I cant give you anything. And thats not even what I am there for. I am there to find out what is wrong and how to fix it. I am not a pill person and never was.
I was completely honst about everyting. Boy when I tell my story out loud its a mess. Just to know in my mind what I have been through isnt so bad. BUt to say it out loud makes it all real for some reason. And to tell it to a stranger makes it seem even more messed up. I never realized how much stuff I have been through. Its freakin bonkers.
She told me she is surprised I function as well as I do. Who she tellin? I am grateful. I know that. I could have and should be alot more screwed up. Thats for sure.

I'm glad to hear you were honest. I doubt if your story shocked her though...I'm sure she's probably heard just about everything there is to hear. I'm glad though, that she is willing to work with you and help you. Hang in there and keep doing the next right thing. I know you can do this; you just have to stay committed, even if it doesn't feel like things are working. Just stick with it. :)

it's been said,

if it has to said, am i the one to say it?

well, somebody should

dear trish, a babys fine and good someday.

though the near future?

your still a child yourself, and now working on becoming an adult.

please, do yourself, and the child a great justice, put it on hold for quite sometime.

why do you persists with trying to have the answers?

talk to three sane people, run the baby bit by them,

and i bet all three will say the same thing hon

I'm glad you saw the pdoc Trish :)

and for what it's worth I agree with Rusty - don't rush your journey...we only get one - get yourself right first - then think about babies husbands etc.

You may think you're getting old but you're just a spring chicken yet T. :)

D

My near future is years..LOL Not like right away.
I am not even sure I can have babies. I was told I couldnt when I was 19 and then I got preg when I was 21 but lost it at 5 mos. And I never had a regular cycle after that. Like twice a year. But my obgyn said it was my weight. Low and behold when I started losing the weight last year it has been like clock work. Lucky me. LOL
So you never know, maybe I will be able to do that too. I am not planning on a baby any time soon. But I would like to try eventually before I get too old.
So I took a step in the right direction today. I was totally honest. For once. About my addiciton. I always hold back for some reason. She was easy to talk to as well.
I do have alot of growing up to do. Its pitiful. Thats one thing I really dislike about myself. I really need to mature alot. I stunted my maturity by using at such a young age.
Do you guys believe that theory or fact that whatever age a person starts being addicted is when their maturity stops developing?
I do. I am living proof. I feel so inferior sometimes. Like I am insignificant or my opinions or thoughts dont matter because of how I am. Some people treat me like I am not capable of being mature. But I can when I have to. And I try and I think I am getting there more and more. I am not anything Like I was a few years ago. I can tell you that.
Anyway, Thx everyone. I feel good again today.

(((Trish))) - I'm glad you went to your dr., and am really proud that you were totally honest. I was on the Topamax, and another med (non-opiate) for the migraines I got after I got whacked on the head with the gun. It did make SOME soda's taste funny...they actually felt like they were burning my tongue, but other than that, I didn't have any problems with it.

I'm glad you're not thinking baby in the near future. The fact you're thinking about it, though, seems to be making you see what areas you need to work on, so that's a good thing.

I also believe that about the maturity age from when you started using. Though my niece isn't an addict (yet) she was smoking weed and drinking about age 11, and going on 18, she still acts like an immature brat, a lot of times. Love her, just don't like her right now.

Love, hugs, and prayers,

Amy

trish, today, i'm a mature 22! lol

and legal

and believe me, many a day baby pattee can still rear his braty, whiney, pissy fit head

I've had several doctors/therapists tell me the thing about your emotional development halting at the age you started using. 12 years old right here! :) It makes total sense to me because sometimes I feel like I have the emotional maturity of a 12 year old!

I'm glad you went to see the doctor.....and telling the doc your whole story was a very mature thing. :c006:

Good news and I'm glad you were able to be open and honest. I believe that escaping into drug or alcohol use stunts emotional growth. I agree though, I think you should wait before rushing into a new venture such as a baby, at this point in time.

I never thought I was interested in kids, now I have increasing care of one because his addict mother died and his father also has issues. To my surprise, I now enjoy the role and don't seem too bad at it. I think his mother somehow figured that having a child may solve some of her problems... of course it didn't, he spent the first few years of his life in foster places numerous times. I wish she had spent some time on herself first and getting her life stable but she never did that.

One thing, one day at a time.

Great that you went to see the dr and that you are taking care of your mental health. Also congrats on being honest with the doc, that's definitely a step in the right direction. Trish! I really hope the meds will help you stabilize your mood so that you can feel better and continue your progress in recovery.

I tend to agree with those who say the emotional development can be stunted at the age one started using. The same happens with people who suffered major trauma, and sometimes even both things can co-occur in a person.
At least these theories fit my own development/ parts of me. I think some parts of my personality are my actual age, and some not really. But the good news is that it hasn't to stay that waay and it doesn't always take that many years for these parts of the personality to catch up with the rest.

It will become better over time. All the best,
Lionne

Yay! Sounds like you took a very positive step in the right direction.

If I can make one suggestion, do your very best to be PATIENT with the process. I don't know a darned thing about Topamax, but from what I understand, most meds take awhile to be fully effective. And even when they are fully effective, there is a lot of work ahead of you. I DO believe, based on my experience and observations of other people, that addictions totally stunt maturity. You can't really learn and grow from your experiences while you are whacked out and escaping from reality.

Proud of ya--keep up the good work.

Trish,

I'm glad that you are seeing a pdoc and getting good treatment.

(((Trish)))