ADaisyifyoudo

So, at 35 days today. The not drinking has become a lot easier. I'm also not quite as emotionally unstable (crying jags seem to be less frequent, although they are a doozy when they hit). I guess I am chalking some of that up to PAWS?

Anyway, I am a little more stable but boy am I irritated, short tempered, and resentful about just about everybody and everything. My husband most of all. I don't know whether my feelings are actually justified or if I'm just being a moody b#*ch. Worst of all, it seems to be mutual - everything I do seems to bug the living daylights out of him.

When I was drinking I didn't care if he was constantly on his computer, down in the barn, leaving me alone in the house to deal with chores - it was perfectly nice to do all those things with a drink in my hand as long as he didn't bug me about it. And if he went away on weekends? Well, OK, I'd just make plans to have friends over and get good and sloshed - after all, I wasn't driving anywhere.

Now I want to realign our expectations of each other and I'm not sure he's super psyched about all aspects of this.

Need a therapist, I think. Pissed because the one I interviewed and liked flaked on me and now I'm still casting about for someone good.

Is it common for folks at this stage to just be plain old mad at everyone all the time? Or am I mad because he's a jerk? I just can't tell the difference.

Boleo

When I was drinking I didn't care...

If I pi$$ed people off.
If people tried to pi$$ me off.
If I was alone.
If the dishes were dirty.
If the bills got paid.
If my boss thought I was slacking off.

When I got sober, the good news was I got my feelings back. The bad news was, I got my feelings back.

Bee2011

Maybe it's like with alcohol, we've been sleepwalking for years, you know? You just woke up and realized you have some things to address.

Larkspur

I don't know about anyone else, but I am by nature highly sensitive, judgmental, easily irritated, restless and anxious.

Drinking seems to dampen all those down. Slow me down, calm me down, slow my thoughts, make me care less about things, stop thinking so much, lower my expectations of myself and others.

At the time that seemed like a good solution. Now I think that those initial qualities are not actually bad in themselves, they're just bad in the way I filter and express them. It might be better to just deal with those aspects of my personality that can make me a pain in the ass, and make me think others are a pain in the ass.

I think of that (Oscar Wilde? it usually seems to be) quote: "I drink to make other people interesting." At times I felt like I drank just to make other people tolerable. But it was really me I was trying to make tolerable and the real problem was that I was always still right there when I woke up the morning after.

Eddiebuckle

Daisy, congrats on 35 days! The early days are the hardest, it keeps getting easier and better - keep up the good work.

AA's big book says that resentment is the number one emotional offense of people in recovery. That observation was originally made 75+ years ago and still seems to hold true - everyone I've talked to who has done a 4th step (personal inventory) had a bunch of resentments to deal with. So, yeah - it's normal.

And it makes sense that there is some emotional friction going on. You're changing and more aware of what's going on in your life. Plus the physical and emotional components of PAWS are still very much part of your day to day existence. You and your husband are adjusting to the new reality, and humans simply don't like change. So we get bitchy. The important thing is to both acknowledge when you are feeling/acting grouchy so it doesn't take a life of its own, fostering reciprocal negative outbursts.

A therapist is a great idea, perhaps one on one for you in additon to therapy with both of you there. Most of all, recognize that you are still very early in sobriety and not to take any of what you experience as proof-positive that your relationship is beyond repair.

As my sponsor said to me after one of my early-days rants: relax. your feelings are real, they just aren't reality.

Good luck!