soberkellyxo

my botyfriend just left me and i don't know what to do.

the last time it was serious like this was in march and i went so crazy and that's what started my drinking every night.

the thought that it's going to be just the same is making me want to die, instead of going thrugh that again.

i know it's only been 3 days since i drank but i dont want to. buti will. i cant believe this is happening again

he's being so cruel to me and i can't stop crying. i thought we were better than this. i cant do it again.

all i did was sit in my room and drink drink drink and cry and feel heartbroken and it never got any better and i really cant do that all again. 2 months of it was enough.

sssklseckljerv oh my god.

i'm so sorry if i'm at the wrong place to be babbling on about this but it's going to lead to drinking again because its the only way i know how to deal with everything that goes wrong.

i don't know where else to go.

suki44883

How is drinking going to change the situation? Will it make your boyfriend not be a jerk? If he treats you badly, why would you want him back anyway? You deserve better than someone who is cruel to you. Get mad! Punch a pillow a dozen times! Scream! Jump up and down! But don't drink! He's not worth it.

Anna

You can deal with it differently this time, if you choose to.

Don't let your boyfriend have the control over you to make you drink again. He is sure not worth it. Can you put on some music, write down some of your thoughts, call a friend, go for a walk - do something to help yourself get through this.

GracieJane

Kelly: I know this nauseating pain very, very well and can only promise you one thing - drinking will not make it go away. The pain and fear of abandonment stay until you deal with them, and alcohol is only temporary relief that always leads to more pain and fear. Get out of your environment and go to a friend's or relative's home where you feel comfortable. You need to get some perspective with a sober, clear head.

soberkellyxo

i'm trying so much to just talk to him but he wont let me im going absolutely out of my mind. i try so hard and get nothing but bad things thrown back at me. i dont want this situation again it was so horrible

GracieJane

Stop trying to talk to him. You can't change anyone else's behavior, you can only change the way you respond to it. You're in a spiral. You've got to get a grip and focus on you and not him. You have zero control over him, and will have much less control over yourself and your response to the situation if you drink.

suki44883

You don't have to go through what you did last time. Hopefully, we learn from our mistakes. Getting drunk for 2 months is a huge mistake. Learn from it. It didn't change anything, did it? He's still a jerk. No one nor anything can make you drink. If you do drink, it will be because that's what you want to do. I hope you don't.

cb1

Awesome advice Gracie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I know how you feel hon, I am going through the same thing. And I drink. Then the crying starts. I am telling you from my experience, the drinking makes it worse. go and look at yourself in the mirror. Talk to yourself. ask yourself if it is worth the drink. You gotta split the two problems. Together, drinking will just make it worse.

KellyToronto

Kelly, maybe you should get out to an AA meeting - I know it's too late to get to one now, it's very late over there, across the Pond, right now, but perhaps in the morning(?)

...and talk to some AA'ers, before and after the meeting...I know it helps me when I do that.

Kelly from Toronto.

...my wife encourages me to get out to more meetings, when I am down, or anxious.

soberkellyxo

Bleugh. Sorry for that post. I tend to get over dramatic about these things because they mean so much to me.

I have lots of alcohol in my house but I haven't caved in yet. I can accept now that I don't want to drink it, it just wants me to drink it haha. Conniving stuff.

I wouldn't have thought like this in the past, I'd have just automatically turned to it.

ETA

I'm very glad that you are thinking like this. You should be very proud of yourself.

You will likely look back at this time and realize that it was a huge turning point for you - something you may someday be thankful for.

Forget the guy... not worth losing any more of your time. Besides - the best revenge is to be AWESOME - you are already on your way there - you have a 3 day head start.

SASA

Whenever i had trouble in relationshis, i drank, it just made me more depressed and feel lonely. Iknow it hurts, but drinking will make it worse. Howabout someexercise instead

Bee2011

Stay strong Kelly. You've gotten some awesome advice here.

Don't drink - he's not worth it, but You are!

ericamay

Hey there! I know what you are going through. I know it seems like things will never get better, but they will. The best thing you can do is pray fervently, be very gentle with yourself, spend time with those who love you and know how wonderful you are, take hot baths while posting and reading on SR ( don't drop your phone in the water :-) ) pamper yourself with a pedicure or massage or your favorite dinner. Remember, the morning is wiser than the evening, and evening always seems desperate. You will be so happy you didn't drink. Show him how strong you are by not drinking, getting healthy, and being a thoughtful and kind person. But most of all, do it for yourself. We are all here for you.

alexvt

The only way to get your POWER back is by not drinking. Instead go work out, get your hair done, go to the tanning bed put all your efforts into looking awesome instead of drinking and giving him all of your power. The more you do for yourself the better you'll feel and he will BEG for you to come back. You may find that you don't need him!

Take Care This too shall pass my friend.

wpainterw

That seems to be the problem. As you said Drinking is the "only way you know" to deal with anything that goes wrong." Drinking is not the "only way" and drinking will not "deal" with it in any way but making it far worse. It makes you think that it's helping but it only depresses you further. And drinking won't bring your boyfriend back or get you another boyfriend.
But it's great that you're sharing this on the SR web and it's even greater if you listen to what these kind folks have to say. Good luck.

W.

Squishyboots

Kelly - you are the better person - find what is beautiful about you again and believe it. You are worth it! You don't need someone being mean to you - what is that for? A man does not define your life and how you need to live. Put down the liquor, start doing stuff that makes you healthy and happy. Do you have close friends that don't drink? How about start with a meeting as mentioned above? How about hobbies? Classes?

Make yourself the better person and trust me - new beautiful people will be drawn to you. Pick yourself up by the straps and move on!!!

soberkellyxo

Yeah I do see what you're all saying I seriously appreciate it so much. I feel embarrassed that I made this thread now haha, because I do know the answer is to not drink..

Just seems so hard sometimes, you know? Well.. obviously you will. When you're used to drinking everything away for so long, it just automatically seems to enter your head when everything goes down the gutter.

But yeah, I feel better about it now. I realise I am better than all of this. And I am taking the "being alone" thing as a positive.. I can now stop worrying about another person, and just focus on myself properly for the first time in my life .

Tonight is night 4 without the booze! I'm proud of myself for staying strong even though I've been so upset. This is my first proper time giving up when I have actually TRIED hard, so I think it's good that I'm still sticking with it, no matter how sad I've got.

Squishyboots

I'll tell you what Kelly - listen to your country mate Adell's songs and she has some awesome break up songs that seriously kick those boys to the curb! You are strong - dont' let ANYONE tear you down my dear.

KellyToronto

Don't let him send you into a spiral, down into a bottle, Kelly.

Head off to a meeting tomorrow morning - you are doing so well.

Kelly