Reed22

Hi everyone,

I don't really know what I want to write even as I write this. I had 10 days sober coming into the 4th weekend. Friday through Sunday I drank.

I would classify it as binging I guess, it was from about 1 in the afternoon on until sleep. And the worst part was that it was just by myself. My wife went out of town and I just used that time to drink.

I feel like I'm going crazy with all these feelings sometimes. I get so mad at myself after drinking like that. I feel horrible for days afterwards, mentally after the physical malaise wears off.

I just don't know what to do. Part of me says that everything is fine: I work, am happily married, etc. But another part of me feels like I'm trapped at the bottom of a well; in darkness and alone.

Still another part wonders if I am ready/ need/ really want to quit drinking altogether.

Latte

Well, you've gone 10 days before. Pick yourself up and dust yourself off and try again.

There are rooms full of people who know exactly how you feel. You are not alone.

doggonecarl

It's hard enought to quit when you are 100% committed to quitting. Its darn near impossible if you really aren't ready.

Go back and read your initial posts to SR. You seem pretty convinced then. What happened?

Your addiction is trying to lure you back in. Fight it. Get a recovery plan and stick to it.

Reed22

You're right Carl... you are absolutely right.

I guess when it gets right down to it, I feel like giving up booze completely and entirely for good feels like giving up breathing. When I think to the future I can't imagine it without beer. It's sad really...

Plus I am much to guided by emotion. I change my mind based on how I feel. Thus when I feel bad, I am committed to quiting and beer sounds horrible, but when I feel good, having beer sounds good. This is a problem for me and one I need to work on, thank you for helping me see it more clearly.

doggonecarl

For some, the concept of being sober "forever" is too huge to grasp, too intimidating. They can much easier grasp the concept of being sober today. Tomorrow they will deal with being sober for that day...and so on. One day at a time.

Personally, I needed to accept that never drinking meant forever. I didn't want to dangle the hope that maybe "one" day in the distant future (or not so distant) I could drink. What helped me foremost was the recognition that I was not a normal drinker. Nor would I ever be a normal drinker. Hence, I can never drink. Accepting that I can't drink [ever] makes the time component irrelevant.

Pick whatever mindset keeps a drink out of your hand. Good luck.

Anna

I agree that you need to be totally committed to stopping drinking if you want it to work. As long as you are unsure, it's not going to happen.

And, do remember that alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse if you don't stop.

I wish you well!

Missy7

I agree that you need to make the decision, but don't force yourself to be sure. When we are drinking and not in big trouble, we don't quite understand the need to quit.

But I've heard on SR many times, if you think you have a problem, you probably do. Maybe you're not ready to promise to quite forever, but maybe you can try 30 days. Then you can decide whether to do it forever. I'm on day seventeen and I'm feeling like it's probably worth it to do it forever....but it is a process. I think that some people encounter a brick wall and know they will be done forever, but it doesn't always happen that way.

I'm guessing that if you don't like the effects and would like to quit but can't do so easily, then you must.