Takumi

I'm sure this place probably draws people from around the globe but since I'm in the U.S., I would like to wish you here a happy 4th of July (our Independence Day [from the British in the 1700's... darn Brits.])

Anyway, a few days ago, I posted here that I had gone three days sober, which I hadn't done in well over a year. I did drink some that night but about 1/4 less than I usually would.

My life is starting to turn around even though I haven't quit yet. I went three days. That was a win. Right away, my attitude went from hopeless and depressed to mostly happy and hopeful. That remains to the day. I have just gone three days again. During those days, I also did not smoke a cigarette.

I identified that coffee and tobacco are triggers and so until today, I did not drink a cup of coffee for SIX days (and it made a HUGE difference!). That is absolutely unheard of for me. I did switch to iced tea (which has about 1/2 the caffeine per glass). All of this has made a huge difference. Smoking a lot less has helped a lot although after three days, it is harder for me to not smoke than it is to not drink (I get realllllly tired and spacey.)

Anyway........... I am finally, after five years of desperation and despair, knowing that this can and will come to an end sometime soon (hopefully within one week-one month). I helped my mother out of a drinking problem (worse than mine) the last few years and she is sober now. It seems I am following the same path (She got better and drank less at first, then quit totally.).

Feeling like the future is open and the world is good again is the BIGGEST relief ever. Even if I'm not totally sober yet, I don't hate the world or anyone, nor myself anymore. I don't fear every minute of the day and in fact am enjoying my life. I still say it's not over 'til it's over... but I can see the light........

Again, to the U.S. citizens here, I wish you a happy Independence Day and if you don't have it yet, I hope you are able to earn and find your own independence from whatever has held you back.

Takumi

P.S. I forgot to mention... and this is pretty awesome for me... but the last couple days, my bipolar is calming down bigtime! I am well-aware that 75%+ of bipolar people become alcoholics and that alcohol can actually TRIGGER bipolar in a person with a latent condition... so I think I am probably more borderline that I thought and the alcohol really brought it out. Anyhow............

Soberpotamus

Congrats on your 3 days, Takumi and Happy Independence Day to you as well

Takumi

Thanks, Jennie! :ghug3

Soberpotamus

That's great that it's calming down! I'm sure you're relieved. And I wasn't aware of that %!! I was treated briefly for possible Bipolar II I think, back when I was 27 (I'm 34 now) and I'd been sober for 8 months. It's one of my big concerns... that as I progress through sobriety it's going to allow bipolar to come out again... maybe not, hopefully not. But I have no way of knowing if the alcohol wasn't just my own self-medication for it.

Thanks for sharing that!

Takumi

It typically is self-medication in most people who are bipolar (Most start drinking before they are diagnosed and are therefore already alcohol-dependeant.). I believe this is why cutting down on the stimulants is helping me so much-- because I get caught in the "swing" of bipolar where I'm tired and depressed so I want to be "up" but then I'm too hyper so I want to be "down." Getting just a taste of balance is a good taste in my mouth. I've been on this roller coaster for years without relief.

On New Year's Day 2002, I quit drinking cold-turkey (and I was a heavier drinker probably than I am now). I also was about ten years younger. I just did it without even thinking about withdrawal. I just quit. This time, I have found it infinitely more difficult and painful. So the fact that I believe I will live and enjoy the world around me has been just great recently.

For a couple years, I thought I was for sure going to die of this. Now I definitely believe I will come out of it. I just hope I never hit a "bad day" again. For a while, I would always hit 1-2 really bad days per month, and oddly (or not so much), they are almost ALWAYS around the new moon. To tie that in to a fact, I usually feel very good around a full moon.

Do with that info what you will. Although it's likely useless since everyone is different.

Takumi

P.S. again to elaborate on my last response....

I am a big believer in the stars and planets, and their influence on mankind. I believe this is a knowledge which was "fact" before and has become to be in the realm of dreamers, or those disconnected from reality. The Native Americans believed many things that I do which have been forgotten. And they lived fine until my ancestors came to kill them and take their land. ............ Heh....... not to be negative........ just implying that some things that are considered fantasy or imaginary these days were once considered cold, hard facts. Most notably the idea that the Universe is vast, unimaginable, and should be respected without trying to understand every little thing about it.

sobermax

Lovely to read this thread Takumi - very glad that you are feeling more hopeful.

Zencat

Good going on your sober journey so far. Without hope I would knot know what to do in recovery, Hope sustains me when everything else had had failed me. I live on hope and positive action. The two complement each other to a tea.

SomethingBetter

Happy 4th!

I like your posts, I know I am different at some moon stages, my wife agrees & I love stars & space and the way natives lived, unfortunatly I am still not at peace yet after 133 days sober, likes somethings still not right.

I'm up, then down for days i can stay in these cycles a while, I think my biggest issue is not having the intellectual stimulation I need, so thanks for joining!

I wish you all the best on your sober journey!

iliveforyou

Congrats on your 4 days now, keep up the great work. It can only get easier from here!

I am new - again - into my recovery from opiates and I suffer from Bipolar II and Complex PTSD w/ psychosis NOS. It is very difficult for me to be hopeful, optimistic about my future at this point in time as I've been dealing with this crap for far too long on top of chronic pain conditions. I hope that one day, I find that peace of mind and find a love for life.

I hope you (and everyone else in the US) had a great 4th.

Keep posting

-Jess