LonelyLoner

I dont really know what i'm doing. I just kind of stumbled across this sight in an effort to reach out to....someone. I have family but I've isolated myself from them due to my inability to quit using dope. i relapse pretty much every chance i get. it's usually a relapse of oppertunity which is why i think it's becoming very dangerous. i've been getting pretty bad lately and whenever i don't have dope in me all i can think about is how much i've hurt myself and the people around me. i don't want to hurt anymore and i don't want to hurt anyone else. i keep thinking about suicide knowing that it would just hurt the people around me more but the empty feeling follows me around no matter what is going on in my life good or bad. i really want to shake it so i can start my life over and get on track. i know the first place i could start is getting a...any job. I'm worried though that i'll just spend all my money on dope. that's what i did with my last job. i took care of my financal obligations but all my spare money went to dope. it's grabbed ahold of me and it just doesn't want to let go. it looses it's grip from time to time but something always happens and i manage to get myself sucked back in. i really do feel like this is my last chance....

Ann

Welcome, Loner. I hope you find your thread here where I moved it.

Glad you joined us and hope you will find some peace and support here.

Ann

yogaisland

Welcome. Acknowledging that you have a problem is a great first step. You can find a lot of great support and advice here. I'm not sure what exact drug you were taking, but depending on what it is you may need a formal rehab program to get off of it. Don't be scared - just focus on how much better your life can be when it's not all mucked up by drugs. Stay strong and please keep us updated.

1undone

You sound very desperate. Have you gone to the ER? I think you really need to see a doctor. At this point it sounds like a team of professionals is your best bet. What have you tried so far to get off the drugs?

nandm

to SR. Glad you are here.

ACT10Npack

If you can't stop on your own then start looking into rehab. They will force you to quit for 28 days in there. Welcome to SR.

LonelyLoner

Thank you everyone for your replies. To be honest I wasn't really expecting anyone to respond. Ive always been kind of invisible to most of the people around me. I did try going to the er once but all they did was put me in a bed w and iv for a while and told me to rest. I was there for a couple hours and they made me leave. I've thought about going to a meeting but I'm very shy and i can't see myself sitting in a group of people sharing my problems. This, for me is much easier. It's been about 24 hrs since ive had any. ( and it was heroin by the way ) and my body feels like jello but i have no desire to use. I just want to get it out of my system so I can start a new life. Thanks again to everyone. It's nice to know some people care just to care and not because they can gain something out of it.

CarolD

If you are not so shy you can't get out to score drugs....then you are not too shy to find something that will improve your life.

plese check out your local Narcotics Anonymous meetings......just go to listen.

Welcome to SR....

SweetB

LL please don't isolate yourself. Your thoughts will eat away at you. Get involved with those around you....family and friends you can trust. Be careful of trusting people who use or were users. over the past 2 years of being addicted I have met a few people that use and they are totally respectful and would never use in my company if they know I am clean. They have turned out to be real friends, we all strive to quit but sometimes relapse. Those that are true friends have never encouraged me to relapse and I never have tempted them either..and were threre when I needed to talk....but one friend that uses and that vowed to help me was rarely there when I called, emailed, and needed support. He always called me when I had days or even weeks clean, because he wanted to get high and he used my feelings and emotions to manipulate me into getting high and supplying drugs for binges lasting days. I realize that the drug was more important than a friendship that in his words was, "our close, caring and deep" friendship. I should be angry, but I realize he was defensless against his addiction and could not see a I was a friend that was more than a drug supply...instead after rehab he is angry at me!
The people here are wonderful and sympathetic and many will give you good advice. many will share their experiences and hopefully you won't feel alone...
I am on day 12 free of shooting and smoking Crystal Meth. I am anxious to start going to meetings of NA again.

STAY STRONG, TRY GOING TO MEETINGS, OCCUPY YOUR TIME.
GOOD LUCK

runsinthefamily

Welcome LL
You're not alone by any means, even though it feels like it at times. Try and stay connected to this group, even if it means just reading about other people's struggles and posting about your own. It helps to get it out and realize that other people have been through things eerily similar to your situation. The people here also have some great suggestions if you're willing to listen and try them.
Again, welcome

LonelyLoner

Well I ended up spending time with a couple of my sisters and my daughter for the 4th. Didn't use and still don't want to. My body doesn't feel as bad as it did yesterday but I'm still a little sluggish. Thanks again everyone for your replies. It really does help I think to know that someone is really listening

LonelyLoner

Eight days!!! Not much to brag about I guess but the time has been well spent. I've been spending most of my time with my family and haven't had any urdges to use. I'm still a bit unconfortable in my body at times but I'm thankful that it's not as bad as it could be. I'm sleeping through the night again so that's a good thing.

Clearhead

Eight days is huge! Sounds like your doing the right thing hanging around family. The biggest thing I did in early sobriety is change my daily routine completely. I stayed clear of anything and anybody that might tempt me into using again. Keep it up! Every second your sober is a big accomplishment!

Dee74

Welcome to SR LonelyLoner - and congratulations on 8 days!

D

JohnnyDetox

8 days, no small feat indeed. Hanging with family is great but sooner rather than later you might want to check out NA. Try not to let your shyness keep you from going. Nobody will make you do anything you don't want to.

I go to AA as booze is my downfall and, like you, very shy. I've never been made to do anything that I didn't want to at a meeting. Always felt welcomed.

Do yourself a favor and check out a meeting.

All the best!!!

NewLife221

good job on the 8 days loner. keep strong.

where i am from there is a local musician that was addicted to heroin. even though i have never touched "dog food", i do have to say that the song has given me some inspiration coping with my addiction(s) as i can feel the pain in the song and it touched my heart.

this is a live show here in Cleveland, in the video you can see the pain and struggle in his performance. i prefer to watch this one, but the sound quality is not the best as it is live.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XMAF...32AE626FEA43EE

this is the actual song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGXkCO1cRDk

i know not a lot of people like quote/unquote "rap music" but give it a listen please. and yes, he is a white rapper.


NSFW, Parental advisory...

NewLife221

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