Petewill

hello -

day 27 of sobriety and I just woke up pissed. I feel like I am going to explode. pissed that I can't drink and that I have to live like this now.. I am telling myself that I can use other drugs and just not drink. anything, not to feel like this. Granted, i am getting alot accomplished, almost completed school(one more test to certification) , still have my place, getting along with family, seeing my kids.. just agghh. i mean, i guess the emotions are starting to come back. went to 2 meetings yesterday, got the cold shoulder from a few members for not being consistent and coming in and out of the rooms. pissed that my life is revolving around being sober and have not lived up to my expectations and seems like all of my peers are doing just fine.. jealous.... sorry, rambling..

ETA

Hey Petewill...

I haven't gotten to where you are at but I can feel inklings of it. I know that it won't be too much longer until I wake up with this same feeling.

Do you excercise? I know when quitting smoking and I was SO FULL OF ANGST. I found that I did some hard core workout - like just go running really really fast - then it would work some of the angst out.

I don't know if that is helpful. Either way - you know this will pass. And being angry is better than being drunk.

EmeraldRose

and that I have to live like this now..

When I felt life wasn't fair because everyone else could drink and I couldn't -when life was overwhelming and I felt 'mad' about every situation I'd just take a step back and be glad I'm not waking up with a hangover, the guilt or having the urge to stop at the store.
It was really as simple as that. Remembering how alcohol controlled my life is an unforgetable life long thorn in the side...it is a constant reminder of wanting to STAY in life on the other side. Sounds like you have alot to be thankful for!

Abbzi

I found the anger and frustration..was really part of the process..I was grieving at having to leave alcohol behind, I couldnt imagine life without it and I was ticked off my mates could 'still go out to play' and I'd been grounded..... I had to focus on the bad stuff it gave me and stop romantising the role it played in my life..Im not saying its easy.. and those feelings came in waves but eventually left ... I dont feel Im missing out anymore... every day I feel Ive gained a life and strength those drinking mates will never have...

Anger isnt a bad thing...it can instigate change... I find burning energy good.. my teen and I went and bought a boxing bag... and we hit and kick that anger out...just an idea

Missy7

"have to live like this now..."

That scares me a little bit. On Day 12 I just went out to a bar with my husband last night and did not drink. But you know what, I didn't want to either.

I want to Live Like This. I woke up a little tired this morning cause I got to bed after midnight (woke up at 6:00) but I was able to stretch, drink some coffee, and move toward existing.

You say you are getting stuff done, but I wonder what part of your old life, beside alcohol, you actually miss. Can you think of something? Maybe that's how you can put an end to feeling like this.

I went to the bar because we used to go two or three nights a week for karaoke and we had a big, friendly social circle there. Well, they are still there. They were glad to see us. I wanted to dance and laugh...it was fine. I look forward to doing it again. And I won't drink.

What do you miss?

Anna

I think it's normal to feel a lot of emotions in early recovery, and yes, I was angry at myself too. I had to accept that I had allowed this to happen to myself, to my life. I spent time thinking about the moments when I should have chosen differently. But, I realized that I did the best I could at the time, and this was the lesson life was giving me. I think it's so unproductive to compare yourself with other people.

Maybe a gratitude journal would be a good idea?

Terminally Unique

I used to think "I can't drink - HOW AWFUL - Poor me !!!"

Then, I realized that I indeed could drink, as long as I was willing to accept the probable very bad consequences that would result because of it. Since I don't want those very bad consequences, though, I will not drink.

Put that way, not drinking does not seem so bad. :-)

Petewill

Thanks for all the responses..... I still feel very agitated - very much in pain, feel like this will lead to nothing (being sober) just miserable.... carzy, i know. I had 18 months almost 1.5 years ago, miserable then too. was working the program and on the 10th step.. anyway, . going to meetings like crazy these past 2 days since I have felt this way and that is really not helping..

1undone

You need that 11th step! I feel ya though. I do think you are getting a bit of amnesia though if you think maintaining the drink is easier than sobriety. Happens to me to! You need a good relapse dream to put things in perspective.

Boleo

If sobriety feels like "a cross to bare", chances are, the day will come that you need to put the cross down.

What you really need is some peace of mind, joy and sense of purpose. Where does that come from? Practicing Spiritual Principles that attract those things.

"In this life, pain is inevitable - suffering is optional."

AcceptingChange

Well, that's interesting, that you were feeling angry while you were sober, and you were feeling angry while you were drinking. That means that drinking isn't solving your discomfort at it's core. It's masking it temporarily, but then the feelings come back once the alcohol effect wears off.

I'm about 2 years sober, and i'm just discovering a gnawing anxiety in the pit of my stomach. Its there terribly when i wake up, and it takes up a lot of my conscious thinking. "Why do i feel like this? What can i do to get rid of it?" I used to solve the problem by drinking. That masked the problem for a while. But it would come back much stronger in the morning.

So i'm uncovering layer upon layer of physical and mental problems now that i'm sober. The alcohol was painting over cracked drywall, which made finding the core problem harder.

Two years ago i expected to be superman by now, full of confidence, energy and accomplishment. Ha! That is not what happened. But at least i'm far into solving one major problem (alcohol). There were some disappointments that occurred during the last two years, that i may have overreacted to if i was still drinking. So i like to think i avoided some problems that may have occurred if i was still drinking. I thought i only had one major problem, but i'm finding i have more than one. O well, at least i don't have the anger of still having to deal with the alcohol problem in front of me while i try to find peace.

instant

Pete
we all are very aware of the physical aspects of withdrawal. The emotional withdrawal and the thinking that goes with it are longer (in my opinion).

What ever you are going through is "what is" (read the serenity prayer). Can it be changed directly by you ?.......... what can you change?

Getting over "missing" an old friend it hard. In our emotional withdrawal we can tend to get stuck in "reminiscing" in a way that undermines us.

I also found that working out a way of learning/ practicing gratitude has been an enormous help to me- it's a simple way of starting to get into the spiritual side of things which seems to help.

Squizz

Thanks Pete.

That was awesome. I can really identify. Once anger sets in, I'm usually screwed. I've got to find ways to release my anger. I do this in many ways. Working out, talking to somebody, praying, reading..........

Just stewing in it leads me to drinking and drugging. Whatever you do, just don't let it boil up until you "pop".

Trust me when I say, that that is NEVER a good idea.

Roosiedoll

Pete-

Being angry sucks. I've read a couple books about the Dahli Lama, and he has some pretty cool ways at looking at the world. He just believes in happiness for everyone and no anger, it's crazy stuff. I hope your journey gets better man I'm here for ya! I'll leave you with a quote...

"One who is dependent has wavering. One who is independent has no wavering. There being no wavering, there is calm. There being calm, there is no desire. There being no desire, there is no coming or going. There being no coming or going, there is no passing away or arising. There being no passing away or arising, there is neither a here nor a there nor a between-the-two. This, just this, is the end of stress." (from the 2nd and 3rd Noble Truths)