Desperately need advice, help, something!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Southwest FL
Posts: 5
Desperately need advice, help, something!
Hello SoberRecovery Users,
I am a 21 year old male who has been using drugs since the age of 12. The first time I tried alcohol I was 12, along with marijuana. My whole life changed when I turned 16 and had tooth problems (Multiple root canals, terrible enamel). The dentist proscribed me hydrocodone. Before this I had just messed with things here and there, marijuana, alcohol, and even a few month long cocaine binge.
I have been smoking marijuana since the age of 12 and because of that I find it is hard to let it go, when I must let everything go.
I am on suboxone maintenance and have been for approximately 94 days. Before the maintenance treatment I had a several month long binge on Methadone, Morphine, Soma, Oxy, Benedryl, whatever increased the high.
The doctor has proscribed me 8 mg of suboxone a day taken in two parts, zoloft, and vistaril. However I still continue to smoke marijuana, and now synthetic cannabinoids. I find that if I don't smoke for at least a day it drives me nuts, it has been my way of coping for god knows how long. I believe it may also cause withdrawal when not smoking, since it normally boosts my suboxone dose.
The main problem is, I went from being head of house (providing for my highschool aged sister) along with my mother. Now I'm this worthless unemployed junkie about to become homeless because I just can't stop reaching for anything (alcohol, smokes). Can anyone give me advice on what to do? This is very hard for me. I was addicted to poppy tea for 2 years, then got clean for about a month, started smoking again, then ended up making tea frequently and transitioning to methadone and morphine.
I also have issues with my father, whom I hate for being a coke addict and not supporting my sister, I had to for a few years. Now that I can't, I'm constantly getting verbally bashed from my mother because of my constant slip ups. When she does this, it makes me want to escape more, get more high, get away. I have thought that maybe it would be easier to leave everything behind and look for a final solution. I know that's not the right thing, so I really need advice.
Not to mention, it seems lately everything goes wrong, and I can't handle it, I have anxiety issues and have been feeling many feelings of hopelessness and despair lately.
Thanks in advance,
Catatonic
I am a 21 year old male who has been using drugs since the age of 12. The first time I tried alcohol I was 12, along with marijuana. My whole life changed when I turned 16 and had tooth problems (Multiple root canals, terrible enamel). The dentist proscribed me hydrocodone. Before this I had just messed with things here and there, marijuana, alcohol, and even a few month long cocaine binge.
I have been smoking marijuana since the age of 12 and because of that I find it is hard to let it go, when I must let everything go.
I am on suboxone maintenance and have been for approximately 94 days. Before the maintenance treatment I had a several month long binge on Methadone, Morphine, Soma, Oxy, Benedryl, whatever increased the high.
The doctor has proscribed me 8 mg of suboxone a day taken in two parts, zoloft, and vistaril. However I still continue to smoke marijuana, and now synthetic cannabinoids. I find that if I don't smoke for at least a day it drives me nuts, it has been my way of coping for god knows how long. I believe it may also cause withdrawal when not smoking, since it normally boosts my suboxone dose.
The main problem is, I went from being head of house (providing for my highschool aged sister) along with my mother. Now I'm this worthless unemployed junkie about to become homeless because I just can't stop reaching for anything (alcohol, smokes). Can anyone give me advice on what to do? This is very hard for me. I was addicted to poppy tea for 2 years, then got clean for about a month, started smoking again, then ended up making tea frequently and transitioning to methadone and morphine.
I also have issues with my father, whom I hate for being a coke addict and not supporting my sister, I had to for a few years. Now that I can't, I'm constantly getting verbally bashed from my mother because of my constant slip ups. When she does this, it makes me want to escape more, get more high, get away. I have thought that maybe it would be easier to leave everything behind and look for a final solution. I know that's not the right thing, so I really need advice.
Not to mention, it seems lately everything goes wrong, and I can't handle it, I have anxiety issues and have been feeling many feelings of hopelessness and despair lately.
Thanks in advance,
Catatonic
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 89
You definitely sound like you need a support group to help you clean up your life. You made a good choice by coming here for support as a first step. I wish I had more advice but I actually just joined yesterday. Everyone seems really nice though, so I'm sure others will chime in with good advice soon.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
catatonic -
I am still very new here myself.... but I just wanted to say don't give up. You have plenty of life left to live plenty of time to start again. look up the AA/NA groups in florida: Ive been considering going myself.
My husband was not so great about communicating how Much my drinking was hurting him. Instead of telling me he was hurting, he jumped down my throat on a daily basis. Just made me want to drink more. He is still a huge jerk even though I am making a huge effort to quit. Maybe this is true with you mom as well? that shes just hurt?
I recently figured out that I can't change him, or any of the sh*t that has gone terribly wrong in my life. The only person/thing you can change is yourself.
keep posting in SR. HUGS
I am still very new here myself.... but I just wanted to say don't give up. You have plenty of life left to live plenty of time to start again. look up the AA/NA groups in florida: Ive been considering going myself.
My husband was not so great about communicating how Much my drinking was hurting him. Instead of telling me he was hurting, he jumped down my throat on a daily basis. Just made me want to drink more. He is still a huge jerk even though I am making a huge effort to quit. Maybe this is true with you mom as well? that shes just hurt?
I recently figured out that I can't change him, or any of the sh*t that has gone terribly wrong in my life. The only person/thing you can change is yourself.
keep posting in SR. HUGS
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Southwest FL
Posts: 5
Well, I know that she is hurt. She has conveyed that to me plenty of times, however lately she has been saying things that she knows will irritate me. This makes me want to continue using regardless of how hurt she is, I try to explain to her that I understand that her and my younger sister are very hurt by this. I also try to explain to her that I feel equally hurt, if not more. My reason being, I have physical, and emotional withdrawals, and have the pain from that, plus knowing how bad I hurt my family also hurts me, because I feel powerless to stopping doing so. It hurts me so bad to see them so hurt and me feeling as if I'm in a boat with no oars going down white water rapids.
I tend to get very angry at times, or experience a lot of anxiety, massive stress, or anxiety these things also cause me to do what I have been doing because it seems to be the only way I've found to deal with my issues so far.
I have been to NA meetings, and what threw me off on them was they were very eerily cult-like. I was in a meeting one time, and expressed my fear of the physical withdrawal for the first time after two years on heavy opiates and everything to make it stronger. It was my first time going to a detox center. I was horrified. A girl recognized this, and during the time of the "Burning Desires" she wants to convey to me not to be scared, and that she wanted to talk to me and make sure that I felt more comfortable. They ended up yelling at her for doing this. The other problem I have with them are they don't tell me how to deal with my problems, only that I have a disease. When I was going to detox, they ridiculed me because of this and said that I need to experience everything without doctor help. They told me I will fail, and that hurt me. I need to know WHY I continue my behaviors. What might not be right in my brain chemistry, any instabilities?
I tend to get very angry at times, or experience a lot of anxiety, massive stress, or anxiety these things also cause me to do what I have been doing because it seems to be the only way I've found to deal with my issues so far.
I have been to NA meetings, and what threw me off on them was they were very eerily cult-like. I was in a meeting one time, and expressed my fear of the physical withdrawal for the first time after two years on heavy opiates and everything to make it stronger. It was my first time going to a detox center. I was horrified. A girl recognized this, and during the time of the "Burning Desires" she wants to convey to me not to be scared, and that she wanted to talk to me and make sure that I felt more comfortable. They ended up yelling at her for doing this. The other problem I have with them are they don't tell me how to deal with my problems, only that I have a disease. When I was going to detox, they ridiculed me because of this and said that I need to experience everything without doctor help. They told me I will fail, and that hurt me. I need to know WHY I continue my behaviors. What might not be right in my brain chemistry, any instabilities?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
gosh i'm so bad at this.... not bad really, just new to it I guess.
i know what you mean, about being uncomfortable in the na/aa setting.
thats pretty much why i havnt gone myself.
Hmm. do you have any friends that don't use?
i know what you mean, about being uncomfortable in the na/aa setting.
thats pretty much why i havnt gone myself.
Hmm. do you have any friends that don't use?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Hi and Welcome,
We do understand.
You can learn healthy ways to deal with life's ups and downs rather than using drugs or alcohol.
Don't listen to anyone who tells you that you will fail. You can do this. Take a look around here and you will see a lot of us have gone through active addiction and now we lead happy lives.
It's true that stopping drinking/drugs is just the beginning. At that point, the hard work begins, and you might find therapy helpful, or having other people to talk to. And, there is always support here.
We do understand.
You can learn healthy ways to deal with life's ups and downs rather than using drugs or alcohol.
Don't listen to anyone who tells you that you will fail. You can do this. Take a look around here and you will see a lot of us have gone through active addiction and now we lead happy lives.
It's true that stopping drinking/drugs is just the beginning. At that point, the hard work begins, and you might find therapy helpful, or having other people to talk to. And, there is always support here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Southwest FL
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by bblackbirdflyy 
gosh i'm so bad at this.... not bad really, just new to it I guess.
i know what you mean, about being uncomfortable in the na/aa setting.
thats pretty much why i havnt gone myself.
Hmm. do you have any friends that don't use?
i know what you mean, about being uncomfortable in the na/aa setting.
thats pretty much why i havnt gone myself.
Hmm. do you have any friends that don't use?
Thanks for the help everyone.
What are the ways of controlling anger? I can't afford a psychiatrist because we are behind on bills, my maintenance is taking up what money we have left. I've tried counting, removing myself from the situation (something else will **** me off). I just don't know what to do. This causes me to not care about who I'm hurting, especially myself. I have gotten to the point where if I were to die tomorrow, whatever.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
It sounds like you had a bad experience at NA ..... are you willing to try a different meeting? AA is what saved my a$$. It got me out of my head, gave me a place to vent my angers, and helped me feel less alone .... among other things.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: God's Grace
Posts: 2,464
Don't ever give up...can you try another meeting? Also, have you possibly looked into treatment while you are going thru the withdrawls.....completely clean off all drugs and alcohol? They can help you learn about the disease, give you the tools necessary to cope with the feelings and to show you ways to maintain your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
maybe take up running to get your angry out. Or anything physical, biking, skating. What did you enjoy doing as a child before the drugs?
I don't have any sober friends either, which is why Im considering AA. For me its more of a time issue. I hae small children and no one to watch 'em. But If I could find time to get wasted 5 + nights a week I should be able to find time to hit a meeting once a week.
The other thing is I'm painfully shy. just can't see myself standing up to say hi infront of a group of people.
what did you do for work before you became unemployed? Ive been unemployed for the majority of the year and thats a main contributer to my depression/anxiety too. I decided to stay home with my kids, and I watch a couple others throughout the day for money. But I'm going mad!!!! I really want a job.
I suggest finding a job, any job. Thats what I'm gonna do.
I don't have any sober friends either, which is why Im considering AA. For me its more of a time issue. I hae small children and no one to watch 'em. But If I could find time to get wasted 5 + nights a week I should be able to find time to hit a meeting once a week.
The other thing is I'm painfully shy. just can't see myself standing up to say hi infront of a group of people.
what did you do for work before you became unemployed? Ive been unemployed for the majority of the year and thats a main contributer to my depression/anxiety too. I decided to stay home with my kids, and I watch a couple others throughout the day for money. But I'm going mad!!!! I really want a job.
I suggest finding a job, any job. Thats what I'm gonna do.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
Hi Cat... Were you ever evaluated by a mental health MD? I know you said you went through Detox. I'm not giving medical advice but sometimes many of us are self medicating - which with some of you drugs you admit to doing... I ask because the anger you mention Seems to really bother you. If you are a big guy and you aren't contolling that it could get you in a lot of trouble if it hasn't already.
You do sound like you need group support. Are you doing anything consistently right now like AA? It's not perfect, I've expressed my frustrations but it's free and very accessible.
Hang in there! We are all fighting the good fight. I can't imagine taking on a father type role within a fatherless home and having the father be on drugs too! That's too much for any kid. Problem is you're close to adulthood now so those family problems won't matter out there in the "real" world.
You do sound like you need group support. Are you doing anything consistently right now like AA? It's not perfect, I've expressed my frustrations but it's free and very accessible.
Hang in there! We are all fighting the good fight. I can't imagine taking on a father type role within a fatherless home and having the father be on drugs too! That's too much for any kid. Problem is you're close to adulthood now so those family problems won't matter out there in the "real" world.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,954
Stopping all drugs use can be a very scary deal. The withdraw can be a nightmare, then there are the cravings, mood swings...its very hard.
Unfortunately as I learned (the hard way) nothing gets gets better as long as I was using.
Keep working on the main issue, getting clean, put together an addiction treatment plan, learn some coping strategies and never ever give up on recovery 'no matter what'. You can and will recover.
Unfortunately as I learned (the hard way) nothing gets gets better as long as I was using.
Keep working on the main issue, getting clean, put together an addiction treatment plan, learn some coping strategies and never ever give up on recovery 'no matter what'. You can and will recover.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Southwest FL
Posts: 5
Thank you everyone. I haven't stopped everything yet, however each day seems to be getting better. I appreciate everyone's thoughts and concerns. I have wondered, is there a program like NA or AA for opiate users primarily? Thanks. If anyone has resources on anger management, send me a PM or something.
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