Abbzi

I was talking with my daughter, who was organizing going out tomorrow night. While drinking, my first question at times like this is which parent is taking u and how are u getting home. It was unspoken but known I couldnt be counted on to be sober enough to do it.

Well tonight I automatically asked the question and she replied, 'I assumed you were.' My answer jokingly 'Wth, I'm sober 5 days and already the expectations are on me' Then later it hit me, thats one of the main reasons I drink..

People stop expecting things of me, they dont expect me to be reliable, expect me to turn up [they stop asking after a while] they dont expect me to meet obligations, have a job, be a perfect wife/mother/friend, family dont expect me to be good with money or to be reliable sibling/child... Gees [to my shame] my kids dont even expect dinner cooked...

All that was a relief in drinking and I now see its something Ill have to deal with on this journey.... Learning boundaries for myself, to learn to say No..without a drink in my hand


Thanks for listening to todays ramble, not sure it makes sense...x

Hollyanne

Abbzi,
Oh yes, it makes a lot of sense!
I was emailing my sister about this very thing earlier. Interesting, now what do I do?

Tuesday24

Abbzi- It makes PERFECT sense. I definitely relate to your post. I stopped expecting things of MYSELF. I actually thought(/well, still think at times) that being an independant and productive member of society was not in the cards for me.Horrible disease. Keep fighting the good fight Abbzi

Tuesday24

I am starting my taking small steps to get back on track. For instance, cooking meals, baking. Anything to make me feel like I am contributing

Something that happened to me the other night: I was at the grocery store at around 9pm..drove there and everything. I was sober. I looked around and was amazed. This is what "normal" people do everyday. Kinda made me feel good.