Stopped drinking 3 weeks ago.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 89
Stopped drinking 3 weeks ago.
Hi everyone. I decided to Google "what's the difference between alcoholism and problem drinking" and ended up here. Spent an hour reading posts and decided to register.
I'm 30 years old, been married for 9 years, no kids. My mother was an alcoholic and her father was an alcoholic and both were emotionally and physically abusive to all their children (which is part of why I have no kids.)
I started drinking too much in 2009. I can pinpoint the exact time - my dad owned a bar at the time and made me a judge for their karaoke contest. I was seated at a special table and my glass of wine was constantly topped off so that it was very difficult to keep track of how much I had been drinking. The contest went on for 10 weeks so this was repeated every week. And after it was over I continued to go and repeat the same behavior. I probably would drink 6-8 glasses of wine each time. Always had horrible hangovers the next day and would swear I'd never drink again. But once it wore off I'd reason that it was really the smoke in the bar and wine was just fine. So I'd drink at home too.
I lost my job last summer (not related to drinking) and started drinking a lot at home while unemployed. I'd wait anxiously for 5pm (sometimes not making it) before cracking open a 1.5L bottle of white zin and my big glass (I once measured it and it held 20 oz so was very bad for over-drinking). Was drinking about 1/2 a big bottle a night (so a regular bottle) like every night.
I put on like 15lbs, my health suffered, my self-esteem suffered. Also going on concurrently with this were a lot of problems with my husband, who had his own drinking problems. He would drink as many as 10 glasses of wine in a night, staying up until dawn on his days off (I'd have already crashed at midnight as drinking makes me sleepy.) I got really resentful of him never coming to bed. He was drinking to try to feel better about himself and ease his anxiety. We just repeated this for months and months, driving each other further and further apart.
Well, new year new me. I got a great new job in January and joined a gym on the way to work. I've exercised on and off but this time it just really clicked. Took up running seriously and while I'm not that great (can run a sub 10 min mile but have to take walking breaks after a while!) it's enjoyable to see the good things my body can do. Started taking weight classes, spinning, Pilates, and of course yoga. Yoga has been something I've done from videos for years and loved, and it was amazing to finally take it "for real" with a live teacher. I'm hooked.
So at the start of the year I cut way back on drinking. It just didn't fit into my plans any more and I was getting more and more tired of hangovers. However I still would have a couple of glasses after a tough day, and kept my "weekend pattern" - my husband and I have Thu and Fri off so Wed is like our Friday night. We have always drank the most that night. So I was still drinking 3-5 glasses on Wednesday.
Well, things were still getting worse and worse between us because he continued to stay up all night drinking, and it was even more maddening for me because I was trying to cut back. He would stagger into bed at 6am and snore loudly so that I would have to get up when he got in bed, and I'd feel tired and pissed all day, seething until he got up at 2pm. The fights got more and more frequent and he pushed me out of the way during an argument one night. I got dead serious at that point because I have always said I would never tolerate physical abuse. (I was hit enough by my mother.) I told him we were through and I wanted a divorce. He begged me to stay and said he would change. Well, it was one week on and one off for a month. I really got emotionally done with the relationship and was planning how to leave.
He finally wised up and realized something had to change. He called behavioral health services and got counseling and put on Prozac. We also started going to marriage counseling which is sponsored by my employer (they pay but are not told I am going). That was extremely helpful because not only did she help us sort out a lot of our problems, but she saw very clearly to the source of the problem and said point blank we needed to give up alcohol because that was causing/triggering almost all our problems.
I kind of balked at it initially. Drinking is a lot of our identity. He is a wine aficionado, our favorite vacation is going to Epcot and drinking at the different countries, we drink wine and watch funny movies, our only social events are going out drinking with friends.... we both have social anxiety and it was about the only way we could manage social stuff.
But the more I thought about it I realized it was a good idea. So I just stopped. That was 3 weeks ago and I have not had a drink since. My husband did not stop but has cut way down - he used to buy two big 1.5L for the week, the cheap kind just to get drunk, but last time we went to the store he just bought a small bottle of good Chianti and that was enough. That was major for me to see. I'm not tempted by his wine because I do not like red wine. He is only having a glass each night (if any, some nights he doesn't have any, usually Sat/Sun) and two on his nights off.
Anyway, I still am having a bit of difficulty wrapping my head around the idea of never drinking again. I know from reading on here that you have to take it one day at a time and not stress about New Year's champagne in June. The girl I thought was my best friend barely talks to me any more since I told her I was stopping drinking. I'm not being self righteous about it or preachy or like, "I'm so great for doing this" - if anything I am apologetic about not drinking. I am nervous about whether or not I tell people "I don't drink because I have a problem" or if I do as my therapist suggested and give excuses that make me feel more comfortable - like I am training for a race and had to cut out alcohol for that reason (which is partly true in a way, but I am really into truthfulness lately and that just feels somewhat dishonest.)
And it's weird how little things get you - I heard an ad on the radio that this rooftop, beachfront bar that my "best friend" and I used to frequent is hosting "Working Women Wednesdays" with $1.05 margaritas. I was like "Whoa, that is an AWESOME deal" (I love a bargain!) and thought about how it was a great way to hang with my friend again, then my heart sank when I remembered that I couldn't do that anymore.
Sorry to ramble, just wanted to lay it all out there and introduce myself. I do have cravings for a drink sometimes. Like today is pretty bad since it's the start of my weekend and it feels like I should be having a drink. I have to hold on to that remembrance of how the initial buzz fades into that dull headache. Or that I won't be able to exercise tomorrow.
Well anyway here I am!
ETA: Oh, I forgot to mention that I had 8 bottles of wine in the house (my dad's bar went out of business and he gave me all his white zin stock before I quit.) They are sitting in bags in the front room, waiting on this girl I knew from karaoke to come get them. I can't bring myself to throw away something with value, but this chick needs to come or I am throwing them in the dumpster because I cannot stand having them in the house anymore!!
I'm 30 years old, been married for 9 years, no kids. My mother was an alcoholic and her father was an alcoholic and both were emotionally and physically abusive to all their children (which is part of why I have no kids.)
I started drinking too much in 2009. I can pinpoint the exact time - my dad owned a bar at the time and made me a judge for their karaoke contest. I was seated at a special table and my glass of wine was constantly topped off so that it was very difficult to keep track of how much I had been drinking. The contest went on for 10 weeks so this was repeated every week. And after it was over I continued to go and repeat the same behavior. I probably would drink 6-8 glasses of wine each time. Always had horrible hangovers the next day and would swear I'd never drink again. But once it wore off I'd reason that it was really the smoke in the bar and wine was just fine. So I'd drink at home too.
I lost my job last summer (not related to drinking) and started drinking a lot at home while unemployed. I'd wait anxiously for 5pm (sometimes not making it) before cracking open a 1.5L bottle of white zin and my big glass (I once measured it and it held 20 oz so was very bad for over-drinking). Was drinking about 1/2 a big bottle a night (so a regular bottle) like every night.
I put on like 15lbs, my health suffered, my self-esteem suffered. Also going on concurrently with this were a lot of problems with my husband, who had his own drinking problems. He would drink as many as 10 glasses of wine in a night, staying up until dawn on his days off (I'd have already crashed at midnight as drinking makes me sleepy.) I got really resentful of him never coming to bed. He was drinking to try to feel better about himself and ease his anxiety. We just repeated this for months and months, driving each other further and further apart.
Well, new year new me. I got a great new job in January and joined a gym on the way to work. I've exercised on and off but this time it just really clicked. Took up running seriously and while I'm not that great (can run a sub 10 min mile but have to take walking breaks after a while!) it's enjoyable to see the good things my body can do. Started taking weight classes, spinning, Pilates, and of course yoga. Yoga has been something I've done from videos for years and loved, and it was amazing to finally take it "for real" with a live teacher. I'm hooked.
So at the start of the year I cut way back on drinking. It just didn't fit into my plans any more and I was getting more and more tired of hangovers. However I still would have a couple of glasses after a tough day, and kept my "weekend pattern" - my husband and I have Thu and Fri off so Wed is like our Friday night. We have always drank the most that night. So I was still drinking 3-5 glasses on Wednesday.
Well, things were still getting worse and worse between us because he continued to stay up all night drinking, and it was even more maddening for me because I was trying to cut back. He would stagger into bed at 6am and snore loudly so that I would have to get up when he got in bed, and I'd feel tired and pissed all day, seething until he got up at 2pm. The fights got more and more frequent and he pushed me out of the way during an argument one night. I got dead serious at that point because I have always said I would never tolerate physical abuse. (I was hit enough by my mother.) I told him we were through and I wanted a divorce. He begged me to stay and said he would change. Well, it was one week on and one off for a month. I really got emotionally done with the relationship and was planning how to leave.
He finally wised up and realized something had to change. He called behavioral health services and got counseling and put on Prozac. We also started going to marriage counseling which is sponsored by my employer (they pay but are not told I am going). That was extremely helpful because not only did she help us sort out a lot of our problems, but she saw very clearly to the source of the problem and said point blank we needed to give up alcohol because that was causing/triggering almost all our problems.
I kind of balked at it initially. Drinking is a lot of our identity. He is a wine aficionado, our favorite vacation is going to Epcot and drinking at the different countries, we drink wine and watch funny movies, our only social events are going out drinking with friends.... we both have social anxiety and it was about the only way we could manage social stuff.
But the more I thought about it I realized it was a good idea. So I just stopped. That was 3 weeks ago and I have not had a drink since. My husband did not stop but has cut way down - he used to buy two big 1.5L for the week, the cheap kind just to get drunk, but last time we went to the store he just bought a small bottle of good Chianti and that was enough. That was major for me to see. I'm not tempted by his wine because I do not like red wine. He is only having a glass each night (if any, some nights he doesn't have any, usually Sat/Sun) and two on his nights off.
Anyway, I still am having a bit of difficulty wrapping my head around the idea of never drinking again. I know from reading on here that you have to take it one day at a time and not stress about New Year's champagne in June. The girl I thought was my best friend barely talks to me any more since I told her I was stopping drinking. I'm not being self righteous about it or preachy or like, "I'm so great for doing this" - if anything I am apologetic about not drinking. I am nervous about whether or not I tell people "I don't drink because I have a problem" or if I do as my therapist suggested and give excuses that make me feel more comfortable - like I am training for a race and had to cut out alcohol for that reason (which is partly true in a way, but I am really into truthfulness lately and that just feels somewhat dishonest.)
And it's weird how little things get you - I heard an ad on the radio that this rooftop, beachfront bar that my "best friend" and I used to frequent is hosting "Working Women Wednesdays" with $1.05 margaritas. I was like "Whoa, that is an AWESOME deal" (I love a bargain!) and thought about how it was a great way to hang with my friend again, then my heart sank when I remembered that I couldn't do that anymore.
Sorry to ramble, just wanted to lay it all out there and introduce myself. I do have cravings for a drink sometimes. Like today is pretty bad since it's the start of my weekend and it feels like I should be having a drink. I have to hold on to that remembrance of how the initial buzz fades into that dull headache. Or that I won't be able to exercise tomorrow.
Well anyway here I am!
ETA: Oh, I forgot to mention that I had 8 bottles of wine in the house (my dad's bar went out of business and he gave me all his white zin stock before I quit.) They are sitting in bags in the front room, waiting on this girl I knew from karaoke to come get them. I can't bring myself to throw away something with value, but this chick needs to come or I am throwing them in the dumpster because I cannot stand having them in the house anymore!!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome...
I found so many problems in my drinking life smoothed out when I quit.
No I was not married ....I certainly hope that will be true for the two of you.
Well done on your new sobriety ..
I found so many problems in my drinking life smoothed out when I quit.
No I was not married ....I certainly hope that will be true for the two of you.
Well done on your new sobriety ..
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,427
welcome yogaisland 
I was not at all prepared to say 'never again' when I first stopped drinking...although I knew it was bad for me, beyond question....but my drinking had defined me for many years.
I focused on 'not drinking today' for that early period....that seemed more achievable to me,...and less fraught with terror LOL
gradually as I stayed sober, and worked on other issues that reared their ugly heads, I became aware I was changing.
I liked myself and my life a lot more without alcohol, and the thought of forever wasn't a scary thing...instead, it began to look desirable to me.
I reached a point of accepting I couldn't drink if I wanted the kind of life I'd been living in recovery....and I've gone on from there ever since.
This site has been a god send to me and I know it will be for you too. There's a lot of support here
Welcome!
D
I was not at all prepared to say 'never again' when I first stopped drinking...although I knew it was bad for me, beyond question....but my drinking had defined me for many years.
I focused on 'not drinking today' for that early period....that seemed more achievable to me,...and less fraught with terror LOL
gradually as I stayed sober, and worked on other issues that reared their ugly heads, I became aware I was changing.
I liked myself and my life a lot more without alcohol, and the thought of forever wasn't a scary thing...instead, it began to look desirable to me.
I reached a point of accepting I couldn't drink if I wanted the kind of life I'd been living in recovery....and I've gone on from there ever since.
This site has been a god send to me and I know it will be for you too. There's a lot of support here
Welcome!
D
to SR
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 624
Wow! I can totally relate to so much of your story!! Welcome to SR. Good idea about chucking the wine out if this girl doesn't come...why have it sitting there if it's making you uncomfortable.
I also have had a few issues with friends over not drinking anymore. They are getting used to it now, but there are still occasions I'm not invited to, which does hurt. I just have to remind myself that a huge life change is not only weird for myself, but also others....I like the new me so much better, and that's what really counts.
Good on you for the exercise - that reminds me, it's been months since I've been to the gym or a yoga class. I'm going to go tomorrow!
I also have had a few issues with friends over not drinking anymore. They are getting used to it now, but there are still occasions I'm not invited to, which does hurt. I just have to remind myself that a huge life change is not only weird for myself, but also others....I like the new me so much better, and that's what really counts.
Good on you for the exercise - that reminds me, it's been months since I've been to the gym or a yoga class. I'm going to go tomorrow!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 89
Thanks everyone! It really has been good to find this place and people that are on the same page as me.
I'm not really frightened per se of a life without alcohol. It's more like disappointed when I think of all the things I can't do if I don't drink. But I have to remind myself of alternate things... like going to Epcot is not just for the drinks... I actually would always spend more on food and shopping. I can live without the drinks. No, I can't go to the Working women happy hour, but honestly do I really want to? I don't know, it's just that I got so "okay" with being a drinker and that whole world that it's sort of weird to think "Never again." Or that my friendship with my "best friend" is over since she wants a drinking buddy and I can't be that.
But I keep trying to tell myself... if she's really my friend she will be willing to accept our changed friendship. For a while there we were talking about running together (she used to be on the cross country team) or her joining my gym since she wants to lose weight (that like me, was put on by drinking.) But that kind of fizzled out and she never mentions it any more (or anything really, our communication has been reduced to a few texts throughout the week. Haven't spoken to her on the phone or seen in person for three weeks.)
There's also some apprehension about being "that person." You know, the one that brings the party down by refusing to drink or bringing up that they have a drinking problem and suddenly everyone's fun is ruined by thinking of the damage alcohol causes. But I just tell myself - I have to be honest and take care of myself, and whatever that makes people think or makes them feel, I cannot control. If my not drinking makes them uncomfortable... well, that says a lot more about where they are than anything, doesn't it.
Thanks again everyone for being here and being so supportive.
I'm not really frightened per se of a life without alcohol. It's more like disappointed when I think of all the things I can't do if I don't drink. But I have to remind myself of alternate things... like going to Epcot is not just for the drinks... I actually would always spend more on food and shopping. I can live without the drinks. No, I can't go to the Working women happy hour, but honestly do I really want to? I don't know, it's just that I got so "okay" with being a drinker and that whole world that it's sort of weird to think "Never again." Or that my friendship with my "best friend" is over since she wants a drinking buddy and I can't be that.
But I keep trying to tell myself... if she's really my friend she will be willing to accept our changed friendship. For a while there we were talking about running together (she used to be on the cross country team) or her joining my gym since she wants to lose weight (that like me, was put on by drinking.) But that kind of fizzled out and she never mentions it any more (or anything really, our communication has been reduced to a few texts throughout the week. Haven't spoken to her on the phone or seen in person for three weeks.)
There's also some apprehension about being "that person." You know, the one that brings the party down by refusing to drink or bringing up that they have a drinking problem and suddenly everyone's fun is ruined by thinking of the damage alcohol causes. But I just tell myself - I have to be honest and take care of myself, and whatever that makes people think or makes them feel, I cannot control. If my not drinking makes them uncomfortable... well, that says a lot more about where they are than anything, doesn't it.
Thanks again everyone for being here and being so supportive.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Welcome Yoga!
Yep that friend probably won't come over to pick up the wine because it is out of her routine. Besides no one wants to admit they will drink that much, especially those who will, and in short order too. Or maybe she just gets looped before she can come get them every night. Wait a few months, you'll start realizing how locked in you really were to that life, and just how liberated you are sober.
Yep that friend probably won't come over to pick up the wine because it is out of her routine. Besides no one wants to admit they will drink that much, especially those who will, and in short order too. Or maybe she just gets looped before she can come get them every night. Wait a few months, you'll start realizing how locked in you really were to that life, and just how liberated you are sober.
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