Letter to a friend part # 2
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: California
Posts: 377
Letter to a friend part # 2
Well a few days ago I posted a topic about a letter I wrote to a friend about my trip to his place for a few weeks.
I would like to report it went over VERY Well!! He fully understood, and has no resentment towards me for deciding not to take the trip. Boy what I great feeling that was, and a stress relief for sure!
So!
I had another post awhile back about another friend of mine. But he actually was my main drinking bud. I basically cut him off totally from my life, because I didnt feel he "Got it" that I was serious about quitting drinking. We'll he has contiuned to try to get ahold of me, and today I finally decided to respond to him in a letter. So I wanted to share this letter to him with you all as well. Here goes.
(Remember: if you read my first "Letter to a friend post" this is to a completely different person. Not the person I was traveling to go see. )
Letter:
Well where do I begin. The start, yes this good place to begin. I recommend you read this slowly and clearly to really get a full understanding of what I'm about to write.
2 Months ago I decided to quit drinking. 50% of people I know thought it was the best thing I have done for myself in a very long time. The other 50% of the people I know tended to question my motives for quitting all of a sudden, and heres the answer. For one, those 2nd 50% of people had no clue how far down I was in this dark hole of alcoholism. I was quite good at acting normal to the untrained eye. But anyways, I was fed up with the way i was living, and how I dealt with things on a day to day basis. To put it simply, I was on a path to self destruction, and quite frankly would be dead shortly if I didn't quit. No one really knew what I was dealing with on a daily basis inside my head. Most still dont.
My drinking got to the point where I couldn't function without it. Within the last year of me drinking, I started to break out into these huge mental anxiety attacks. They actually started around the time when I actually came out to visit you. Something I'm sure you didn't know, when I was visiting, sometimes in the morning I would pour a huge glass of whatever and sit in your bathroom pounding it until I felt "Normal" again. Normal enough to act and be social anyways. Well this behavior of mine only got worse in the last year. It got to the point where I actually was drinking on college campus inbetween classes. Sitting in a campus bathroom stall with alcohol I brought with me as a safety net. Because at this point, alcohol was a complete requirement for me to even function. I remember sitting in that bathroom looking at myself if such disgust. Have I really gone down this path this far? Has it really come to this? Sadly, it did. At this point, drinking had lost its fun completely. I was no longer drinking for enjoyment, but rather to be able to function on a day to day basis - And try to SEEM "normal" to those around me. But it was all a sham. Inside I was screaming help, but on the outside I used alcohol to seem like everyone else.
That's just a very little example of what I was dealing with mentally on a day to day basis. I would not wish that feeling upon even my worst enemy. So how does this all relate to you? As to why I have dropped of the face of the planet to you and a few others:
Without a doubt, quitting drinking has been one of the HARDEST things I have ever done. I've spent more than half of my life living in a world surround, created and based around drinking. In my first 3-4 weeks of stopping, I was in a state of confusion. I still quite am actually. But I felt good. My mind was clearing up. I honestly felt I could still go about my normal life as always, and it would feel OK if I still kept my same routine and environment. But I was wrong! After hitting that 3-4 week mark, my mind started screwing with me. Anxiety went through the roof! Being around people whole drank, or didn't fully understand with what I dealing with I could no longer be around. Why you may ask? Well because what I was dealing with emotionally from quitting was stressing the **** out of me. Since most people had no clue (how could they know, I hid it) how hard it was mentally, I just backed away. I'm not the type of person to ask others to change on my behalf. I fully respect peoples choices, but I just can't personally be around that right now. And sadly, you and I shared that drinking bond; moreover, that was a big part of what we did every night. But don't think that's all I think our friendship was, because it wasn't. We've had a lot of great times sober as well. But I'm sure you can agree, it became a large past time for us. The drinking parts just not me anymore. I'm closing that chapter of my life. Just try to understand friend, I can't be around drinking right now, or people who bring up mental memories about it. It's just not healthy for me right now is all.
I absolutely am sorry for shutting you off, but understand my intentions were not hostile. I know they may have come off as they were, but I assure you they were not. I just needed time to collect my thoughts, and try to explain all this to you in a way you would understand. Sobriety isn't always easy. I may still live in the same town, live in the same house, but I sure don't live in the same mind anymore. I respect you as a great friend more than you know, but try to understand what I've been going through. It inst easy bud. But I assure you I am healing, and bettering myself to become the person I once was. Or... Well.. Hmm... I've spent so many years drinking since a teenager until recently, I'm not really sure if there was ever a "once was" adult version of me. Typing that last comment was a little surreal just now..Anyways..!
If you have any questions about anything I said, please feel free to respond. I know this wasn't a sort read, but without a doubt deserved to know what has been going on, and why I seemed to have disappeared. Take care man.
-Ryan
End of Letter
A little bit curious on the reaction to this letter. Hopefully he will understand. But remember, this is being written to someone who still drinks a lot as well. Ill report back once I hear. So what do you think?
-Ryan
I would like to report it went over VERY Well!! He fully understood, and has no resentment towards me for deciding not to take the trip. Boy what I great feeling that was, and a stress relief for sure!
So!
I had another post awhile back about another friend of mine. But he actually was my main drinking bud. I basically cut him off totally from my life, because I didnt feel he "Got it" that I was serious about quitting drinking. We'll he has contiuned to try to get ahold of me, and today I finally decided to respond to him in a letter. So I wanted to share this letter to him with you all as well. Here goes.
(Remember: if you read my first "Letter to a friend post" this is to a completely different person. Not the person I was traveling to go see. )
Letter:
Well where do I begin. The start, yes this good place to begin. I recommend you read this slowly and clearly to really get a full understanding of what I'm about to write.
2 Months ago I decided to quit drinking. 50% of people I know thought it was the best thing I have done for myself in a very long time. The other 50% of the people I know tended to question my motives for quitting all of a sudden, and heres the answer. For one, those 2nd 50% of people had no clue how far down I was in this dark hole of alcoholism. I was quite good at acting normal to the untrained eye. But anyways, I was fed up with the way i was living, and how I dealt with things on a day to day basis. To put it simply, I was on a path to self destruction, and quite frankly would be dead shortly if I didn't quit. No one really knew what I was dealing with on a daily basis inside my head. Most still dont.
My drinking got to the point where I couldn't function without it. Within the last year of me drinking, I started to break out into these huge mental anxiety attacks. They actually started around the time when I actually came out to visit you. Something I'm sure you didn't know, when I was visiting, sometimes in the morning I would pour a huge glass of whatever and sit in your bathroom pounding it until I felt "Normal" again. Normal enough to act and be social anyways. Well this behavior of mine only got worse in the last year. It got to the point where I actually was drinking on college campus inbetween classes. Sitting in a campus bathroom stall with alcohol I brought with me as a safety net. Because at this point, alcohol was a complete requirement for me to even function. I remember sitting in that bathroom looking at myself if such disgust. Have I really gone down this path this far? Has it really come to this? Sadly, it did. At this point, drinking had lost its fun completely. I was no longer drinking for enjoyment, but rather to be able to function on a day to day basis - And try to SEEM "normal" to those around me. But it was all a sham. Inside I was screaming help, but on the outside I used alcohol to seem like everyone else.
That's just a very little example of what I was dealing with mentally on a day to day basis. I would not wish that feeling upon even my worst enemy. So how does this all relate to you? As to why I have dropped of the face of the planet to you and a few others:
Without a doubt, quitting drinking has been one of the HARDEST things I have ever done. I've spent more than half of my life living in a world surround, created and based around drinking. In my first 3-4 weeks of stopping, I was in a state of confusion. I still quite am actually. But I felt good. My mind was clearing up. I honestly felt I could still go about my normal life as always, and it would feel OK if I still kept my same routine and environment. But I was wrong! After hitting that 3-4 week mark, my mind started screwing with me. Anxiety went through the roof! Being around people whole drank, or didn't fully understand with what I dealing with I could no longer be around. Why you may ask? Well because what I was dealing with emotionally from quitting was stressing the **** out of me. Since most people had no clue (how could they know, I hid it) how hard it was mentally, I just backed away. I'm not the type of person to ask others to change on my behalf. I fully respect peoples choices, but I just can't personally be around that right now. And sadly, you and I shared that drinking bond; moreover, that was a big part of what we did every night. But don't think that's all I think our friendship was, because it wasn't. We've had a lot of great times sober as well. But I'm sure you can agree, it became a large past time for us. The drinking parts just not me anymore. I'm closing that chapter of my life. Just try to understand friend, I can't be around drinking right now, or people who bring up mental memories about it. It's just not healthy for me right now is all.
I absolutely am sorry for shutting you off, but understand my intentions were not hostile. I know they may have come off as they were, but I assure you they were not. I just needed time to collect my thoughts, and try to explain all this to you in a way you would understand. Sobriety isn't always easy. I may still live in the same town, live in the same house, but I sure don't live in the same mind anymore. I respect you as a great friend more than you know, but try to understand what I've been going through. It inst easy bud. But I assure you I am healing, and bettering myself to become the person I once was. Or... Well.. Hmm... I've spent so many years drinking since a teenager until recently, I'm not really sure if there was ever a "once was" adult version of me. Typing that last comment was a little surreal just now..Anyways..!
If you have any questions about anything I said, please feel free to respond. I know this wasn't a sort read, but without a doubt deserved to know what has been going on, and why I seemed to have disappeared. Take care man.
-Ryan
End of Letter
A little bit curious on the reaction to this letter. Hopefully he will understand. But remember, this is being written to someone who still drinks a lot as well. Ill report back once I hear. So what do you think?
-Ryan
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: On the road to recovery
Posts: 78
It's a good letter Ryan and I like the way you are dealing with the past and present - it gives me hope of getting past my own current distancing.
Who knows what he will respond but you have very considerately explained yourself. Good on you.
Who knows what he will respond but you have very considerately explained yourself. Good on you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,551
hey Ryan,
I bet it kind of sucked for him to not know why you were not coming around. Deliverance of this letter should make both of you feel a lot better.
And I'm happy to hear that your other friend took the news well. Good for you for putting your sobriety first.
I bet it kind of sucked for him to not know why you were not coming around. Deliverance of this letter should make both of you feel a lot better.
And I'm happy to hear that your other friend took the news well. Good for you for putting your sobriety first.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 89
It is a very well written, honest letter and one that took courage to write. I may very well follow your lead and write one to my wine buddy. I find that right now I need distance from her so I can figure all of the sober stuff out. I would say 95% of the time we are together we are drinking...not good..Can't wait to here how your friend responds! Good luck!
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Thanks for sharing your letter. It was very well written, like all the others said... and super honest! Your friend may not have responded simply because he finally "got it" and he's maybe a bit taken aback by it... maybe in a good way? He's probably just thinking it over.
Good for you for taking care of yourself like that! And I got a lot out of reading about you chugging drinks in the school bathrooms just to deal with things... don't think you're alone in doing things like that! LOL. It helps others to read those kinds of things!
Good for you for taking care of yourself like that! And I got a lot out of reading about you chugging drinks in the school bathrooms just to deal with things... don't think you're alone in doing things like that! LOL. It helps others to read those kinds of things!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: New York
Posts: 35,731
I thought your letter was very heartfelt and informative. You explained yourself very well and the journey your on. If I was your friend, I would be touched that you cared enough to pour your heart out. I can't see anything but a positive response. Ryan, I would be so proud of the progress you've made and the person you've become.
Best Wishes To You!
Best Wishes To You!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 43
I wish I had the courage to write a similar letter to one of my friends but I;m only starting the journey and I want to be a bit further down the road before let her know how I'm feeling. I 'ts been a forty year friendship and I don't know if she'll understand,,, but good for you I know what you mean by nobody realizing how you feel It just wasn't fun anymore keep up the good work
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