What's your input on bringing children to meetings
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Arizona
Posts: 51
What's your input on bringing children to meetings
I've been sober since 6/3/11, yay! And haven't been able to get to a meeting due to my not having a license, and it's currently 112 degrees outside so biking/walking is out, and there's no public transport where I live.
But I've managed to get a ride to one tomorrow!! Hoo Rah!! I cant wait! I have to bring my 2 1/2 year old with me because unfortunately she goes wherever I go because I'm not blessed with an on-call babysitter that works for free (which is all I can afford, lol).
So since it's an Open meeting I figured I could take her. I've taken her to a few meetings at the same place in the past and she did good except at one meeting I guess she miffed a guy a little bit because he told me to get a sitter for her next time I come back...hmm...
So I would appreciate your input
Oh! And I know they have kid-friendly meetings and Womens meetings that would just LOVE her, but unfortunately they are 30 miles away and I can't get to them until I get my license back and a car. And right now my sobriety is pretty darn important!!!!
But I've managed to get a ride to one tomorrow!! Hoo Rah!! I cant wait! I have to bring my 2 1/2 year old with me because unfortunately she goes wherever I go because I'm not blessed with an on-call babysitter that works for free (which is all I can afford, lol).
So since it's an Open meeting I figured I could take her. I've taken her to a few meetings at the same place in the past and she did good except at one meeting I guess she miffed a guy a little bit because he told me to get a sitter for her next time I come back...hmm...
So I would appreciate your input
Oh! And I know they have kid-friendly meetings and Womens meetings that would just LOVE her, but unfortunately they are 30 miles away and I can't get to them until I get my license back and a car. And right now my sobriety is pretty darn important!!!!
Life the gift of recovery!
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Home is where the heart is
Posts: 7,061
One thing to remember is you can not please everybody all the time and some people you will never please.
My personal thoughts and experiences are:
* Children are not always disruptive in meetings.
* I have been in meetings where there were children who were disruptive. I do believe that in these cases it can be harmful to a person trying to find recovery especially a new comer. That is not to say your child was disruptive. I am just stating my experience.
* I do realize though that sometimes that is the very person who is needing the meeting the most is the person in the position of needing to bring their child if they are to attend a meeting. Because of that realization I have at times taken a baby or small child from the parent, with their consent of course, outside and walked around with them to calm them down or keep them busy while the parent was able to concentrate on the meeting rather than the distraction of a child. That does not mean that I do it every time as there are times when I am the one who truly needs to concentrate on the meeting.
* I feel that it is the parents responsibility to try to find a sitter, a meeting with daycare, or if not able to then to try to keep the distractions that a child can cause to a minimum during the meeting. This can be hard with very young children but there are things that can be done such as bringing quiet toys, coloring books, a drink, a snack, etc... with them.
* I think that the fact you looked for an open meeting, have tried to find alternatives to bringing your child both show that you are doing your best to be responsible which is a very positive thing.
* The man may have been having a really hard time and was struggling that day to stay sober. He may have had difficulty concentrating with a child in the room. Some people's anxiety rises just knowing a child is there whether or not the child is noisy or quiet. Only he can say for sure why he made the statement. I am sorry his statement made you feel bad. If he says something to you again you can always talk to the secretary of the group as they will be able to let you know what the group conscious is regarding children being in the meetings. It may be that the man is simply stating what the group as a whole have decided about that particular meeting. If not then the secretary can also be a go between or find a home group member who can act as a go between to help the two of you work things out.
Take care and I do hope that this all works out for you.
My personal thoughts and experiences are:
* Children are not always disruptive in meetings.
* I have been in meetings where there were children who were disruptive. I do believe that in these cases it can be harmful to a person trying to find recovery especially a new comer. That is not to say your child was disruptive. I am just stating my experience.
* I do realize though that sometimes that is the very person who is needing the meeting the most is the person in the position of needing to bring their child if they are to attend a meeting. Because of that realization I have at times taken a baby or small child from the parent, with their consent of course, outside and walked around with them to calm them down or keep them busy while the parent was able to concentrate on the meeting rather than the distraction of a child. That does not mean that I do it every time as there are times when I am the one who truly needs to concentrate on the meeting.
* I feel that it is the parents responsibility to try to find a sitter, a meeting with daycare, or if not able to then to try to keep the distractions that a child can cause to a minimum during the meeting. This can be hard with very young children but there are things that can be done such as bringing quiet toys, coloring books, a drink, a snack, etc... with them.
* I think that the fact you looked for an open meeting, have tried to find alternatives to bringing your child both show that you are doing your best to be responsible which is a very positive thing.
* The man may have been having a really hard time and was struggling that day to stay sober. He may have had difficulty concentrating with a child in the room. Some people's anxiety rises just knowing a child is there whether or not the child is noisy or quiet. Only he can say for sure why he made the statement. I am sorry his statement made you feel bad. If he says something to you again you can always talk to the secretary of the group as they will be able to let you know what the group conscious is regarding children being in the meetings. It may be that the man is simply stating what the group as a whole have decided about that particular meeting. If not then the secretary can also be a go between or find a home group member who can act as a go between to help the two of you work things out.
Take care and I do hope that this all works out for you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Venus, Space
Posts: 757
Hi Roosiedoll,
Congrats on your sober time!
As a member of AA myself, it's never bothered me to see kids at the meetings. Infants aren't as common as the ones old enough to run all over the room and talk during the meetings.
Mostly it seems to me that the vast majority of the fellowship (where I live) are completely fine with them being there- I think it goes without saying that there is an expectation on the mother/father to kinda make sure they behave as much as possible and not disrupt the meeting.
There's a woman who brings her infant to my home group where I secretary, uhm I wanna say maybe a year old? Not sure- the thing is he usually is sound asleep. When he does wake up, if he gets too noisy she just walks outside for a few and quiets him back down. Nobody ever say's anything, it's just how she is with her baby.
People, largely I think, understand that this is a life and death matter and finding the patience (if they need it) to accomodate a toddler is something they can do (or should!).
Ultimately it is an open meeting. I've never read anything that say's 'open but not to mothers with young children' - so unless I've missed something nobody has any right to say you can't stay. If a person or two gets 'miffed' just remember that's their problem and not yours. Clearly you're not bringing your child to upset people, you're doing it as you said because you have no choice.
Maybe others would disagree with me, but that's how I see.
Also - you can always take a stroll outside like the lady from my home group if you feel the need to quiet the young one down... if i was a parent I guess it just depends on how they are acting as to whether I would step outside for a few.
Congrats on your sober time!
As a member of AA myself, it's never bothered me to see kids at the meetings. Infants aren't as common as the ones old enough to run all over the room and talk during the meetings.
Mostly it seems to me that the vast majority of the fellowship (where I live) are completely fine with them being there- I think it goes without saying that there is an expectation on the mother/father to kinda make sure they behave as much as possible and not disrupt the meeting.
There's a woman who brings her infant to my home group where I secretary, uhm I wanna say maybe a year old? Not sure- the thing is he usually is sound asleep. When he does wake up, if he gets too noisy she just walks outside for a few and quiets him back down. Nobody ever say's anything, it's just how she is with her baby.
People, largely I think, understand that this is a life and death matter and finding the patience (if they need it) to accomodate a toddler is something they can do (or should!).
Ultimately it is an open meeting. I've never read anything that say's 'open but not to mothers with young children' - so unless I've missed something nobody has any right to say you can't stay. If a person or two gets 'miffed' just remember that's their problem and not yours. Clearly you're not bringing your child to upset people, you're doing it as you said because you have no choice.
Maybe others would disagree with me, but that's how I see.
Also - you can always take a stroll outside like the lady from my home group if you feel the need to quiet the young one down... if i was a parent I guess it just depends on how they are acting as to whether I would step outside for a few.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Coffs Nsw
Posts: 80
I was encouraged to bring my son to meetings.. he went from being a toddler to doing his homework in the kitchen with another boy or two...others children were asleep in the hall... it was my excuse I couldnt go due to having him...and my AA partners we'rent having it and called me on the fact I was using that to not attend....
when my daughter was born again I said I couldnt go as she was a newborn... the member who got me there promised to help and would walk her around the room to allow me a chance to share... it was a big step in trust for me and he ended up being my sponser.. A few have said to me at various times how they had lost contact with their own kids and they enjoyed seeing and getting to know mine.. One of these old timers is in a retirement home now and both my children visit him from time to time
Until I came on SR I never realised people would object to having children in a meeting. To me they are the ones most effected and unable to communicate that...I do understand your apprehension though... I felt the same....Im just lucky in my area its the norm. Perhaps if you rang the regions main office and enquire what are the norms and boundaries on children in your area.
I feel, looking at my adult boy and teen girl, whom AA was just a norm of their lives it has made them more compassionate less judgmental human beings
Sorry for the ramble but your post touched a chord in where I have been.
when my daughter was born again I said I couldnt go as she was a newborn... the member who got me there promised to help and would walk her around the room to allow me a chance to share... it was a big step in trust for me and he ended up being my sponser.. A few have said to me at various times how they had lost contact with their own kids and they enjoyed seeing and getting to know mine.. One of these old timers is in a retirement home now and both my children visit him from time to time
Until I came on SR I never realised people would object to having children in a meeting. To me they are the ones most effected and unable to communicate that...I do understand your apprehension though... I felt the same....Im just lucky in my area its the norm. Perhaps if you rang the regions main office and enquire what are the norms and boundaries on children in your area.
I feel, looking at my adult boy and teen girl, whom AA was just a norm of their lives it has made them more compassionate less judgmental human beings
Sorry for the ramble but your post touched a chord in where I have been.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Personally I like kids at meetings. That said, a 2-1/2 year old is a lot different than a 10 year old. If they get antsy you should leave the room. One of the meetings I frequent has a day care room, and women from the group will alternate watching the kids. This is AA service work.
There are other groups out there like this, perhaps you can find one in your area?
There are other groups out there like this, perhaps you can find one in your area?
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Each meeting is different: some meetings accept kids, some don't. You need to check with the meeting leader to find out what is acceptable.
It's only 1.5 hours. If you consider how much you spent on booze, is it really a big cost to pay a sitter for 1. 5 hours? Maybe it is time to get a sitter anyway, and figure out how to pay for one. If you are going to get serious about your sobriety, you are going to need a sitter for other things like work. May as well take that step now.
It's only 1.5 hours. If you consider how much you spent on booze, is it really a big cost to pay a sitter for 1. 5 hours? Maybe it is time to get a sitter anyway, and figure out how to pay for one. If you are going to get serious about your sobriety, you are going to need a sitter for other things like work. May as well take that step now.
Came to Believe
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Montgomery AL
Posts: 507
This isn't something I've really encountered much at my home group, though there is one member who brings his newborn with him and no one seems to care one way or another about it (but if I'm being honest, it is a little distracting...what can I say, newborns are just frackin' cute). I don't know how they'd feel about an older child. I think it really just depends on the group. And open meetings are open to everyone, so I don't see how they could possibly have a problem with it then.
--Fenris.
--Fenris.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
I haven't experienced this either as our group are a bunch of older farts. LOL
I would check with the group leader and tell him your situation. 2 1/2 wouldn't run to school and tell little Johnny his mother's a drunk whereas, an older child could. After all it is a confidentiality thing.
So I would say it would have to be left with the individual group, how they feel.
I would check with the group leader and tell him your situation. 2 1/2 wouldn't run to school and tell little Johnny his mother's a drunk whereas, an older child could. After all it is a confidentiality thing.
So I would say it would have to be left with the individual group, how they feel.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
I took my littles when I was first getting sober.
I had to switch meetings at one point because we had a sex offender court ordered to the meetings I was going to and he was not allowed to be around children. Until both the spawn were in school, they often tagged along. They knew it as cookie time (I must have donated hundreds of dollars of cookies that year.)
DD2 stood up in kindergarten and introduced herself on the first day, followed by the words we often use. Very humbling.
I had to switch meetings at one point because we had a sex offender court ordered to the meetings I was going to and he was not allowed to be around children. Until both the spawn were in school, they often tagged along. They knew it as cookie time (I must have donated hundreds of dollars of cookies that year.)
DD2 stood up in kindergarten and introduced herself on the first day, followed by the words we often use. Very humbling.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Arizona
Posts: 51
Wow! Thank you so much everyone for your input, I can't wait to go to my meeting today! With toddler in tow! I will come armed with snacks and colors and tots and such to keep her busy
And hopefully once I get my car/license back I will be able to go to a Womens meeting, or one where more children are used to going.
As for the babysitter thing, right now funds are incredibly low due to my "drinking" but maybe I can find a neighbor or family member that can do it It is a matter of life and death...
On a lighter note Thanks again everyone!
And hopefully once I get my car/license back I will be able to go to a Womens meeting, or one where more children are used to going.
As for the babysitter thing, right now funds are incredibly low due to my "drinking" but maybe I can find a neighbor or family member that can do it
It is a matter of life and death...On a lighter note Thanks again everyone!
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