Starting to get harder again....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 169
squishy, I think we may be the same person. I did fine yesterday, and today...
until...
I just went though hell the last hour of work here. Could not stop thinking about having a drink when I get home! It is my daily ritual that I managed to do without yesterday -- ONE DAY -- but today!!! What is going on, I was so proud of myself earlier....
But now... I have been at war within my head for an HOUR. I think I might be crazy.... literally telling my "thirsty side" that I do not need a drink. You can go TWO DAYS CAN'T YOU? You are PATHETIC. (this is all in my head)
And then I think about just having one when I get home......... then I slap myself again and remind myself that one drink for me is really like 4 shots in 30 minutes!!!!! (maybe even less time)
oh lord help me.
We can do this squishy. I plan on getting on the computer and coming here before leaving work. Before I leave work and go to my booze filled home (hubby still drinks) get some strength and support before getting in the car!!!
until...
I just went though hell the last hour of work here. Could not stop thinking about having a drink when I get home! It is my daily ritual that I managed to do without yesterday -- ONE DAY -- but today!!! What is going on, I was so proud of myself earlier....
But now... I have been at war within my head for an HOUR. I think I might be crazy.... literally telling my "thirsty side" that I do not need a drink. You can go TWO DAYS CAN'T YOU? You are PATHETIC. (this is all in my head)
And then I think about just having one when I get home......... then I slap myself again and remind myself that one drink for me is really like 4 shots in 30 minutes!!!!! (maybe even less time)
oh lord help me.
We can do this squishy. I plan on getting on the computer and coming here before leaving work. Before I leave work and go to my booze filled home (hubby still drinks) get some strength and support before getting in the car!!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: MI
Posts: 720
WiggleIn - you can do this!!!! Do anything but have a drink. Think of all the reasons you don't want to have that drink - there are many.
Please keep posting and keep reading. Squishy, myself and every one else is on your side. Stay strong!
Be well.
Please keep posting and keep reading. Squishy, myself and every one else is on your side. Stay strong!
Be well.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Spain
Posts: 298
"Hello old friend"
Iv'e come to visit once again.
I live to see you suffer: physically, spiritual, and socially.
I want to make you restless so you can never relax.
I want you to be jumpy, nervious and anxious.
I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything; and everybody makes you uncomfortable.
I want you to be confused and depressed so you cant think clearly or positively.
I want you to hate everything, and everybody, including your self.
I want you to feel guily and remorsefull for the things you have done in the past that you'll never be able to let go.
I want to make you angry and hatefull toward the world for the way it is, and the way you are.
I want you to be decitfull and untrustworthy, and to manipulate and con as manny people for no reason at all.
I want you to wake up durring all hours of the night and scream for me.
You know you cant sleep without me. I'm even in your dreams...
I want to be the first thing you think of when you wakeup in the morning, and the last thing you touch before you go to sleep if you can.
I would rather kill you. But i'll be happy enough to put you back in the hospital, anmother insitution or jail. But you know, I'll stil be waiting for you when you get out.
I love to watch you go slowly insane.
I love to see all the physical damage that i'm causing you.
I cant help but sneer and chuckle when you shiver and shake... when you freeze and sweat at the same time. When you wake with the sheets soaking wet.
It's amuseing to watch.
Its amazing how much destruction i can do on your internal organs while at the same time i work on your brain, destroying it bit, by bit!
I deeply appreciate how much you have sacrificed for me; the countless jobs; all the fine friends that you deeply cared for and you gave up for me; and whats more, for the ones you turned against yourself because of you inexcusable actions.
For these, I am even more grateful. But especially for your loved ones, your family, the most important people in the world to you, you even threw them away for me.
I cannot express in words the gratitude i have for the loyalty and respect you have for me.
But do not despair, my friend, for on me you can always depend!
For after you have lost all these things, you still depend on me to take even more.
You can depend on me to keep you in a living hell; to keep your mind, body, and soul; for i will not be sastisfied until your dead!
So hello old friend, i'm the Rat... my name is "Addiction"
this is what we do battle with everyday...................!
Iv'e come to visit once again.
I live to see you suffer: physically, spiritual, and socially.
I want to make you restless so you can never relax.
I want you to be jumpy, nervious and anxious.
I want to make you agitated and irritable so everything; and everybody makes you uncomfortable.
I want you to be confused and depressed so you cant think clearly or positively.
I want you to hate everything, and everybody, including your self.
I want you to feel guily and remorsefull for the things you have done in the past that you'll never be able to let go.
I want to make you angry and hatefull toward the world for the way it is, and the way you are.
I want you to be decitfull and untrustworthy, and to manipulate and con as manny people for no reason at all.
I want you to wake up durring all hours of the night and scream for me.
You know you cant sleep without me. I'm even in your dreams...
I want to be the first thing you think of when you wakeup in the morning, and the last thing you touch before you go to sleep if you can.
I would rather kill you. But i'll be happy enough to put you back in the hospital, anmother insitution or jail. But you know, I'll stil be waiting for you when you get out.
I love to watch you go slowly insane.
I love to see all the physical damage that i'm causing you.
I cant help but sneer and chuckle when you shiver and shake... when you freeze and sweat at the same time. When you wake with the sheets soaking wet.
It's amuseing to watch.
Its amazing how much destruction i can do on your internal organs while at the same time i work on your brain, destroying it bit, by bit!
I deeply appreciate how much you have sacrificed for me; the countless jobs; all the fine friends that you deeply cared for and you gave up for me; and whats more, for the ones you turned against yourself because of you inexcusable actions.
For these, I am even more grateful. But especially for your loved ones, your family, the most important people in the world to you, you even threw them away for me.
I cannot express in words the gratitude i have for the loyalty and respect you have for me.
But do not despair, my friend, for on me you can always depend!
For after you have lost all these things, you still depend on me to take even more.
You can depend on me to keep you in a living hell; to keep your mind, body, and soul; for i will not be sastisfied until your dead!
So hello old friend, i'm the Rat... my name is "Addiction"
this is what we do battle with everyday...................!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 513
Wiggle I ran home so I could get online as fast as I could. Please hang tough with me! I passed 6 liquor stores on the way racing after reading your post. I feel the pain. My head hurts, I feel like crap, but please make it through. It cant take me back...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Spain
Posts: 298
Tuesday, Squishy, Wiggle, dont give up.
From Spain, thousands of miles away, I can feel your struggles and sorrow, which makes me feel sad. I know it's hard, but in a few days you will be much better. It is worthwhile. I could never imagine how wonderful life is without alcohol and how quickly you recover. Each day I feel better. I've never been better in all my life.
I wish I could express myself better in English to say more, but my English is poor.
From Spain, thousands of miles away, I can feel your struggles and sorrow, which makes me feel sad. I know it's hard, but in a few days you will be much better. It is worthwhile. I could never imagine how wonderful life is without alcohol and how quickly you recover. Each day I feel better. I've never been better in all my life.
I wish I could express myself better in English to say more, but my English is poor.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 169
I'm back! And a little better. Laid out in the sun with my puppy and read for that first 30 minutes that usually gets me in trouble when I get home. I am not safe though, if I dare go near our kitchen that overwhelming feeling comes back... it's like my hand are detached sometimes. Pouring liquor down my throat without me even knowing or wanting it. Not today though. Not today.
Be strong squishy. I am, and you can too. Just say it to yourself. Say it out loud if you have to. But you have to mean it. Think of all the reasons why, and then affirm to yourself, that you will not give in.
...this is one messed up and twisted disease we have! And I would really dislike myself tomorrow if I realized I couldn't make it just 2 days, letting this demon take over again. NOT HAPPENING.
I will be in and out here on SR. I have a few projects around the house that need done, and my dog is expecting a sober walk later. I will be thinking of all of us struggling along - but I need to keep busy at the same time.
BTW - I just realized that reading a really good book helped so much to take my mind away from those evil thoughts
Be strong squishy. I am, and you can too. Just say it to yourself. Say it out loud if you have to. But you have to mean it. Think of all the reasons why, and then affirm to yourself, that you will not give in.
...this is one messed up and twisted disease we have! And I would really dislike myself tomorrow if I realized I couldn't make it just 2 days, letting this demon take over again. NOT HAPPENING.
I will be in and out here on SR. I have a few projects around the house that need done, and my dog is expecting a sober walk later. I will be thinking of all of us struggling along - but I need to keep busy at the same time.
BTW - I just realized that reading a really good book helped so much to take my mind away from those evil thoughts
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 513
Tuesday, Lushly, Buelah I know we are all in the same boat - keep going stick with this! I'm trying to make dinner and get through the craving. My husband just left for the gym after getting into a huge fight with an old friend and he's super upset. I just hope he comes home without any thing to drown his sorrows.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: La La Land
Posts: 503
I have a few projects around the house that need done, and my dog is expecting a sober walk later. I will be thinking of all of us struggling along - but I need to keep busy at the same time.
I just may go on a sober walk later too... I have not been on one of those in a long, long time. Thanks for the inspiration and support everyone
I just may go on a sober walk later too... I have not been on one of those in a long, long time. Thanks for the inspiration and support everyone
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: MI
Posts: 720
Focus on how we'll all feel in the morning when we wake up knowing we did not have a drink! Keep that strong in your mind. I have an A & W Rootbeer right now - best damn rootbeer I ever had. Stay strong all of you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 513
Good news is that my hubby took the one car with the car seats so I'm stuck at home! WOOHOO by the time he returns I will be home free. I'm cooking up a storm so if you're hungry come on down! LOL
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Hi squishy
I'm glad you're getting through it....
This kind of technique was useful for me when I was craving:
Overcoming Life's Obstacles: Urge Surfing to beat addictions and cravings
it is hard for a while...but remember that cravings are finite...and they needn't be acted upon..we do get through them
The more we make a new sober life we enjoy, and the more we deal with cravings and beat them, the easier it gets I think
Support is very important too - are you just using SR right now?
D
I'm glad you're getting through it....
This kind of technique was useful for me when I was craving:
Overcoming Life's Obstacles: Urge Surfing to beat addictions and cravings
it is hard for a while...but remember that cravings are finite...and they needn't be acted upon..we do get through them
The more we make a new sober life we enjoy, and the more we deal with cravings and beat them, the easier it gets I think
Support is very important too - are you just using SR right now?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Colorado
Posts: 513
Dee - yes this is all I have right now. Honestly I quit everything else cold turkey so I have a good feeling I can. Just with the craziness called my life, I have to rely on this site for now. Thank you for the link!
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