oh no wine dinner tonight...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 89
oh no wine dinner tonight...
I am getting together with two friends this evening and know the hostess is going to pour the wine. She and I have done damage to several bottles quite easily in the past. I will not have any no matter what. However I woke up anxious and panicky about it. I know I will feel deprived that I can't have any and jealous of them because they can. Any advice SR friends?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
Bring your own N/A drink. I like sparkling waters before meals. There are quite a few kinds. Sure questions may be asked. "I want to be bright and chipper tomorrow morning" will probably suffice." Enjoy!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Spain
Posts: 298
Change your thinking. Don't feel deprived of anything, it is just that you DON'T WANT to drink. It is not a deprivation, it is a wise option. May be there is some pression to drink, so you have to think in something to respond: Perhaps "I don't want to drink, it is not good for me". Or perhaps, "I'm on diet".
Sorry, my english is not very good.
Sorry, my english is not very good.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 227
I'm booked for a birthday happy hour and dinner for a girlfriend's birthday tonight.
I'm not worried about drinking - I'm totally hitting the sparkling water. I am worried about being lame and not having fun.
I just keep reminding myself that I am not like other people. I will never be able to moderate. It's easier to say NO than to struggle with limiting it to 1 (or 2,3,4...)
I'm not worried about drinking - I'm totally hitting the sparkling water. I am worried about being lame and not having fun.
I just keep reminding myself that I am not like other people. I will never be able to moderate. It's easier to say NO than to struggle with limiting it to 1 (or 2,3,4...)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Hunt, I agree with Anna. If you woke up that wound-up and anxious about it, your brain is telling you something. Does your host know that you are sober? Our disease thrives on denial... be really careful if you put yourself in a situation where alcohol is present and you are presenting yourself as being "normal."
That said, if you choose to go, bring your own refreshment and for sure have your own transportation and permission to yourself to leave immediately if you feel uncomfortable.
Alcoholism wants you dead, don't forget that. Treat it accordingly.
That said, if you choose to go, bring your own refreshment and for sure have your own transportation and permission to yourself to leave immediately if you feel uncomfortable.
Alcoholism wants you dead, don't forget that. Treat it accordingly.
Programmaddict
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: God's Hands
Posts: 217
I have a friend who is allergic to nuts. On a few occasions I have witnessed the outcome if she accidentally eats something that even touched nuts and it is frightening for everyone involved.
As a result, she is pretty cautious about where she goes to eat, who she eats with and routinely questions people about ingredients and preparation areas. She is not overbearing or rude about it. It just happens to be a life or death matter to be attended to prior to getting down to the business of enjoying life.
No one thinks less of her or judges her for having a nut allergy. People who know make sure to prepare foods without nuts in or around them in consideration of her allergy. Sometimes we will even ask for her if certain dishes might contain nuts.
She doesn't seem to feel ashamed, embarrassed or like she is presenting an unnecessary burden on others. She is just dealing with an unfortunate condition the best way she knows how and has a supportive group of people around her. she patiently and concisely answers people's natural curiosities about her allergy (eg. she's really only allergic to tree nuts but avoids all nuts just to be on the safe side)
I find it very helpful to view my "allergy" to alcohol in very much the same manner.
As a result, she is pretty cautious about where she goes to eat, who she eats with and routinely questions people about ingredients and preparation areas. She is not overbearing or rude about it. It just happens to be a life or death matter to be attended to prior to getting down to the business of enjoying life.
No one thinks less of her or judges her for having a nut allergy. People who know make sure to prepare foods without nuts in or around them in consideration of her allergy. Sometimes we will even ask for her if certain dishes might contain nuts.
She doesn't seem to feel ashamed, embarrassed or like she is presenting an unnecessary burden on others. She is just dealing with an unfortunate condition the best way she knows how and has a supportive group of people around her. she patiently and concisely answers people's natural curiosities about her allergy (eg. she's really only allergic to tree nuts but avoids all nuts just to be on the safe side)
I find it very helpful to view my "allergy" to alcohol in very much the same manner.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Portland
Posts: 1,631
I am just learning to see my choice not to drink as a good thing and not a negative one. I think that's very important and it does happen.
Of course, I'm early in the process and I have only been confronted with alcohol on two occasions, but I'm happy about it.
Of course, I'm early in the process and I have only been confronted with alcohol on two occasions, but I'm happy about it.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 1,028
If I'm totally honest with you I'd have to say I'd agree with Anna. If your friends don't know what's going on with you I'd probaby give it a miss and try to figure out something else you can all do together very soon that doesn't involve drinking.
I find that breakfast or lunch is safer for me at this time.
I find that breakfast or lunch is safer for me at this time.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 518
Originally Posted by ETA 
I'm booked for a birthday happy hour and dinner for a girlfriend's birthday tonight.
I'm not worried about drinking - I'm totally hitting the sparkling water. I am worried about being lame and not having fun.
I just keep reminding myself that I am not like other people. I will never be able to moderate. It's easier to say NO than to struggle with limiting it to 1 (or 2,3,4...)
I'm not worried about drinking - I'm totally hitting the sparkling water. I am worried about being lame and not having fun.
I just keep reminding myself that I am not like other people. I will never be able to moderate. It's easier to say NO than to struggle with limiting it to 1 (or 2,3,4...)
I put a lot of thought into this. And used TV as my focal point. I enjoy watching TV so I thought to myself if I videotaped myself watching TV and showed it as a movie - people would ask for their money back!!! It is quite boring to watch someone watch TV - but it is fun to the person watching... there's a message in there somewhere
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 227
Originally Posted by JoeCree
If you think about it, going to bars are quite boring.
I agree about not caring if others think I'm lame. I just wouldn't want for my friends to think I didn't enjoy their company.
That said - I think I am going to cancel. I feel tired and sick and not up for it. I am lame!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Venus, Space
Posts: 757
Huntwc- your handle looked familiar and so I went back and re-read your post from 2 days ago......do you honestly believe going to this event is a good idea?
You're a few days sober, hanging out with a friend that you said you've done 'damage to bottles' with in the past - these are the type of friends that I had to get rid of.
It's not my place to tell friends of mine that they are alcoholic or may have a problem but I most certainly do not need to continue associating with them now that I'm 'choosing' to live a sober lifestyle. And any past friend who I could use the phrase 'we've done damage to some bottles in the past together' is quite likely going to fall into that category of those people I needed to realize can't be in my group of friends any longer for so many reasons I couldn't list them all here. It's about wanting to live a sober lifestyle above everything else, and what that has meant to me is- I can't live identical to how I used to, have the same friends, hit the same bars, have the same routine on and on and on- but just not drink. It never worked that way in the past and I believe that was largely why so many of my previous attempts had failed. In some ways, one could say 'that' is the heart of a 'recovery' program - what am I willing to change in my life in order to give myself the best chance at success in this new sober lifestyle?
My advice- go back and read that post from 2 days ago and ask yourself is it really worth it to be putting yourself (your sobriety is a part of you) in that precarious position tonight?
Sorry, don't mean to sound tough but I have no understanding where this desire is coming from. If it was me, I'd be able to say I wasn't being serious enough about how much staying sober means to me but I can't speak for you.
You're a few days sober, hanging out with a friend that you said you've done 'damage to bottles' with in the past - these are the type of friends that I had to get rid of.
It's not my place to tell friends of mine that they are alcoholic or may have a problem but I most certainly do not need to continue associating with them now that I'm 'choosing' to live a sober lifestyle. And any past friend who I could use the phrase 'we've done damage to some bottles in the past together' is quite likely going to fall into that category of those people I needed to realize can't be in my group of friends any longer for so many reasons I couldn't list them all here. It's about wanting to live a sober lifestyle above everything else, and what that has meant to me is- I can't live identical to how I used to, have the same friends, hit the same bars, have the same routine on and on and on- but just not drink. It never worked that way in the past and I believe that was largely why so many of my previous attempts had failed. In some ways, one could say 'that' is the heart of a 'recovery' program - what am I willing to change in my life in order to give myself the best chance at success in this new sober lifestyle?
My advice- go back and read that post from 2 days ago and ask yourself is it really worth it to be putting yourself (your sobriety is a part of you) in that precarious position tonight?
Sorry, don't mean to sound tough but I have no understanding where this desire is coming from. If it was me, I'd be able to say I wasn't being serious enough about how much staying sober means to me but I can't speak for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: PA
Posts: 89
Hmmmm...lots to think about. First, the hostess is someone I have drank with in the past but not what I describe as a close friend or drinking buddy. She does not know of my struggles with alcohol but did know me last summer when I abstained. The other woman who is going IS a very close friend and does know what I am going through. There will be NO pressure from them to drink. I am the one who will put the pressure on because quite honestly I will want that wine damn it and seeing it in their glasses and smelling it will be very difficult. I have to go...I am even driving my friend as she has been my desig. driver quite a bit and I owe her. I totally wish I had seen this coming last week when the hostess invited me..I would have said no but now I feel obligated.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Singapore
Posts: 737
MHO
Excuse me for piping in with what may be considered a different perspective, but what in blue he!! are you even doing going out with folks this early in sobriety? I read your post a few days back, and it's obvious you are struggling with a drinking problem.
Point is, so early in sobriety and you're getting together with folks and hamming it up, socializing, laughing, or whatever it is you all do, and thus setting aside the recovery that should be part and parcel of every breath you take for the next little while? What exactly would you be celebrating, reminiscing, or just generally "getting together" for - 5 days without a drink? 10 days? 30 days? Is this get together necessary for your business? Is it a wake for someone who just died? Will you lose money or a job if you don't attend? The point is that if it's not a crucial meeting necessary for your survival, why is this "Get together" even an option for you, considering you realize your issue with alcohol?
Don't go. It's that simple. Keep the perspective you need right now, which is to remain sober at all cost. If being sober or assisting your sobriety and recovery means NOT attending a "get together", what's the bloody issue? Just don't go.
Sorry, but this disease, for me, is cunning, baffling, insidious, manipulative, and more-over MUCH more powerful than I am. I wouldn't want to be out at some get together with former drinking buddies knowing THAT stuff was inside my head with the sole intended purpose of having me off-my-face drunk. Makes no sense.
It's the old drinkers logic at work really... "I don't like haircuts, so I think I'll go hang out at a barber shop with my a few of my closest barber friends."
If I had to fight 1 of 2 guys to live, and one guy was small, inexperienced, and not sure of himself; while the other was cunning, powerful, stronger than me, has beaten me before, and who's only intent is to do me harm, well the choice is obvious. Staying home is the equivalent of a small fight with a tiny and inexperienced fighter, it's a tiny battle for sobriety that you win. They accumulate you know, and you become stronger from those tiny battles. Going out with drinking buddies at this juncture of your sobriety is chancing an encounter with the dude that can knock you on your a$$ every time, while you are still very weak.
Just sayin'.
Excuse me for piping in with what may be considered a different perspective, but what in blue he!! are you even doing going out with folks this early in sobriety? I read your post a few days back, and it's obvious you are struggling with a drinking problem.
Point is, so early in sobriety and you're getting together with folks and hamming it up, socializing, laughing, or whatever it is you all do, and thus setting aside the recovery that should be part and parcel of every breath you take for the next little while? What exactly would you be celebrating, reminiscing, or just generally "getting together" for - 5 days without a drink? 10 days? 30 days? Is this get together necessary for your business? Is it a wake for someone who just died? Will you lose money or a job if you don't attend? The point is that if it's not a crucial meeting necessary for your survival, why is this "Get together" even an option for you, considering you realize your issue with alcohol?
Don't go. It's that simple. Keep the perspective you need right now, which is to remain sober at all cost. If being sober or assisting your sobriety and recovery means NOT attending a "get together", what's the bloody issue? Just don't go.
Sorry, but this disease, for me, is cunning, baffling, insidious, manipulative, and more-over MUCH more powerful than I am. I wouldn't want to be out at some get together with former drinking buddies knowing THAT stuff was inside my head with the sole intended purpose of having me off-my-face drunk. Makes no sense.
It's the old drinkers logic at work really... "I don't like haircuts, so I think I'll go hang out at a barber shop with my a few of my closest barber friends."
If I had to fight 1 of 2 guys to live, and one guy was small, inexperienced, and not sure of himself; while the other was cunning, powerful, stronger than me, has beaten me before, and who's only intent is to do me harm, well the choice is obvious. Staying home is the equivalent of a small fight with a tiny and inexperienced fighter, it's a tiny battle for sobriety that you win. They accumulate you know, and you become stronger from those tiny battles. Going out with drinking buddies at this juncture of your sobriety is chancing an encounter with the dude that can knock you on your a$$ every time, while you are still very weak.
Just sayin'.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Originally Posted by huntwc
...I owe her. I totally wish I had seen this coming last week when the hostess invited me..I would have said no but now I feel obligated.
If you knew for a fact that you would relapse as a result of this social engagement, would you still go because you feel obligated?
I mean no disrespect, but the above quote screams "it wasn't not my fault - I HAD to go." Our logic can really set us up for a fall, particularly in early sobriety. Your friend can survive without your presence and the hostess won't keel over if you decline last minute.
My two cents.
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