bexxed

So one thing about me, which is ironic, is that I am a VERY good listener. Yup, I'm a lying lonely manipulative drunk, but I know how to listen. It not only comes naturally, but it's what I do for a living. I am a PROFESSIONAL listener. So I suppose I could be on my high horse here. But I am (insert expeletive here autocensor) ANGRY right now. On top of being angry anyway.

I just got back from a beginner's meeting and was very inspired to drink after it. I was the only beginner who showed up in a room full of much older, weathered, chainsmoking folks. I spoke because I was asked to. I was nervous and said so. I was honest and told them where I was in the program, which is step 0. I said I am from out of town, working here. (I am.) I told them that I don't know what to do with all of the new feelings I'm feeling now.

I spoke for about 90 seconds.

The rest of the hour was everyone going on long, some helpful, diatribes about how they are just like me. It was nice. Some of it was a total stretch, I mean, they were not listening to what I said, but that was fine. This one woman kind of volunteered to be a sponsor- it was nice. I was very respectful and listened to every word of that 55 minutes. Whew. The ENTIRE meeting was directed at me.

I understand we are supposed to be respectful and let others share without interruption, which is easy for me. It's what I do anyway. But one of the things that makes me very very very angry, as the child of two abusive alcoholic/addicts, is when I am not listened to, and when I am interrupted, and when I am PROJECTED UPON. Whew. I am so angry right now.

After the meeting I was forcing myself to stick around. I have been leaving them quickly, but even that was awkward tonight because the whole thing was directed toward me. I spoke with the woman referred to sponsorship. She didn't ask me a single question, and didn't allow me to speak. It was another diatribe. I listened, thinking and acting on work autopilot she needs someone to talk at and unload on right now. she needs to make assumptions about me and that's fine, i'm used to that. Frankly, that's my whole issue with honesty. But I digress. She ended up telling me that my 'attitude' is 'pi$$ poor' and many other judgments. She had gotten me outside away from others and was yelling at me. Yelling at me. I hadn't even said anything to her, I was listening to her tell her drunk story, and had even remembered details about it which I pulled out as references to let her know I had paid attention to some of the solid things she had said to me after my little nervous 90 seconds of sharing. She blew cigarette smoke in my face (I totally stink right now, GROSS) and judged and projected on me. She projected that I had a boyfriend/girlfriend (It's been 3 years) She projected that i work in the medical field (I don't) She projected that I work in the medical field and steal or want to steal people's medications (Huh?) and told me she knows the truth.

I am never ever ever going back there. And I'm sure as _____ not calling her. When I was a teenager my high father bellowed about pi$$ poor attitudes. I'm 34 and part of my problem is trying to make it on my own. Because how the heck can you believe in others when that's the crap you get from them? As if I wasn't angry enough, I want to deck that woman. Feels better to vent, I hope I haven't offended anyone. Y'all have been very helpful and supportive. Thanks so much for being out there. It was really nice to know that I could go "home" and type this out to someone who would listen.

I did not drink today. Day 14. I am very thankful because those feelings were close.

Anna

No need to listen to someone you don't want to.

There is lots of support here.

Buelah

We are not here to judge. We are all here to be of help and support.

ETA

Ugh -sounds awful. At least you are aware enough to see these folks issues are their own. I would hate to think of someone who was more vulnerable to others projecting their crap on them sit through all that.

I haven't been on this board long but it seems like that venting here (especially as an alternative to drinking) is completely OK.

Congrats on day 14!

1undone

Omg that sounds like a nightmare!!!!! If anything I wouldn't want to drink after all that; that could be you in 10yrs if you keep drinking.

Sometimes I think people go to the new comers meetings to pounce on "fresh meat" so they can yammer on about themselves. That's an ego gone very bad.

Terminally Unique

Many people love projecting. It's all those "we's" - "we alcoholics are [insert very negative stereotype]."

I could list a few dozen of the "we's" from the literature, with page references, but that would be in bad taste.

Pay no attention to them.

least

Sounds unpleasant as hell to me. Yeah, I'd avoid her for sure. Sounds like someone with issues of her own.

Zencat

Early sobriety can be difficult enough without having it made even more difficult by being in an unhelpful situation.

Venting is good. I hope you can work through those difficult emotions and find some peace.

Ranger

Actually, within an online forum replete with trolls and those overtly desperate for help in becoming sober, intentionally taking pot-shots and formulating derisive critiques about any proven recovery program is more than "bad taste".

Contrast that with the OP, who is simply (and rightfully) venting over a single bad experience.

There are a thousand ways to appeal to alcoholics on both ends of the curve that do not risk scaring the typical alcoholic away from AA.

With all due respect, never forget the lurkers who are seeking a reason to justify not taking that first step out of the darkness.

Terminally Unique

I didn't say anything about not taking that first step, or even about not going back, for that matter.

I told the OP to ignore the many negative stereotypes that some people may try to project onto him.

bexxed

That, my friend, is very well taken. Thank you.

Yeah, it made me want to go to alanon, lol.

I'm obviously pretty angry anyway. And I know it. It's one of the things I said in my 90 seconds... that I'm pi$$ed to have to admit that this is what I am, that I'm pi$$ed not to be able to hide from myself. (Which reminds me of another thing that she said to me. "Obviously your family has told you to stop drinking." LOL. Not even gonna comment on that)

This post and all of your responses are helping me to see that it's just ridiculous. In fact, it's kind of funny. What a cartoon character. I am so thankful that I'm stopping the downward slide here, and now, before I become so out of touch. Grateful she showed me that, and thankful that she is recovering.

bexxed

I know this wasn't directed at me, but I want to make it clear that I am going to AA meetings because I know the program works. I have friends and family who have been sober and happy and frankly more centered than many "normal" people out there. I definitely had a bad encounter, one which inspired feelings I haven't felt with such ferocity in a very long time, which is what I was trying to get across here. I won't go to that room again (I don't smoke, which is another reason) but this is by no means an attack on the program or the fellowship, nor should it be used as such. I may not use AA ultimately- who knows? but if I don't, I know already that the program works because I have seen some miracles from the outside. Peace.

topspin

Bexxed,
Thanks for the (venting, if ya will ) post !?!

I sometimes imagine how vibrant the early AA groups must've been when the "old timers" only had several years at best..

it makes me smile to hear you say " In fact, it's kind of funny"
lo ....LOL !?! ( I agree !!! )

A sweet old guy I used to work for in the plate glass business had a favorite phrase;

" if you assume something, ....you're dead in the water "

of course, he was referring to the mechanics of glazing, but I think it's a helpful concept in recovery, ..and everyday life.

Oh, speaking of vibrant; .....isn't SR !?!

Congrats on your early sobriety.

again,
....... thanks for the post !

Mark75

That is a very sick woman you describe There are sick people in AA as anywhere else. Pray for her.

My own experience was very different, I found people who did listen. People who might pick up on something I struggling with and ask respectful but probing questions that serve to facilitate further discussion.

I do avoid those who want to preach to me or use scare tactics. Thankfully that wasn't too often.

Sh1t happens, even at AA, LOL

Tippingpoint

Sorry for your awful experience Bexxed - I can't imagine a worse evening.

It's kinda nice that you've got the forum here as an outlet though and nice to see everyone coming out to support you.

I think you handled it wonderfully! You kept your cool. You didn't let anyone push you around. And you made it through the day.

Well done!