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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 16
Hello
Hello Everyone,
I'm new here. I have a problem with alcohol. I can't control my drinking and have blacked out numerous times, embarrassing myself and my SO and also have been verbally abusive to my significant other. Alcohol has been a significant part of my life. My father is an alcoholic. My SO's father is one and my SO enjoys alcohol a fair amount as well. As you can tell I've been around alcohol a lot.
I don't drink to relive any pain etc, I am just unable to control the amounts I drink in social situations and as mentioned above it affects my relationships severely. I recently had a slip up again where I almost lost the love of my life and am determined to stop drinking. I need to have a place for support though in my recovery since it will be extremely difficult because of my surroundings but I will not let myself down. I'm doing this in hopes to show my SO that I will and have changed and if he still feels he wants to stay with me (I don't blame him at all for not wanting to continue on though) then I hope to show him that I can indeed be a person to build a life with.
I hope to use this forum for the support and guidance I surely need.
Thank you for your time,
CYHMN.
I'm new here. I have a problem with alcohol. I can't control my drinking and have blacked out numerous times, embarrassing myself and my SO and also have been verbally abusive to my significant other. Alcohol has been a significant part of my life. My father is an alcoholic. My SO's father is one and my SO enjoys alcohol a fair amount as well. As you can tell I've been around alcohol a lot.
I don't drink to relive any pain etc, I am just unable to control the amounts I drink in social situations and as mentioned above it affects my relationships severely. I recently had a slip up again where I almost lost the love of my life and am determined to stop drinking. I need to have a place for support though in my recovery since it will be extremely difficult because of my surroundings but I will not let myself down. I'm doing this in hopes to show my SO that I will and have changed and if he still feels he wants to stay with me (I don't blame him at all for not wanting to continue on though) then I hope to show him that I can indeed be a person to build a life with.
I hope to use this forum for the support and guidance I surely need.
Thank you for your time,
CYHMN.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 16
Thank you everyone for your support! I'm feeling a bit weird but am pretty confident today. Feels good to be halfway done with day 1. Tonight will be a quiet night. I plan on making a nice dinner for my SO and myself, he needs a bit of cheering up and it wouldn't hurt to do something nice for him after all he has done for me.
I'm also excited to start a new hobby, something I can spend my time on that will take my mind off of liquor. I need something meaningful in my life so I can find happiness within myself. I believe this is a good start to correcting the "why" I drink.
I'm still feeling really guilty about Friday night and extremely remorseful. I cried before I left to go to work, I feel like I really let myself and my SO down. We're speaking to each other and things have kind of gone back to normal. He tells me he loves me etc but I just feel like something is different. I don't know if its because he feels differently about me, if he is still recovering from Friday and if I should just leave it or what.
I completely took responsibility for my actions, apologized thoroughly to him and told him that I don't blame him if he decided to leave or whatever he needed to do for himself. I love him so much and just want him to be happy and will support him through whatever he decides. He has decided to stay with me and we haven't really had much of a conversation regarding Friday after wards.
Anyways I can only do this one step at a time and I hope my work pays off and that everything works out for the best. Again thank you for your support.
I'm also excited to start a new hobby, something I can spend my time on that will take my mind off of liquor. I need something meaningful in my life so I can find happiness within myself. I believe this is a good start to correcting the "why" I drink.
I'm still feeling really guilty about Friday night and extremely remorseful. I cried before I left to go to work, I feel like I really let myself and my SO down. We're speaking to each other and things have kind of gone back to normal. He tells me he loves me etc but I just feel like something is different. I don't know if its because he feels differently about me, if he is still recovering from Friday and if I should just leave it or what.
I completely took responsibility for my actions, apologized thoroughly to him and told him that I don't blame him if he decided to leave or whatever he needed to do for himself. I love him so much and just want him to be happy and will support him through whatever he decides. He has decided to stay with me and we haven't really had much of a conversation regarding Friday after wards.
Anyways I can only do this one step at a time and I hope my work pays off and that everything works out for the best. Again thank you for your support.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 227
Hi Canyou...
I came very very close to losing my fiance last week. I blacked out - I don't remember what happened. The next day was horrible - shame, fear, remorse -all of that.
Luckily my boyfriend did not give up on me. He says he loves me and still has faith in us. I am 5 days sober (much thanks to this site) and all I can do is do my best.
I have been given at least one final chance and I'm going to take it!
I don't know your details but this might be ok. My boyfriend and I haven't talked either - I'm ashamed and he is hurt. In a sense as long as I don't drink we don't need to go over it. We both want to move on. My drinking causes most of our problems. I'm still self-conscious, I'm feeling hopeful in a whole new way.
Your SO says he loves you and wants to stay - just trust him and focus on working on yourself. That will make everyone happy.
I came very very close to losing my fiance last week. I blacked out - I don't remember what happened. The next day was horrible - shame, fear, remorse -all of that.
Luckily my boyfriend did not give up on me. He says he loves me and still has faith in us. I am 5 days sober (much thanks to this site) and all I can do is do my best.
I have been given at least one final chance and I'm going to take it!
He has decided to stay with me and we haven't really had much of a conversation regarding Friday after wards.
Your SO says he loves you and wants to stay - just trust him and focus on working on yourself. That will make everyone happy.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 16
Thank you so much ETA for your post. It means a lot to know someone else has gone through this as well. I'm really hoping he won't leave me, but I won't be selfish and stand in his way to being happy if that means being without me. Honestly after this weekend I can't believe how lucky I am to have him. We've both been through a lot but he is truly my best friend and my rock. I want to be the best I can for him and show him every time I get a chance just how much I appreciate him being in my life. We have something very special together and I would never forgive myself for ruining everything we've built together because I was too selfish to see how my behavior was hurting him.
Thank you again for posting, it means a lot.
Thank you again for posting, it means a lot.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 227
Right back at you Can... Reading your post helps me remember how much I almost lost - helps keep my head on straight.
There was another post I read here that hit home:
I know we all have to quit for ourselves but sometimes the fear of hurting or losing someone we love is the kick in pants to get us on track. Well at least it was for me 
There was another post I read here that hit home:
After 10 years of intense drinking (nightly and often by myself), I decided to quit after my husband witnessed my blackout. NOW NORMALLY HE'S A LOUD hyper dramatic guy. But this one particular morning he looked at me with his big button brown eyes and said in a whispery way, "You scared me..." I heard THAT louder than anything he could have shouted.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Welcome CYHMN
Many of us have been there and understand...I hurt a lot of the people who loved me, but I got into recovery turned my life around and became the real me again.
I was lucky enough to have most of them forgive me and come to trust me again - I hope it will be the same for you too
You'll find a lot of support here
D
Many of us have been there and understand...I hurt a lot of the people who loved me, but I got into recovery turned my life around and became the real me again.
I was lucky enough to have most of them forgive me and come to trust me again - I hope it will be the same for you too
You'll find a lot of support here
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 16
So last night went well. We ended up making a large salad for dinner and sat and watched our usual shows together. Things went well and seem to be getting better. One day sober and on the day 2. I feel so good.
I went to the gym yesterday and really kicked butt. Today I'll be going again. I find if I go to the gym and really focus on becoming more fit it helps with being sober as I'm less likely to want to drink.
I'm feeling more and more confident. I feel the longer I am away from liquor the better I will feel about turning it down.
I'm feeling stronger and am starting to feel better about myself. But again one step at a time. On to completing Day 2 SOBER
I went to the gym yesterday and really kicked butt. Today I'll be going again. I find if I go to the gym and really focus on becoming more fit it helps with being sober as I'm less likely to want to drink.
I'm feeling more and more confident. I feel the longer I am away from liquor the better I will feel about turning it down.
I'm feeling stronger and am starting to feel better about myself. But again one step at a time. On to completing Day 2 SOBER
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Glad you're feeling better and your SO is being supportive. I know what you mean about feeling more confident and positive. I think it was at about day 4 that I felt a bit of my strength/soul starting to come to the surface that I had forgotten I even had. 
Just wanted to welcome you to the forum - it was a real life-saver for me!
Just wanted to welcome you to the forum - it was a real life-saver for me!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 16
Thanks everyone for their support!!
Day 2 is over and on to day 3! woohoo!
Last night was stressful to say the least....I'm planning a bridal shower for my best friend who is getting married in August. Her mom gave me a list of people to call whom I either never met or briefly met to invite. Now normally things like this don't freak me out but for some reason I was super stressed out about calling people i don't know out of the blue. So I got through about 5 calls some went well other were just awkward messes of odd incoherent mumbling
. Anyways by the time I was done my last call I was so stressed out it took me a good two hours to calm down
.
I didn't drink but I ate like a freaking pig though. I need to find a better way to unwind.
Anyways on to day 3
Day 2 is over and on to day 3! woohoo!
Last night was stressful to say the least....I'm planning a bridal shower for my best friend who is getting married in August. Her mom gave me a list of people to call whom I either never met or briefly met to invite. Now normally things like this don't freak me out but for some reason I was super stressed out about calling people i don't know out of the blue. So I got through about 5 calls some went well other were just awkward messes of odd incoherent mumbling
. Anyways by the time I was done my last call I was so stressed out it took me a good two hours to calm down. I didn't drink but I ate like a freaking pig though. I need to find a better way to unwind.
Anyways on to day 3
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 227
Good for you resisting the urge to drink!
Having a drink was my first choice in stress relief... It's day 7 for me and I have made it through a stressful moments. I have also been eating WAY too much!
Having a drink was my first choice in stress relief... It's day 7 for me and I have made it through a stressful moments. I have also been eating WAY too much!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 16
Hello Everyone,
Last night went better than the previous. I made some more calls but I wasn't as nervous and am almost done. Made a nice salmon dinner and went to bed early as SO had to wake up early and I was pooped too.
Tonight will prove to be a challenge as the long weekend starts and I know we'll be out with friends who want to drink...ugh.
It's getting a little difficult for me....as I drive to work there are ads about wines and vodkas blah blah....on TV cooking shows using wines...gaaaah
its driving me crazy but funnily enough its not that I want to drink so much its more in the context of eating amazing food and sipping on amazing alcohol LOL how silly!!!! Its so weird that in our culture (if you pay attention) there is so much media promoting drinking and being out out control. Heard katie perry's new song? any of the rappers songs about gettin crunk? I mean it is completing made out to almost be something good and of status but when you actually do these things its AWFUL. No wonder some many younger people are finding they are having issues, its not "cool" to be sober. End of rant...sorry it was just getting to me.
I'm glad I poured out all the liquor at home because at least that makes it easier. Lucky for me when I get home I'm usually too lazy to go out and get some so this proved to be a good way to control myself in that respect. haha.
Anyways 3 days done....on to day 4
Last night went better than the previous. I made some more calls but I wasn't as nervous and am almost done. Made a nice salmon dinner and went to bed early as SO had to wake up early and I was pooped too.
Tonight will prove to be a challenge as the long weekend starts and I know we'll be out with friends who want to drink...ugh.
It's getting a little difficult for me....as I drive to work there are ads about wines and vodkas blah blah....on TV cooking shows using wines...gaaaah
its driving me crazy but funnily enough its not that I want to drink so much its more in the context of eating amazing food and sipping on amazing alcohol LOL how silly!!!! Its so weird that in our culture (if you pay attention) there is so much media promoting drinking and being out out control. Heard katie perry's new song? any of the rappers songs about gettin crunk? I mean it is completing made out to almost be something good and of status but when you actually do these things its AWFUL. No wonder some many younger people are finding they are having issues, its not "cool" to be sober. End of rant...sorry it was just getting to me. I'm glad I poured out all the liquor at home because at least that makes it easier. Lucky for me when I get home I'm usually too lazy to go out and get some so this proved to be a good way to control myself in that respect. haha.
Anyways 3 days done....on to day 4
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