C23

Hello Everyone,

It has been a long time since I visited and have seen some old friends still very active on the site. It is good to see everyone doing well and a many new people seeking help. Good luck to all. I have a question for everyone and I apologize if this is kind of all over the place, but this is the one place that I knew of where people who have and are going through the same things I have are:

Have you ever gone long stretches of time without drinking, where everything seemed to be going well, and suddenly somewhere in your mind, self doubt hit ya. This isn't a call to drink at all, but it is like something inside of me doesn't want me to succeed in life in general. Something out in the universe is trying to tell me, "slow down partner, you are still a F up and always will be." I have a new job, drinking is under control and not a part of my life anymore, family life is great, but this weekend I was hit with a feeling I haven't had since I was finding comfort at the bottom of a bottle all the time. I have been very positive in my mentality for the past few months and I feel it has been working, but suddenly I was pushed to thinking I am set up to fail. I guess the question is: does anyone have these emotions or thoughts creep up on them like this? and if so, how do they cope with it?

And finally, I am wondering if this is just what life is like when you are not clouded with alcohol all the time. Any advice or comments are appreciated.

Thanks
Chris

lovingit

Hi C23. I don't have an answer for you, but I do have the identical feelings. When I was drinking, I held down my job of 15+ years, got married to a beautiful woman, had a beautiful daughter, and bought a home. Now I'm sober, and nothings going on. I'm bored, and a little afraid to go with friends, because I don't want to relapse. So the little things I've been doing around the house I notice are done better, and with more detail. I just think it takes a long time to rebuild life, and I predict that I will be doing larger things with better results that will enhance my life.

Fubarcdn

It is good to hear from a member of the old class of January.
Not much to offer to you as my dedication to complete sobriety leaves a bit to be desired.
Just wanted to wish you all the best in your journey through life.

Itchy

C2,
Yeah I had the similar feelings early in my sobriety. I went back to drinking tons of coffee after getting hooked on sugar anbd gaining weight. I was talking too much because of the caffeine and was not doing well socially. At first I was devastated because I am a sociable guy that is usually wanted around. I saw almost helplessly that I was driving away people. Part of it was I retired again and then spiraled down into alcohol seriously. Stayed home, isolated, and the only good thing was that I was trying to catch up, just too fast.

Then I decided that I could deal with it, and am making progress. I realized that this is the real me on caffeine, as before, but after years of being the life of the party, what really devastated me is that I realize now, in sobriety, that I was doing this before when drinking, only worse!

I allow myself to acknowledge that without being devastated now. Maybe we are the only two that get that feeling. I'd rather be a sober putz and working on it, than dead. I can come back from learned bad social skills.

laurie6781

I don't know your story, but I can say YES, I got those feelings in my early recovery (the first 2 years or so).

And with the help of my sponsor and others I finally figured it out.

I had always been a great STARTER but a really LOUSY FINISHER of anything I attempted. So all those 'failures' all those years were hanging over me, and I didn't know if I could SUSTAIN my recovery.

I am happy to report at this time that I have for over 30 years now, and those 'doubts' have left me. I am not FINISHED yet, rofl

Keep trudgin forward, even when the alligators are trying to bite you in the butt. Keep working on you and those 'doubts' will get further and further apart and will dissipate.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Dee74

Welcome back Chris.

Like Itchy and Laurie said...yep. I know those feelings.

I think feeling what you're feeling was one of the reasons I started drinking initially, way back when. The self doubt and worry go a long way back for me.

I found the more I worked on myself, and the more comfortable I became with who I am, the more my belief in myself has strengthened...but I'm still a work in progress and I expect I always will be.

I'm OK with that - like Itchy said I'd rather be a sober putz - and working on it - than dead

D

CarolD

Prayers keep me in emotional balance

For re-chargeing my recovery...I find someone seeking sobriety...and share.

Welcome back...
Blessings to you and your family

C23

Wow everyone. I am so happy I came here to seek advice. It is good to know that I am not the only one who has experienced these feelings. I was just commenting to my wife that now that I am sober, it is amazing how I can tell how my body and mind function. If I start eating poorly, slacking on working out, and don't keep my mind sharp either by reading or engaging in something of the sort, these feelings creep back into my life. Like Dee74 said, it is probably the reason I started drinking in the first place. I self medicated to quiet the voices in my head and the feelings I was having. Now, I need to focus on ME and not let outside forces push me away from my goals. You guys are awesome and I am so happy to be back here. Lastly, CarolD, you said it best that to feel good about my self and recovery, finding others who are seeking sobriety and sharing my experiences with them will be a big help. I will definitely be here to help myself and others.